fallingdown

Howdy folks. Been an active alcoholic for about 12 years now with no significant sober periods in between. Right now I'm at about 8 or 9 beers every other night with some shots worked in at times. Last night was a sober night and when I got up this morning I saw a beer can my husband left out from last night and I'm looking at this thing thinking, it's just a stupid can. Just one stupid 12 ounce can has had the power to destroy my life and I felt such anger at the thing I wanted to smash it, stomp it up, kill it. I'm just so angry. I know I am entering the end stages. I always suffer withdrawal the day after a sober night. By this afternoon I will be irritable and tearful and then those voices will start again. "You're worthless. Have a beer. Then you'll feel worth something". "Have just a few, stop at 4" (RRRRIGHT) "Life sucks no matter what you do, so have a few". I am just so angry. It's weird because when I drink a lot the next morning I am wide awake and wired at 5 a.m. If I don't drink I fall into such a deep sleep that I have a horrible time getting out of bed. But I still feel so much better. I call my sober nights going to my safe place because I know I will not throw up or freak out or binge eat or send offensive e-mails or slur on the phone with someone or wet myself without even waking up. This is horrible, I would not wish this on anyone. I made a doctor's appointment for tomorrow. I'm telling him what's up to see if there are some antidepressants that can help my state of mind so I can deal with those irritable tearful times. I know I'm all over the place here. I just wanted to get all this out. Thank you for reading. :praying

reed

hello.

warrens

Welcome!

A pretty common story.

I hope you are not suggesting that antidepressants are the solution to your issues. Are you?

Did you have anything else to say? I may have missed it, but I didn't recall seeing anything that indicated "a desire to stop drinking." That's what we work on here. If you need advice on depression and antidepressants, there are many support groups for that.

We are extremely supportive to those wishing to confront addiction.

Best to you,

warrens

fallingdown

Hi.

best

For some people that may be ok but for most it is just trading one addiction for another.
Yes talk with your Dr and follow what the Dr says but also know this...
The feelings do change over time and it does get better the longer we stay sober.

As for the can... When you get angry at it, don't try to crush it on your head like you may have seen some guys do. Cans have a way of fighting back every so often *LOL*

You are makeing some good choices. Life is so much better when we wake up with a clear head.

paulmh

None of us would. And yet so many of us suffer still.

But - you don't have to be alone any more. Keep reading and posting.

Steve58

Hi Fallingdown,

Welcome to SR. You are doing the right thing. You are admitting your issues with alcohol, and seeking spiritual and medical help.

You came to a great place, keep posting, and get busy reading. The more you read, the less alone you will feel. You have found an entire community of peeps in all stages of alcoholic probs, from A-Z. You can ask anything, and get lots of useful answers.

For now, lots of fluids, try to get a little exercise, and by Fri, the worst of the withdrawals should be over. Follow your doctors advise!

Steve

fallingdown

Warrens-Sorry, I kind of thought the desire to stop drinking part went without saying. Of course I want to stop. As far as the antidepressents go, a lot of times I want to drink to overcome feelings of depression. I don't know if I have a natural inclination to feel depressed (my mother and my aunts suffer from it, but they do not drink, they take meds and they swear they could not function without them) or if the drinking makes me feel depressed but I do know that depression is often caused by a chemical imbalance that can be remedied either short term or long term with antidepressants. I'm not talking about narcotics by the way.

I guess the point is that what I am doing right now is not working so I am just looking for other options and thought I would start with my doctor.

fallingdown

After re-reading this:

"Did you have anything else to say? I may have missed it, but I didn't recall seeing anything that indicated "a desire to stop drinking." That's what we work on here. If you need advice on depression and antidepressants, there are many support groups for that."

Did I post this in the wrong place? I guess I missed something. My immediate problem is alcoholism, secondary problem is depression and anxiety that could be caused by the alcoholism. I thought this was a board for newcomers just looking for support and advice regarding addiction. Sorry.

adore79

Welcome to SR. I'm glad you are taking steps to do something about your problem. Antideppressants work sometimes.

Astro

Welcome to SR fallingdown, I'm so glad you found us! Your story is not uncommon and you're in the right place. I'm in AA, one thing my sponsor reinforces and that I truly believe is that awareness is the key and beginning to every step I take in recovery. Once I'm aware of an issue I can begin taking the necessary steps to work on it and correct it.

It's good to have a plan of action. Seeing your doctor is a great start. What will you do next? Detox, AA meetings?? I hope to hear more from you.

least

everyone's telling me to take it one minute, one hour,one day at a time. And that's what I've been doing. You can do it too. withdrawal is awful. I sweated and shook for two days. But eventually it will be over. little steps, that's all, just take little steps.

