new to everything
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: WVa
Posts: 8
new to everything
ok, this is my first time ever trying to get sober and this is my first time ever being on a site such as this, so if my etiquette is not perfect, please forgive me.
where do i begin? first off, i am male, 32 years old. been married for over 8 years. 3 great children and great wife. am an attorney. have my own practice, and successful. i deal with addicts who have turned to crime on a daily basis. (i represent them) i see drug addiction ruin people's lives everyday. growing up, i experienced alcoholism (father) and nerve pill addiction (mother) all through childhood. began drinking at age 12.
i have been successful in all facets of my life. i have a great wife and family, great career, own my home, cars etc. but i have always been addicted to something, and just been able to always keep it in check and succeed. always said i would quit when i got older. now i am older and have gotten myself into a real pickle.
the perfect storm. i had started taking a couple of pain pills, usually lortab or percocet, every couple of days. no big deal, liked the high, but was still drinking heavy. then my best friend, who is prescribed oxy 80 mg, moved into a cottage that i have on my property and was renting from me. well, this was around the same time that i opened my own law practice and the money was way better than before right from the start. (thank god it is still good or who knows where i would be). ok, so best friend living basically in my backyard, and he started working for me in my office answering the phone. i would see him at times snorting his meds. of course my dumba** tried it, liked it, and before i knew it, i had not taken a drink in over a month, but had snorted oxy 80 everday. of course, my business was doing good and was not, at that point, having to pay for it, so money wasnt a problem. eventually my friend got remarried and moved out and i no longer had daily access to the drug...for long. long story short, i made some connections and have been on oxy's now for about 14 months. up to doing 160 - 200 mg/day. of course now it is starting to hurt my business, but not really anything else...yet...and that is why i am here.
i had a client who told me he was on suboxen. i asked for what and he told me he used to do 400-480 mg of oxy's/day. said he got on suboxen and has not relapsed in over 4 years. i told him i had a friend who was on it and he gave me the number to the doc where he gets it. i called the place immediately. without asking any questions, the guy just asked if i was calling about the suboxen program, i said yes and he said your appt. is aug 30. he gave me directions and that was the end of the call.
so tomorrow is my big day and i just started my 24 hours of sobriety. the guy on the phone did tell me no drugs for 24 hours. that is going to be tough. what happens if i do use within the 24 hours before i take my first dose of suboxen?
anyone out there who can give any more insight into this "suboxen", would be greatly appreciated. what should i expect as far as w/d? it does not take but a few hours of being awake and not using for me to start craving and feeling crappy, will suboxen make me "normal" like everyone has said? obviously with three children, and own law practice, my few futile attempts at going cold turkey darn near killed me. i dont have the luxury of missing a week of work and i will have to be in court, in front of a judge representing clients on sept. 5. should i feel OK by then? anyone who can offer anything is greatly appreciated.
wish me luck and i hope everyone out there who has these same problems is successful in overcoming.
where do i begin? first off, i am male, 32 years old. been married for over 8 years. 3 great children and great wife. am an attorney. have my own practice, and successful. i deal with addicts who have turned to crime on a daily basis. (i represent them) i see drug addiction ruin people's lives everyday. growing up, i experienced alcoholism (father) and nerve pill addiction (mother) all through childhood. began drinking at age 12.
i have been successful in all facets of my life. i have a great wife and family, great career, own my home, cars etc. but i have always been addicted to something, and just been able to always keep it in check and succeed. always said i would quit when i got older. now i am older and have gotten myself into a real pickle.
the perfect storm. i had started taking a couple of pain pills, usually lortab or percocet, every couple of days. no big deal, liked the high, but was still drinking heavy. then my best friend, who is prescribed oxy 80 mg, moved into a cottage that i have on my property and was renting from me. well, this was around the same time that i opened my own law practice and the money was way better than before right from the start. (thank god it is still good or who knows where i would be). ok, so best friend living basically in my backyard, and he started working for me in my office answering the phone. i would see him at times snorting his meds. of course my dumba** tried it, liked it, and before i knew it, i had not taken a drink in over a month, but had snorted oxy 80 everday. of course, my business was doing good and was not, at that point, having to pay for it, so money wasnt a problem. eventually my friend got remarried and moved out and i no longer had daily access to the drug...for long. long story short, i made some connections and have been on oxy's now for about 14 months. up to doing 160 - 200 mg/day. of course now it is starting to hurt my business, but not really anything else...yet...and that is why i am here.
