PrayingLately

Well, I am back - and very frustrated today. I went 9 days without anything at all to drink - and then on saturday - I blew it. I started with 2 bottles of wine - and then went back and got another 3 yesterday. finished most of that off - and then my son found it in my bedroom - and poured the rest of it out. I am scared.. I don't know if I am ever going to be able to beat this. I have called several treatment facilities today - but because i can't do inpatient treatment - my options are limited. maybe i will try to find an aa meeting to go to this week. There has to be a way for me to beat this - or else it's going to kill me. I know this. so today is day 1. At least I had the sense to stop today - and not buy anymore!! I have found many useful tools and quotes on this website.. i guess i just need to keep coming back here as a reminder and for inspiration..
ok.. well here we go again..
DAY 1 !!!

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I am glad you found us and please know that you are not alone in your struggle. And, I always find some inspiration when I come here, something to help me keep things in perspective and to move forward.

Surlyredhead

I am so proud of you! We have all fallen at one time or another, but to get back up and keep trying....well....that is the hardest thing of all. NEVER stop trying, we all started at day one...and I have had a lot of day ones...somehow, that turned into 2, then 3 and so on. Please don't give up!! I had someone tell me once, that when things are hard.....don't think....don't drink...make a meeting...and pray like h*ll....works wonders!!!! A big cyber hug is on its way to you!!!

Surlyred

CarolD

I had many false starts before I quit
I needed to understand WHY I was drinking
when I was trying so hard to stop.

Please go read this link...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html


That info convinced me
God and AA keep me sober.

Blessings..

jbit

What about an intensive outpatient program, or, day/evening sessions? If not, hit as many meetings a day as possible. Its important to keep yourself in a recovery state of mind as much as possible.

ayla zaire

everyone's advice here is great......just find as much help and support as you can......and keep trying......your doing fine, believe it or not.....you know you have a problem and you know you need to quit......trust me, it takes many people years to get where you are.......just take it a moment at a time if you need to, and keep posting.....



hugs
ayla

mercurial me

You are being resilient in trying to stay sober and that counts for a lot. I'll make sure you're in my prayers tonight and recovery has to start with a day #1, right? I believe you can do this!! Keep us updated

aasharon90

I was POWERLESS over alcohol just like many here
in SR. I tried soooo many time to quit on my own
vowing to NEVER EVER drink again and yet I failed
one too many times.....

Back in Feb 90 I had 2 small children and a 7 yr marriage
and a drinking habit i didnt think i had a problem with
until on my way home from a local club one night, I
ran off the road hitting a concrete culvert sitting on
topthe ground. This sent me to the hospital in the back
of an EMS truck, which i dont remember, for 10 day
with them removing a punctured spleen are i would
have bled to death. I was a complete wreck and yet
I healed quite nicely in a few months.....

In Aug of 90, i picked up drink once again and tried
to end my life. It was then that my family did an
intervention on me sending me to rehab in the
back of a police car. They got a court order to
have them pick me up because i wasnt willing to
go on my own.

So i spent 28 days in rehab and another 6 weeks
in an outpatiant program....

Yes i had 2 little ones..one just beginning Kindergarten
and i missed his first day on the bus....

BUT....I had my family to help....they managed
on their own because they knew i was too
sick to do anything.....

And they survived...They managed....and now

16 yrs later almost 25 yrs married and my 2
little ones who are now 20 and 22 with one
graduating this Spring majoring in Music
and the other, her second yr in English
and Literature....Both extremely wonderful ....

My family knew i needed help more than i knew it
myself...they did for me what I couldnt do
for myself....and for that I am truely grateful.

I recieved the tools and knowledge about my
disease and how to live each day following
the 12 principles of recovery in my daily affairs.

Today I still have that Willingness and DESIRE to
go to any lengths to stay sober as my life depends
on it......

My recovery journey is taken day by day, step by
step turning my will and life over to the care of
my HP as I understand Him...

And thats how it works for me.

Thank you for letting me share.

