xXBacktoBlackXx

I'm crying right now, but these are tears from being touched. As I've outlined before, I've had to be home for a variety of reasons. I've been really quiet since being home...I haven't contacted many of my old friends that frequently when we used to talk all the time. I've been pushing people away because of sobriety. I hate to admit that, but it's true. Regardless, my true friends still e-mail me and call me all the time. Tonight I got a phone call from my friends. They were at the bar. There was a song playing in the background that they know I love and both of them are on the message saying that they missed me so much and that this song reminded them of me. One of my friends was crying. Granted, they had been drinking (they aren't an alcoholic like I am, so I don't mind at all) which would explain the exaggerated emotions, but the message was so sweet. I am crying tears of joy but I'm also a little sad. I can't believe I've been pushing away such sincere people. Wow, that really meant a lot to me. I just needed to get these emotions out. Thanks for listening.

Phinneas

Hey, B2B. I know that I was really lonely in early recovery. My emotions were all over the place, too. There was no pink cloud for me, just a "miserableness" that slowly got less miserable each day I didn't drink or drug.

They told me I'd have to change almost everything... and I found out they were right. People, places and things. So, those friends who would call me up from the bar? Sober or not, I just couldn't be around them. Too much of a trigger. Maybe I'd be ok around them for awhile, but I knew that it would only take one moment of weakness until I was right back out there.

The good news is that I made friends in recovery. Real friends. You know, I thought I knew what friendship was before, but turns out I didn't. The people in recovery understood me, cared about me and would do dang near anything for me as long as I was willing to to do just a tiny bit for my recovery.

Hang in there. It does get better. I know that when the fog started lifing, I saw the world in a whole new way. Today I don't miss those old people, places and things. I wouldn't trade my health, my sanity or my recovery for anything.

Dee74

luckily for me, while I've lost touch with some drinking buddies, my true friends have aided and supported me and otherwise helped me in my attempts at living a sober life, and I thank them for it, and am grateful everyday that I have them

D

xXBacktoBlackXx

I'm happy to hear that both of you have such good people to be surrounded by. There's really nothing better in life than that!

I think it just made me tear up because I don't know why I would want to shut people out of my life that really, honestly care about me. These friends of mine have been contacting me on a consistant basis, but I've been really bad about that in return. And then the phone call I received from them tonight, with the whole crying and just the kind words, it really made me cry. I'm lucky to have these people in my life but for whatever reason, I've just been distancing myself from everyone.

chicago

ive cried tears of happiness countless times in sobriety. when your just overwhelmed with emotion and tears start streaming. in sobriety i pushed away ALL my old friends for the first 8 months. since then ive hung out with several life-long friends in different situations. one took me out to lunch on my birthday. went to another's house several times just to chill. went out with another a couple times to hear music. talked to many more on the phone or through myspace. these are people ive known since i was 10. its great to have so many new friends but certain life-long friends are just that....life-long!

SaTiT

I had to push my friend aside..it was life and death.
If I drink myself to death, I wouldn't have any friends.

As good of freinds they were/are to me...
ya know..none of them paid for my bills or tickets.lol

First they miss me..I even went to visit a friend
a friend that had the old crack pipe laying around.
He was proud of me and understood...he's been in
and out of rehab so many times..But he is a true
friend..he told me to leave. No, we wouldn't go
bar hoping anymore.

Years later, as time gone by..When we cross path.
We hug each other. I'm glad he's alive and sober
and he is for me..I know who my true freinds are.

mmm..about 50% of us went into recovery, some
die or went to jail. Some..will thier lives is really, really
mess up.

I have a best friend that I grew up with.
I love the guy..he hasn't changed much..still getting high
and can't get his life on track...I can only talk to him on the
phone for only so long. He's proud of me thou. I wish I can
save him...but i know I can't..he's been in and out of rehab
countless times also.

I just happened to make it through the doors first
that's all. i pray for addict that's still sufferning.
yeah,..like some of my best freinds.

Dee74

sometimes you just want a little alone time, especially if you're trying to sort head stuff out...there's nothing wrong with that, and if these guys are as real and good friends as I think they are, they'll understand.

having said that, I find it's really important to be aware how easy it is to fall into a reclusive pattern and avoid real life....shutting yourself away is just as bad as trying to escape through drink...and you can overthink stuff...

OK so I don't know whether the last bit applies or not BtB...only you know if you're ready or not, but y'know - you gotta take the New You out of the garage eventually....

hang in there
D

Alive

Well i am too staying a little more alone. Last Thursday we had college celebrations. Decided not to go. Those of you who know me know my addiction is not with alcohol, it's destruction, so my reason for not going was the fact i need time for myself. I believe in its time friends will fill the right spot in my life....Glad you have caring friends BtB, the fact they took the time to do that, it's really special....

weatherfreak

I have tried to push so many people away over the last couple of years and even though I have only told one of my sisters that I'm going to AA my true friends have been calling and texting me a lot lately. I know she hasn't told anyone but maybe they have seen some change in me, who knows what's going on. I sure as hell don't. It's good to know that there are still a couple of them left who are willing to speak to me and pop in for a cup of tea like my dearest friend from high school did today. I'll get around to telling them I'm actually going to AA but they know I'm an alcoholic. Maybe they can see the good in me that I can't see yet. Time will tell

livefree

B2B, Thanks for another great topic. I know I've kept my distance from everyone outside of my family and AA. A number of other AAs that I've spoken to have said they've been through the same thing. I think I need this time to take care of myself right now. Like you, my friends are not alcoholics and can drink normally. I am so incredibly grateful for the support and understanding they've give me. Also, B2B, I bet you're friends were happy to talk to the real you.