Mom and wife; one day at a time
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: South East US
Posts: 19
Mom and wife; one day at a time
I have 2 young children and a husband. I am a stay at home mom. This was my excuse the last time I drank so much that I landed in a bar by myself, walking out on my family and not coming home until 4:30 in the morning after conversing with a total stranger and almost making a mistake that could most definitely ruin my marriage in one instant. My excuse that night of December 7, 2006, ironically the day Pearl Harbor was bombed so many years ago, my excuse that night was that I HAD to take care of these very small, physically and emotionally demanding children and a husband; the very things I’d strived to achieve for the first 27 years of my life. I was burned out on being a real life desperate housewife. Who needs the show, I never watch it, I live it. What sense did it make that I was so empty and lost and confused when I had everything I wanted?
I live a pretty easy life, comparatively speaking. We live in the burbs and most of my friends I’ve met through the gym and my son’s pre-school. There is a lot of money in our little hood, most of my friends have nannys and Lexus SUVs. I however don’t. I do not want that either. I really do enjoy taking care of my children and driving my energy efficient sedan. These same women friends of mine who look amazing and seem to have it all are admitting to me that they are cracking open their bottles of wine at 4 in the afternoon because the kids are going to go nuts at 5. We call it the witching hour around here. Why do kids get nuts at 5 in the evening, I mean, you can set your watch to it! It is very easy to be an alcoholic in my neighborhood. People justify it so easily and call it “taking the edge off”.
I have a very addictive personality and have many notches in my belt as far as trying new things. I quit smoking nearly 2 years ago. Battled with post partem depression and got addicted to pain pills in the midst of my depression. I used to slam NyQuil to help me sleep. I guess I love the downers. I admit that if marajuana is in my grasp, I smoke it if the kids are asleep, which is not very often, maybe once every 2 months. I have to say that I think that pot is much safer than alcohol, or any other drug out there. I will never stop smoking that as it never has a negative effect on mine or anyone else's life. Think what you want.
Now for my husband. We've been married 5 1/2 years and we met at a bar, yes a bar. Imagine that! It has been VERY difficult for both of us as I've become totally sober from pills and alcohol. We have what seems to be next to nothing in common now. He still smokes cigarettes and drinks beer about every night, which now concerns me. But since I am in recovery I know I can't force him to look at his habits, he has to do it himself. It is just a lonely feeling.
Yesterday was a hard day with the kids, it rained all day. By the time my husband got home, I was ready for bed; and a drink. I got very upset with my husband because the first thing he did when he got home was crack open a cold one and go outside and smoke a cigarette. We did not talk at all the rest of the night because I yelled at him and told him he was insensitive and smelled like booz and cigs and that is why I have not slept with him in 2 months. He just told me to leave for a while. Why? What good will it do? I told him it is so hard for me to be a mom and wife and do it sober and have him throwing all my vices in my face all the time.
I exercise like a mad woman these days, that is my new vice. Spinning, yoga, pilates, you name it, I do it. Exercise and chocolate are the only thing that can get me even remotely close to feeling the way I did while drinking and popping pills. My husband used to tell me to exercise and now that I do he thinks I'm addicted to that!!! WTF?
My marriage is in shambles. I see men at the gym and even at church (my husband does not go to church with me and the kids, he is a believer but not necessarily in organized religion) and wish I could talk to them. I would never cheat, I just never thought I'd even fantasize about it. I do love my husband and he has been very supportive as far as encouraging me to quit. He just has no idea how hard it is. No f-ing clue. I want to have sex with him but he really smells revolting to me, his breath, his skin, his feet. The nicotene sticks to him. And then you add on the smell of coffee and booze, you have a bad stinch. I've read that while men are very visually stimulated, women are more stimulated by touch and smell. This is so true! I'm just not turned on at all by him. Well, right before he goes to work in the morning, right after his shower, that's when I'd really like to hit the sack with him, he smells so fresh! But he has to go to work. And the kids are awake and needing things. (My son is almost 4 years old and my daughter just turned one.)
I am so lonely. My kids are what make me crazy in part but really they are what have saved me. I really think that I'd be dead if I did not have them. December 7 when I left I told my husband I was going to go crash my car into a wall. I am glad I was so drunk I forgot to do it.
