Iwanttobe1

I am looking for a reason to stay sober tonight. Can't really seem to find one, though. Nothing really seems to matter much right now. I already feel so bad that I'm not certain drinking will make anything worse. At least alcohol never lied to me, I always knew how it would make me feel.

Sobriety for me has led me down a path of guilt and remorse. I regret the day I quit drinking because of what I have become. I feel worthless and hopeless. Each day gets harder, not easier.

I don't know where I am going or where I'll end up. The more I try to make things right, the wronger they become.

I am sinking fast with no lifeline in sight.

Carol

Surlyredhead

My heart aches for you Carol, please DO NOT drink tonight, it WILL make everything worse. I think you know that. We are here, things will get better, the guilt and remorse you are feeling is the disease trying to lure you back. It is a trap...you can beat this..you are stronger than you think. Please stay here and post your little heart out. What is bothering you....get it out of your system.

Hugs...Cathy

Midas

Alcohol never lies...that, in and of itself IS a lie. Your problems don't go away magically when you drink. They're still there. Sobriety is meant to expose the nature of the problems--not bury them even further. Sure, when you dry up, the ugly truths are glaring you in the face. It doesn't mean your a bad person, you simply just have some wreckage to clear up.

That wreckage won't go away on its own, or be washed away by someone else's whitewash.

It takes work. You're the only person who can throw out the lifeline. It's your choice. We're here to catch you.

livefree

Carol! Don't give up! We're here for you. I know it's really, really hard in the beginning. It DOES get better, I promise. Right now your body and mind are going through major changes. It is normal to feel depressed, confused, frustrated, irritable, restless, and all sorts of other kinds of uncomfortable. Unfortunately, feeling all of this is part of the path to recovery. Keep yourself busy. Go to a meeting. Call someone. Keep posting on these boards. Please don't give up. I'm praying for you.

Rowan

Carol

You still have my # I hope ? Call me - we can get through this.

IO Storm

As I was beginning my "drinking career"..totally unaware of

what I was doing in running from myself..and pain.....

My therapist told me...famous words and very very true...

In trying to escape the pain..you create more pain.

Alcohol is NOT the answer....

There will only be more heartache, guilt, remorse, and.....

worse...more wreckage to deal with later on.

Only you can make the decision to stay sober.

Love,

:

Sherry

Anna

Hi Carol,

I hope that you get through tonight and please know that every day will get better. It takes patience and some work, but you have lots of support here and you can do this.

hopeOct31

Hi Carol, I am so sorry you are having such a hard time right now and feeling so bad tonight. I have felt the this way too. The first 4-5 months I was sober I questioned why I did it b/c I often felt that things had gotten worse rather than better. Now, however, at 6 months sober I am so thankful that I stayed with it b/c I am seeing things starting to turn around and I am seeing some of the promises come to be in my life.

There have been times I didn't want to hear this, but as my sponsor always says..."There isn't anything in life that a drink wouldn't make worse" and "This too shall pass".

Hang in there, it can get better, but I know from experience that it can get worse, if I drink. Much love, HopeOct31

GlassPrisoner

It can get worse. Much worse.

But, it can also get better ! Better than you ever dreamed. Hang in there, and reach out to another alkie for help.

xXBacktoBlackXx

Carol, how are you doing?? I hope you're feeling better. Alcohol may seem to make things better temporarly, but then we always have so much more to deal with the next day. I seriously don't want you to have to wake up with a series of more regrets. It's heartbreaking. I wish you the best!

hope3

Hi I wanttabe, Just like Sherry said, which is the number one reason, not to drink.

It doesn't stop the pain, it creates more, and that pain keep intensifying.....

It's ok if you need help, todays medicine and therapys are incredible, it's not exchanging one thing for another, look into seeing a knowledgeable doctor for treatment options, please....hope3

Rusty Zipper

carol carol... I, I, I... try to let it all go, let someone else guide you...

give it a try... ya aint got nothing to loose...

i was just as worn out, exausted, miserable and full of dispare... as many before me...

i put all, in the hands of another...

a good doc, theropist, a rehab... also, take it as a sponser, AA/NA... lifering, rational, smart... aunt tilly... god, hp, or for me, the powers that be... try something...

it can be done, and you can do it i says...

my heart hurts for you... as i have known one that felt just as you... shes gone now...

dont be another stastic...

you say you want it... now is the time to strike...

all good wishes carol... i pray you work it all out...

xxoo, pattee

BLackshirt

Hang in there Carol! Alcohol is the ultimate liar, incapable of letting the truth be known. You said that you always knew how alcohol made you feel, alcohol doesn't make you feel, it keeps you from feeling. I pray that you will find your strength, someone to talk this through with. You can make it and I know that at times it can be hard but you have to stand firm.

