Go Team Venture

I say "casual" because I've seen real alcoholics...Hardcore alcoholics, and I'm not one. I don't drink during the day, and I don't sneak off to drink. I don't buy liquor if I'm broke, and I don't buy it when it'll be debilitating to my family. I don't wake up thinking about it, and it never really occurs to me to drink until the evening.

That said, my drinking is definitely more than "doing it for taste." I started just after high school, like most, and went to tons of parties and such. Back then it was hardcore, drinking all the time with friends and getting alcohol poisoning once a month kind of drinking.

After a time, I slowed way down, to the point of like once every few weeks, if that. As time passed, and my life became better (family, decent income, kid), I started drinking more and more. It went to a six pack once a week. Then twice a week. Then it went to eight beers a night on the weekends. Then eight beers three times a week, sometimes four.

Here I am, about four years later, and I crave it so bad many nights that I can feel it physically. Addiction, basically. As I said, I don't think about it during the day at all, but as the evening wears on, it gets worse and worse, until at about 11pm, some nights it's all I think about. I just drank about eight beers on friday, saturday, and sunday, and I wanted it so bad tonight that I felt driven to distraction, though I didn't actually go for it.

So, I suppose that means that I have self control when I need to, and it's not SO compulsory that I can't fight it. But ****, man...I wanted it.

I have a daughter on the way, which will probably be born within the next few weeks. After seeing my health deteriorate a bit (gained some weight, nothing huge), I've decided that it's time to get it under control. I've spent the last several weeks attempting to drink less, but thus far, it's a hell of a lot harder than I thought it would be. I never thought I was THAT alcoholic, but then I tried to slow down. The desire and want is so strong in my head some nights that it drives me nuts.

At least it's only at night, and I can control it. But I need advice. Have any of you been in a position like this? Not so bad that you're waking up in ditches, but bad enough that you know you need some sort of help? I don't think I need a coin for every thirty days of sobriety, and I also don't think I can't get my drinking back to a point where it's like...Once a week, if that. If you've been in a position like this, how did you handle it?

As I said...I don't think it's bad enough that I should completely stop. I know advice usually is "you must stop." I'm not asking how to get sober, I'm just asking how to take it back a step...From compulsion back to pure enjoyment.

Any thoughts would be welcome. Thank you.

Go Team Venture

By the way, nice to meet you all.

hope3

Hi Go Team adventure, welcome, this is about the 100,000,000,000,000,000

time this thought will be pondered, and asked.

I don't want to quit, just tapper back a bit....

And the reason is: Early, and middle stage alcoholics will be the last ones to admit they have a problem with alcohol to the extent that they should quit.

They rarely look into the realities of alcoholism to learn how proggressive of a disease or addiction it is. How about you, you sound very intelligent, kind, and have alot going on to be happy about, new baby on the way...

Well, you sound like you are in the early to middle stage. Don't believe me,
find out on your own, read the exerpts from Under the INfluence" on this site, this is the link, then by the book read the whole thing, and then decide what should be the next step. I wish some one would have suggested this to me 10 years ago, but hey, maybe I wouldn't have listened to them...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...fluence-2.html

Nice meeting you, good luck on your new baby, and venture!
((((((hope3))))))))

nogard

Welcoem to SR

Denial was difficult for me to face in eary recovery and is still difficult in issues that arise. These days I have no doubt I am an addict and that I have a disease. I have seen many kinds of addicts and they all have one thing in common, the constant compulsion and the obsession to use/drink.

Kevin

Rusty Zipper

GTV ... well?... for me, IMO...your in the wrong place...

its not the caboose that kills me, its the engine... meaning your asking what alkys for ages hoped for ... as mentioned... it aint gunna happen if your a alky... bottom line...


i know with a baby on the way, it would be hard to go to 90 meetings in 90 days... it can be doable...

then make a decission as to weather your a alk'y...

and if we can learn how to enjoy life, ourselfs, and a new baby without booze.. why the hell would we want a drink anyway...
thats the part we work on... daily...


good wishes GTV

xxoo, rz

lostmdboy

Becoming an alcoholic is a progressive disease. I spent all my years drinking tinking about how to cut back, and get control. Please for your childrens sake take a serious look at your drinking, and keep posting.