I am in a very good place spiritually now too. I had a rude awakening. I go to church, consider myself a christian. I see beyond the word christian now though. I am just a believer. I don't know what happens after we die, and I think that is part of what drives me crazy. I am more scared of HOW I'm going to die, than death itself. I do believe in a higher power but have a personality that inquires "where did the divine one come from his/her/itself? My husband says I think like a child and when I bring these questions up he just says he never thought about it. Wow.
I am doing something to reward myself in June. I'm getting a boob job. I have always wanted one and am going to do it. I am so flat. I have mentioned it to my husband and he says it is too expensive. I've gotten a zero interest credit card with a high limit and have put a deposit down to save the date. I know that seems really kniving and it is. I bought us a king size bed a few years ago and he was so mad at me at the time, said we could not afford it. He now loves the bed and thanks me for jumping in and just getting it b/c he knows he never would have done it or allowed me to do it. He is very frugal and we can afford my boob job. It is something I am doing to reward myself for putting my life back together... alone. I don't know how I'll tell him about it. I just know that by quitting smoking, drinking, and keeping myself in shape, I'll be more than compensating the cost of my silicone parts. God, I sound like a b*tch don't I. Who knows, maybe once I have the boobs, I'll turn myself on and can have sex with my husband again, but I'm not counting on the boobs to alter my sex life, only my body. I just want to get rid of my padded bras and not have to stuff my bras.
Well, the baby is asleep so I need to jump in the shower. I sure wish I'd known of this site earlier. I can't wait to get to know some souls that are fighting the same fight in real time. God, it is so hard.
Thanks for reading my sob story. More to come I'm sure. I'm long winded.
Kirsten
I live a pretty easy life, comparatively speaking. We live in the burbs and most of my friends I’ve met through the gym and my son’s pre-school. There is a lot of money in our little hood, most of my friends have nannys and Lexus SUVs. I however don’t. I do not want that either. I really do enjoy taking care of my children and driving my energy efficient sedan. These same women friends of mine who look amazing and seem to have it all are admitting to me that they are cracking open their bottles of wine at 4 in the afternoon because the kids are going to go nuts at 5. We call it the witching hour around here. Why do kids get nuts at 5 in the evening, I mean, you can set your watch to it! It is very easy to be an alcoholic in my neighborhood. People justify it so easily and call it “taking the edge off”.
I have a very addictive personality and have many notches in my belt as far as trying new things. I quit smoking nearly 2 years ago. Battled with post partem depression and got addicted to pain pills in the midst of my depression. I used to slam NyQuil to help me sleep. I guess I love the downers. I admit that if marajuana is in my grasp, I smoke it if the kids are asleep, which is not very often, maybe once every 2 months. I have to say that I think that pot is much safer than alcohol, or any other drug out there. I will never stop smoking that as it never has a negative effect on mine or anyone else's life. Think what you want.
Now for my husband. We've been married 5 1/2 years and we met at a bar, yes a bar. Imagine that! It has been VERY difficult for both of us as I've become totally sober from pills and alcohol. We have what seems to be next to nothing in common now. He still smokes cigarettes and drinks beer about every night, which now concerns me. But since I am in recovery I know I can't force him to look at his habits, he has to do it himself. It is just a lonely feeling.
Yesterday was a hard day with the kids, it rained all day. By the time my husband got home, I was ready for bed; and a drink. I got very upset with my husband because the first thing he did when he got home was crack open a cold one and go outside and smoke a cigarette. We did not talk at all the rest of the night because I yelled at him and told him he was insensitive and smelled like booz and cigs and that is why I have not slept with him in 2 months. He just told me to leave for a while. Why? What good will it do? I told him it is so hard for me to be a mom and wife and do it sober and have him throwing all my vices in my face all the time.
I exercise like a mad woman these days, that is my new vice. Spinning, yoga, pilates, you name it, I do it. Exercise and chocolate are the only thing that can get me even remotely close to feeling the way I did while drinking and popping pills. My husband used to tell me to exercise and now that I do he thinks I'm addicted to that!!! WTF?
My marriage is in shambles. I see men at the gym and even at church (my husband does not go to church with me and the kids, he is a believer but not necessarily in organized religion) and wish I could talk to them. I would never cheat, I just never thought I'd even fantasize about it. I do love my husband and he has been very supportive as far as encouraging me to quit. He just has no idea how hard it is. No f-ing clue. I want to have sex with him but he really smells revolting to me, his breath, his skin, his feet. The nicotene sticks to him. And then you add on the smell of coffee and booze, you have a bad stinch. I've read that while men are very visually stimulated, women are more stimulated by touch and smell. This is so true! I'm just not turned on at all by him. Well, right before he goes to work in the morning, right after his shower, that's when I'd really like to hit the sack with him, he smells so fresh! But he has to go to work. And the kids are awake and needing things. (My son is almost 4 years old and my daughter just turned one.)