PrayingLately

I have been checking on outpatient treatment facilities - I WISH I could do the inpatient program - as i KNOW that i need it. I have been drinking heavily for a very long time. I come from a long list of alcoholics in my family - I just have to do SOMETHING! The strange this is - that on Friday - i felt this coming on. and i was able to resist it on friday - but on saturday - that was it. Unfortunately - drinking alone is one of my favorite things to do. My husband is a fisherman - so he is gone working right now - and wont be home for about another 3 weeks. That scares me too - because he loves to drink with me.. I have no idea why - i am an IDIOT when i'm drinking..
I spoke with my mom today - and told her i fell off the "wine wagon" and she is absolutely disgusted with me at the moment. She really doesn't understand why i can't get control over this.. neither do I.
oh well - day 1 (again) is almost over.. i really hope that i can do it this time.

Hivemind

Ayla is right, recognizing the problem is step one. Congrats on day one!! Don't feel bad about how your Mom feels, a lot of people cannot understand the way an alcoholic mind works. We are all rooting for you.

Golfman

Relapse is not a requirement for getting sober. That being said, it's way to difficult in the beginning to stay sober by yourself. I know that you're getting support here, but human contact is always best IMHO. If there's any way for you to make an AA meeting I would strongly suggest it. There you will find folks exactly like you. They're all trying to stay sober one day at a time. I know that you may be scared to walk in, but I truly believe you will never regret it. I pray that you have the courage to take this next step. Once there, you will get phone numbers of people you can call when things get scary. Believe it or not, you will help just by being there. Newcomers are the lifeblood of AA. Without you, there's no on to remind us of how it used to be. And believe me, we all need that reminder every now and then.

By posting on this board you are helping others. There may be one person out there who reads your posts and identifies with you. They will see that you had the courage to talk about yourself so they might then get the courage to start talking about themselves.

Regarding your Mom, I don't think you could expect much else. We do so much damage to ourselves that the ones who love us are hurting for us. We also do damage to them. We may not how much our drinking has affected our family and friends. They are scared too, so when things don't go well, they get hurt and then angry. I didn't come to realize this until my wife and I went to outpatient treatment together. It was when she started to describe what it was like for her that I finally realized the devastating effects my drinking had on her.

You hang in there though. Again, try to find an AA meeting and go.

Tazman53

Praying you have got a lot of good advice and support, I would like to add that you have the most important step towards sobreity out of the way, you know you are powerless over alcohol!

I would highly reccommend picking up the phone book and looking up the AA hotline in your area. Trust me when I say you are not alone, you are not the only woman in the situation you are in now. If you call the AA hot line tell them a little birdie said that you would like a "12th Step call". What that will result in is a couple of AA ladies meeting you where ever you wish, these ladies have been where you are right now, they are now sober, they know how to get and stay sober.

These ladies are not only sober, but are waiting for you to call. The primary purpose of AA is to stay sober and help other alcoholics get sober. One of the best ways for us to stay sober is to help others get or stay sober.

These ladies will explain AA to you, they will provide you with a list of meetings in your area and if you would like or need, they will take you to meetings. They will show you how if you are willing to do anything to get and stay sober not only how to get sober, but become a far better and happier person.

Hon you will be in my prayers, if AA can take an old drunk like me and not only help me stay sober, but guide me to being happy, joyous and free! I have by the grace of God for reasons beyond my grasp actually had the urge/need to drink lifted from me.

In the meetings you will find a room full of sober alcoholics loving and supporting each other, you will find understanding, compassion, and they will love you until you can once again love your self.

You will be in my prayers, the more meetings you do and the more you work the program the quicker you will heal.

jbit

An alcoholic alone is in bad company. Your risk of success will grow exponentially if you surround yourself with other alcoholics.

PrayingLately.... Just curious .... what is holding you back from inpatient treatment???

hope3

Hi prayingLately, don't kick yourself, hop

back on that horse and give it the ride of it's life...

Hugs, ((((((((((hope3))))))))))

PrayingLately

I would really like to do inpatient treatment. I cannot do this because i am the only one to take care of my 16 year old son. I have no family here - and my husband is away working for 9 months out of the year. When he is home -I don't think he would be too pleased with me being away. I will take the advice though - and find an AA meeting - or at least call them. I know that part of this problem is the result of spending 90pct of my time alone - I don't work - I used to have my horses to keep me busy - but they are all still up in Washington State - And - I'm in Arizona.. So - that's it "in a nutshell".. Thanks to everyone for so much support.