Another newbie....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Missouri
Posts: 14
Another newbie....
A bit about myself....I'm 34 and have been drinking since the age of 18...I've also experimented with many drugs in the past but have never actually been 'addicted' to them. I do have drugs that I have to take that are prescribed even tho I don't want to take them and occassionally rebel by NOT taking them....this is not a good thing at all because it causes major mood swings and then even more cravings for alcohol.
I'm married to a wonderful Brit who actually 'jumped the pond' just to be with my children and I... I know that he feels some regrets because he misses his family in London, as he hasn't seen them in years, but he wants to take us all 'home' with him ... which is great...I have no prob with any of that ... I love London and his family is the greatest. He no longer drinks and he never really was a big drinker...and he would only drink in the pub ... very rarely at home. He has been trying to understand what it is that I go through with the alcohol and with all of my 'other brain diseases' ... none of this is anything new to him but it seems to get harder for him to deal with as the years go by. My first attempt at sobriety was December 25, 2006 and I was sober for 95 days....I used my pagan faith, meditation and ritual to help me through the hard times....and I was doing pretty well .... what happened? I have no clue really...well actually that's not completely true...I began associating with a grove in my area and I was very disappointed with them. My faith tells me to maintain my temple and keep it sacred - healthy - and clean. My previous teacher was a great one but he had been having problems and needed to take a sabatical, so he directed me towards this new group....all they do is drink and eat and play cards. Ok...I have no prob with having fun and playing cards, etc... but I couldn't handle being around the alcohol. My hubby would have a few and then I could smell it on his breath and crave it more...*sigh*...anyway...I haven't been associating with them lately 1) because I actually believe in my chosen path and 'practice' it; and 2) I'm just not ready to be in that type of social situation. I'm so angry with myself for not being able to restrain and I feel that I let myself, children, hubby and my faith down....Last night I drank nearly a fifth of vodka....I didn't take my med's and this morning was barely able to get the girls to school and hubby to work....he told me that if this EVER happened again that he would leave. All of that after I have asked him for support....I know that he didn't mean it and he will apologise when he comes home....but I feel the guilt of it 'all being my fault' - again! My daughters were crying because he's the only father they know...etc...I'm sure most of you know all about that....
Well...I've managed to blab too much but I needed to vent...I signed up here because I realised today that my hubby has good intentions but he doesn't understand what it's like to be me....
If you read all of this...thanx alot!
I'm married to a wonderful Brit who actually 'jumped the pond' just to be with my children and I... I know that he feels some regrets because he misses his family in London, as he hasn't seen them in years, but he wants to take us all 'home' with him ... which is great...I have no prob with any of that ... I love London and his family is the greatest. He no longer drinks and he never really was a big drinker...and he would only drink in the pub ... very rarely at home. He has been trying to understand what it is that I go through with the alcohol and with all of my 'other brain diseases' ... none of this is anything new to him but it seems to get harder for him to deal with as the years go by. My first attempt at sobriety was December 25, 2006 and I was sober for 95 days....I used my pagan faith, meditation and ritual to help me through the hard times....and I was doing pretty well .... what happened? I have no clue really...well actually that's not completely true...I began associating with a grove in my area and I was very disappointed with them. My faith tells me to maintain my temple and keep it sacred - healthy - and clean. My previous teacher was a great one but he had been having problems and needed to take a sabatical, so he directed me towards this new group....all they do is drink and eat and play cards. Ok...I have no prob with having fun and playing cards, etc... but I couldn't handle being around the alcohol. My hubby would have a few and then I could smell it on his breath and crave it more...*sigh*...anyway...I haven't been associating with them lately 1) because I actually believe in my chosen path and 'practice' it; and 2) I'm just not ready to be in that type of social situation. I'm so angry with myself for not being able to restrain and I feel that I let myself, children, hubby and my faith down....Last night I drank nearly a fifth of vodka....I didn't take my med's and this morning was barely able to get the girls to school and hubby to work....he told me that if this EVER happened again that he would leave. All of that after I have asked him for support....I know that he didn't mean it and he will apologise when he comes home....but I feel the guilt of it 'all being my fault' - again! My daughters were crying because he's the only father they know...etc...I'm sure most of you know all about that....
Well...I've managed to blab too much but I needed to vent...I signed up here because I realised today that my hubby has good intentions but he doesn't understand what it's like to be me....
If you read all of this...thanx alot!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Cleveland Ohio
Posts: 290
una brine... your husband probably doesn't understand what you go through... nor does my wife... that is why AA was so much of a big help for me... a bunch of folks who got it!
On the other hand... just because your hubby doesn't get what you are going through doesn't mean he has to... or needs to. I wouldn't take his ultimatum lightly.
ok I am not going to give you advice
I will tell you that AA made a huge impact on my life... and I very grateful to have found so many other alcoholics that are willing to help me stay sober!
On the other hand... just because your hubby doesn't get what you are going through doesn't mean he has to... or needs to. I wouldn't take his ultimatum lightly.
ok I am not going to give you advice
I will tell you that AA made a huge impact on my life... and I very grateful to have found so many other alcoholics that are willing to help me stay sober!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Hi Una Brinne,
Welcome!
It's very hard for others to understand why we do what we do. By the time I stopped drinking, my family was completely tired of me and my excuses and lies. I really was on my own. You have found a great place here, where you can come for support and information. You can do this and we are here to help.
Welcome!
It's very hard for others to understand why we do what we do. By the time I stopped drinking, my family was completely tired of me and my excuses and lies. I really was on my own. You have found a great place here, where you can come for support and information. You can do this and we are here to help.
believer
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Europe
Posts: 2,411
Want to personally welcome you to the board. It helped me to shift into a new direction, hope it does the same for you...
Stay strong and i'm happy to hear a story where although there are problems there is love in the family, that's such a blessing
i'm karim, a new friend
Stay strong and i'm happy to hear a story where although there are problems there is love in the family, that's such a blessing
i'm karim, a new friend
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi Una Brinne,
Welcome! Whatever you decide works best for you, I hope that we can offer some support and guidance to help you through it. It sounds as though you have a wonderful family who love you dearly - you are very fortunate. Please stick around and keep posting.
Rowan
Welcome! Whatever you decide works best for you, I hope that we can offer some support and guidance to help you through it. It sounds as though you have a wonderful family who love you dearly - you are very fortunate. Please stick around and keep posting.
Rowan
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Missouri
Posts: 14
Much better now...I hope it lasts!
Thank you to you all....my hubby just dumped the rest of the alcohol that we could find...I have all kindsa places that I hide it though, and sometimes I even forget where I've put it (my bipolar med's mixed with alcohol make for a very bad short term memory) lol! I've basically felt like poo all day - but now that hubby and kids are home things are getting better. He didn't say anything about this morning and I'm glad...I don't like to bring up those kind of outbursts.
Blessings to you all,
~H~
"We create the future with our words, our deeds, and with our beliefs."
Blessings to you all,
~H~
"We create the future with our words, our deeds, and with our beliefs."
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
Hi una_brinne 
. Just wanted to say hi and hope you find some answers here. My husband isn't as supportive as I need or want but I'm trying not to let it cause negative effects on my recovery. So far, so good .
. Just wanted to say hi and hope you find some answers here. My husband isn't as supportive as I need or want but I'm trying not to let it cause negative effects on my recovery. So far, so good .
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