Macphisto

O.K., I've been off and on on this board (mostly reading) for the past few years and I thought I would give sobriety another shot. I'm not an extremely heavy drinker but I feel like I'm at a point where I just want to stop.

I'll give you a few examples and details of my habits as I feel that they help others relate and gives some insight as to the extent of my demise.

I'll start off by saying that as of this moment I'm siting here at work buzzed because I partied too much yesterday for the 4th of July BBQ we had and I had to bring a few beers to work (Ive been here 2 hours and the beer is gone). I felt sick this morning and I know for me only hair of the dog will make me feel better. Anyway, yesterday and today are a lost cause and I can only look to tommorrow and the future to try and change. I had told myself that I wouldn't post on here untill I had at least 2 weeks sober but I fell after only one week. Like I said, I'm not an extremely heavy drinker but I guess you don't have to be to be an alchoholic. Up until a couple of years ago I drank to the point where I thought it was "normal". After all, all of my friends drinks just as much if not more so "we cant all possibly be alcoholics".. Then during the past few years I've gradualy increased my drinking to the point where I have at least 4 beers every day and sometimes up to 12.. I don't really feel sick in the mornig most of the time and never have shakes or anything, my hands are steady as can be..

I'm not making excuses though, I do know I'm an alchoholic and want todo something about it. The problem is that I'm just surrounded by people who drink and I can't imagine myself not being part of that group.

I don't know what I'm even trying to say really.. all I know is that I'm sitting here at work buzzed and I know that's not right.. I've never been in trouble with the law over drinking even though I have driven under the influence plenty of times..

I guess I just want to vent, this comming weekend I have family comming in fro out of town and I know that the 3 cousins comming like to drink.. Is there any hope? I don't blame other people for my actions but like I said, all the people around me drink.. We're relatively young and sometimes I just feel like it's part of the culture.. It's wht you're suppose to do?? this is L.a. after all and look at all the great roll models we have, David Haselhoff, Robin wiliams, etc..

anyway, just wanted to vent.. I have to get through this day and then focus on sobriety.. I want to enjoy my two young sons and be a good husband.. My wife doesn't care that I drink anymore.. She says that as long as I'm taking care of my resposibilities she's fine with it.. I'm not fine with it though.. I want to stop and feel I nee to stop...

Thanks fo listening, I'll try to post again when my mind is more focused because I feel like I'm all over the place.. It should be interesting to read my post again when I've come to my senses..

Ohh, and to top it off, A friend wants to get together for lunch and have "a few".. plus I know He has other substances in mind... I'm such a looser..

thanks for listening
Carlos

Rowan

Hi Carlos,

I'm glad that you decided to post - and no, you are not a loser. I'm impressed that you recognize you have a problem with alcohol, despite your wife being 'fine' with it.

You're right - it doesn't matter how much or how often you drink - and it sounds like alcohol plays a pretty significant role in your life.

What are you willing to do? Have you thought about this? Would you consider AA? Therapy? Rehab or outpatient treatment? Smart Recovery? There are many tools available, and all you need is willingness.

I used to struggle with family gatherings where alcohol was served, but it's not as big of a deal anymore. For a long time (and still sometimes) I had to avoid certain people, places and things. For instance, this lunch your friend wants to meet for - I would cancel - say you're busy, hungover, whatever. Just don't go. Same for this weekend - don't have people over if you know alcohol will be involved.

Hard choices - especially when the hangover fades and you're feeling better. I suggest you get a plan in place NOW while you're still feeling like shite.

I hope that you keep posting and stay close to others here - regardless of what you decide - we do understand, and we do care.

Rowan

Anna

Hi Carlos,

I found that I had to make some really hard choices when I decided to get sober. I had to make recovery my priority. I removed some people from my life - some friends and some family members too. I had to. I completely stopped going to places where there was going to be alcohol. I couldn't be around people drinking for quite awhile. Now it's fine, but it wasn't at that time. Like I said, they are hard choices.

You can do this, if you want to and we're here to offer support!

Macphisto

Thanks alot for the words of encouragement... It really means alot to me to talk to people who understand. i tried telling my friend that I was an alchoholic but hew just blew me off.. He said "No way".. Maybe for him it would be to admit he is also al alchoholic??

A co-worker just told me I smelled like Booze.. WOW, I have like 3 Altoids in my mouth and they still smell it.. Worst part is I just talked to my boss close up and figured I was fime with the Altoids..

I'm not sweating it though, not trying to be cocky or anything but they would never fire me, I'me too importand to what we do and I do a damn good job.. Except for today maybe.. and other days I've been in the same situation..

Anyway, I'm feeling down on myself for giving in yesterday.. After only a week sober I was feeling soo good. I would get up early with my 1 1/2 year old and make him B-fast and watch cartoons with him before heading to work. I find that when I dring I barely make it to work on time because I get up so late.

I want to be a positive role model for my sons, my dad was always drunk and I think that affected me on many levels.. I don't want to do that to my sons.. I had no idea how much a parent could love a child untill I had my sons and that's one of the driving forces pushing for my sobriety.

Thanks for listening..

Rowan

Thanks for sharing, Carlos. Your sons deserve a sober Dad

BTW, many in my life told me I wasn't an alcoholic - much like your own experience - and you're right - they would have to look at their own drinking if they admitted I was an alkie.

You know the truth.

Jfanagle

Carlos,

Your posts look like you stole them from me about 10 years ago. I was really sure that my now, Xwife, and now Xbusiness partners were OK with my drinking. In fact they told me "you are a drinker, but as long as you keep it in control we are alright."
I have no idea how and when it stopped being OK, but they are after all now Xs.

I have no idea if you are an alcoholic, I just know that I am. A good friend in AA told me several years ago: (when I started telling him what hadn't happened to me) such as losing the house, family, business, getting a DUI, forgetting what happened yesterday, that I should always end my statements with the word YET! As the years went on I didn't have to use YET as much as I had earlier in my drinking career.

I used to drink with the "normal" drinkers, but they started to go home for dinner and time with families, until one day I looked at "my crowd" and they were all alcoholics.

If your drinking is still working for you and life is what you are hoping and planning for then relax, you are fine and booze isn't your problem. Sobriety is a full time pursuit and like life it requires a level of commitment that matches what you want out of it.

I am not trying to tell you what you need to do, just what my life was like a few years ago, and I am greatful that it isn't that way anymore. I wish the very best for you regardless of what you decide, if I can offer any help just holler. My profile has an email address.

Remember: Normal drinkers don't "try and control their drinking" in fact it never crosses their mind!

parentrecovers

people, places, and things seem to trigger drinking - you going to aa? good place to make new sober friends..

blessings, k

Dream2bClean

What type of a job do you have that you drink at?

amanda30

I know what you mean when you said that you couldn't imagine not being with certain people whom are drinkers. I think sometimes that's one of the most difficult parts to overcome if you really want to stop.

I've had to take my best friend out of my life. It kinda sucks, but I know I can't be around her, they drink even more than I do.

You have the desire to quit, you just have to decide when you are ready to start implementing the things to get you that way. It may seem like sacrafice now, but in the end it will be worth it.

Jersey Nonny

What a difference a few weeks make, eh, Carlos? Good to see you're doing better, as evidenced by your most recent posts. The decisions you've made to stop drinking and try to get to AA meetings have you on the right track to sobriety.

Change4life

Carlos one of the hardest parts of my journey to sobriety has been my struggle with people places and things. when I do follow the rule everything changes. I could have the best intentions, but when I hang with certain people or in certain spots The trigger is pulled.