I am so lonely. My kids are what make me crazy in part but really they are what have saved me. I really think that I'd be dead if I did not have them. December 7 when I left I told my husband I was going to go crash my car into a wall. I am glad I was so drunk I forgot to do it.
I am in a very good place spiritually now too. I had a rude awakening. I go to church, consider myself a christian. I see beyond the word christian now though. I am just a believer. I don't know what happens after we die, and I think that is part of what drives me crazy. I am more scared of HOW I'm going to die, than death itself. I do believe in a higher power but have a personality that inquires "where did the divine one come from his/her/itself? My husband says I think like a child and when I bring these questions up he just says he never thought about it. Wow.
I am doing something to reward myself in June. I'm getting a boob job. I have always wanted one and am going to do it. I am so flat. I have mentioned it to my husband and he says it is too expensive. I've gotten a zero interest credit card with a high limit and have put a deposit down to save the date. I know that seems really kniving and it is. I bought us a king size bed a few years ago and he was so mad at me at the time, said we could not afford it. He now loves the bed and thanks me for jumping in and just getting it b/c he knows he never would have done it or allowed me to do it. He is very frugal and we can afford my boob job. It is something I am doing to reward myself for putting my life back together... alone. I don't know how I'll tell him about it. I just know that by quitting smoking, drinking, and keeping myself in shape, I'll be more than compensating the cost of my silicone parts. God, I sound like a b*tch don't I. Who knows, maybe once I have the boobs, I'll turn myself on and can have sex with my husband again, but I'm not counting on the boobs to alter my sex life, only my body. I just want to get rid of my padded bras and not have to stuff my bras.
Well, the baby is asleep so I need to jump in the shower. I sure wish I'd known of this site earlier. I can't wait to get to know some souls that are fighting the same fight in real time. God, it is so hard.
Thanks for reading my sob story. More to come I'm sure. I'm long winded.
Kirsten
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: British Columbia
Posts: 98
Hi, Kirsten...
Just wanted to thank you for sharing your story and welcome you to SR. Your story is a great inspiration!
In sobriety, you take the bad with the good rather than try to drink away the bad (in which case even the good becomes the bad). The fact that you are coping so well with so much personal adversity is a great testamony to the power of sober living.
If you can see through the frustration, give yourself a big old pat on the back and be proud for being so together!
Looking forward to more of your posts...
Earl
Just wanted to thank you for sharing your story and welcome you to SR. Your story is a great inspiration!
In sobriety, you take the bad with the good rather than try to drink away the bad (in which case even the good becomes the bad). The fact that you are coping so well with so much personal adversity is a great testamony to the power of sober living.
If you can see through the frustration, give yourself a big old pat on the back and be proud for being so together!
Looking forward to more of your posts...
Earl
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: mommyland
Posts: 324
WOW, all I can say is EVERY word in your post, is exactly my life, I could have written that exact same post, except I don't want a boob job, and my kids are 5 and 7 months(awfully close though)
I have had several day ones, since my original date, but his place helps a ton, i have started going to AA meetings, but am having a really hard time finding time
What you wrote about your DH is the exact same here, I used to be in a blackout most of out "sessions" I don't remember that smell until sobriety, with time, mine is getting better, a little at least
There a MANY Mom's here just like you, so keep posting here, you will find tons of wonderful people and support!!!
I have had several day ones, since my original date, but his place helps a ton, i have started going to AA meetings, but am having a really hard time finding time
What you wrote about your DH is the exact same here, I used to be in a blackout most of out "sessions" I don't remember that smell until sobriety, with time, mine is getting better, a little at least
There a MANY Mom's here just like you, so keep posting here, you will find tons of wonderful people and support!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Southern Oregon
Posts: 1,768
Hi boobs!!....oops I mean kirsten 
You will love getting the boob job. I got it done about 14 years ago. Then again about 6 1/2 years ago, but 2nd time was reconstruction as a result of cancer.
