Surlyredhead

Keven...PLEASE come back....I have lost way to many friends over the years to this horrible disease, it never gets easier...you CAN beat this, it will only get harder to stop, if I had a nickel for every time I slipped...it was a mistake, we are all human, we make mistakes...come back. You have helped me in my recovery, and I still need you, we all do..please don't give up!!!!!

Creekryder

Whoa, Kevin, what is up???????? You've been too much of an inspiration to us to quit now!!! Too much worry for you here.

Earth to Kev...come in Kevin...

Mcribb

He has it inside you make it through

BigSis

(((Kevin)))

Dee74

You go away for one afternoon

Dunno what all this means but touch base soon, mate....lot of worried ppl here
D

cmc

(((kev)))

Hope

:praying

I truly pray that you will be okay tonight. I am so worried about you. I wish there was something I can do but I'm powerless. However, I'll pray and put you in HPs hands and that is strength that is more powerful than any of us have alone. So I'm trusting in HP and sending up prayers for your strength that you will be able to make it through whatever you are struggling with tonight.

Please God let Kevin be okay.

((..))

Come home safely Kevin.

You always have a home here with us, we're your family.

Impurrfect

(((Kevin))))

Don't know what's going on, but sending you hugs and prayers. Please check back in.

Amy

scaredykat

(((Kevin)))) please don't go away. You have so many people on here that love you. Please talk to someone.

Barb

nogard

I did not intend to worry people but I see I have and I am sorry for that.

Thank you for all your kind words and thoughts.

Here is what I posted to two members who PM'd me.

I have not picked up and won't, I am pretty insane though and already have only just missed doing something silly.

I have been doing everything I can and more, I pray, talk to my sponsor go to meetings talk to friends, help newcomers and no matter what I have finally seen how I see myself and I can't get over it, through it or to grips with it. I spent days handing it over to my HP and it makes no difference, I am so full of self hatred and it is so ingrained I would not know anything else.

So thats what I have had enough of. I won't pick up because I won't let myself, but I am insane already and thinking about how to make this stop

Kevin

nandm

Thank you for your response. I am sorry your are up against such a struggle. I have fought with self hatred the majority of my life. I wish I had some advice to give as to how to help get past it but I am not even sure when it changed for me exactly. So I am not even sure how it changed. I do know that part of the process was started to stop living a life being who I thought others wanted me to be. I set myself up for failure doing that as I was never going to be good enough for them or me until I learned to be true to who I am. I am still working towards that and still have days where I struggle with the part of me that feels I need to be what others think I should be. I don't know if that is anything you can relate to or not but that is my experience. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I consider you to be an asset to SR. Thank you for all you do.
Judith

Impurrfect

((((Kevin))))

I'm glad you checked in. I, too, had a lot of self hatred, and like NANDM don't know exactly how I got past it. I do know that at some point I realized that HP loves me, has kept me alive for a reason (I could have died several times) and if HE loves me, there has to be something in me that I could learn to at least like.

I'm glad you didn't pick up. I know this sounds crazy (and selfish), but......I always think of you as really strong, encouraging, and able to get through anything. The fact that you are struggling reminds me that we are all human, and we all have bad times. Now, when I think I'm being whiny and not strong enough, I can remember that even the strongest of us have bad times. You are an inspiration to me and I'm glad you're here. There are a lot of people here who care about you.....maybe you can lean on us 'til you're strong enough again?

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Negative Man

Kevin, just remember that there are so many people who have come before you who have gone through the same thing. And there will be many people after. We're all glad you haven't picked up.

But hey: continue to pick up the phone and the laptop. You don't have to go through this alone. We're here to help. Best wishes, brother.

Dee74

Didn't think for a second you'd pick up Kev

I wish I had words of wisdom - I don't except to say that, today, we're both in a far better place to deal with this **** that we used to be.

The past is a heavy burden, but we - you me, everyone - has a chance, an excellent one, of using the tools we have to help heal ourselves and to not only make good, but to make a good life - and helping others to do the same.

Sorry if that sounds trite y'all but I believe it - really believe it.

hang in there Kev - she'll be apples, mate
D

CarolD

Have you considered getting into counseling?

If you are having a spiritual crisis ...I'd look for
a church connected service.

If not.....a psychiatrist might be helpful.

Just thinking aloud Kevin...

Ann

Kevin, I know our recoveries are different, but there was a time when I was ready to throw in the towel on mine. Nothing was happening the way I thought it should be happening, people were driving me crazy, I felt like I was going nowhere and I was sick of trying....but I hung in there and kept praying to what I thought were deaf ears.

Funny thing was that it was only about a week later when I felt different about everything, when I decided that I needed to to what I needed to do for me (in my recovery) and the heck with what anyone else thought.

Nothing big happened, it just got better and it has never stopped getting better since and that was years ago.

Just because we can't see what is on the road ahead doesn't mean that going back to hell is going to be any better. If we go forward in faith, even blind faith, we usually find clarity along the path.

Hang in there Kevin, Carol's suggestion of getting some professional help is a good idea, I know that helped me.

You're worth it Kevin, hope it gets better for you soon.

Hugs

stone

Hi Kev. Self hate, huh? I can relate to that.

How are you spiritually? AA/NA is good but there are other perspectives on spirituality, I like buddhism. I am not a buddhist but reading buddhist books helps me. It's all just different paths but a different perspective can help. I only mention buddhism cos it's the one I like but you could read about any.

Do something different? Go for a massage or take a break somewhere you have never been, maybe.

At a certain point it's not about not using anymore, it's about trying to find some peace and getting comfortable in your own skin. Not an easy thing.

Dee mentioned the word trite and I feel like my suggestions are trite, when the pain hits sometimes there isnt anything I can do but hold on and wait for it to pass.

Miss Lexy 1026

Hi Kevin! I just joined this site a couple of hours ago so I apologize for not knowing the full extent of your circumstances, but I was very worried for you as well. So, I'm glad you are back and okay. It seems like you are such an inspiration to everyone, which is a great reason to love yourself. However, I realize learning to love yourself is something that takes time. Well, I haven't introduced myself yet to everyone. I am a 26 year old female, recovering from addiction to the pain medication, Tramadol. I am on my second day of lovely withdrawals and trying to suffer through. Anyone know what group or blog or whatever it is called to go to for support. I am new to this so I need a little guidance. Look forward to meeting all of you. Glad to know you are okay Kevin! Look forward to chatting with you in the future.

stone

Hi Miss Lexy.

I would suggest doing an intro post in this forum (Newcomers) and also checking out the Substance Abuse section.

Welcome to SR! 8

trakin

Kevin? I, too, thought that by giving up you meant giving up and letting God. But you're not here. What's going on? Please come back. You are one of my favorite people in here. Your posts are so inspirational. Please come back.