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Old 05-30-2007, 01:03 PM   #1 (permalink)
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my user name says it all


Well, here I am again. I am actually new to this site but was on one similar 2 sober stretches ago. After reading through the posts I undertsand the highs (the extended times of sobriety) and the lows (the bottom of the binge barrel.) I'm 2 days clean today, but am still detoxing in a major way. I won't go into it, if you're reading this, you get it.

The only thing that I have not tried is therapy and AA. The AA thing scares me for all the reasons mentioned on these threads. I just don't care anymore. If I'm going down it's only after I try everything. It's been 27 yrs of one poison or another in this body and I just can't do it anymore. I can't believe that I still have anyone around me let alone something to live for still.

I'm here today (on SR) and off to a face-to-face tomorrow. Anyone in GA know of a good addictive specialist? I would appreciate any suggestions. Would prefer someone that doesn't want to put me on pills.

Thanks!
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Old 05-30-2007, 01:08 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome here! I can only tell you we're happy to have you here and to support you through this ride...Glad for your two days...keep going, and staying strong..People will come right after to give you more info...

there's a lot of support here

stay strong!
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Old 05-30-2007, 01:11 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
The only thing that I have not tried is therapy and AA.
The answer should be obvious.

I too, avoided AA like the plague. I only walked in into those rooms (literally, both cars were borken down) when I had no where else to go, no one to turn to, and nothing left to try.

It was the best thing that ever happened to me.
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Old 05-30-2007, 01:43 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Hi - just wanted to welcome you. I go to AA - and it's saved my life.
I hope to see more posts from you.
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Old 05-30-2007, 01:49 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Welcome .

Quote:
The only thing that I have not tried is therapy and AA. The AA thing scares me for all the reasons mentioned on these threads.
If these are the 2 things you haven't tried yet... give one or the other a shot. Both might be what you need. You won't know until you try. Posting here and reading is helpful as well.
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Old 05-30-2007, 02:30 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Thank you

I have read a lot of your threads and replies to threads as I "lurked" around in here for the past 10 days or so. I appreciate and look forward to your wisdom and guidance as other have.
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Old 05-30-2007, 02:45 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Hi Ontrackagain,

I am glad that you found us.

There are lots of supportive people here, so keep reading and posting.
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Old 05-30-2007, 02:55 PM   #8 (permalink)
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welcome ontrackagain !
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Old 05-30-2007, 03:51 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Hi ontrack.

For me it's been thirty six plus years and I can't count a clean time of more than a matter of months since I was 12 years old. At this point I can honestly say that there isn't much I haven't done. My last run was speedballing and I don't even know why I'm still alive. I am new to recovery, with just 57 days clean and it is a daily struggle. I've never been so sick in my life as when I detoxed this time. But I am still clean and I wouldn't be if I hadn't gone to NA.

The day I quit I was making a decision about life or death. I called a friend and she took me to a meeting just six hours after I ran out. I was already getting dope sick and was so out of it I could barely move. But people were so supportive and encouraged me to come to a noon meeting the following day. I did, and went to two meetings a day the whole time I was withdrawing. By the third day I was ready to leave the meeting and drive directly to my dealer, but I got to talking to someone after the meeting who had over twenty years clean and we talked (actually he talked, I was just a blithering idiot) for two hours. He made so much sense to me that I started to believe I could actually get through it. I'm glad I did.

It's not easy. I'm still on an emotional roller-coaster and still think about using constantly, but I keep going to meetings and talking to other people who have been there, or are there now like I am, really helps. It's not just staying clean, but not knowing who I am without drugs that is the problem. I don't know how to live without drugs and that is harder than all the rest of it. It will take a long time to learn to live my life clean and to deal with everything I've avoided by obliterating my feelings with drugs my whole life. I don't think I could do that without a whole lot of support. And there is no better support than people who have experienced it.

I'm not a big fan of the idea of 12 step programs, but I have come to realize that if I want to have a life and be there for the people who love me (Yes, there still are a few) I have to be willing to try something I haven't tried. I need a new way of life. I am under no obligation and can stop going to meetings whenever I want to. It's a tool. And if anyone needs tools, it's an addict.

Good luck to you.
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Old 05-30-2007, 09:14 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Thanks.

I started smoking weed at 15 and was a full blown weed head by 17. After some stints with a variety of shrooms, pharma and coke I settled into an alcoholic haze. I have no idea how I've managed so far. But I think it is really started to come unglued now.

I appreciate your reply and will be on my third day and at an AA meeting tomorrow.
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Old 05-30-2007, 09:45 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Hi and Welcome!

My signature line says it all....

Glad you are here!
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Old 05-31-2007, 12:31 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Hi Carol

How are the drought things in Dallas, GA? I am here north of Atlanta. Starting Day 3 after being in bed sick and listless half the day! Thank you for stopping by. BTW, do you know of any good alcohol therapists in the area? There are so many and I want to get a really good short list.

Thanks.
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