My only concern for you is having to take pain meds after the surgery. Try to just use them for 2 or 3 days. After that advil or tylonol will get you by.
hehe, just wait til you heal up and lay on your belly at night while going to sleep!! tis a very weird feeling, but you'll get used to it, plus its worth it!
Great toi meet you & welcome to SR!!
Hugs!
tj
You will love getting the boob job. I got it done about 14 years ago. Then again about 6 1/2 years ago, but 2nd time was reconstruction as a result of cancer.
My only concern for you is having to take pain meds after the surgery. Try to just use them for 2 or 3 days. After that advil or tylonol will get you by.
hehe, just wait til you heal up and lay on your belly at night while going to sleep!! tis a very weird feeling, but you'll get used to it, plus its worth it!
Great toi meet you & welcome to SR!!
Hugs!
tj
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Murfreesboro, TN
Posts: 595
Originally Posted by hjwlfamily 
I have 2 young children and a husband. I am a stay at home mom.
My excuse that night of December 7, 2006, ironically the day Pearl Harbor was bombed so many years ago, my excuse that night was that I HAD to take care of these very small, physically and emotionally demanding children and a husband; I was burned out on being a real life desperate housewife.
What sense did it make that I was so empty and lost and confused when I had everything I wanted?
I live a pretty easy life, comparatively speaking.
I really do enjoy taking care of my children and driving my energy efficient sedan. These same women friends of mine who look amazing and seem to have it all are admitting to me that they are cracking open their bottles of wine at 4 in the afternoon because the kids are going to go nuts at 5. We call it the witching hour around here. It is very easy to be an alcoholic in my neighborhood. People justify it so easily and call it “taking the edge off”.
I have a very addictive personality and have many notches in my belt as far as trying new things. I quit smoking nearly 2 years ago. Battled with post partem depression and got addicted to pain pills in the midst of my depression. I used to slam NyQuil to help me sleep. I guess I love the downers. I admit that if marajuana is in my grasp, I smoke it if the kids are asleep, which is not very often, maybe once every 2 months. I have to say that I think that pot is much safer than alcohol, or any other drug out there. I will never stop smoking that as it never has a negative effect on mine or anyone else's life. Think what you want.
Now for my husband. We've been married 5 1/2 years and we met at a bar, yes a bar. Imagine that! It has been VERY difficult for both of us as I've become totally sober from pills and alcohol. We have what seems to be next to nothing in common now. He still smokes cigarettes and drinks beer about every night, which now concerns me. But since I am in recovery I know I can't force him to look at his habits, he has to do it himself. It is just a lonely feeling.
Yesterday was a hard day with the kids, it rained all day. By the time my husband got home, I was ready for bed; and a drink. I got very upset with my husband because the first thing he did when he got home was crack open a cold one and go outside and smoke a cigarette. We did not talk at all the rest of the night because I yelled at him and told him he was insensitive and smelled like booz and cigs and that is why I have not slept with him in 2 months. He just told me to leave for a while. Why? What good will it do? I told him it is so hard for me to be a mom and wife and do it sober and have him throwing all my vices in my face all the time.
I exercise like a mad woman these days, that is my new vice. Spinning, yoga, pilates, you name it, I do it. Exercise and chocolate are the only thing that can get me even remotely close to feeling the way I did while drinking and popping pills. My husband used to tell me to exercise and now that I do he thinks I'm addicted to that!!! WTF?
My marriage is in shambles. I just never thought I'd even fantasize about it. I do love my husband and he has been very supportive as far as encouraging me to quit. He just has no idea how hard it is. No f-ing clue. I want to have sex with him but he really smells revolting to me, his breath, his skin, his feet. The nicotene sticks to him. And then you add on the smell of coffee and booze, you have a bad stinch. I've read that while men are very visually stimulated, women are more stimulated by touch and smell. This is so true! I'm just not turned on at all by him. Well, right before he goes to work in the morning, right after his shower, that's when I'd really like to hit the sack with him, he smells so fresh!
I am so lonely. My kids are what make me crazy in part but really they are what have saved me. I really think that I'd be dead if I did not have them.
I am in a very good place spiritually now too. I had a rude awakening. I go to church, consider myself a christian. I see beyond the word christian now though. I am just a believer. I don't know what happens after we die, and I think that is part of what drives me crazy. I am more scared of HOW I'm going to die, than death itself. I do believe in a higher power but have a personality that inquires "where did the divine one come from his/her/itself?
My husband says I think like a child and when I bring these questions up he just says he never thought about it. Wow.
