Feeling all alone in this world
61'st day sober as of:12/18/07
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Casper, Wyoming U.S.
Posts: 241
Feeling all alone in this world
Hi everyone
It's 3:45AM here right now. I did a very stupid thing and drank about 8 beers yesterday evening, ate dinner (a large salad) and then went to bed very early (around 7:00PM). I woke up shortly after midnight thinking it was much later in the morning than it actually was so now my biological clock is all screwed up and so here I sit just feeling lonely, hungover, anxious, depressed and wanting someone to talk to.
For some strange reason I have spent the last several hours in this kind of deep mental trance, reminiscing about things like my early childhood, relatives that have died, people and events from my past, places I have been, bridges I've burned either because of my drinking or just because I'm an oddball and nobody likes me, etc.
I have a number of psychological "issues" (for which I take medication), come from a broken and dysfunctional family and most of the family and friends I used to associate with are either dead or have been out of my life for so long that they probably wouldn't even recognize me anymore. I spent a lot of time out on the streets too when I was in my teens and early 20's. I used to be a very handsome, intelligent, articulate young man who always had friends, a job, places to go, people to meet, lots of activities to participate in (ie; fishing, boating, camping, hiking, gardening, going out to eat, etc). Now, I've become a jobless agoraphobic who has seldom left the house in over 12 years, I have only one friend, I live in an area where people are very standoffish and unsociable and every day is spent doing the most boring and routine things imaginable. I often wonder where my life went...where all those years went. Anyone else here ever feel that way?.
I guess maybe I should move to some place where the people are more open and sociable. the last place I lived, there was always some activity going on (potluck dinners, fishing, people inviting others over for dinner, etc). We were just a big, happy community. I even had a job and many friends. Country living is nice and all because you can have farm animals (I'm an animal lover) but it sure does get boring here sometimes.
Well, I guess I'm just rambling on about goofy stuff but it does feel good to just "talk" sometimes.
- Need4Change
It's 3:45AM here right now. I did a very stupid thing and drank about 8 beers yesterday evening, ate dinner (a large salad) and then went to bed very early (around 7:00PM). I woke up shortly after midnight thinking it was much later in the morning than it actually was so now my biological clock is all screwed up and so here I sit just feeling lonely, hungover, anxious, depressed and wanting someone to talk to.
For some strange reason I have spent the last several hours in this kind of deep mental trance, reminiscing about things like my early childhood, relatives that have died, people and events from my past, places I have been, bridges I've burned either because of my drinking or just because I'm an oddball and nobody likes me, etc.
I have a number of psychological "issues" (for which I take medication), come from a broken and dysfunctional family and most of the family and friends I used to associate with are either dead or have been out of my life for so long that they probably wouldn't even recognize me anymore. I spent a lot of time out on the streets too when I was in my teens and early 20's. I used to be a very handsome, intelligent, articulate young man who always had friends, a job, places to go, people to meet, lots of activities to participate in (ie; fishing, boating, camping, hiking, gardening, going out to eat, etc). Now, I've become a jobless agoraphobic who has seldom left the house in over 12 years, I have only one friend, I live in an area where people are very standoffish and unsociable and every day is spent doing the most boring and routine things imaginable. I often wonder where my life went...where all those years went. Anyone else here ever feel that way?.
I guess maybe I should move to some place where the people are more open and sociable. the last place I lived, there was always some activity going on (potluck dinners, fishing, people inviting others over for dinner, etc). We were just a big, happy community. I even had a job and many friends. Country living is nice and all because you can have farm animals (I'm an animal lover) but it sure does get boring here sometimes.
Well, I guess I'm just rambling on about goofy stuff but it does feel good to just "talk" sometimes.
