I don't know what I'm doing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Eden Prairie, MN
Posts: 1
I don't know what I'm doing.
Hello Sober Recovery Community, I'm Will. I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing here, except that I've run out of ideas.
First I should mention that I have not spent much time looking around this forum, so I apologize if I have missed obvious information.
As a bit of background on me: I am an alcoholic. I have been in and out of recovery since June 2003. I have completed an outpatient treatment program and a relapse program since I was arrested for DWI in 2003.
I turned 30 this year and that prompted me to perform a personal inventory, and what I realized is that I am not happy with where I am, and that there is a lot that more that I want out of life. The problem is, I keep drinking, and nothing that I have tried has helped me achieve the lasting sobriety that I yearn for.
I did well the first time I was in a treatment program. I was attending the program and AA and I achieved a year of sobriety. Then I relapsed. In 2005 I tried to reverse my relapse and entered an outpatient relapse program. That went well, but it didn't seem to be as helpful as the initial treatment program. About 3 months after the relapse program was over I was drinking again. Now almost 2 years later my days are split: about 75% of the time I drink in the evening and 25% of the time I manage to control myself and stay sober. I want to do better than that.
The problem I have is that AA is not working well for me because I am an atheist and the notion of a higher power has proven to be untenable for me. The entire concept of a higher power does not fit into my view of the world. As such, I am wondering if anyone has advice regarding where I can look for help ouside of AA. The few people I have been able to talk to in real life have not been able to provide me any ideas. So now I turn to the internet.... what do you think?
... wow that was long... sorry about that.
Oh, I forgot to mention, I'm one week sober (for the... maybe 25th time) but hey, a week is a week right?
Thanks in advance for any feedback, I plan to check out the forum more thoroughly, but I think I'll get some sleep first.
First I should mention that I have not spent much time looking around this forum, so I apologize if I have missed obvious information.
As a bit of background on me: I am an alcoholic. I have been in and out of recovery since June 2003. I have completed an outpatient treatment program and a relapse program since I was arrested for DWI in 2003.
I turned 30 this year and that prompted me to perform a personal inventory, and what I realized is that I am not happy with where I am, and that there is a lot that more that I want out of life. The problem is, I keep drinking, and nothing that I have tried has helped me achieve the lasting sobriety that I yearn for.
I did well the first time I was in a treatment program. I was attending the program and AA and I achieved a year of sobriety. Then I relapsed. In 2005 I tried to reverse my relapse and entered an outpatient relapse program. That went well, but it didn't seem to be as helpful as the initial treatment program. About 3 months after the relapse program was over I was drinking again. Now almost 2 years later my days are split: about 75% of the time I drink in the evening and 25% of the time I manage to control myself and stay sober. I want to do better than that.
The problem I have is that AA is not working well for me because I am an atheist and the notion of a higher power has proven to be untenable for me. The entire concept of a higher power does not fit into my view of the world. As such, I am wondering if anyone has advice regarding where I can look for help ouside of AA. The few people I have been able to talk to in real life have not been able to provide me any ideas. So now I turn to the internet.... what do you think?
... wow that was long... sorry about that.
Oh, I forgot to mention, I'm one week sober (for the... maybe 25th time) but hey, a week is a week right?
Thanks in advance for any feedback, I plan to check out the forum more thoroughly, but I think I'll get some sleep first.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Mid-Life Express
Posts: 9,930
Welcome to SR there are a lot of great people here who will offer support and their ESH. I am not an AAer so I can't offer any infor on that. Others who are will be around soon to answer your questions. There are many paths to recovery and I say work what works for you.
indigo
indigo
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Hi Will and welcome!
Post 1 is always so special.
You sound like you have been through a lot of struggle.
I was told that having an open mind to the idea of something more powerful than our own minds and bodies was good enough. And then when I was told that the more powerful "thing" could be a group like AA (as opposed to battling on all alone), that was helpful too.
Post 1 is always so special.
You sound like you have been through a lot of struggle.
I was told that having an open mind to the idea of something more powerful than our own minds and bodies was good enough. And then when I was told that the more powerful "thing" could be a group like AA (as opposed to battling on all alone), that was helpful too.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
FW, welcome to a shot in the dark...
glad your giving recovery, and sobriety another shot...
hey, heres a concept...
its called...
"Believeagnosticatheist"
a recovey combo...
for me, i had to leave the will, work on the free will, and now... all is as it should...
all good wishes FW
xxoo, rz
glad your giving recovery, and sobriety another shot...
hey, heres a concept...
its called...
"Believeagnosticatheist"
a recovey combo...
for me, i had to leave the will, work on the free will, and now... all is as it should...
all good wishes FW
xxoo, rz
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Welcome Freewill, here is a link to a "sticky" post in the secular forum that lists a number of secular recovery programs, as well as the SMART program that was posted previously. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...cular-web.html
Congrats on your 1 week!! Take care.
Congrats on your 1 week!! Take care.
Welcome 
Welcome to our community!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 525
hi freewill,
wonderful news that you're addressing your addiction head-on.
it takes a lot of self-awareness and courage to see the situation
for what it truly is.
you asked about recovery options outside of AA.
Well, i'm in no way trained as a counselor.
I'm only a fellow addict.
I can share what works for me.
First, I wake up really early every day. Usually, 4 of those
days i exercise. It's amazing to me how i feel after a good
workout. My endorphin chemicals create this warm glowing feeling.
It lasts for a while, and then it fades. just like my drug, alcohol.
but at least it's something chemical, stimulating.
I also listen to a lot of tapes on recovery.
i need to understand the effects this drug has on the lives of others.
Finally, i know that drinking again is as embarrassing
as putting on a diaper and hoping it will make people
love me like a little baby.
it won't work, and it's just creepy.
keep posting!
we're going through it too.
wonderful news that you're addressing your addiction head-on.
it takes a lot of self-awareness and courage to see the situation
for what it truly is.
you asked about recovery options outside of AA.
Well, i'm in no way trained as a counselor.
I'm only a fellow addict.
I can share what works for me.
First, I wake up really early every day. Usually, 4 of those
days i exercise. It's amazing to me how i feel after a good
workout. My endorphin chemicals create this warm glowing feeling.
It lasts for a while, and then it fades. just like my drug, alcohol.
but at least it's something chemical, stimulating.
I also listen to a lot of tapes on recovery.
i need to understand the effects this drug has on the lives of others.
Finally, i know that drinking again is as embarrassing
as putting on a diaper and hoping it will make people
love me like a little baby.
it won't work, and it's just creepy.
keep posting!
we're going through it too.
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