I am doing something to reward myself in June. I'm getting a boob job.
God, I sound like a b*tch don't I. Who knows, maybe once I have the boobs, I'll turn myself on and can have sex with my husband again, but I'm not counting on the boobs to alter my sex life, only my body.
Well, the baby is asleep so I need to jump in the shower. I sure wish I'd known of this site earlier. I can't wait to get to know some souls that are fighting the same fight in real time. God, it is so hard.
Thanks for reading my sob story. More to come I'm sure. I'm long winded.
Kirsten
My excuse that night of December 7, 2006, ironically the day Pearl Harbor was bombed so many years ago, my excuse that night was that I HAD to take care of these very small, physically and emotionally demanding children and a husband; I was burned out on being a real life desperate housewife.
What sense did it make that I was so empty and lost and confused when I had everything I wanted?
I live a pretty easy life, comparatively speaking.
I really do enjoy taking care of my children and driving my energy efficient sedan. These same women friends of mine who look amazing and seem to have it all are admitting to me that they are cracking open their bottles of wine at 4 in the afternoon because the kids are going to go nuts at 5. We call it the witching hour around here. It is very easy to be an alcoholic in my neighborhood. People justify it so easily and call it “taking the edge off”.
I have a very addictive personality and have many notches in my belt as far as trying new things. I quit smoking nearly 2 years ago. Battled with post partem depression and got addicted to pain pills in the midst of my depression. I used to slam NyQuil to help me sleep. I guess I love the downers. I admit that if marajuana is in my grasp, I smoke it if the kids are asleep, which is not very often, maybe once every 2 months. I have to say that I think that pot is much safer than alcohol, or any other drug out there. I will never stop smoking that as it never has a negative effect on mine or anyone else's life. Think what you want.
Now for my husband. We've been married 5 1/2 years and we met at a bar, yes a bar. Imagine that! It has been VERY difficult for both of us as I've become totally sober from pills and alcohol. We have what seems to be next to nothing in common now. He still smokes cigarettes and drinks beer about every night, which now concerns me. But since I am in recovery I know I can't force him to look at his habits, he has to do it himself. It is just a lonely feeling.
Yesterday was a hard day with the kids, it rained all day. By the time my husband got home, I was ready for bed; and a drink. I got very upset with my husband because the first thing he did when he got home was crack open a cold one and go outside and smoke a cigarette. We did not talk at all the rest of the night because I yelled at him and told him he was insensitive and smelled like booz and cigs and that is why I have not slept with him in 2 months. He just told me to leave for a while. Why? What good will it do? I told him it is so hard for me to be a mom and wife and do it sober and have him throwing all my vices in my face all the time.
I exercise like a mad woman these days, that is my new vice. Spinning, yoga, pilates, you name it, I do it. Exercise and chocolate are the only thing that can get me even remotely close to feeling the way I did while drinking and popping pills. My husband used to tell me to exercise and now that I do he thinks I'm addicted to that!!! WTF?
My marriage is in shambles. I just never thought I'd even fantasize about it. I do love my husband and he has been very supportive as far as encouraging me to quit. He just has no idea how hard it is. No f-ing clue. I want to have sex with him but he really smells revolting to me, his breath, his skin, his feet. The nicotene sticks to him. And then you add on the smell of coffee and booze, you have a bad stinch. I've read that while men are very visually stimulated, women are more stimulated by touch and smell. This is so true! I'm just not turned on at all by him. Well, right before he goes to work in the morning, right after his shower, that's when I'd really like to hit the sack with him, he smells so fresh!
I am so lonely. My kids are what make me crazy in part but really they are what have saved me. I really think that I'd be dead if I did not have them.
I am in a very good place spiritually now too. I had a rude awakening. I go to church, consider myself a christian. I see beyond the word christian now though. I am just a believer. I don't know what happens after we die, and I think that is part of what drives me crazy. I am more scared of HOW I'm going to die, than death itself. I do believe in a higher power but have a personality that inquires "where did the divine one come from his/her/itself?
My husband says I think like a child and when I bring these questions up he just says he never thought about it. Wow.
I am doing something to reward myself in June. I'm getting a boob job.
God, I sound like a b*tch don't I. Who knows, maybe once I have the boobs, I'll turn myself on and can have sex with my husband again, but I'm not counting on the boobs to alter my sex life, only my body.
