least

Just got home from rehab today, the agency that sent me would only pay for five days of detox but at least i'm a human being again. I sure wish tho, that my daughter would have not wrecked the house while I was gone and it would have been nice of her to mow the front yard (the dog yard) so it would have been easier to find the dog poop (dog bombs, canine land mines) she didn't clean up while I was gone.

I am now going out to walk my lovely loving dogs. It was hard to sleep in rehab, despite the heavy sleeping meds, because of no dogs on the bed with me.

I sincerely thank all of you for praying for me. I needed, and still need them. My life is really hard right now as I am unemployed and destitute. I pray God will help me pay my bills before everything is shut off, or we're kicked out of this house we've called home for 19 years.

Also to let you know, I made a wonderful friend while I was there. She's only about 10 miles from me and we became friends right away. We will go to meetings together and have someone to talk to when things get rough. Actually, she rode the "druggie buggy" to rehab with me but I was too drunk to take notice. We got out together and rode home together and the ride home was wonderful and happy.

She is, like all of you, my friend, and friends are angels that live on earth.

Thank you all. I love you!!:ghug3:ghug

Impurrfect

((((Least))))

Thanks for checking in with us. I'm glad you found another friend. Recovery isn't easy, but it having friends walk with you helps a lot. Remember, we are always right beside you...maybe not in person, but we're still there.

Enjoy being back with your dogs...I'm sure they're excited to have you home!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Rella927

This is great news least! Glad that you found a new friend to go to meetings with!

Forget about the mess she made and think of you! (We can always get through cleaning up-)

I can see how not have the doggies would prevent sleep-(I get that way when I'am away from mine)

Blessings and continued prayers to you as you begin your journey!

Astro

Glad you're back least, and I hope that you continue to walk this path to recovery with all of us. Please bring your dogs along for the amazing journey!

Aysha

Thats great. Having someone to walk that path with you is wonderful.
You sound so much better already.

least

Devoted daughter - NOT - just hung up on me twice cause I asked what she did with the child support check, which I desperately need. I told her if she did not hold up her end of the deal (mowing the yard) I would bring the cell bill down to an affordable level by cutting off her phone and she could pay her own bill from now on by her damn self.

The temptation to get obliterated is so strong now, it's a good thing I have no money or I'd want to walk to the "bottle shop" to make myself numb enough to feel none of this pain and abandonment. I know it's not my kid's job to keep up the house, but damn it, she wanted me to go back to rehab to get myself clean and sober. She knows the dogs can't feed themselves and the diabetic one can't give himself his insulin shot twice a day.

I'm so frustrated right now the dogs are going to get another walk because if I have to stay in this s***hole one more minute I'll lose what sanity I have left... and that's not much.

Her excuse for doing so little was that she "was busy". Well I'm always busy but still have time to attend school functions and buy food for her.

I am lonely and angry and hurt. I'm going to a meetng tonite with my friend, if only to get away from my daughter.

I'm sorry for being such a whiner but this is just TOO MUCH. I came home clean and sober, looking forward to a better life, and walked into hell.

Rella927

Least....breathe breathe....walk the dogs and spend some peaceful time with them-Going to a meeting sounds like a great idea.

No sorry for whining! We actually have a thread for that because we all need to do that! It is what makes us feel good! We are here for you and you have the power to keep changing you and setting some boundaries with the daughter!

breathe.............

least

Thank you Rella, I'm breathing but my anger and depression and fatigue are so great I don't know what I'm breathing for or why I'm still breathing at all. I'm trying to make a better life for myself but it seems like daughter is punishing me (for being such a lush I was in rehab three times) by not helping me with the housework.

I"m praying right now to God to either give me the strength to get thru this or just take me out now.

:praying

stone

Least. Your daughter may have her own reasons for being angry at you right now, being angry at her is a waste of time.

You just got back from rehab? Forget everything except being clean and working on your recovery. Let the grass grow.

Dee74

or, she might just be an ordinary kid

I agree with Stone - right now, don't sweat the small stuff or you increase the risk you'll be right back where you were.

I might know nothing , but to me sobriety's not just about not drinking, its about reprioritising stuff and trying to deal with things in a different, less harmful, way.

When you look at what you've been through - that's hell - a messy house and garden is small stuff IMO

D

Ananda

least - I'm so glad you were able to get some help. Been thinking of you alot.


