just got out of detox
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Anywhere, US
Posts: 68
just got out of detox
hello guys,
been here before on and off. just got out of detox yesterday, had a week trip(binge) in hell. job is now on the line and uncertain. I have entered an outpatient program and was prescribed campral. was told i have some minor liver damage now, but can get better. went to 2 meetings back to back today. na and aa. those aa's were ruthless( some of those individuals creeped me out), but i stuck it out and listened to them and got alot of numbers. I have been screwing around with this partying for 20 years now, now the job and new house are on the line. I don't really know what I am saying, just am afraid about the people, places, and things. most of my best friends use and the loneliness without them will suck. I went 3 months before and it was soooo freakin hard. I was so bored. I did all of the working out, reading , playing music. but still, that emptiness was still there.trying to be positve and hope this camprall kicks in. It has been working for a friend for over a year now.. so, that is positive. I really want to work the program, just afraid of the sacrifices that will have to be made. hopefully can do the 90 in 90. Have to really try this time. My anger is so high right now, the fact I lost my best friend ( the bottle) and have to deal with reality. I know some of this might sound foolish. Thanks for reading...
been here before on and off. just got out of detox yesterday, had a week trip(binge) in hell. job is now on the line and uncertain. I have entered an outpatient program and was prescribed campral. was told i have some minor liver damage now, but can get better. went to 2 meetings back to back today. na and aa. those aa's were ruthless( some of those individuals creeped me out), but i stuck it out and listened to them and got alot of numbers. I have been screwing around with this partying for 20 years now, now the job and new house are on the line. I don't really know what I am saying, just am afraid about the people, places, and things. most of my best friends use and the loneliness without them will suck. I went 3 months before and it was soooo freakin hard. I was so bored. I did all of the working out, reading , playing music. but still, that emptiness was still there.trying to be positve and hope this camprall kicks in. It has been working for a friend for over a year now.. so, that is positive. I really want to work the program, just afraid of the sacrifices that will have to be made. hopefully can do the 90 in 90. Have to really try this time. My anger is so high right now, the fact I lost my best friend ( the bottle) and have to deal with reality. I know some of this might sound foolish. Thanks for reading...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 666
It doesn't sound foolish at all. It sounds as if you know that you have a tough road ahead but are willing to take the necessary steps. Don't worry about your friends - the real ones will support you. Plus, should you choose to meet with others who are in recovery, you'll find lots more. Be well.
Mike
Mike
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
Its a hard choice and seems empty and bleak at first. However, if you stick with and work the program (the whole program) then you will stop feeling alone and will gain much much more.
Kevin
Kevin
Lurker
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Western NC
Posts: 783
Welcome PG. I know how hard the beginings are, but they are well worth it. Get involved is the best thing I can say. Go to meetingd early, and leave late. Go early and make the coffee. You will begin to make new sober friends, and they will be true friends that like you for you not what drugs you do.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Anywhere,USA
Posts: 511
It took the threat of loosing my job to get me into rehab/sobriety.
I got busted at work, had to drop a dirty UA and then went home and did a big fat line of meth.
I'd been doing assorted drugs and alcohol since I was 14 years old. I was 39 when I got clean.
I continued to get high until I went to rehab and made a conscious decision to try to "work the program".
I had one friend who continued to keep in contact out of 20 some using friends.
I made new friends in the program, I learned that I could entertain myself when I was alone without the use of chemical entertainment.
I've been clean from meth since 8/15/01.
I've had a "few" celebratory drinks on occasion during the last year, at my daughter's 21st Bday, and maybe 3-4 other times since last May.
I do realize that I'm probably playing "Russian roulette" with my sobriety, and I wouldn't recommend drinking to any addict and it's certainly not approved of by the NA folks which is why, in part I have not attended any meetings recently.
Alcohol never was my drug of choice, I don't know about the med.
I do know that the program works if you work it.
I got busted at work, had to drop a dirty UA and then went home and did a big fat line of meth.
I'd been doing assorted drugs and alcohol since I was 14 years old. I was 39 when I got clean.
