Aysha

I dont know why.
I am aggravated and these kids are driving me nuts.
LOL ...Far from my little things feeling earlier.
I still love em but OMG they are wild.
I forgot how nuts it gets with 3 of them here.
I have been trying to give help and welcome people on the board today but find myself rambling about myself alot in the posts.
That makes me feel selfish or something like that.
Not that it isnt genuine what I got to say to them.
But nobody wants to hear my same old song and dance over and over again when they are here looking for help.
I am just in a terrible mood and very testy.
I guess just another trip on the old freak coaster.
It will pass.
Just had to get it out.
Time to crank up the music and maybe take a walk to my cousins in a minute.

Astro

Pause when agitated. You're right, it will pass. Good to see you're getting it out though.

angie9

ohh yes I know that feeling come dinner time around 5.30pm with miss 13 years teasing her 11 old brother to the point he thumps her then miss 18 months gets into something in the pantry the house is a tip and I can reach for my comfort that cold glass on sav blanc!! Its hard to believe that four/ five months ago I would of just bought the two bottles and drank them veged out and today I still want a wine but havent that strong feeling of buying it and seeing the money I save buying things that are much better like baby clothes that a baby dosent need I mean shes got about 30 gorgeous pjs so thats my new addiction oh and chocolate lol.

Rowan

Trish,

I'm glad that you're taking the time to post when these unwelcome feelings occur. Strong feelings can be a real trigger - it's important that you acknowledge them, but try not to react - if that makes sense.
Someone else earlier suggested writing in a journal when these big angry feelings came up - write down all those thoughts and get them out of you!
In fact, I think I'm going to start doing this myself.
Pretending the feelings aren't there - that doesn't work - not for me, anyway.

Keep posting - you're lovely, and so good to everyone. You have the coolest graphics! I'm so jealous!!

Rowan xoxox

Jules62

Hi Chi,

I don't have any advice-just wanted to say I hope it passes quickly for you.Hang in there,

Rosexox

Alive

I feel you.It's proper of the unbalance.sometimes in a minute i am completely happy and then get really sad.It takes time..I'ts normal, i think, it's because you're doing the right things, you know, the body isn't used to fighting for joy....

take care, stay strong

Aysha

I just walked to my aunts house and held the baby.
That calmed me a little.
Told my cousin and my aunt I was aggravated for no reason.
So they just try to distract me.
My aunt's fist reaction was to let me hold the baby.
Good idea.
My cousin showing me her hospital birth pics online.
They know I am a sucker for the kids.
Still a little aggravated.
But a little calm.
I think I am bored.
Well Ok never mind i just snapped on my grams.
What an ass I am.
All she asked me was do I want a sandwich and kept calling my name.
I try to ignore people when I am like this because I know I will pop off with the attitude.
And now I feel bad cause she didnt do anything and I yelled I didnt want a god dam sandwich after she just said my name 10 times in a row.
I am such a jerk.
Glad I am low on money so the urges wont even cross my mind.
Wish I had some of my xanax tho.
I screwed that up by eating them all at once.
My Dr knows what I did so he wont even prescribe me pain meds for my wounds.
Boy I really know how to screw myself over.

Rowan

Trish, HANG IN THERE! You made a very valid point - that you might be bored. Are you up for a meeting? Is there one you could get to? It's so hard to do this yourself, and I know you may not buy into the AA/NA concept, but if it's a safe place with like-minded people, I think you should go. Distractions are great for a time, but I go mental when I am bored - all these thoughts - and like someone else said - we should never go into our heads alone - it's like a dangerous neighbourhood - we should always bring someone along.
I snap at my bf - then feel like a jerk - but that's life - we're not perfect.

Aysha

There may be some but they are in the neighborhood where I cop and 20 to 30 mins away.
The closest one to me away from that area is only on Mons.
I have never been to one.
I know I am bored.
And I am doing what I Told myself I wouldnt and that is get ahead of myself.
Thinking about Tues OP.
My job interview next week and getting back to work in July.
I hate idle time.
Even tho I like to just sit somewhere and relax quietly.
I am getting antsy with not having an income and wondering when my interview is and I know I have the job. But nothing is in stone yet. So that has me doubting myself.
Yea...I am digging to deep right now and need to stop.
I will be OK.
I feel so childish when I get like this.
It sux.
Cant take a hot bath because of surgery.
Good God they just let me start taking showers 2 days ago.
My wound hurts and feels like there is fluid build up on the top of it.
It is very tender.
Well..Thanks you guys.
I am just going to take my own advice and take a minute a breathe and try to relax the brain.

Rowan

Keep posting if it helps. We are here.