When I came home from rehab my house was a mess too. My son tried to clean it up some, but it was so bad that before I went to rehab I called to get it cleaneed and they said they would have to wear hazmat suits (that look like space suits) to come in and I didn't want the neibors to see.

My mom has been disappointed cause getting the house to a minimal cleanes didn't happen till about 6 weeks ago when I hit 9 months sober. Until then, we ate out alot (lucky i could afford that though my savings disappeared rapidly) and we used paper and plastic to eat on as I would get every available dish, pot and plate dirty and then let it set for a month before I would clean it.

But I stayed sober, and things are starting to progress. My priority was recovery and the inside stuff. When I work on the inside stuff the outside stuff will eventually come into line. But it is a slow processs. I had to learn to do a less than perfect job.

My dogs are now enjoying my sobriety. They kinda liked the mess as it gave them lots of unhealthy toys to play with.

Stick with us and get some people with skin to help you in recovery as well!

suki44883

Least...how old is your daughter? Mine is 18 and she and I used to argue and fight quite a lot. My doctor in rehab flat out told me that if I went back to that same situation, I would most surely relapse. I had to set boundaries for her to abide by if she wanted to continue to live in my home. If your daughter isn't yet an adult, your boundaries would need to be different, but I most certainly think you should sit down and write out some, along with the consequences if she doesn't follow them. You have to put your sobriety as your number 1 priority.

Dee74

be honest and open with your counsellor about everything you've posted here - not wanting to feel is still classic alcoholic behaviour in my opinion L.

Yes it's great you're not drinking, but the fights not over....even at a basic level - not wanting to feel is basically a free pass for a binge when the opportunity next presents itself anyway....I speak from experience.

If your counsellor can't help you further, find another one.

D

Honu

Least, you found some peace and serenity while in your rehab, right?

Don't let ANYONE take that from you!!! Your priority now is for you to focus on you, on staying sober, staying ALIVE, and finding your way.

I hate that she (or anyone) is pushing your buttons, but, you just can't let her steal your hope, your serenity. Talk with your counselor, your sponsor, whoever you need to, and tell them just what you've told here.

I've been praying for you every day (several times a day!) and I am glad that you are back!!!

Love,
Honu:praying

ROFL

Yay LEAST!

least

I've already made a list of what I have to talk about at the counselor's this Thursday. It's only a half hour appt so we'll have to talk fast, but I will let it out.

Daughter is 18, close to 19, and mature enough to hold down a part time job and maintain a 3.7 GPA in her senior year. Immature enough to barely get up in time to catch the school bus. Then when the bus pulls away without her she screams and whines at me for not getting ready fast enough to drive her to school so she won't be late. I've had a policy for the last three years that for every time I have to take her to school she pays me $5. In the first two months of school she paid me $50. She rarely misses the bus these days but it's a close race every morning.

I understand (intellectually, at least) that not wanting to feel IS classic alcoholic behavior. My reasons (intellectually) for not wanting to feel is that my feelings are usually depressive and full of self hatred and the sense of failure. I'm on antidepressants and meds for bipolar but the merry go round too often turns into the world's scariest roller coaster and I'm so sick of going up and down all the time. It's all I can do to go round and round.

I slept poorly last nite and woke up sweating tho it was cold in the house. I have a lot of errands to do this morning (before the noon meeting) and have to walk to all of them as the van is not running. I hate feeling exhausted just knowing all the things I have to do.

The one thing I WAS very grateful for however was being able to sleep with my dogs on the bed on either side of me. Now THAT was happiness!

Tazman53

Welcome back least!!!! Hon teens are going to be teens!!!! I have 6 kids, the oldest is 31, the youngest are 16! They have not killed me and I have not killed them!!! LOL

I simply accept that they are who they are, my adult children have turned out to be fantastic young adults and they were hell to pay as teens.

I learned to pick my battles with them, I did not sweat the small things, I put my foot down when it was needed.

BTW I like the $5 taxi charge for rides to school when they decide they can not get out of bed in time to catch the bus!

Least for the next several months at a minimum you really need to focus on recovery, do what you have to do as far as bills go, get a temporary sponsor and be honest with her, lay out your problems for her, she will help you develop a plan of action if she can, if she can't she can probably put you in contact with someone who can.

Keep in mind though that your sponsor is there mainly t help you through the steps, but most sponsors will help out where they can on other things, heck it is not unusual for some of the young men in the fellowship to mow a lawn or help someone move if they have time.