least

I've always had more male than female friends, don't know why. But later in life I started having more women friends and sure enough, our friendships are just as good as any I've ever had with men. In other words, the gender doesn't matter anymore. Issues of trust with women could be helped to improve the more nice women you meet. The idea of saying it at a meeting is a good one, I think. Because I've always found the people at meetings to be very friendly and kind. Or start by finding one woman at a meeting that you think would be ok. Talk to her and tell her you're trying to cultivate more female friends. That's a start.

You will get over this fear. It just takes time.:ghug2

barb dwyer

fallingdown -

that was a brilliant post about female friendships.

thank you for that.

Rella927

Julie!


I had that problem too! And I'm not a drinker-must be the codie in me!

I have one best girlfriend of 27 years and a lot of GUY friends! Amazing when I began Al-Anon and started traveling on my journey how I opened up (slowly very slowly) to allowing female friendships other than my best friend and my mom!

Today I have a few girlfriends that I have learned to trust-it is "progress not perfection" give it time-

I hear you about the feeding the ego with the men friendships! I use to feel that way too-my guy friends are actually just like woman friends to me today-and I'm blessed to have them. Pluse I'm more aware of guys and the intentions of those so called friendship's they are looking for today-The true verses wanting to make it more
If that makes sense!

Great thread Julie!
Thanks for sharing this!

fallingdown

Ms. Dwyer-I haven't had the term "brilliant" associated with anything I've written or said in a very long time, if ever! Thank YOU for that! Great thread Julie started here isn't it?

Emimily

just like most of the folks on here have already said, i had a really hard time trusting women. almost all my girl pals from childhood, then teenage years, ended up leaving me somehow. i used that as an excuse to not bother with female friendships, but at the same time i was so jealous of what these other women had. i remember when i got sober, i so badly wanted a "running buddy". my mom met her best friend judy in recovery, and i wanted that too.

i went through some rocky times with a few girls i tried to connect with, but i kept at it. i made plans, and kept them. i got coffee, talked, etc. even when i was uncomfortable and new. i just trusted that god would put the right people in my life, and eventually that happened. also, i learned a lot about myself and my motives from this process... yeah, i can be friends with any of the boys. one of my very best friends is a boy, and he's like my brother. but today, i know that it's the women in the rooms that are going to be there at 2 a.m. when i'm a trainwreck about something that happened already or hasn't happened yet. my guys, as much as i love them, would just be dumbfounded by the stuff that crackles around my brain... but my girls, they know. they do it too.

so yeah, it's hard, but it's worth it. i live with my sober BFF now, and i could not be happier. just remember - be gentle with yourself, it's one day at a time, and it's uncomfortable to move away from old habits. when i decide that i need to move away from old habits, i cringe, but i do it anyway because when i'm on the other side it feels a whole lot better. good luck.

Freedom1990

Hey Julie, I can relate so much to everything you said. I was always more comfortable around men, and honestly viewed other women as a threat.

Today I know I had that attitude because I was never comfortable in my own skin, and I projected my own self-loathing onto the women around me.

I too tried to hook my self-esteem off of my looks and how men reacted to those looks.

Today I have many wonderful women friends in recovery who have turned out to be some of my strongest supporters in recovery.

The fact that you already have the self-awareness of why you gravitate towards men instead of women for friendships is tremendous progress!

I wish you nothing but the best in your recovery, and please continue to post!

Tazman53

I had to comment on that first, I was the same way only it was my older kids numbers, my parents passed years ago.

Now to the topic at hand, this is an awesome topic for ladies new to sobriety. I will share about this one lady who I heard share of her journey to sobriety.

When she first came into the rooms she would have nothing to do with women, the only people who ever made her feel like anything at all were men. Women were she said competition and made her feel less then if men were paying attention to them and not her!

She was known for a long time as "The Queen of Relapses". She has shared that she had a drawer full of 24 hour chips. When she finally hit her real bottom she swore of men for a while and started going to "Women Only" meetings. She said for the first time in her life she learned that she was not alone in not trusting other women, almost all of the women in the groups she went to had been the same way as her.

Look I am a guy, so I have no real idea except what she shared about this, but basically in a nut shell, these ladies in this group showed her that they loved her for who she was and as a result she slowly learned to love herself and to love and trust other women.

Today she jokingly shares that she used to be know as "The Queen of Relapses" until the women in the program showed her that she could learn to love herself and stay sober doing it. She has been sober almost 2 years now, madly in love and is due to deliver thier first child any day now.

I would reccommend from what I know of her experience that going to some "Women Only" meetings may be just the ticket to learning you are not alone and that women can be trusted by other women in the right circumstances.

ImJulie

I was just going through and reading everyone's comments and suggestions again.....and....well....you know what?
You guys rock!
Seriously, just awesome stuff.
I feel blessed that I have somewhere to type out my junk and others will respond with care and concern.
Big fat juicy hugs to y'all.