Today is day 1
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Alaska
Posts: 229
Today is day 1
Here I am. I am not the drunk they show in the movies. I am never stumbling around or picking fights. I am actually a nicer person when I知 drinking and I think that hurts me the most. I am a functioning alcoholic. Today is day 1. I started drinking when I realized that just a light buzz made the anger and anxiety go away. I could laugh and play and all those things that made me angry and mean just didn稚 matter anymore. I didn稚 nag my husband, I laughed with my kids. It was nice not having to put an effort into acting lovingly. Truth be told, I知 scared about the person I will be without it. I wish I had the carefree attitude that I have when I have a buzz on. Up until now I have been able to control the alcohol. I never drink if I know I will have to drive, maybe I fool myself into believing I知 a responsible drunk (how funny is that?). Now I have to have a drink just to stop my heart from flipping. I知 up to 1/2 to 3/4 of a 5th a day. I like it so much. I like not worrying. I like being nice without the effort. It is killing my body and my mind. I know it is a problem because my day revolves around it, I hide it, and I am ashamed of it. I am not in control, my precious control for which I use it in the first place. Today is day 1.
I知 so glad I found this forum. You are giving me the strength I need.
I知 so glad I found this forum. You are giving me the strength I need.
smileyologist and lord of bees
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: mourning smileys near you
Posts: 2,508
Originally Posted by curliQ 
Here I am. I am not the drunk they show in the movies. I am never stumbling around or picking fights. I am actually a nicer person when I知 drinking and I think that hurts me the most. I am a functioning alcoholic. Today is day 1. I started drinking when I realized that just a light buzz made the anger and anxiety go away. I could laugh and play and all those things that made me angry and mean just didn稚 matter anymore. I didn稚 nag my husband, I laughed with my kids. It was nice not having to put an effort into acting lovingly. Truth be told, I知 scared about the person I will be without it. I wish I had the carefree attitude that I have when I have a buzz on. Up until now I have been able to control the alcohol. I never drink if I know I will have to drive, maybe I fool myself into believing I知 a responsible drunk (how funny is that?). Now I have to have a drink just to stop my heart from flipping. I知 up to 1/2 to 3/4 of a 5th a day. I like it so much. I like not worrying. I like being nice without the effort. It is killing my body and my mind. I know it is a problem because my day revolves around it, I hide it, and I am ashamed of it. I am not in control, my precious control for which I use it in the first place. Today is day 1.
I知 so glad I found this forum. You are giving me the strength I need.
I知 so glad I found this forum. You are giving me the strength I need.
You're doing the right thing by stopping - are you getting any medical advice?
It really helps and the doc can prescribe you things to take away the racing pulse and horrible feelings of withdrawal...
Welcome to the forum, you will find lots of support here... :ghug2
I've been sober 2 months and it's the longest I've ever been without drink since I started - this forum is a great help...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
Ditto, and welcome to SR! Worry and anxiety led me into drinking also...I agree whole heartedly with RK - see a doctor...there are meds and therapy that can help with the withdrawals and the anxiety and anger the pre-dated the drinking.
I am very happy for you that you have decided to change your life!
Keep posting!
I am very happy for you that you have decided to change your life!
Keep posting!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Hi Curli,
I relate so much to the feelings you express in the post. Unfortunately, for me, the 'nice drunk' person didn't last long. I sailed right through that phase and onto the 'nasty drunk'. I was absolutely terrified of stopping drinking and couldn't imagine getting through an evening without drinking. But, I had to stop to save myself.
You can do this and there is lots of support here. What worked for me early on was to change my routines. Do something different when you would have been drinking. Have you talked to your dr? It can be dangerous to detox from alcohol. Keep reading and posting. There is tons of information and support here.
I relate so much to the feelings you express in the post. Unfortunately, for me, the 'nice drunk' person didn't last long. I sailed right through that phase and onto the 'nasty drunk'. I was absolutely terrified of stopping drinking and couldn't imagine getting through an evening without drinking. But, I had to stop to save myself.
