NYCGirl

Wow, I never thought spring would hit me like a ton of bricks.

Maybe it is because a I am approaching my first sober year....
...... or maybe it is because I alway seemed to want to drink more when the days got longer ....
.....or maybe it is because everywhere I go I see cocktail toting bodies

which ever I never expected spring to be the mother of them all....

thought it was tough getting through my first summer, back to school in the fall was a piece of cake, after all no summer load to wean away.....

I was well prepared for the holiday's after all you have to find the drinkers....

...then came Spring.... people walking to the beach as I run on the boardwalk carrying their cases of beer, cocktail parties on outside decks, boaters cruising by with alcoholic beverages in hand......hmmmm......

I have come to the realization that I am in mourning for a love that has been with me most of my life and I have to leave behind me for the rest of my life....

.....this has been the saddest Spring of my life I have cried many a tear for my loss....

I am praying and getting through, one day, one tear, one happy moment at a time...

Rowan

Hi NYCGirl,

I spent a lot of time grieving for alcohol, and the 'life' I had left behind. It's perfectly normal to feel this way, and it will get better with time.
I used to hate the spring because it meant I couldn't isolate as much - I didn't have the cold weather to blame anymore - but now I love it. I'm seeing the flowers that are bursting forth in my garden, the many birds who visit my feeders, I can feel the sun on my face when I lay on the grass. Eventually, you'll stop seeing what you're missing (the alcohol), and start seeing what you have gained - which is immeasurable.
I'm glad you're posting.

Rowan

Debaucher

mourning a loss... how important to mental health... to let it go...

caileesnana

my thoughts and prayers are with you. Thanks for sharing. You can succeed!

scootinbabe

oh sweetie {nyc}}

i'm right with you. this is a tough season. all my fave drinks are summer drinks. i love sitting on my deck or my boat with a big tall one. all those horse races and picnics and parties and vacations and.... it is tough. especially because this is our first year through each season without our beloved liquid companion.

what you are feeling is normal. i feel it. i hear from many that they feel it. i know, that doesn't take it away. but, if we can get through this, we have stretched ourselves in a new and healthier direction. each year will be easier--or at least it won't be the same as this one.

here's my hand and my shoulder...let's go through this together.

Anna

Hi NYCgirl,

I think we all have periods in our lives when it hits us hard and there's not much to do except to get through it. I hope you feel better as the days go by.

stone

I like that!

Hi NYCGIRL, you are doing great. There is something about spring isn't there? I feel like I am coming out of hibernation when spring comes, and of course I feel like 'celebrating' that feeling of coming back to life. What better way to celebrate than by killing myself with alcohol! I am only 15 days sober but I do think I understand what you are going through.

Rowan

well done on your sober time, Stone. Been thinking of you.

igfan

Hey NYC & Scoot
I think we all go through this to some extreme or another...my sponsor who is 14 years sober STILL mentions that this time of year is difficult even for her...the difference is how long we let it rent space in our heads.....acceptance is the answer....have we truly accepted that drinking just is not an option for us TODAY? Hang in there girls.....we'll do it.....together! xoxo Cheryl

FlySober

NYC, I know how you feel. I've been through it before this time of year. I spend alot of time on my boat and nothing goes better on a boat then alcohol. It is a great drinking platform. However, I have walked away from my boat in the morning after a long day and night of drinking and looked at that boat and think "this thing is going to kill me". When I'm not drinking and have spent a night on the boat, I walk away and look at the boat and think, "I wish I didn't have to leave. I love that boat". Do I miss the alcohol on the boat, especially in the spring? You bet. But I also know that I enjoy my time on the boat in a more sincere way without the alcohol. I especially enjoy the clear headed mornings on a nice spring, summer, fall and winter day. I know I loved drinking, but it never loved me back. It treated me unfairly and without consideration for me. It was rude and always hurt me and never gave one $hi! about me. To hell with it. No more boat rides for it.

Good luck and enjoy spring through a clear head and clear eyes.

NYCGirl

I think a lot of has to the with romance of the drink.... along with wanting something even more when you know you can't have it....

I have had many, many boat trips long forgotten. Once even woke up anchored at like 5AM and never could put all of the pieces together...

ayla zaire

i'm so sorry you are struggling, nyc.....this coming mothers day is making it a struggle for me........

i love you, hon........

you are normal.....we all feel what you are feeling at some point.......when i quit vics, i quit my occasional drinking, and my daily weed.......it's the weed i'm missing this spring.......so many of my mom friends hang out, and instead of a coctail, they smoke a joint in the kitchen, and veg, chain smoke, and talk while the kids entertain each other......

it was not hard for me to quit the weed, but it is hard right now not to go back to it, but frankly, i'm tired of feeling like a bonehead, forgetting what i'm talking about mid sentence.......going into the kitchen for a fork and staring into the fridge for 5 minutes.........

i know how you're feeling, though, sometimes.....

((((nyc))))

NYCGirl

I could always take or leave weed, I did have a binge or too with it durring my life, never a problem to stop.... I have to admit I've had a itch to get stupid they comes less then once a year, sometimes I endulge it and other times it just passes...

Man I wish the booze thing was that easy....

barb dwyer

There's only been two times it's 'hit' me like that ...

New Year's Eve, and St. Patty's day.

My 'trigger' days.

So I try to remember -
sometimes, I miss one (or another) of my ex husbands ...
then I remember I married a string of abusers.

oh, yeah; I thinks to myself ...
I remember now.

Alcohol is just another abuser.

Insidious.
1) seductive
2) treacherous

I dunno. Gets me through it!

angie9

thankyou all for the posts and so true. I am dreading special occasions I came through my 40th birthday without drinking just leaves all the other birthdays and christmas to celebrate sober which is gonna be hard as the family love to drink *sigh* just have to remind myself that I love really love! waking up with a clear head and not a painful head!! :0)
Ang

barb dwyer

those people aren't as happy as they're putting on, either ....

Rusty Zipper

NYC, hang in... it will be winter again before we know it...

xxoo, zip

NYCGirl

Thank RZ but it's not like I look foward to winter.... I loath it...

...Summer is my favorite month ..... I am a teacher lol...

Just been letting my evil voice get a hold me I guess.... I'm hanging tough

Rusty Zipper

NYC at'a girl... bravo!

we chip in next witner and get ya some letric socks...

xxoo, rz

NYCGirl

Another toughy, Working in the garden and on the pond always went so good with a few cold ones..... I have really been obssesing lately, I gotta stop this!