Where I Am Today!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Atlanta, Georgia
Posts: 3
Where I Am Today!
Well if I'm not mistaking, I am 51 days sober. I feel great! It's been an emotional week that I needed to go through. Usually I would medicate these emotions. I figured I have never known anything about myself. I got out of my relationship this week. I have been lonely over the past couple days and I think it is simply because I have never been alone. We really do not see much of each other anymore at all. We still live together but I'm in the other bedroom. I think our relationship ended when I began talking reality and she stopped listening. She claimed she understood but I don't think she did or does. There was never any kind of support. My sponsor suggested Al-Anon and she claimed she didn't need it because she understood. Just a lot of yelling and tearing me down constantly. "Why am I not cleaning the house" or I drained her checking account, constantly "you make excuses", "your lazy" or "your irresponsible". Of course I am, I'm recovering right? Of course I HELPED drain the savings account but I never stole money. She took out the money and enabled me to be a monster. I never saw her miss a line or a shot, but it was all my fault because I'm labeled with my name tag that says hello my name is Addict. Of course I ran with it, lying and manipulating was my favorite game because I was doing it to myself. I don't think she has a problem yet. She quit when I quit but she's been gone since Halloween night and playing with everybody we had to remove ourselves from. I can't do anything or say anything because I'm powerless over my life. Maybe she's not out playing. That's not even a point, I'm just rambling with my emotions. I was on the famous myspace site today and kinda took notice to the fact that she has managed to inform everybody we know and comment,"Have you heard the news? I'm single." You know I didn't know that break ups were that big of an issue. Guess I was fooled. Well I shrugged it off a little and managed to laugh at it. Then to my surprise, and her madness, I get a text message asking if I had an STD. Okay I'm an addict not a disease spreader. So I said no, I mean I have been tested twice this year. Well she preceded to tell me that she knows that I have it and I have destroyed her life. Well, no I tried to tell her because you have to have it before you can give it away. Still not good enough, go figure. I'm not surprised! Well I have decided for the third time this year to get tested and give it to her. This is something I am telling the truth about and I need to do it so I can quit obsessing with it. Maybe before I give it to her I should scan it and and post it on myspace for everyone to see. LOL! So, I'm still sober, I guess it's been a good day! I just needed to get it off my chest to someone who may understand. Sorry if I was rambling just wondering if anyone else may have a similar situation or can relate to me? Thanks!
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
welcome, BCJ ... you're in my hometown, I see.
uh... got a good bit going on there ...
are you in a program of recovery?
that's a lot to be dealing with alone.
I mean ... in 3d
uh... got a good bit going on there ...
are you in a program of recovery?
that's a lot to be dealing with alone.
I mean ... in 3d
Last edited by barb dwyer; 11-03-2007 at 05:40 AM.
dshake good show - and good vent.Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: On a Beach Some Where
Posts: 103
I went through the same accusation once. I went and was tested and handed her a copy of the results and said goodbye.
Besides, She seems to have only told the people you really don't want to hang out with anymore anyways right.
Concentrate on staying clean.
Good luck and best wishes!
Besides, She seems to have only told the people you really don't want to hang out with anymore anyways right.
Concentrate on staying clean.
Good luck and best wishes!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Recovery
Posts: 3,229
Good for you for talking about it.
You are doing the right things and taking steps for yourself.
Just keep focusing on you right now.
We can't control other peoples decisions or choices but we can control our own.
You are doing the right things and taking steps for yourself.
Just keep focusing on you right now.
We can't control other peoples decisions or choices but we can control our own.
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