DomseysMama

Hi Everyone! My name is Erica and I am 24 years old (will be 24 on wed the 21st). Anyway, I have been addicted to opiates for about 2 years now. It started with Vicodin.. went on Suboxone and then went on Methadone. I was on Meth for 8 months and went into rehab on oct 2nd, got kicked out for not participating in groups and other therapy due to withdrawl. They never put me in detox and I went straight to residental. Well I was on 200 mg's of Meth EVERYDAY! I got out on the 17th of Oct and about a week and a half ago, got a doc to give me Tylenol # 3 and have been taking them ever since.I tried for Vicodin but he wouldn't budge. I took the last of what I had today. They dont even really do what I want them to but since i got out of rehab I have felt like the life has been sucked out of me and felt that I needed something so badly just to function. I am ashamed of myself. I have a BEAUTIFUL 3 year old son and cant believe what I am doing to him. I grew up with my mom addicted to Crack and lost her becuz of it. I just cant seem to get past the "sick" part. I know that once i feel "normal" again, I'll be okay but I can't seem to get there. I used to be soo energetic and happy and full of life and now I am a mess. It's cold, grey and ugly here in MI and that doesnt help any... I am craving sunshine. Anyway, I just need some help right now. I have so much to say but will end it now. Thank You in Advance Everyone. ~ Erica.:praying

Rowan

Hi Erica,

Welcome! I'm a recovering alkie and pill addict (benzos) in Ontario near Toronto. I'm glad that you found us and hope that you continue to read and post.
Many people here will understand what you are going through - many have gotten clean and sober, and some are still struggling to do so. We all have addiction in common and are so grateful to have a new member join us.

Row

nogard

Hi Erica, welcome to SR

Coming here some time ago and asking for help just as you are doing was teh thing that startewd my recovery. So take heart and hope, have a look around here, read and post.

How about a detox and then into a rwhab? Do you have some support?

Thinking of you.

Kevin

best

Hello Erica

Welcome to SR.
As crummy as you feel right now...please know this...

The feelings do pass. It does get better. Things do improve.
in the moment it may not feel that way but if you ask people who have been throuh it, they will tell you it is true.
It does pass and it does get better. Work through it a moment at a time and the feelings soon will pass.

Captain Kirk

Hi!
Welcome! The people on here are really great and often have allot of good advice to share too.
Let us know how you're getting on.
Good luck!

Anna

Hi Erica,

Welcome and it really will get better. You're right that once you get past this part, you will feel good again. Hang in there and keep reading and posting.

ccirider

Hi Erica:

To feel ashamed is completely normal. When we were feeding our addiction, we didn't feel shame because we were masking our negative feelings with our addiction. Now that we are not self-medicating ourselves, those repressed feelings are coming to the surface. Getting in touch with our feelings is one of the blessings of becoming addiction free, but it certainly is extremely painful in the beginning.

bval

I'd like to echo everyone's welcome's and their good advice.

May I inquire as to why you went from buprenorphine to methadone in the first place?

Now that you've been off methadone for awhile, you are once again a candidate to go back and try bupe again ... in the event that you don't feel you have it in you to tough out the sickness at the moment, it's a much better alternative that wolfing down T3's with all that acetaminophen in them, and you KNOW how brutal methadone is.

So personally I see that as one of your two options. Either take this opportunity to get into recovery now, or go back on bupe as a harm-reduction strategy until you do feel ready to get clean.

That's my best advice. In any case, welcome, and keep posting. We're all here to help however we can

Sorry you're so miserable. I only *WISH* I could say I *DON'T* know how you feel. ...

Missymae737

Hi,

Welcome to SR...

After almost a year of not taking opiates, I too miss that ENERGIZED mode...BUT, I have discovered life is much better than being chained to that addiction...

Keep posting, so glad you found us...:morning

indigo

Welcome to SR, I see that already people are coming to your side to give you love and support and solid help may I add mine too.

DomseysMama

I was on suboxone for like 5 months which is longer than recommended.. but my insurance would no longer cover it one day when i went to get my script so i was stuck. I didn't even go to a methadone clinic either. I have a friend who was takin the wafers and told me how " these will make ya feel better " so of course I jumped on it and went to the same doc as her who had no problem what so ever giving them to me. He gave them to me every 2 weeks instead of once a month too.. he didnt give a S**T. But yeah I do KNOW how horrible Meth is and I am grateful to be free from it FINALLY as I thought this day would never come. I do have support but I feel like I need to be locked in a cage like an animal lol.. Like I said I have a 3 year old son and my boyfriend here and just daily things like cooking, cleaning, doing normal things around the house seem soooooo difficult unless im on something.. and my boyfriend gets frustrated with me and yells at me to get off my lazy ass.. and my son needs me as a mother as well. But today is another day with nothing.. I didnt want to get out of bed but I HAVE to.... Again, thank you all so much and I will be back reading, commenting and posting myself. ~ Erica.