Toomutch

Hey SN, May I call you superneat, because I refuse to call you the name you chose for yourself.

I can relate to where you are coming from, I had 7 years sobriety time before I thought I was okay and could drink normally. After a 3 year binge with about 60 days sober last year, here I am with 36 days.

I am not a nothing, you are not a nothing, we have an illness.

Try to be good to yourself hon,
Suzette

reed

supernothing:

I had the same feelings when I was drinking like a maniac. I was extremely depressed; my self esteem was somewhere below my feet and I was thinking suicidal. Not exactly a great way to be living. Simply, drinking is not for you at this moment in your life, perhaps it isn't for you ever. But that is alot to think about at one time. This is a great website with lots of support, so welcome and keep a posting

supernothing

there are so many words of wisdom coming at me now- i guess ive been hiding from my addiction rather than confronting it- i just seem to be such an extreme person- i was laughing at myself earlier, who but me would go from drinking 13 drinks a day to running 13 miles a day in the space of a couple of months?
i can keep away from drink - for a while, ive proved i can do that, but its combatting using it in times of stress of trouble that i cannot seem to get to grips with.
i KNOW me and drink have to go our seperate ways FOR GOOD.
so why do i keep actively seeking it out?
I hope AA WILL help as im WILLING to give it my all now

mle-sober

Super,

This is a very difficult part for an alcoholic - the beginning of recovery. But you can do it. I know this because I have and because many, many other men and women before us have. Now, at almost 60 days sober, I don't say to myself, "Whew! I'm glad that's over!" because I understand that it will never really be completely over. I will always need to guard against that first drink which puts me back into an actively alcoholic state. But I do say, "Oh my God, thank you for getting me through that first stage!"

I know there are other options but I have found AA to be very, very helpful to me. And others are right that if the first meeting does feel right try another and another until you find one that does. They are all just made up of regular individuals like us and they have different personalities.

I think it's likely you could find a meeting before Monday. Go online. That's how I found meetings at first.

sugErspun

"I hope AA WILL help as im WILLING to give it my all now"

If you give the AA solution your all.

You won't have to worry about drinking again. It's true.

If you have any questions, or have any more questions - come over to the Alcoholism 12-Step forum.

Someone will help you find a meeting, give you some insight.

Welcome.

supernothing

thanks- ill look for the forum
And ive found a meeting for tomorrow now- a day sooner than planned, cant logistically get there any sooner than tomorrow at 8 pm as i have kids to look after.

Ghostlight

Great! I hope it goes well. There is nothing to fear. You'll be in a room full of people with the same problem.

Take care!

Dunnit

To be honest, I didn't use AA, but that was because we had moved from the UK to France and when the time came for me to give up alcohol for good, my French wasn't fluent enough for me to attend local AA meetings. I have since discovered that there is an AA group for expats in the region, but I've come this far on my own that I don't actually feel the need to join. On top of that, I don't think it would be very anonymous as the expat community here is fairly close-knit and I'm not comfortable with the idea that I'd be recognized. Maybe I would have used AA in the UK, had I still been there when I came to the decision to quit.

I did, however, have some one-on-one counselling with an expat friend who is a trained counsellor - that was OK because it was very private and I trust him completely.

The fact that you feel aggressive or tearful when you drink (which was how I became towards the end) indicates that you feel guilty when you're drinking because you know it's wrong for you. Ultimately, knowing that I felt that way under the influence was one of the reasons for giving up - I mean, why bother to do something that makes you feel even worse?

The individual triggers for all drinkers are all different but fundamentally stem from the same basic feelings - that of inadequacy, low self-esteem, fear, the need to fit in, anxiety or depression and it's recognizing what's making you experience those feelings and learning to put things into perspective to stop you feeling that way that is the key to recovery.

We all know that alcohol is a depressant, so if you're depressed, you must seek alternative medication - alcohol will never cure depression, no matter how much we'd like to think it can help when we're feeling low. You've already said how tearful you are when you drink, drinking only exacerbates the sadness, then you feel angry (guilt), then after all that, you experience horrible hangovers which only serve to make you even more angry because you feel so ****! What's the point in going through all that pain time and time again?