Scott

IO Storm

Another thought....

In June 2006...just a few months ago.....seems like yesterday...

I lay on a bed in my hotel room trying to get the courage to

"end it all"...I hid a small dagger in my purse....

or get drunk. I could not imagine facing anything else.

"No more"..I said to God.

But as RZ said "the powers that be" had other plans for me...

I knew in a milisecond that I still had a purpose here...and by

golly I had to stick around around and find it..and face everything..

My BF said..."Sherry, if you do this...kill yourself...what

will happen to your granddaughter ..(who idolizes me..)

and your Son..(my first soulmate)......I cry now thinking

of how selfish I was in my pain. I just talked to my son...in the

Navy now...the first he said was "Mom..really, how are you?"

When I said "Really son, I am OK" .....he sounded ecstatic.

Even after almost a year of recovery..HE worries about ME..

I am so glad I did not listen to those negative voices almost

a year ago...

Now I can rebuild my relationships and leave a legacy of hope

for my loved ones to follow.

Carol.....if I can...

You can.....it is never too late.

Let the miracle of hope happen to you...just allow it.

Love,

:

Sherry

Dee74

Carol,
one of my favorite poems at the moment is 'The Road Not Taken' by Robert Frost...
I won't quote the whole thing - the crux is Frost talks about coming across two paths in a wood, one well trodden, the other not...

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same

in the end he chooses the road less travelled by...which for him, and for me over these last weeks of sobbriety, 'has made all the difference'

we all know where the well trodden path goes - it goes right back to where we came - there's no escape there...it leads right back to the things that drove you to us here in the first place...

take care and make the right choice, Carol.
thinking of you
D

stone

(((Carol)))

It is still early days Carol, things WILL improve if you keep sober. Recovery is hard, very hard sometimes but have faith that it is worth it.

hope3

Good morning Carol, I am going to pray for you today.

Take care of you, hope3

Tazman53

Carol........ you have phone numbers, you have a sponsor you have told me you loved, did you call her? Did you call any of the other ladies on your network list?

Hon as others have said the worst thing you can/could have done is to take a drink. You know you are not alone, you also know that the only thing drinking is going to do is make more bad memories, more shame, drinking has NEVER improved anything, you know that!

We love you hon.

OnRecoveryRoad

Sobriety for me has led me down a path of guilt and remorse. I regret the day I quit drinking because of what I have become. I feel worthless and hopeless. Each day gets harder, not easier. I don't know where I am going or where I'll end up. The more I try to make things right, the wronger they become. I am sinking fast with no lifeline in sight.>>

Hi Carol,

I sounded very much like you when I started to quit. I felt there was nothing else in my life but drinking. Everyone told me to "hold on"...it will get better. I couldn't see it or feel that way for the longest time. You seem to feel there are no consequences to your drinking. How wrong you are! You are hurting the most important person in your life....that's you! Plus, you're destroying your body. On yesterday's news...scientists proved the link between excessive drinking and breast cancer. Will your life be better with breast cancer? You're hurting your body, your pride, and killing brain cells. Is this without consequence? I think not. How about a DUI possibly in your future? How about you killing or maming someone while drinking? There are always consequences. ALWAYS. What about the depression you feel after drinking?? Your post is filled with depression. Always consequences...ALWAYS.....

I completely understand how you feel...I felt that way for a long time. But you know what, I didn't realize it as it was happening....but things WEREe slowly getting better. I look back now and see my tremendous progress over the last few years. Its been slow, sometimes quite painful. But looking back, I would not go back to my old life for anything.

The bottle is not your friend. It lies. It Lies. It Lies. It tells you ...that you need it. It will comfort you...in fact...its destroying you. Alcohol is the biggest liar in the world.

Stay your course, put down the bottle. One day you will look back and good things WILL come into your life. Stop drinking, and your depression will go away. The bottle is blocking you from life, happiness, love, self -acceptance. Consequences...always...

Missymae737

Hi Carol,

We are your friends here...We care about you and want what is best...Sobriety is the only way to go on living a meaningful life.

Thinking of you...

Love and peace...http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...1&d=1178119742