You can do this and there is lots of support here. What worked for me early on was to change my routines. Do something different when you would have been drinking. Have you talked to your dr? It can be dangerous to detox from alcohol. Keep reading and posting. There is tons of information and support here.
Ending the Old Me.
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Under a Rock
Posts: 377
CurliQ - I'm right there with you, so let's do this together, I'm on day 5. I too was a functioning alcoholic, I have a good job, house, wife that loves me and a son who thinks I'm Superman. Never had a run in with the law but I was very lucky given what I've gotten away with.
I just reached a point 4 days ago where drinking had ceased to be fun, it had become my purpose. I was tired of lying to my wife, tired of worrying about what I was doing to my health, tired of waking up with a hangover.
You can do this, I can do this, but it will take effort.
Please see your Doctor or an addiction specialist. 1/2 - 3/4 a 5th a day is a good amount and WD can be dangerous. Please read thru all the post on WD, detox and what to expect.
Try to attend an AA meeting, it's a great feeling to know your not alone, that others have been there, done that and have the T-shirt to prove it. I attended my 1st AA meeting Wednesday night and it was scary but I left there with a sense of hope I haven't had in a long time. I also picked up my first AA chip for 24 hours of soberity. I carry that coin in my pocket with me at all times and anytime I start to worry that I can't make it, I pull it out and tell myself I made the right decision for myself and my family.
I'm pulling for you, you can do this. We can do this. Keep us posted and don't give up.
I just reached a point 4 days ago where drinking had ceased to be fun, it had become my purpose. I was tired of lying to my wife, tired of worrying about what I was doing to my health, tired of waking up with a hangover.
You can do this, I can do this, but it will take effort.
Please see your Doctor or an addiction specialist. 1/2 - 3/4 a 5th a day is a good amount and WD can be dangerous. Please read thru all the post on WD, detox and what to expect.
Try to attend an AA meeting, it's a great feeling to know your not alone, that others have been there, done that and have the T-shirt to prove it. I attended my 1st AA meeting Wednesday night and it was scary but I left there with a sense of hope I haven't had in a long time. I also picked up my first AA chip for 24 hours of soberity. I carry that coin in my pocket with me at all times and anytime I start to worry that I can't make it, I pull it out and tell myself I made the right decision for myself and my family.
I'm pulling for you, you can do this. We can do this. Keep us posted and don't give up.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: on the moon
Posts: 944
Hi!
Welcome aboard and congratulations for begining your first Day!
You'll find the people on here are really great and they often have allot of good advice to share too.
Nnnnoooooo! That's the alcohol making you believe that! I used to believe the same thing too.
Let us know how you're getting on. Good luck!
Welcome aboard and congratulations for begining your first Day!
You'll find the people on here are really great and they often have allot of good advice to share too.
Originally Posted by curliQ
I am actually a nicer person when I知 drinking
Let us know how you're getting on. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: San Francisco suburbs
Posts: 119
I can relate, too. I was the same way- never had a drink before 5pm, never got in trouble with the law, never missed work because of it. In fact, hid it so well if you told most of the people I know including family that I have a drinking problem they'd be shocked.
But I know better. I also hid it, thought about it all day- how soon will it be 5pm!!!! What?? We're in a restuarant that doesn't serve alcohol?!! Let's leave!
It ruled my life and I just got sick of it. No more. I am in control of my life, and so are you!!
Good luck with day 1 and I pray it leads to wonderful things for you. It gets easier, by the way!
But I know better. I also hid it, thought about it all day- how soon will it be 5pm!!!! What?? We're in a restuarant that doesn't serve alcohol?!! Let's leave!
It ruled my life and I just got sick of it. No more. I am in control of my life, and so are you!!
Good luck with day 1 and I pray it leads to wonderful things for you. It gets easier, by the way!
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 140
Hello curliQ
The calculations look bad (when calculated for 3/4 of a 5th of 40% liquor per day):
(1 US gallon (3.7854 litre) /5) * 3/4 = 0.567816 litre per day
40% * 0.567816 = 22.71264 units of alcohol per day
7 * 22.71264 = 158.98848 units of alcohol per week.