Missymae737

Hello and welcome to SR,

AS Nogard said, denial was a very strong emotion throughout my drinking carreer. Acceptance is hard, when you want to be like other people,(drink normal), so you get stuck in the denial game. When my life became totally unmanageable due to my drinking, is when I could no longer deny I had a drinking problem. Recovery is possible, many here are living proof.

Keep posting, and we are glad you are here!

Golfman

Go Team,

My story is very similar to yours. I started out the same way. I didn't drink during the week. I had a house, two cars, a wonderful wife, and two beautiful little girls. I would "enjoy" drinking on the weekends. But really, it wasn't just "enjoy", I got drunk. But I found myself between a rock and a hard place. I was convinced that I could moderate, but still wanted to "enjoy" the weekends. Well, that went on for the better part of 18 years. Oh, I enjoyed it all right! As I look back now, I was the only one that enjoyed it. My wife went through hell. Then came the broken promises to my daughters, "sure, I'll take you to the park tomorrow", "Daddy will go to the movies with you". You know, the usual things a father does with his kids.

As time went by though, my drinking became an obsession. I grin and bear it during the week, then reward myself on the weekends. I ended up blacking out, flipping my car, and eventually got the word from my wife. She was going back to school to get her degree, then find a job to support herself and the kids. Once that happened, they were going to leave me. While that wasn't the entire motive for me to seek help, it sure had me thinking. It took another 7 months before I finally had enough.

Please keep checking us out. No one here can diagnose you as an alcoholic. I hope your not. But if things start to go downhill as time goes on, remember you can always get help.

I wish you the best.

Tazman53

Venture you sound just like me 20 years ago.

If you are an alcoholic there is no such thing as moderating or drinking like normal people. I am an alcohlic, when it comes to drinking I have 2 choices because alcoholism is a progressive disease, the only way to stop its progress is to stop drinking entirely:

1. Continue to drink, get worse and die.
2. Stop drinking and live.

For me, being an alcoholic there is no middle road.

If you want to find out if you are an alcohlic try a couple of test:

First drink a beer, then drink half a beer and just leave the other half sitting, drink no more the rest of the day.

If you do that with no problem then quit entirely for a month, if you are not an alcoholic then this should be no problem at all.

If you are looking for how an alcoholic can drink like a normal person I have no answer for you, but if you do find an answer and it works for more then a year for an alcoholic please come back here and give this old drunk the skinny along with the millions of other alcoholics who would like to drink like normal people.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

As others have said, I see denial everywhere in your post. You say you can control your drinking, but yet, you aren't controlling it. And, it seems to be taking all your energy to contro it. It's controlling you and you are not yet able to see that. You may not have hit bottom, in that you've never woken up in a ditch, but alcoholism is alcoholism. It's progressive and deadly.

UncleEarl

Welcome to SR. Much of your post gives me pause. I cannot in good conscience use terms like 'denial' because it has taken on an almost technical meaning which I make no pretense to fully understand.

You've seen "real" alcoholics? As opposed to fake alcoholics? I am a "real" alcoholic and chances are you've seen the likes of me: I'm the guy who built a very successful business, who drives a brand new BMW, who lives in a well-decorated, (now) clean place, who occasionally has beautiful women hanging off my arm, who isn't overweight, who is well-dressed in overpriced clothes, etc. I may be your boss, your cousin, your uncle, your brother.

Last I checked, a "real" alcoholic is an addict. I know I am an addict. And I know that the only way I can beat my addiction is to surrender to the fact that I AM AN ADDICT; I CANNOT USE ALCOHOL OR DRUGS.

