Robzoloft

Hello everyone- What do you do with the guilt over things done while still out there rippin' and runnin'? I don't mean the little stuff either.....I'm talking about the crime, the abuse of other people, abuse of women....child neglect...the stealing and lying....manipulating everyone and everything....I can't get the guilt and shame out of my head- it defines me...even in recovery. I don't want to be rude but the 9th step just doesn't seem to cut it sometimes..........thanks.

Anna

I had a lot of trouble forgiving myself for things that I had done too, and I honestly think that it's a process. For me, it happened a little at a time. A wonderful SR member gave me the advice of journalling. I really resisted because I didn't want to write down the words that I needed to. But, once I started, I kept writing and writing and it continued every time guilt feelings would hit me. It took most of a year to get it all out and at that point, I burned the journal.

Missymae737

Hi,

When newly sober I had a difficult time forgiving myself... Soon I learned that I had to give up the guilt in order to remain sober...Each passing sober day brought about self esteem that had been lost in the shuffle of addiction...

Be good to yourself, do things that help you to feel good about you, maybe a walk, read, help a neighbor etc...

keep posting here...

The dark cloud will pass...

parentrecovers

just keep doing the next right thing...support out, k

Rowan

It's taken time for me to forgive myself - so, for not being there fully for my children, today I commit to putting them first.
If I took advantage of my employer by calling in sick, I re-committed to improving my attendance record.
If it's about committing crimes, then perhaps bring your sobriety into jails and institutions and share your story with them? And commit to living an honest life.

Remember, we did the things we did because we were in the grips of addiction. That doesn't excuse it, but it does explain it. Forgive yourself, commit to living differently, and let it go .. eventually, you'll be able to.

Tazman53

The 9th step like all the other steps is an ever evolving process, some of the guilt once you have done what you can do to atone for the past takes time....... time to forgive your self, time for those harmed to forgive you if they ever will.

Probably we are the slowest in forgiving our selfs, our HP forgives us far quicker then we forgive ourselfs, I have had to remind myself that if he can forgive me I need to work harder at forgiving myself.

Trust me there are plenty of thiings I still struggle with forgiving myself for, there are things that people I have hurt are struggling to forgive me of, but I need to be sure that I have cleaned my side of the street and that their unforgiveness is something they need to work on.

Keep in mind, progress & not perfection, if we are moving forward we are going in the right direction no matter how fast or slowly we progress.

I am an alcoholic and I want it all now, I want 20 years sobriety today, yet I only have a little over one.

CarolD

I found Steps 4 & 5 helped me dissolve my remorse.

And I too journaled and burned!


Blessings

Captain Kirk

Hi!
I think I have the same guilt/shame/embaresment problem.
All I can say is what the above people say sounds like good advice.
I guess everyone's not going to forgive you immeadiatly but I guess that in time, when they see you're a nice person who doesn't do such things anymore, allot most probably will.
As my friend says "The past is the past"
Have a nice evening.