i had a client who told me he was on suboxen. i asked for what and he told me he used to do 400-480 mg of oxy's/day. said he got on suboxen and has not relapsed in over 4 years. i told him i had a friend who was on it and he gave me the number to the doc where he gets it. i called the place immediately. without asking any questions, the guy just asked if i was calling about the suboxen program, i said yes and he said your appt. is aug 30. he gave me directions and that was the end of the call.
so tomorrow is my big day and i just started my 24 hours of sobriety. the guy on the phone did tell me no drugs for 24 hours. that is going to be tough. what happens if i do use within the 24 hours before i take my first dose of suboxen?
anyone out there who can give any more insight into this "suboxen", would be greatly appreciated. what should i expect as far as w/d? it does not take but a few hours of being awake and not using for me to start craving and feeling crappy, will suboxen make me "normal" like everyone has said? obviously with three children, and own law practice, my few futile attempts at going cold turkey darn near killed me. i dont have the luxury of missing a week of work and i will have to be in court, in front of a judge representing clients on sept. 5. should i feel OK by then? anyone who can offer anything is greatly appreciated.
wish me luck and i hope everyone out there who has these same problems is successful in overcoming.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,061
Can't offer any help or advice with suboxone, but wanted to thank you for sharing your story. Welcome to SR, glad you're here. Going cold turkey never worked for me, I found my sobriety and recovery in the rooms of AA. I hope you'll at least consider some form of recovery program.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: WVa
Posts: 8
wow!
great to see such a quick reaction. it actually feels good knowing people out there supports you, without even knowing you, but maybe knows some of the emotions i am going through.
jeez, i hope i have the time to stay up with this. with the children and business, topped off with a nice oxy addiction, i dont have alot of time in my day.
i guess a question i have for all those affected by addiction, how do you deal with the guilt? for me, the guilt did not start until i realized how i was hurting my family. in my head, i always said "as long as i am putting food on the table and a roof over their heads, i am doing good", well, that is not a problem. the problem is how i will spend all day looking or waiting for my pills and if things dont go right, we dont do the family thing we had planned, or if it didnt work out at all, by morning i will be to the point where i am suffering very bad w/d to the point i cant get out of bed and cant stand the site of anyone, including my family. i hate that feeling and i want nothing more than to be normal...for the rest of my life. i have always had something, alcohol, drugs, but only marijuana on a daily basis. then, out or nowhere, i am strung out on oxy's. i see it destroy people every day. how does someone with my background, experience and education find themselves needing 160 mg of oxy/day to survive?
i sure hope this suboxen works and i wil definitely continue to reach out for support...even if this is all i can do. obviously with my profession, my addiction is known to very, very few people and i live in a small town where i could not even be sure if it would not get out if i went to the local hospital or doc, so i know i cannot go to the local na/aa meetings that 3/4ths of my clients go to. any suggestions?
jeez, i hope i have the time to stay up with this. with the children and business, topped off with a nice oxy addiction, i dont have alot of time in my day.
i guess a question i have for all those affected by addiction, how do you deal with the guilt? for me, the guilt did not start until i realized how i was hurting my family. in my head, i always said "as long as i am putting food on the table and a roof over their heads, i am doing good", well, that is not a problem. the problem is how i will spend all day looking or waiting for my pills and if things dont go right, we dont do the family thing we had planned, or if it didnt work out at all, by morning i will be to the point where i am suffering very bad w/d to the point i cant get out of bed and cant stand the site of anyone, including my family. i hate that feeling and i want nothing more than to be normal...for the rest of my life. i have always had something, alcohol, drugs, but only marijuana on a daily basis. then, out or nowhere, i am strung out on oxy's. i see it destroy people every day. how does someone with my background, experience and education find themselves needing 160 mg of oxy/day to survive?
i sure hope this suboxen works and i wil definitely continue to reach out for support...even if this is all i can do. obviously with my profession, my addiction is known to very, very few people and i live in a small town where i could not even be sure if it would not get out if i went to the local hospital or doc, so i know i cannot go to the local na/aa meetings that 3/4ths of my clients go to. any suggestions?