(the world standard for a unit of alcohol is 1% alcohol in 1 litre of liquid, or 10 millilitres (or approximately 8 grams) of pure ethanol.
In Europe, the alcohol consumption recommendation is -
For women: no more than 3 units in a single day, and no more that 14 units per week, and at least 2 alcohol free days per week.
22 units per day is more than 7 times the safe daily limit and 158 units per week is more than 11 times the safe weekly limit.
The liver of an average female can process about 0.93 of a unit of alcohol per hour - so with 22.71264 per day, your liver is taking a right hammering (as well as your other organs and your brain).
I think if you drive, you are DUI all the time, and 158.98848 units per week, with no time off for your liver to recover, is slow suicide.
Nobody does anything better under the influence of Alcohol. Nobody is a better person drunk.
Anyway, good luck, although I don't think it's safe for you to quit without professional medical advice and/or supervision (given the amount you regularly drink).
The calculations look bad (when calculated for 3/4 of a 5th of 40% liquor per day):
(1 US gallon (3.7854 litre) /5) * 3/4 = 0.567816 litre per day
40% * 0.567816 = 22.71264 units of alcohol per day
7 * 22.71264 = 158.98848 units of alcohol per week.
(the world standard for a unit of alcohol is 1% alcohol in 1 litre of liquid, or 10 millilitres (or approximately 8 grams) of pure ethanol.
In Europe, the alcohol consumption recommendation is -
For women: no more than 3 units in a single day, and no more that 14 units per week, and at least 2 alcohol free days per week.
22 units per day is more than 7 times the safe daily limit and 158 units per week is more than 11 times the safe weekly limit.
The liver of an average female can process about 0.93 of a unit of alcohol per hour - so with 22.71264 per day, your liver is taking a right hammering (as well as your other organs and your brain).
I think if you drive, you are DUI all the time, and 158.98848 units per week, with no time off for your liver to recover, is slow suicide.
curliQ said: I am actually a nicer person when I’m drinking ...just a light buzz made the anger and anxiety go away. I could laugh and play and all those things that made me angry and mean just didn’t matter anymore.
Anyway, good luck, although I don't think it's safe for you to quit without professional medical advice and/or supervision (given the amount you regularly drink).
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Alaska
Posts: 229
Manchurian, those are some real sobering (pardon the pun) calculations. It's easy to say, oh it's bad but somehow with the numbers there it really is really bad.
Thank you all so much for all of your encouraging words. I'm half way through my first day. I've read everything about the withdrawal. I have read Trazadone is good for the symptoms and since I have some already for sleeping I'm making use of it. It definitely helps the heart racing. I'm being very careful with it.
Will I ever stop craving it?
Thank you all so much for all of your encouraging words. I'm half way through my first day. I've read everything about the withdrawal. I have read Trazadone is good for the symptoms and since I have some already for sleeping I'm making use of it. It definitely helps the heart racing. I'm being very careful with it.
Will I ever stop craving it?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 796
Welcome, curliQ.
Day one is a great start. I'm on day ten, and yes the cravings do stop. I did not want to drink today.
As others have said, please be careful with the withdrawal. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.
Best wishes,
Ghost
Day one is a great start. I'm on day ten, and yes the cravings do stop. I did not want to drink today.
As others have said, please be careful with the withdrawal. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.
Best wishes,
Ghost
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Welcome to our recovery community, curliQ. I look forward to more of your posts.
Life without alcohol is amazing! It just gets better and better - I no longer dread waking up and facing the day. I like myself and I enjoy other people.
Glad you're here!
Life without alcohol is amazing! It just gets better and better - I no longer dread waking up and facing the day. I like myself and I enjoy other people.
Glad you're here!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Alaska
Posts: 229
Thank you all, your support is a great comfort.