I continued to get high until I went to rehab and made a conscious decision to try to "work the program".
I had one friend who continued to keep in contact out of 20 some using friends.
I made new friends in the program, I learned that I could entertain myself when I was alone without the use of chemical entertainment.
I've been clean from meth since 8/15/01.
I've had a "few" celebratory drinks on occasion during the last year, at my daughter's 21st Bday, and maybe 3-4 other times since last May.
I do realize that I'm probably playing "Russian roulette" with my sobriety, and I wouldn't recommend drinking to any addict and it's certainly not approved of by the NA folks which is why, in part I have not attended any meetings recently.
Alcohol never was my drug of choice, I don't know about the med.
I do know that the program works if you work it.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
It's not foolish to be sharing your concerns.
Early sobriety is diffficult and we do know how you feel.
Keep in focus and go to many many meetings.
Those creepy people can teach you how to
live in health and joy!
Early sobriety is diffficult and we do know how you feel.
Keep in focus and go to many many meetings.
Those creepy people can teach you how to
live in health and joy!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Anywhere, US
Posts: 68
Thank you all very much for responding to me. I have just went to my house and dumped the last bottle i had down the sink, wow, that was a first!!! I have went to an na meeting earlier and plan on an aa again tonite. I am now assessing the mess I have made in my house in my last stupor!!! crazy. The only prob I have now is that I am a very passionate musician who played around town and was looking to get back into it, I know that is dangerous, however, it is my life passion.. trapped in a rock and hard place now. I think those meds might be kicking in because I don't have the desire at the moment. I plan on responding to some other posts tonite when I get back to my folks house, as they are mentally supporting me at this time. I realize I need to try to help and encourage you wonderful people too.. thank you. I want this addiction over so bad now..
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
PG, I'm glad to see you are committed to your recovery.
This is a good place to visit because we do understand and it's hard for others to grasp how difficult it is to deal with addiction.
I hope you keep posting.
This is a good place to visit because we do understand and it's hard for others to grasp how difficult it is to deal with addiction.
I hope you keep posting.
Fighting the good fight
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 309
Welcome to SR! - glad you made it.
You sound like you've done this before, so I'd just like to wish you strength and courage. I'm 35 Days sober, and I'm also a musician. I'm not playing at the moment, and I think it'll be a while before I trust myself on stage without a drink, but I have a dream that one day I'll get up there and it'll be better than it ever was drunk.
All the best, and stay strong.
ndz
You sound like you've done this before, so I'd just like to wish you strength and courage. I'm 35 Days sober, and I'm also a musician. I'm not playing at the moment, and I think it'll be a while before I trust myself on stage without a drink, but I have a dream that one day I'll get up there and it'll be better than it ever was drunk.
All the best, and stay strong.
ndz
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
PG wrote - I'm thinking if there's no bars knocking your door down to come play right now this weekend - omg the Stones need a second guitar and youre the only one ... and I'm betting they're not ...
you're probably okay till monday.
But - since you DO play -
it's a great opportunity ... to learn to
'be where your hands are.'
You can't say 'I'll never' or even 'I'll always"
because that takes us someplace else ... and not HERE.
But you could clean up the place ... and reward yourself with a 'playbreak' ...
just a suggestion.
Not being bossy, or anything.
The only prob I have now is that I am a very passionate musician who played around town and was looking to get back into it, I know that is dangerous, however, it is my life passion.. trapped in a rock and hard place now.
you're probably okay till monday.
But - since you DO play -
it's a great opportunity ... to learn to
'be where your hands are.'
You can't say 'I'll never' or even 'I'll always"
because that takes us someplace else ... and not HERE.
But you could clean up the place ... and reward yourself with a 'playbreak' ...
just a suggestion.
Not being bossy, or anything.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Baton Rouge,La
Posts: 9
welcome to SR.. i'am new in recovery also ... the best thing to remember is that you are not alone!!!i trust my HP to geet me through today, go to meetings, and share on SR...plenty of friends all around to help me..U NEVER HAVE TO BE ALONE AGAIN !! GOOD LUCK ON YOUR NEW JOURNEY, IN YOUR NEW LIFE....