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
just start doing the right things...
it's about taking action in recovery.
(my daughter goes to aa and she had legal trouble last year - her lawyer goes to aa. he's been in recovery for about 15 years. his experience and understanding really helped her along the way...he was really the one that got her to go to agree to treatment in the first place..)
it's about taking action in recovery.
(my daughter goes to aa and she had legal trouble last year - her lawyer goes to aa. he's been in recovery for about 15 years. his experience and understanding really helped her along the way...he was really the one that got her to go to agree to treatment in the first place..)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: WVa
Posts: 8
thanks everyone.
i have talked to alot of my clients about addiction, esp. juveniles i represent. i always try to tell them i understand b/c i have had friends deal with it (when i really mean myself), but i feel like such a hypocrit when i set there and tell them how drugs will ruin their life while the whole time i am just thinking about getting the appointment over and doing a line.
mentioned above about lawyers on this site and the wonderful post about a lawyer who helped their daughter, i do think that the stress and strain of the legal profession definitely does not help with staying addiction free. where i live, it is still the "good ole boy" atmosphere, where the lawyers can pretty much do whatever they want, everyone (other lawyers) drinks, and does what they want without much fear of repurcussion b/c we know the cops, or drink with the judge, or all of the above. of course none of my lawyer buddies has any idea that i have this addiction. i have lost a good amount of weight since being on this stuff and i just told everybody i quit drinking. i actually did, (havent even wanted a drink in over a year) but it was b/c i was taking the oxy. i mean, how powerful can a drug be that can cause a hardcore, 19 year alcoholic to stop drinking on the spot and not even care about it anymore? i sure hope that getting off of this pain killer doesnt bring back the cravings for alcohol. but at this point, i would much rather just go back to the life of a 12 pack every other night with no pain killer rather than continue on the path i am now. from what i have read about this suboxen, (and that is how i found this site by the way), it is supposed to allow you to be able to continue your daily life without real bad w/d? just hoping to get all the support about this suboxen program i can. the more i read about how great it is, the better i feel about starting it tomorrow and the easier it will be to make it through this 24 hour period without taking anything. by the way, does anyone out there know what will happen if i do use within the 24 hour period prior to taking the suboxen? i know that i will absolutely feel like death warmed over when i wake up in the morning and then will have to make it until 3:00 tomorrow afternoon.
i have talked to alot of my clients about addiction, esp. juveniles i represent. i always try to tell them i understand b/c i have had friends deal with it (when i really mean myself), but i feel like such a hypocrit when i set there and tell them how drugs will ruin their life while the whole time i am just thinking about getting the appointment over and doing a line.
mentioned above about lawyers on this site and the wonderful post about a lawyer who helped their daughter, i do think that the stress and strain of the legal profession definitely does not help with staying addiction free. where i live, it is still the "good ole boy" atmosphere, where the lawyers can pretty much do whatever they want, everyone (other lawyers) drinks, and does what they want without much fear of repurcussion b/c we know the cops, or drink with the judge, or all of the above. of course none of my lawyer buddies has any idea that i have this addiction. i have lost a good amount of weight since being on this stuff and i just told everybody i quit drinking. i actually did, (havent even wanted a drink in over a year) but it was b/c i was taking the oxy. i mean, how powerful can a drug be that can cause a hardcore, 19 year alcoholic to stop drinking on the spot and not even care about it anymore? i sure hope that getting off of this pain killer doesnt bring back the cravings for alcohol. but at this point, i would much rather just go back to the life of a 12 pack every other night with no pain killer rather than continue on the path i am now. from what i have read about this suboxen, (and that is how i found this site by the way), it is supposed to allow you to be able to continue your daily life without real bad w/d? just hoping to get all the support about this suboxen program i can. the more i read about how great it is, the better i feel about starting it tomorrow and the easier it will be to make it through this 24 hour period without taking anything. by the way, does anyone out there know what will happen if i do use within the 24 hour period prior to taking the suboxen? i know that i will absolutely feel like death warmed over when i wake up in the morning and then will have to make it until 3:00 tomorrow afternoon.