Reminding yourself when your sober of exactly how awful you feel a) when you drink and b) when you have a hangover can help to keep you off the booze.

I know it's all pretty obvious stuff, but sometimes we just need to hear it from someone else to actually believe it.

And, your partner is no help in all of this. Maybe staying with someone who is alcohol dependant and actively encourages you to drink just gives you an excuse not to quit completely. You need to be open with him and tell him that you intend to become sober, with or without his contribution.

If you give in all the time to his pleas to join him "for a few beers", you'll never do it. Don't let the fear of upsetting him stop you from doing what you know is the right thing to do; what's more important to you - your life, your health and your kids, or encouraging your partner's dependancy?

Keep thinking positive thoughts - the rest will gradually fall into place, providing you're absolutely certain that you do want to quit drinking for good.

Dunnit
The Shy Girl (sex blogger)

LosingmyMisery

Honesty is key. We must be fully honest with ourselves before we can begin to heal. This will come in time and you will begin to understand once you get in touch with the program and can begin to relate to others. We all share the same worries and emotions. You never have to go through this alone. Good luck to you and congratulations on your realization. Acceptance is also an important factor. Once we accept that we can not drink, life begins again.

LogCabin

Welcome, and you are so not alone.

I hate the taste of alcohol myself. My last bottle I bought a huge bottle of cheap, really cheap, rum. Now I can't get the taste and smell out of my head, and I never want to taste it again. I just look at a bottle of anything and I gag.

Can you make it 3 days without shaking? Then you may be able to do it with the help of AA meetings. I think you should just show up. It is posted for a reason. For YOU to find it.

I too am an atheist, but I go to meetings to be with people who are addicts and alcoholics just like me! I take in what I need from all kinds of resources. So I am open to the messages of the universe I guess. I need thier support and friendship.

That is all it takes. Be open-minded. Learn anything and everything you can from all of them.

One of the best things about AA is that it teaches us how to deal with the stress and pressure of life.

serenityqueen

I just read this thread from the first post to the last one just now.

It is amazing to see how SN has evolved from miserable to hopeful with the help of all us fellow alcoholics.

THIS is one of the many gifts of Recovery.

Like so many of you, I do not like the name "SuperNothing"

I now would like for someone to second this nomination of a name change.

SuperNothing'sImpossible

Anyone?
:ghug

StandFast

Hey SN - I was where you were are now 20 years ago. Such a long time, it makes me sad. I am only now sober for 36 days for the first time in 30 years ( Again I cannot comprehend it).

I am what they call your "garden variey" drunk. A couple of bottles of wine during the week - "With diner", hard stuff on weekends, add a bit of powder, weed, and occasional pills and I have gone under operating in a fog.

My only suggestion for you are

1) be willing to go to any lenghts to quit
2) go to a meeting immediately

I have a tough time with going to AA, and my HP intervined and led me to someone who helped me through it. You will find that person, just keep looking for them....

I hope that you end it now and finish the rest of your like the way God intended you to. There are a lot of pople that don't make it,

BTW- for me, my addiction was broken through the strongest connection to God that I ever had, and I work at keeping it as much as I humanly can. You know it when it happens to you- just keep looking for that too.

StandFast

Hey SN - I was where you were are now 20 years ago. Such a long time, it makes me sad. I am only now sober for 36 days for the first time in 30 years ( Again I cannot comprehend it).

I am what they call your "garden variey" drunk. A couple of bottles of wine during the week - "With diner", hard stuff on weekends, add a bit of powder, weed, and occasional pills and I have gone under operating in a fog.

My only suggestion for you are

1) be willing to go to any lengths to quit
2) go to an AA meeting asap immediately
3) NOSE (No One Sip - Ever!)

supernothing

hi,
ive just woken up to all those posts- thank you so much, the sun is shining and i think i will cycle to the 12 o clock AA meeting.
Thanks so much again.