Well, the baby is asleep so I need to jump in the shower. I sure wish I'd known of this site earlier. I can't wait to get to know some souls that are fighting the same fight in real time. God, it is so hard.
Thanks for reading my sob story. More to come I'm sure. I'm long winded.
Kirsten
Ed again. Even though I'm a guy I see much of my family's history in your story. No, no boob jobs. But many of the same things you're dealing with my wife and I have been through.
I was the alcoholic who made my wife so lonely. Like you, she was a stay at home mom who did everything. She took care of our two young daughters who were 6 and 8 by the time I got sober. Looking back now I'm surprised she seek the comfort of another man's arm. I would come home, wanting to have sex, and she would accomodate me but or course she never enjoyed it. How can you enjoy sex with someone who smells like a bar, can't really "perform" that well when drunk, and ends up passing out?
I see that you live in a pretty affluent area and the wives all justify their drinking by "taking the edge off." It does sound like "Desparate Housewives." But the main thing is to concentrate on yourself. You are to be commended for trying to move forward in recovery. And if the boobs give you a better feeling about yourself, have at it. I was just like your husband, very frugal. Only I took my miserly ways to the extreme. I yelled at my wife for buying a new hairdryer, how crazy is that? Like your husband, I did see after the fact that many of the purchases my wife made were very sensible. I used money as a weapon to control my family.
Since I've gotten sober, I'm less miserly. In fact, now I'm to the point where I'm giving money to my daughters even when they don't ask for it or need it. That's also the way I've found most alcoholics to be. We feel so guilty and ashamed for what we've done in the past that the only way we think we can make amends is to swing the pendulum in the opposite direction. Take the blame for everything, regardless if we're at fault or not.
You seem to have your head screwed on straight, for the most part. I would question the mj use, but that's none of my business.
This a long winded way of saying that we're so glad you're here. On SR you will find a discussion thread for mommies, forums on just about anything you can think of. Please stick around and meet some of the members. We all share the same thing here, we're looking for friends that can help us deal with our lives and give us hope in recovery.
The private message function is there for you to send a note to someone that you don't want to necessarily want to post on the public board.
Kirsten, we're very glad you're here. There's no doubt your story will help others. Keep comin' back.
Yours in sobriety,
Ed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: South East US
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by I_am_tj
Hi boobs!!....oops I mean kirsten
You will love getting the boob job. I got it done about 14 years ago. Then again about 6 1/2 years ago, but 2nd time was reconstruction as a result of cancer.
My only concern for you is having to take pain meds after the surgery. Try to just use them for 2 or 3 days. After that advil or tylonol will get you by.
hehe, just wait til you heal up and lay on your belly at night while going to sleep!! tis a very weird feeling, but you'll get used to it, plus its worth it!
Great toi meet you & welcome to SR!!
Hugs!
tj
You will love getting the boob job. I got it done about 14 years ago. Then again about 6 1/2 years ago, but 2nd time was reconstruction as a result of cancer.
My only concern for you is having to take pain meds after the surgery. Try to just use them for 2 or 3 days. After that advil or tylonol will get you by.
hehe, just wait til you heal up and lay on your belly at night while going to sleep!! tis a very weird feeling, but you'll get used to it, plus its worth it!
Great toi meet you & welcome to SR!!
Hugs!
tj
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: South East US
Posts: 19
Thank you Ed
Originally Posted by Golfman
Kirsten,
Ed again. Even though I'm a guy I see much of my family's history in your story. No, no boob jobs. But many of the same things you're dealing with my wife and I have been through.
I was the alcoholic who made my wife so lonely. Like you, she was a stay at home mom who did everything. She took care of our two young daughters who were 6 and 8 by the time I got sober. Looking back now I'm surprised she seek the comfort of another man's arm. I would come home, wanting to have sex, and she would accomodate me but or course she never enjoyed it. How can you enjoy sex with someone who smells like a bar, can't really "perform" that well when drunk, and ends up passing out?
I see that you live in a pretty affluent area and the wives all justify their drinking by "taking the edge off." It does sound like "Desparate Housewives." But the main thing is to concentrate on yourself. You are to be commended for trying to move forward in recovery. And if the boobs give you a better feeling about yourself, have at it. I was just like your husband, very frugal. Only I took my miserly ways to the extreme. I yelled at my wife for buying a new hairdryer, how crazy is that? Like your husband, I did see after the fact that many of the purchases my wife made were very sensible. I used money as a weapon to control my family.