61'st day sober as of:12/18/07
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Casper, Wyoming U.S.
Posts: 241
Hang in there PG1968!!. I quit drinking 34 days ago and I too was on Campral and find myself very bored and depressed all of the time. There's also a "vaccume" left by the alcohol that must be filled but with zero motivation, no energy to fill it and a lot of the things I used to enjoy, I can no longer do because I associate alcohol with them as I always did them while very drunk and I'm terrified they will act as a "trigger". Again, hang in there and good luck to you my friend! .
- IHaveChanged
.- IHaveChanged
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Anywhere, US
Posts: 68
hey guys,
again, thanks for all of the support. I have been going to meetings like crazy, however, it's a bit depressing at times. tomorrow I find out the status of the job, so kind of nervous.. totally..
Need4Change, are you still taking the campral? I am already not feeling the desire to drink, but seem very restless already.. you know? Like, what's going to happen next, or what's in store for me? of course, no one knows... I guess just nervous. I am trying so hard to do the right thing now, but am just terrified of the boredom that I feel will be setting in. I have lived this way of life for 17 years and know no other. sorry to ramble.. just need to get it all out.
aacharlie07, thanks for the kind words man, good luck to you as well.
barb dwyer, yeah, probably i should take band break.. however, I have trouble finding a substute for it.. funny though, these last years I have been so screwed up, I could not even keep a commitment to a band and ended up quitting.
nodrinkingzone, good to hear from fellow musicians. best of luck man, btw, what kind of stuff are you into?
you guys are so cool .. all of you that have written back to me.. I feel good that there are people I can relate to here.
again, thanks for all of the support. I have been going to meetings like crazy, however, it's a bit depressing at times. tomorrow I find out the status of the job, so kind of nervous.. totally..
Need4Change, are you still taking the campral? I am already not feeling the desire to drink, but seem very restless already.. you know? Like, what's going to happen next, or what's in store for me? of course, no one knows... I guess just nervous. I am trying so hard to do the right thing now, but am just terrified of the boredom that I feel will be setting in. I have lived this way of life for 17 years and know no other. sorry to ramble.. just need to get it all out.
aacharlie07, thanks for the kind words man, good luck to you as well.
barb dwyer, yeah, probably i should take band break.. however, I have trouble finding a substute for it.. funny though, these last years I have been so screwed up, I could not even keep a commitment to a band and ended up quitting.
nodrinkingzone, good to hear from fellow musicians. best of luck man, btw, what kind of stuff are you into?
you guys are so cool .. all of you that have written back to me.. I feel good that there are people I can relate to here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Hardy Ky
Posts: 170
PG1968,
My son is in rehab...By his choice...Had lots of friends when he left (he thought were friends) Only one of his friends has called to check on him. Guess which one it was? The one who cared about him! The one who don't use drugs! The one who is ready to support him when he gets home and visited his father and myself at Christmas, because he knew the pain we were going through without our son home during Christmas.
Now that is a friend. You might want to evaluate who are your true friends. You will make great friends on this site. The most wonderful people around. They care We Care
I know it's hard and there is no getting around that. Sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders. By the Grace of God and hard work you will win this fight against your addiction. Take one day at a time..Much easier that way. Keep going to the meetings. I wish you the best!
My prayers are with you,
Machele
My son is in rehab...By his choice...Had lots of friends when he left (he thought were friends) Only one of his friends has called to check on him. Guess which one it was? The one who cared about him! The one who don't use drugs! The one who is ready to support him when he gets home and visited his father and myself at Christmas, because he knew the pain we were going through without our son home during Christmas.
Now that is a friend. You might want to evaluate who are your true friends. You will make great friends on this site. The most wonderful people around. They care
We CareI know it's hard and there is no getting around that. Sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders. By the Grace of God and hard work you will win this fight against your addiction. Take one day at a time..Much easier that way. Keep going to the meetings. I wish you the best!
My prayers are with you,
Machele
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