:ghug

warrens

Good for you!

I am on a small dose antidepressant and have been for years. When I was drinking however, it did little or no good. The lows were abyssmal. The cycle of addiction and "the days after" are plenty of reason to be depressed! That's why we have dialogs with a can.

Since I have stopped drinking (only 4 weeks) my only depression is the "normal" blah's that evryone gets. The serious lows are gone. I'm not about to mess with anything this early into things, but I am seriously wondering if I in fact "need" to take my antidepressant.

Both addiction and major depression are serious issues (diseases). Both are the province of doctors. You need some very honest medical advice/and, or treatment. Make certain you see a doctor with whom you can be honest about BOTH. At the SAME time. In other words, do not seek antidepressants without indicating your alcoholism. It could be ineffective at least, and downright dangerous at worst.

Best to you!

fallingdown

Least-I know, what is up with that sweating anyway? I sweated so much last night my pj's were wet this morning. I hope it's toxins sweating out.

Astro-

"It's good to have a plan of action. Seeing your doctor is a great start. What will you do next? Detox, AA meetings?? I hope to hear more from you."

Good question. AA seems to work well for a lot of people. I've never given it an honest chance but from what I can tell it has saved many lives.

Thank you Warren for your good advice re: the doctor. I don't know any doctor here well because I haven't lived here very long. I do have one who I have seen a couple times who seems to be ok but yes I am nervous about telling him though I'm sure he's heard it all before.

Thank you to everyone taking the time to reply.

Missymae737

Hi,

Your user name struck me...You see, in the end of my drinking carreer, I was a falling down drunk...With these falls I suffered brokens bones and black eyes...These were total blackouts as my injuries woke me from passing out...

You are in the right place...My heart goes out to you, your message of wanting the insanity to stop, and being torn with low self esteem...

Reach out to all that support you in your desire to remain sober...

Thinking of you...:ghug3

Rowan

Hi fallingdown,

I'm so glad that you found us

You are in the right place. I'm glad you are seeing your doctor, and plan to be honest.

Keep posting. We do care and understand.

fallingdown

Thank you Missymae! It's also the name of a pretty decent movie Michael Douglas made several years ago but yes, the primary reason was the falling down drunk aspect. This hurts, it's hard to imagine anything hurting worse than this has hurt. I really think I've reached my bottom without anything catastrophic happening any worse than any other time. Just tired of being tired, tired of hating myself. I met up with my mom in Tulsa this weekend, and she's never seen this other ugly side of me. But she had a girlfriend with her who had the lapband surgery and has replaced the food addiction with drinking. She got really drunk and said a lot of inappropriate things...just like I do. She just replaced one addiction with another like ya'll said. And that's the person my husband has to see, and my friends have to see when they read their e-mails the next day. And it was just so ugly. I understand what people are saying. The meds won't help if I don't address the issues that got me here in the first place and that takes a system of recovery. Thank you for your kind thoughts everyone. It's nice to know that sobriety IS possible. I just have a hard time getting over the feeling that life won't be exciting again and I'll be stuck feeling the way I feel forever without the booze. It's so crazy.

353

Welcome to SR fallingdown,

A visit to your Dr. is probably the best idea. Be careful with the anti-D's.

If you've never attempted sobriety before you might look into an outpatient rehab program. Rehab is a real good "discovery" tool for some of us. I learned things like; alcohol is a depressent...no wonder I suffered from depression when I consumed massive amounts of alcohol regularly.

There's no quick fix to addiction or alcoholism, it's a lifelong process. But I will give you hope from my personal experience: I promise that if you make sobriety the top priority in your life you will be happy, it won't be easy but you WILL BE HAPPY. That is not an extravagant promise.

Just go get help, if I could do it anyone can and you deserve to be happy!!

God's Peace

Dee74

kinda goes with people looking for a site called Sober Recovery, surely ?

when you're here a little longer, you'll realise we have many different points of the recovery journey represented here(and not just drinkers) that's what makes this place great - let's not make anyone feel unwelcome, or make them think they're in the wrong place, hey?

let's tone down the Sheriff act, please ?

D

best

Thing is...that feeling is just a feeling.
The truth be told... We had a blast (a group of us) last year that went on a trip to Indiana and rode our bikes on some wonderful roads. Sat around a fire and had some wonderful friendship talks at night as well. One from the group drove all the way up from TX. Exciting lives happen. If we didn't enjoy it, none of us would have drove so far just for a weekend.

Oh

You posted in the right place and you can post any place you want but the Men's room.
We also have a forum where people share about depression and anxiety issues. Have a look about on all the forums and be sure to read the posts that say "sticky" beside them if you want some added info we have available here.