Since I've gotten sober, I'm less miserly. In fact, now I'm to the point where I'm giving money to my daughters even when they don't ask for it or need it. That's also the way I've found most alcoholics to be. We feel so guilty and ashamed for what we've done in the past that the only way we think we can make amends is to swing the pendulum in the opposite direction. Take the blame for everything, regardless if we're at fault or not.
You seem to have your head screwed on straight, for the most part. I would question the mj use, but that's none of my business.
This a long winded way of saying that we're so glad you're here. On SR you will find a discussion thread for mommies, forums on just about anything you can think of. Please stick around and meet some of the members. We all share the same thing here, we're looking for friends that can help us deal with our lives and give us hope in recovery.
The private message function is there for you to send a note to someone that you don't want to necessarily want to post on the public board.
Kirsten, we're very glad you're here. There's no doubt your story will help others. Keep comin' back.
Yours in sobriety,
Ed
Ed again. Even though I'm a guy I see much of my family's history in your story. No, no boob jobs. But many of the same things you're dealing with my wife and I have been through.
I was the alcoholic who made my wife so lonely. Like you, she was a stay at home mom who did everything. She took care of our two young daughters who were 6 and 8 by the time I got sober. Looking back now I'm surprised she seek the comfort of another man's arm. I would come home, wanting to have sex, and she would accomodate me but or course she never enjoyed it. How can you enjoy sex with someone who smells like a bar, can't really "perform" that well when drunk, and ends up passing out?
I see that you live in a pretty affluent area and the wives all justify their drinking by "taking the edge off." It does sound like "Desparate Housewives." But the main thing is to concentrate on yourself. You are to be commended for trying to move forward in recovery. And if the boobs give you a better feeling about yourself, have at it. I was just like your husband, very frugal. Only I took my miserly ways to the extreme. I yelled at my wife for buying a new hairdryer, how crazy is that? Like your husband, I did see after the fact that many of the purchases my wife made were very sensible. I used money as a weapon to control my family.
Since I've gotten sober, I'm less miserly. In fact, now I'm to the point where I'm giving money to my daughters even when they don't ask for it or need it. That's also the way I've found most alcoholics to be. We feel so guilty and ashamed for what we've done in the past that the only way we think we can make amends is to swing the pendulum in the opposite direction. Take the blame for everything, regardless if we're at fault or not.
You seem to have your head screwed on straight, for the most part. I would question the mj use, but that's none of my business.
This a long winded way of saying that we're so glad you're here. On SR you will find a discussion thread for mommies, forums on just about anything you can think of. Please stick around and meet some of the members. We all share the same thing here, we're looking for friends that can help us deal with our lives and give us hope in recovery.
The private message function is there for you to send a note to someone that you don't want to necessarily want to post on the public board.
Kirsten, we're very glad you're here. There's no doubt your story will help others. Keep comin' back.
Yours in sobriety,
Ed
Rock-chalk-jayhawk..
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: kansas
Posts: 170
hi there. well i could have a similar story but we are all diff. when i met my wife i was drinking and smoking pot pretty regular. at the time she didnt care and even took part some of the time. we thought we were in love and maybe we were. it was pretty nice there for the first 3 years. after then she got on me about my addictions. she was a very supportive wife. i know she loved me very much. but like a fool that didnt really matter to me. untill i got my third dui and was looking at a year in jail. that is what sobered me up real fast. she had told me she would leave me if i didnt get help. i didnt want drugs and booze to ruin my marrage and i was tired of all the crap anyways. i wanted to get better for the both of us but me mainly. i went to rehab and she sent letters everyday. she got me threw some really tuff times. after i got out i thought my marrage would be so much better. WRONG! just because i got sober the same problems were there at home. now i had to deal with this and be sober too? i thought what a deal i got here lol. but i did it and i stayed sober for 3 years. i wont get into the problems i had with her. thats the past and i have tryed to move on. i tryed to get her to go to meetings with me because she had told me she could never forget the times i was drunk and the fights we had. i thought that was so shittyy. she couldnt forgive me and i did this for us. she hasnt forgiving me to this day. i never cheated but i did go to the nudie bars and came home drunk quite a bit. we argued about my drinking and what i felt was wrong with her. the day she