- Need4Change
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 94
Hey, Need4change-- Your post touched me because it sounds so familiar! My life is not what it used to be or what I even want it to be. I no longer have a career(just a job),I cant drive because of DUI'S(thankfully I have a scooter),I can barely support myself,my relationship with my parents is strained and troubling(I have to rely on them to "help me out" financially here and there),I have few friends(but VERY thankful for those I do have),romance is a distant memory,I'm stuck in a small town that I have a hard time fitting into,and the future seems dark, malevolent and uncertain. Much of the afore mentioned woefulness is the consequence of drinking and drugging(looks like some chickens came home to roost).Buuuttt..... I am trying to stay sober one day at a time since '02. I am involved in AA(not an AA soldier or zealot,mind you) which helps quite a bit.I do end up relapsing a couple of times a year(just for a week or so)--And they are HORRIBLE relapses-- But I cherish my months of sobriety. Hpoefully my most recent relapse is the last!!(new sober date,July 15).As unsatisfying as my life is now it is SO much better w/out alcohol(or anything else). It takes time and practice to learn how to live life on lifes terms but Im doing it!!(and so can you!!).I feel good physically each day, I sleep well, I eat right,I'm appreciating small pleasures of life(that passed me by heretofore),and Im learning to be thankful for what I DO have. I know this sounds dichotomous or cheesy but despite the above mentioned troubles and woes things are actually pretty good if not acceptable!! As long as I dont drink things are OK.If I drink EVERYTHING will fall apart in a short time and I will lose the things I DO have. I strongly encourage you to initiate the steps you need to take to put the booze down--it takes courage and the willingness to develop a new outlook on life.Check out any local AA meetings as a start( perhaps detox or a treatment center may be necessary for a jump start), but please start the ball rolling!! I am glad MY ball is rolling!! As long as I dont drink things will keep getting better(they've certainly been doing that so far!!) Also try not to live in the past as youve indicated -- I know its hard at first but with practise and support from sober friends you can learn to live more in the moment. God Bless You-- You can do it!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Need4Change,
I just wanted to say that you aren't alone - I know it feels that way, though.
You can't change the fact that you drank yesterday, but you can do something positive about it today. What are you willing to do?
BTW I've got many psychological issues, too, and it is possible to move past them, once you work through them. Once you learn how to cope without the alcohol, it becomes less difficult to do this.
Please keep posting, and hang in there.
Rowan
I just wanted to say that you aren't alone - I know it feels that way, though.
You can't change the fact that you drank yesterday, but you can do something positive about it today. What are you willing to do?
BTW I've got many psychological issues, too, and it is possible to move past them, once you work through them. Once you learn how to cope without the alcohol, it becomes less difficult to do this.
Please keep posting, and hang in there.
Rowan
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
Hi Need4cfhange,
You are definitely not alone. And, I do know that things always seem worse just after I'd been drinking. Maybe moving is a possibility if you feel your area is too rural and there are not many activities for you. It's something you could give some thought too and spend some time considering different areas. I think though, that stopping drinking should be your number one priority.
You are definitely not alone. And, I do know that things always seem worse just after I'd been drinking. Maybe moving is a possibility if you feel your area is too rural and there are not many activities for you. It's something you could give some thought too and spend some time considering different areas. I think though, that stopping drinking should be your number one priority.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Hi Need4change,
I am sorry to hear of your struggles...
Your story sounds much like my story...
Have you truly surrendered? What is keeping you in the grips of addiction?
Keep posting, there is hope...
Thinking of you...
I am sorry to hear of your struggles...
Your story sounds much like my story...
Have you truly surrendered? What is keeping you in the grips of addiction?
Keep posting, there is hope...
Thinking of you...
believer
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Europe
Posts: 2,411
The answers are in you...it does take time tough....staying sober clears things up...and you came here today, so you can start right away...saying yes to sobriety is the only way i know...take care my friend
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
need4change when it comes to stopping drinking a geographical cure does not work, it never did for me, the problem was every time I moved I was always there!
I finished my drinking career in my garage drinking alone for years.
I found my solution to my drinking problem, lonliness & boredom in AA. There are other programs out there that work as well, but AA is the one that worked for me and for more people then all other programs in history combined.
I finished my drinking career in my garage drinking alone for years.
I found my solution to my drinking problem, lonliness & boredom in AA. There are other programs out there that work as well, but AA is the one that worked for me and for more people then all other programs in history combined.
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
reminiscing about things like my early childhood, relatives that have died, people and events from my past, places I have been,
After many years of sobriety, I'm now confined to a wheelchair living in a nursing home with over 200 residents. There are maybe 10 people with whom I can hold a conversation...talk about feeling lonely. Since I pretty much still have all my faculties, I often look around and say to myself, "What am I doing here?"
I have to remind myself that, "It is what it is", and rely very heavily on the good old Serenity Prayer. Thank God the thought of drinking never crosses my mind!
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