Today is day 2. I woke up without a hangover!! I still feel jittery and my nerves do that spasm thing now and again, but I do feel better. My heart has stopped palpatating so that is my biggest yay. I craved a few times yesterday evening but I asked DH to cuddle up with me and that helped tons. I haven't told my family I'm going through this. They don't really know how much I drink and I think at this point I am too ashamed to admit it and ask for their help. I'm doing ok today. Can you believe I decided to do this right before Christmas!!?? I guess there's no accounting for the timing of being ready.
Today is day 2. I woke up without a hangover!! I still feel jittery and my nerves do that spasm thing now and again, but I do feel better. My heart has stopped palpatating so that is my biggest yay. I craved a few times yesterday evening but I asked DH to cuddle up with me and that helped tons. I haven't told my family I'm going through this. They don't really know how much I drink and I think at this point I am too ashamed to admit it and ask for their help. I'm doing ok today. Can you believe I decided to do this right before Christmas!!?? I guess there's no accounting for the timing of being ready.
Ending the Old Me.
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Under a Rock
Posts: 377
Glad to see your still here with us, I just made it through day 5 and it keeps getting better.
You can probably expect the next few days to be difficult but stick with it.
I too was worried about quiting right before Christmas/New Years and all the holiday parties. I completely understand, I mean, who in the world would try to quit drinking right smack in the middle of party time. I think I've skipped about 3 by now. My neighbors had our traditional block party thing last night and I went to my 2nd AA meeting instead. Which was a good move on my part, I would have been very uncomfortable at this point and why tempt fate.
The funny thing is, I checked the date of sobriety on the phone list for both AA meetings I attended and you would be surprised how many people gave it up this time of year. One girl hit her 3 years sober mark last night; she quit drinking 12/21/04 - good for her. I'm just looking forward to my first sober Christmas in a long time.
When your ready, explain to your family/husband, what your going through. He probably already knows more than you suspect.
There is nothing to be ashamed of. I came clean to my wife a few days ago and it was like a million pound load being lifted off, it's a great feeling not having the guilt of lying to carry around. She understood and said she was very proud of me for facing my problems head on.
Tell your husband your giving him a special present for Christmas - your sobriety.
You can probably expect the next few days to be difficult but stick with it.
I too was worried about quiting right before Christmas/New Years and all the holiday parties. I completely understand, I mean, who in the world would try to quit drinking right smack in the middle of party time. I think I've skipped about 3 by now. My neighbors had our traditional block party thing last night and I went to my 2nd AA meeting instead. Which was a good move on my part, I would have been very uncomfortable at this point and why tempt fate.
The funny thing is, I checked the date of sobriety on the phone list for both AA meetings I attended and you would be surprised how many people gave it up this time of year. One girl hit her 3 years sober mark last night; she quit drinking 12/21/04 - good for her. I'm just looking forward to my first sober Christmas in a long time.
When your ready, explain to your family/husband, what your going through. He probably already knows more than you suspect.
There is nothing to be ashamed of. I came clean to my wife a few days ago and it was like a million pound load being lifted off, it's a great feeling not having the guilt of lying to carry around. She understood and said she was very proud of me for facing my problems head on.
Tell your husband your giving him a special present for Christmas - your sobriety.
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
Originally Posted by curliQ
I haven't told my family I'm going through this. They don't really know how much I drink and I think at this point I am too ashamed to admit it and ask for their help. I'm doing ok today.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
What a wonderful thing it is to see 2 members suporting each other like this !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thats what SR is all about, it saved my life when I was where you 2 are
CONGRATULATIONS to both of you
You CAN do it , but you dont have to do it alone !
Omega , I am so pleased that you enjoy your AA meetings, the fellowship found in the rooms of AA is awesome !
I wish you both a wonderful journey of recovery
HUGX
Leigh
Thats what SR is all about, it saved my life when I was where you 2 are
CONGRATULATIONS to both of you
You CAN do it , but you dont have to do it alone !
Omega , I am so pleased that you enjoy your AA meetings, the fellowship found in the rooms of AA is awesome !
I wish you both a wonderful journey of recovery
HUGX
Leigh
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