asked for a divorce i told her no problem. she looked shocked. maybe she was looking for me to beg her. but i knew i wasnt the same person who fell in love with her when we first met. we get along better now and are able to both raise are son in a good way. i just didnt want to fight anymore and plus we were doing this infront of are new baby boy. so needless to say things are so much better now for us. please dont cheat on your husband. he doesnt deserve that no matter what he has done. maybe you two should go try counsling. if he would go. if he doesnt want to try to help the marrage im pretty sure you wont be happy with him. it takes two to tango and im sure your tired of dancing alone. stay at home mom is such a tuff job. i rather dig ditchs than to deal with screaming kids. i respect you for that. and you can do this. you have already giving up pills and cigs. that proves you can do this. im very happy you wrote in here. and im glad you found us. keep posting it does make you feel better. as for the boob job i dont see any reason why you shouldnt do it. as long as you do it for your own reasons not any ones else. sorry this is so long i was kinda in the zone lol. have a great day. jason
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: AZUSA, CALIFORNIA
Posts: 357
Hi Kristen
I Just Want To Say That Marijuana Is A Drug Period..... No Matter How You Think Its Not Effecting You, It Is... Its A Gateway Drug. I Had The Same Thinking As You About Pot. And I Have Now Been Off It 80 Days And Feel Great. I Love Pot Really Love How It Makes Me Feel. However It Is A Gateway Drug... I Just Want To Say That You Sounded Alot Like Myself....
Thank You For Your Honesty... Best Of Luck In Your Journey.
My Name Is Kimmie A Grateful Recovering Addict
I Just Want To Say That Marijuana Is A Drug Period..... No Matter How You Think Its Not Effecting You, It Is... Its A Gateway Drug. I Had The Same Thinking As You About Pot. And I Have Now Been Off It 80 Days And Feel Great. I Love Pot Really Love How It Makes Me Feel. However It Is A Gateway Drug... I Just Want To Say That You Sounded Alot Like Myself....
Thank You For Your Honesty... Best Of Luck In Your Journey.
My Name Is Kimmie A Grateful Recovering Addict
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: South East US
Posts: 19
Hmmm
Gosh, I guess this could turn into a healthy debate. I agree that mj is a drug. I guess I look at it like this or as some would say, justify my using it like this. You know how some people can drink and not get crazy and put it down? Or some people are just social smokers? How some are alcoholics and others are okay using alcohol? I am one of the "social smokers" with mj and now that I know my vices, I've taken care of them. I enjoy mj but not the way I did the other things. I wish I could drink the way I can smoke mj. Does that make any sense at all? It blows my mind that alcohol is legal and mj is not. To me it should be the opposite. Now I'm not trying to tell you to go out and get stoned, you are aware of your problem with it. I am aware that I do not have a problem with it. I have never purchased it and only do it if it is brought to my house by friends which is hardly ever. I do not smoke it very often at all. Just recreationally. To me, alcohol is the gateway drug. This is just all my opinion though. Thanks for your concern.
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
You can charge boobs to your credit card??? Sorry... just can't get past that part 
.
Here's a link to friends and family :http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/ It might help you with your husbands drinking. There's a ton of info on this message board... welcome.
.Here's a link to friends and family :http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/ It might help you with your husbands drinking. There's a ton of info on this message board... welcome.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: AZUSA, CALIFORNIA
Posts: 357
Hi Kristen,
I Used To Agree That Mj Should Be Legal. But Mj Is So Much More Potent Today Than It Was When I Was Younger. You See For Me It Just Leads To Different Things, Like Smoking Meth, Drinking And Etc...
Thanks And I Still Say: Have A Safe Journey....kimmie
I Used To Agree That Mj Should Be Legal. But Mj Is So Much More Potent Today Than It Was When I Was Younger. You See For Me It Just Leads To Different Things, Like Smoking Meth, Drinking And Etc...
Thanks And I Still Say: Have A Safe Journey....kimmie
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Here is a link to our "Moms" thread
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-19-a.html
Enjoy!
Feed your children at 4:30 to stop the
drop in blood sugar that causes their discomfort
Give that a try pleasse
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-19-a.html
Enjoy!
Feed your children at 4:30 to stop the
drop in blood sugar that causes their discomfort
Give that a try pleasse
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: South East US
Posts: 19
They are constantly snacking, they are eating machines. It is this way with all my friends and their kids. We've tried it all. I think they just get over stimulated and tired. Thanks for the info though. I will check out the mom board, that sounds GREAT!
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