No more merlot, more mamma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Hi Lawyer,
I'm glad that you are here and reaching out. I'm an alchie, and I've found that the overwhelming guilt that plagued me much of my life has been lifted the longer that I am sober, and working a program. I gently suggest AA. It honestly has helped me so very much!
Big hugs
Karen
I'm glad that you are here and reaching out. I'm an alchie, and I've found that the overwhelming guilt that plagued me much of my life has been lifted the longer that I am sober, and working a program. I gently suggest AA. It honestly has helped me so very much!
Big hugs
Karen
Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 763
Thank you for posting here in such detail; I can tell you from others' experience that the sudden stopping of these drugs has consequences, but I have no personal experience so I will just wish you well. As for the guilt, who among humanity does not make mistakes-it is what we do with them that renews our self-esteem.
Jhana
Jhana
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: WVa
Posts: 8
thanks everyone. hanging in there. sounds as if aa/na is very important. is it the actual aa/na programs or is it the 12 step program, or...is aa/na what the 12 step program is? not very educated on the actual programs...yet. or is what most of you are saying that it is very important to have a support group of people in similar situations...whatever that may be it, whether it aa/na or just group therapy?
this has already been so helpful. thanks everyone. and i hope that i continue to participate here. i would say it safe to say that if u dont hear from me within 24 hours, than the suboxen was not for me, no wait a minute, than it is a sign that i was not as ready as i have convinced myself and i need start digging a little deeper? maybe need to realize that this is not going to be as easy as just start taking another pill and everything is back to normal. i am not so naive to think it will be that successful, but i also hope that i am not mentally setting myself up for something of that nature. i have always been a pro at "justifying" my use to myself, and unfortunately my spouse, who unfortunately was raised by her mother alone, mother was alcoholic and horrible gambling addiction. lost everything she had, so she has experienced it. however, her whole family is like that and it is just accepted. dont get me wrong, other than her mother, her entire family is very successful, older generation who worked hard and earned what they have, but drinking and gambling is "just what they did", so my point is that i think my wife is under the impression that all we have to do is make it to this appointment tomorrow, give me friday and the weekend to lay around, and monday, be back in office. i certainly hope that is true b/c if i do not feel that i can go to office on monday, i know i will use. i surely hope this suboxen is what it is advertised to do.
again, thanks everyone for the support and i hope to hang in here and continue to get support. and i will take the advice on aa/na, just have to try and find a program out of my area (reasons above).
this has already been so helpful. thanks everyone. and i hope that i continue to participate here. i would say it safe to say that if u dont hear from me within 24 hours, than the suboxen was not for me, no wait a minute, than it is a sign that i was not as ready as i have convinced myself and i need start digging a little deeper? maybe need to realize that this is not going to be as easy as just start taking another pill and everything is back to normal. i am not so naive to think it will be that successful, but i also hope that i am not mentally setting myself up for something of that nature. i have always been a pro at "justifying" my use to myself, and unfortunately my spouse, who unfortunately was raised by her mother alone, mother was alcoholic and horrible gambling addiction. lost everything she had, so she has experienced it. however, her whole family is like that and it is just accepted. dont get me wrong, other than her mother, her entire family is very successful, older generation who worked hard and earned what they have, but drinking and gambling is "just what they did", so my point is that i think my wife is under the impression that all we have to do is make it to this appointment tomorrow, give me friday and the weekend to lay around, and monday, be back in office. i certainly hope that is true b/c if i do not feel that i can go to office on monday, i know i will use. i surely hope this suboxen is what it is advertised to do.
again, thanks everyone for the support and i hope to hang in here and continue to get support. and i will take the advice on aa/na, just have to try and find a program out of my area (reasons above).
Last edited by lawyergolfpro; 08-29-2007 at 03:50 PM. Reason: left out key word in sentence
No more merlot, more mamma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
"sounds as if aa/na is very important. is it the actual aa/na programs or is it the 12 step program, or...is aa/na what the 12 step program is? not very educated on the actual programs...yet. or is what most of you are saying that it is very important to have a support group of people in similar situations..."
