what to look for in a sponsor
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
If you are doing AA for your recovery...
Look on the free literature rack in meetings for
"Questions and Answers on Sponsorship"
and follow those guidelines.
I have no info on other programs.
Take care
Look on the free literature rack in meetings for
"Questions and Answers on Sponsorship"
and follow those guidelines.
I have no info on other programs.
Take care
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
You know you found the right one because you find that "you" grow.
The right sponsor for one may not be the same personality for another.
Some may need a gentle guidance...others (like me) may need a 2 by 4 off the back of my head every so often.
A good sponsor is one that will do what you need...even if you don't like it.
The right sponsor for one may not be the same personality for another.
Some may need a gentle guidance...others (like me) may need a 2 by 4 off the back of my head every so often.
A good sponsor is one that will do what you need...even if you don't like it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
As best said it just depend...
I pray about it. As more me..an oldtime with decade of recovery
they seem more gental and have more patients.lol
However..don't get fool becuase those old folks are not afriad
to tell you how it is sometimes..they're actaully pretty stricked
once you get into wokring the steps and they will get you to do
service work one way or the other. they will tell you to read and write,
buy a book and note pad and won't talk to you until they see actions,
and they are not afraid to fire you as a sponsee.lol
Graditute list right off the bat...lol
just have a book, note pad or your work book ready.lol
Cuz that's what I tell all my sponsee when they ask me..
becuase that's how it was passed on to me..
I pray about it. As more me..an oldtime with decade of recovery
they seem more gental and have more patients.lol
However..don't get fool becuase those old folks are not afriad
to tell you how it is sometimes..they're actaully pretty stricked
once you get into wokring the steps and they will get you to do
service work one way or the other. they will tell you to read and write,
buy a book and note pad and won't talk to you until they see actions,
and they are not afraid to fire you as a sponsee.lol
Graditute list right off the bat...lol
just have a book, note pad or your work book ready.lol
Cuz that's what I tell all my sponsee when they ask me..
becuase that's how it was passed on to me..
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: road to recovery
Posts: 1,689
pray.
look for someone who has what you want--serenity, wisdom etc.
look for someone who has several years of sobriety and is the same sex as you.
pray some more.
other advice here is good...keep asking those questions...
look for someone who has what you want--serenity, wisdom etc.
look for someone who has several years of sobriety and is the same sex as you.
pray some more.
other advice here is good...keep asking those questions...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upper Kolobia
Posts: 153
Sponsorship Is a Two-Way Relatioship . . .
That can grow, change, or be terminated by either party at any time . . .
My own experience probably illustrates this: Number One Sponsor got drunk when I was a couple of months off the sauce (and took several years before achieving sobriety himself). Number Two sponsor looked flashy and articulate but his public persona and private life were two different realities (I had a lot of trouble in the perceptions department and wasn't real good at reading people back then); when I went to work for him, things blew up . . . Fortunately, I made connections with another solid AA who validated what I realized, and we developed a solid relationship until he passed away a few years later . . .
Number Three sponsor now lives in a neighboring state so I don't see him that often, but my trust in him was well deserved and we still touch bases as circumstances permit . . . When he moved we were both working as treatment pros, and I wound up seeing a therapist (non-alcoholic but once nominated as a non-alcoholic trustee for AA World Services) as an adjunct to the work I was doing. This therapist had also been my sponsor's therapist . . .
I probably used this guy as a "sponsor" as much as anyone else for late stage recovery issues, and I'm grateful he helped me "rejoin the human race"; I think many alcoholics reached "plateaus" in their recovery, and having a non-alcholic helped me past some of the obstacles because of this difference...
Right now, I'm "in the market for another local sponsor," but I also connect reglarly with a couple of other "old-timers" from my home group . . . One of them I actually used to sponsor; he "outgrew" me, however, and I was pleased to see him extend himself to others . . . I was a bit jealous when he found another sponsor, but when I learned the circumstances, letting go was easy . . . The other sponsor had called him because he'd just been diagnosed with cancer (and eventually passed away from it), and my friend is a cancer survivor himself . . .
That's a bond I won't pretend to have any experience with . . .
If I had to identify the most important element in a sponsor (besides solid sobriety and familiarity with the Steps), I would pick trustworthiness (even #2, who heard my first inventory, was solid in this respect and never violated that confidence). As alcoholics, we are bedeviled by immaturity and perfectionistic expectations, and growing up is painful at any age . . .
Artful sponsorship consists of recognizing that growth in others is a painful challenge but it's also important to let them find their own path without controlling or micro-managing their recoveries (an insight Sponsor #3 shared with me sometime around six or seven years of sobriety).
'Nuff,
CC1
My own experience probably illustrates this: Number One Sponsor got drunk when I was a couple of months off the sauce (and took several years before achieving sobriety himself). Number Two sponsor looked flashy and articulate but his public persona and private life were two different realities (I had a lot of trouble in the perceptions department and wasn't real good at reading people back then); when I went to work for him, things blew up . . . Fortunately, I made connections with another solid AA who validated what I realized, and we developed a solid relationship until he passed away a few years later . . .
Number Three sponsor now lives in a neighboring state so I don't see him that often, but my trust in him was well deserved and we still touch bases as circumstances permit . . . When he moved we were both working as treatment pros, and I wound up seeing a therapist (non-alcoholic but once nominated as a non-alcoholic trustee for AA World Services) as an adjunct to the work I was doing. This therapist had also been my sponsor's therapist . . .
I probably used this guy as a "sponsor" as much as anyone else for late stage recovery issues, and I'm grateful he helped me "rejoin the human race"; I think many alcoholics reached "plateaus" in their recovery, and having a non-alcholic helped me past some of the obstacles because of this difference...
Right now, I'm "in the market for another local sponsor," but I also connect reglarly with a couple of other "old-timers" from my home group . . . One of them I actually used to sponsor; he "outgrew" me, however, and I was pleased to see him extend himself to others . . . I was a bit jealous when he found another sponsor, but when I learned the circumstances, letting go was easy . . . The other sponsor had called him because he'd just been diagnosed with cancer (and eventually passed away from it), and my friend is a cancer survivor himself . . .
That's a bond I won't pretend to have any experience with . . .
If I had to identify the most important element in a sponsor (besides solid sobriety and familiarity with the Steps), I would pick trustworthiness (even #2, who heard my first inventory, was solid in this respect and never violated that confidence). As alcoholics, we are bedeviled by immaturity and perfectionistic expectations, and growing up is painful at any age . . .
Artful sponsorship consists of recognizing that growth in others is a painful challenge but it's also important to let them find their own path without controlling or micro-managing their recoveries (an insight Sponsor #3 shared with me sometime around six or seven years of sobriety).
'Nuff,
CC1
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: NSW
Posts: 2,907
I was lucky enough to get a very "energetic" sponser, and that was just what I needed because by the end of my drinking, I was extremely unmotivated. My sponser is very strong in the step work department, and i'm grateful for all the time and knowledge that was put into my recovery.
I don't know if I'm displaying the "arrogance of early sobriety" or what? But now I feel I'm not learning anything new and maybe I've grown all I can with this particular person. I don't know.
I don't know if I'm displaying the "arrogance of early sobriety" or what? But now I feel I'm not learning anything new and maybe I've grown all I can with this particular person. I don't know.
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