"THAT" alcholic? As in a matter of degrees? If you think the cravings will abate, you are dead wrong! As I see it (and this is only MY opinion): You can either continue to try to moderate and continue to enjoy the feeling of being driven nuts (your phrase), or; You can wait until you are a "real" alcoholc, or; You can put your new daughter's life (congrats! BTW) in front of your drinking and ask yourself whether she is more important than your weekend and evening binges.

Nobody here will tell you whether or not you should stop drinking. That is entirely up to you. If you are in the incipient stages of alcoholism, wouldn't it be more prudent to quit while you're ahead?

Just my own thoughts....best of luck!

Earl

ayla zaire

i'm sorry to say, there is no such thing as 'casual' alcoholism.....you either are or you aren't........my mom denied her alcoholism for many years......didn't drink at work, didn't get wasted every time she drank.....and basically didn't want to call herself an alcoholic.......but she was one......she was just functioning.......

when you start 'craving' a drug.....and you can't stop using it......you are addicted, which i think you know....you mentioned it in your post.....but there is no such thing as part time addiction....you are addicted all day, every day, even if you don't drink all the time....

alcoholism is a progressive disease.....it will gradually get worse......sometimes so gradual you don't even notice it......

i hope you find help, or a meeting........and find out for yourself what alcoholism is.......there really is no 'cutting back' trust me......you can try it, but like every alcoholic i have known, who have thought, like you, they could cut back and drink 'socially'or 'casually'......it will not work.....once you take those first few drinks, your disease takes over......and there is no stopping it.....

i hope you figure things out......and i'm sorry if some of the things we have said here are not what you want to hear, but we are honest, and we really do care......it's just we've been there, done that......and we know your thinking.....we still often think that way ourselves.......i call it my addictions 'voice' and i try not to listen to it, because it lies....


hugs
ayla

parentrecovers

welcome! keep posting! k

hope3

Hi goTeamAdventure, well, just would like to say hi again...Hi....

Best wishes, (((((((((((hope3)))))))))))

Pilgrim

Hi Team,

I knew I was an alcoholic when I stopped! Try stopping. Not for just a couple of days, do it for at least a month. That should be no big deal if your drinking is under control. If you can't and you need support, we are here to help.

I am only day 9 into sobriety and it is really hard. I tried moderation, cutting down but I never knew when I would overdo it and wake up ashamed or unhappy.

Whatever happens, I am sure you will come to it in your own time. I just wish I had known earlier and done something about it.

Good luck.

Dubs

180

Ditto Dubssnz1964 and others. This thread, and the accounts within, sound exactly like my story. I am at Day 7 and wish it was day 7000. I wish I would have made my decision to stop many years prior. Funny thing was, I knew for years it was getting worse. My solution was to moderate more. Wrong answer.
I believe if you are questioning yourself to the extent you have found SR and posted here, you have answered your own question. It is then a matter of choice. A qoute from the Shawshank Redemption works for me and I often have told myself "Get busy living, or get busy dying". I chose the former for the sake of my family and myself and really regret it took so long. I hope you are more successful than I.

GlassPrisoner

Go Team, I was just like you.

Then one morning, I woke up and found out I had become that real alcoholic, jobless and all.

Of course, it took time, but it really seemed , to me, to be overnight.

There's an invisible line you cross, you don't know when you cross it. You look behind you , and realize you passed it long ago......

Pilgrim

Hey there Glass. You are always so wise. I wondered about that line. There must have been a moment in my life - a split second - somewhere back in time when I went from being someone who didn't need a drink and could stop without caring to someone who couldn't stop without this hell.

I think too much.

GlassPrisoner

No you don't dubs. It's called a moment of clarity. An "aha !" Keep it up and you'll get more of 'em. Not all of 'em pretty, though.......but that's OK, it makes you wiser.

CarolD

Hi and Welcome to SR!

Glad you are here
Please jeep posting.