Daisy1975

That's what I am doing too. Makes me feel like I have much less pressure. I am currently working on one hour at a time, lol.

micepod

Still on Day 5
5:00pm.

Hopefully i can make it for 2 more hours. I feel useless to everyone because all i can think about is not drinking right now. I can't engage in any way with anything.
I am trying desperately to stay focused. I feel like i am having a panic attack and that i am going to crack at any moment.

I wish that i could just go to bed and wake up when this feeling goes away.

Deep Breaths are not working. I want to scream.

I don't know why I am writing this.

Karen

Daisy1975

You're not useless! You are just going through a tough time. Can you get to a meeting? Do you have any uplifting movies you can watch? Something that might make you laugh?

I think it's good that you are writing this - post as much as you need to to get you through the night!

stone

Hi mice, I know what you mean about not being able to engage with anything, I get like that-just wandering around the house and stuff.
Posting here is good, or going for a walk or anything you can do to get your mind off it.

Jules62

Keep posting Karen.I so understand what you're experiencing.The cravings do pass and sometimes I have to take it minute by minute-but they DO lessen in time.

I'm thinking of you,

Jules.

Rowan

Let us know how you are doing, will you, Karen?

scaredykat

I'm glad your still hanging in there. Keep it up. It does get better. Writing definitely helps too. One day at a time.

Barb

parentrecovers

how's karen?

micepod

Good Morning Everyone

I made it to Day 6 with much difficulty. I had a major meltdown last night in front of my 11 year old son. I couldn't get the vacum cleaner working properly and I just lost it. I must have cried for over an hour. My son and I talked a lot (he does not understand my problem, I have not explained it to him, he just thinks that i am sad). I feel horrible that i scared him like that. To see a parent cry and lose it can be so scary for a child. He was so sweet with me and that makes me so sad. I am suppposed to help him when he hurts, not the other way around. He told me that we were a family and that we all helped each other through things. Out of the mouths of babes, right?

I had terrible, vivid dreams last night. I forgot about that symptom of withdrawal. One of the worst for me really. I am also feeling very fragile emotionally. I know that i use alcohol to mask emotional issues. They sure race to the surface when there is no more alcohol to beat them down. No wonder I drink.

Anyway, I won't talk about all of the emotional stuff that is happening because it stems from 35 years ago and it's complex even for me.

I'm heare right now and I am sober. It is rough, I can't lie.

Thanks for being there.

Karen

Rowan

Thanks for sharing about what happened last night, Karen.

When we use alcohol to cope with our emotions, it can be pretty powerful, and frightening, to suddenly experience them sober.

Maybe you're not happy with yourself for losing it in front of your son last night, but I think it's better to cry and show emotion than to be 'functional' by masking it with booze. Just hang in there, hon, and it will get better.

micepod

Rowan
Thanks for the kind words of understanding. Thank-you everybody.

I am here online during my daughter's long afternoon nap, trying to get through my hard hours. The craving is not as bad today as it was on Day 4 or 5. I hope it continues this way today.

I played outside in the backyard with my kids this morning and we all got soaking wet. I loved it.

Hubby is taking me and the kids out for dinner tonight after he gets home from work. I'm looking forward to that.

Deep Breaths are working better this afternoon. For now anyway.

Karen

Rowan

I hope dinner is good - you deserve good things, Karen.

micepod

Day 7

Wish I could say that I feel great, but I don't. I can't sleep and when I do, I have horrible disturbing dreams. I wake up shaking and sweating and i can't fall back asleep.

I don't know what do do to shake this feeling of anger and resentment. Everything is flowing to the surface and I am not strong enough to handle it. Crazy emotional stuff. Anger is something that i really rarely let myself feel.

I remember now that this same thing happened when i quit drinking about 5 years ago. All of the stuff that i was supressing with alcohol came to the surface. Very tough, very tough indeed. I also remember now that this does not go away soon.

Karen

carl11

you're breaking through karen.....the sweats/shakes will pass.....day 7 is a roll over point ..mine was day 6 ...when I started to sleep a little better...maybe 6 hours at once....which compared to my previous sleep patterns is great...stick with it....day by day....the dreams means your getting rem sleep which is a good thing...you may be dreaming disturbing thoughts...to me, that also means your mind is working things out and expressing its sub conscious.....filtering out things that may disturb you more so during the day consciously ....hang in there...I experienced the same ..I am on day 12..they have tailed off the last couple of days.....the process is working.......be well...!!!!

micepod

Thanks Carl

It is comforting to hear that others are experiencing the same thing and that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Congrats on Day 12. You keep well too!!

Karen

Emily2002

Welcome to another day sober, Karen.

First, thank you for having taken time to check in and help me out when I was so low...

I haven't had the sleep problems this go round with abstinence, thank God. About the anger, the feelings while dealing with stress without alcohol -- is there anyone you can talk to? A therapist perhaps?

I'm considering going back to the women who initially helped me recognize my depresson. Trying to make this huge change in my life, wrestling with addiction and lack of willpower all while trying to step up and be a better wife, Mom, etc is so overwhelming.

You matter, Karen, and I pray you'll find some relief.

Thinking of you like you were thinking of me...

pointmagnet

Wow no kidding. I am on day 6 and, while I have been sleeping fine (I take AmbienCR), the dreams have been sooo vivid and bizarre. Had one where I was involved with manufacturing of some gatorade-like substance, only we loaded it into railcars... And last night we had moved to somewhere like Utah and we had a multilevel pool in the backyard with fish in the lower level, separated by a glass floor. Plus the neighbors modified the weather to water our lawns.

Oh, when I went off the booze, I also went off the Lexapro I was taking for depression/anxiety - probably some weird combo withdrawal effect..

Anybody having back problems? Mine has been killing me and it impacts the ability to sit at my desk and do work....

Sounds like we need to stick it out until day 10 or so to really feel better....

micepod

Thank-you Leaf

I don't have a therapist right now. I did when I quit 5 years ago. I went to group therapy combined with one on one with a substance abuse therapist. I remember now that she did not want me to tackle any of the other crap from my past until i had tackled my addiction. After a while everything just fell into place and the other stuff didn't seem so overwhelming. I am hoping that the same thing will happen this time. I would have liked to go back to that therapist but we moved to a different state.

I know how overwhelmed you feel. I hope you can find someone to talk to if you need to. Remember that I am always here too. Being a better wife and mother is something that i am striving for as well. Lots of guilt.

Stay strong and thank-you so much.

Hugs!
Karen

parentrecovers

morning, micepod!

micepod

Point
Those are some crazy dreams. Mine have been bizzarre and crazy as well, with a sprinkling of horror mixed in. Very tough to deal with.

I think you are right we need to make it to Day 10 or so and hopefully it will get better.

I'm sorry about the back pain.

Congrats on Day 6. Let's here it for another day sober.

Karen