Yes. :-)
Yes. :-)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Here
Posts: 123
hey i dont know how helpful this will be, but alot of times when you are in meetings you will hear people say SLOW DOWN!!! take it one day, one hour at a time!! we did not get to this point in our life over night, so we cant expect recovery to happen overnight!! good luck!
L
L
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
I just wanted to thank you for your insightful posts, and that I'm glad you found us.
I hope that tomorrow opens up a world of possibilities in recovery for you. The only advice I could give you is to be willing. You have a lot going for you, and a family who you obviously love. Recovery IS possible, and you will heal, if you are willing to take certain steps. Please let us know how it goes for you. We hope to see you back.
Rowan
I hope that tomorrow opens up a world of possibilities in recovery for you. The only advice I could give you is to be willing. You have a lot going for you, and a family who you obviously love. Recovery IS possible, and you will heal, if you are willing to take certain steps. Please let us know how it goes for you. We hope to see you back.
Rowan
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: FL
Posts: 40
hey lawyer, i am kind of in the same situation as you are and i am just about to post my own story after posting this reply. i have done my own research on this suboxone and the reason they say not to use for 24 hours is because if you do, then the suboxone will NOT work. it will make you feel miserable and give you withdrawal feelings that you would have if you just stopped taking the pills. the suboxone works very well, though, if you can wait the entire 24 hours. i would say 20 hours may be ok, but no less. i just got out of detox and that's what they used on me and it worked tremendously. if you can hang in there and not use the pills for at least 20 hours, then when you are given the suboxone, it will actually work. it has something to do with the way the brain reacts to the chemicals from the pills. so it gives you a small dose of the feeling that you had from taking the oxy pills. like when you are on the suboxone and happen to take a pill (oxy), you will get withdrawal symptoms and you will not feel the high that you felt before from taking them. so, if you can do this, yes, you will feel miserable for a little while, but as soon as you get the suboxone, within minutes, you will feel normal again. hope this helps... good luck!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: WVa
Posts: 8
thanks everyone for the advice and support, esp.angexa. i have made it through the night, but my toughest time is in the mornings (right now). i just have to make it until 3:00pm today. sounds like i definitely dont want to use before i start the suboxen or it is going to make it worse?
again thanks everyone, truly a cool and helpful web site. will probably be on and off throughout the day, so anyone who can offer anything, please feel free to post.
again thanks everyone, truly a cool and helpful web site. will probably be on and off throughout the day, so anyone who can offer anything, please feel free to post.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
gp... thats the third time you asked that question...
answer, your stil trying to do it your way...
its called.. the addicted mind...
lgp so now it could potentaly be subs...
why risk it!
as mentioned.. try to slow down...
i may sound a bit hard, just over the weekend, a friend died from a oxy OD, and last year, a well loved site member (miracal) my girlfriend too...
addiction is progressive bottom line...
wish'n you all the best lgp... its good your looking into the problem...
for me, the drink and drug wasnt the problem, i was the problem, and with a good recovery program...
i am no longer the problem.. well, most of the times...
xxoo, rz
answer, your stil trying to do it your way...
its called.. the addicted mind...
lgp
but i have always been addicted to something
why risk it!
as mentioned.. try to slow down...
i may sound a bit hard, just over the weekend, a friend died from a oxy OD, and last year, a well loved site member (miracal) my girlfriend too...
addiction is progressive bottom line...
wish'n you all the best lgp... its good your looking into the problem...
for me, the drink and drug wasnt the problem, i was the problem, and with a good recovery program...
i am no longer the problem.. well, most of the times...
xxoo, rz
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
i guess a question i have for all those affected by addiction, how do you deal with the guilt?
Not sure how small of a town you are from, but I live in Fredericksburg Va., in the rooms of AA we have lawyers, doctors, business owners, & even a retired minister along with every other profession you could imagine.
Ask your self this one question, if you were on trial for murder would you rather have a lawyer you saw in the rooms of AA defending you or one that you knew for a fact a friend of yours had sold Oxy to last week?
I wish you all the best today and in the future, best thing to do today is to be totally open and honest with the doctor and do what he says to do.
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