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Physical Detox...does it end???

Old 01-02-2007, 06:26 PM
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Physical Detox...does it end???

I feel like I have gone through this too many times. To count, this is the third time since quitting. Once when I first quit, once a few weeks in, and once now.

I feel so darned bi-polar too. I am, but this seems out of control. Everyday, I get up in the morning fine, then by afternoon, everyday, all heck breaks full on loose and everything goes to...well, you know. I hate this. I hate it hate it hate it. Some nights it's not joy I am going to bed sober, it's too tiring to fight the good fight enough fr actual joy. Relief sometimes.... I just go to bed exhausted on those nights. Just making it that long is hard. Still doing it, but nto enjoying it. I dont want to do it any more. I will, but I sincerly dont want to. I want to run, as far aay as I can. I hate this. I cant even make dinner for my family because it sends me into spiral

Notice I post most inthe mornings? Partly it is because my husband is home and I choose to spend time w. him...partly because by night I've gone all dark and gloomy most times. I feel insane..in the morning it's all sunny, and at night, look out for those lightning bolts!!! I can't believe my husband is just sticking with me. I just cant believe it. I am crazy.Typing is hard, my hands keep shaking.

Ok..physical detox:
tired, physically and emotionally
shakey. very shakey.
nausea
fogginess...everything seems hazy
loss of appitite. Today even sugar does not do much, though a few cookies have helped.
cravings, intensified
physical pain, all over. Achy.
head ache. It never goes away.
emotional rollercoaster.
I feel hung over. I feel wrung through.

I thought this just happened once. Why does it keep happening??? Will it ever stop? I'm not drinking, or taking in ANY alcohol...clean! Shouldn't the physical stuff be stopping not keep repeating???

I have a AA meeting to go to tonight, then my spiritual group is meeting. I'll make it through tonight. But i am so tired of it right now. So tired.
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Old 01-02-2007, 06:36 PM
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I looked at your profile...about three weeks sober? I don't remember all that much from my first six months sober. I was in a fog. I hung on, only because I knew to go back meant not only more of the same but most likely worse. It did get better, and some days, I need to look back through that door I'm no longer afraid to close to see how far I've come. Some days, it seems I accomplish so little, but compared to the precious little I was able to do that really meant something while I was using, it's huge! Moving mountains huge!

If I recall, I saw a thread that you began asking about having a physical check-up. That's probably a good idea. I still have days where I'm lethargic, achy, foggy....caused by FMS (fibromyalgia syndrome). It's not delayed physical detox. At least, more than four years later, I would hope not! I felt that way this evening, so I lit a candle and some incense, put some white tea bath crystals in the tub and settled in for a long soak. Meditation is something not often talked about on the boards, even by those in AA (perhaps because it's such a personal thing), but I find it indispensible, especially on days when the blahs set in. It keeps me centered and helps me to avoid slipping into that "poor me" state of mind. No, I'm not saying you're whining! But we can begin to feel all alone in our misery, and meditation is a good way to listen to our HP, our inner voice, our muse...whatever you wish to call it and let go of the misery.

If you get a chance, google Harry Chapin's "good tired" speech about his grandfather. I've been able to forge ahead remembering that speech. And when I lay me down at night....I float away.

Hope you have a good evening, Brandi. Feel free to PM anytime if you want to vent!

Peace & Love,
Sugah
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Old 01-02-2007, 06:39 PM
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Om, Aum, Ohm...
 
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Btw...I like your signature.

Here's something I'm grateful for today.....taken w/my new camera Santie Claus brought for me:



"January Cornstalks"

Peace & Love,
Sugah
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Old 01-02-2007, 07:26 PM
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Hi Brandi,

I won't come close to the soothing poetic poet from Sugah, it relaxed me just reading your words.

but here goes nothing, (this might get long)
I was fortunate to begin my sober journey at the very end of the school (I am a teacher, in case you havn't picked up on that) June 11th to be exact, I did great the first few weeks (after the initial few days) but then i started to feel rather crappy so i weakened and had a few shots bad move I was pissed. Any way started over July 1st draging my A** somedays barely getting through. I went from being a 5 - 6 hour a day sleeper to sometimes 12 hours a day.

I knew i needed to exercise so a little at a time I started riding my bike and running (I know that is much easier in the summer) and little by little I started to feel better I had a lot of good moments but rarely whole days. What a roller coaster ride so many ups and downs, like you said I thought I was Bi polar.

I stuck it out because I could see where my almost daily drinking was leading me.
Then someone here suggested I read about PAWS here's a link
http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm It made sense.

I still have days on the roller coaster and I am sure I will for a while, but I had a lot of drunken coaster rides a lot more out of control during my 30 years of drinking I guess I can survive few sober rides.

Stick it out, you can't expect to undo years of drinking in just 3 or 4 weeks

Sorry if I rambled, I hope something helped
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Old 01-02-2007, 07:56 PM
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Brandi... You're doing fine...

The first thirty days were very hard for me, mainly because of the physical stuff. The alcohol "saturation levels" were gone within three days, but it took almost two weeks for all of the alcohol to fully work its way out of my system. That left me pretty "raw". My cells had made the transition back to functioning without alcohol, but that didn't mean they were all functioning properly again.

It sounds to me like you're going through the PAWS stuff, (Protracted Alcohol Withdrawal Syndrome). Even though your cells are functioning without alcohol again, they're still screaming for it and they've sustained some damage. Its like having one last, long, rough hangover. The good news is that its the LAST one if you stick with it.

Proper nutrition is very important, especially during the first few months, since its gives your cells the raw materials they need in order to heal. Eventually they'll stop screaming for alcohol, will be well on their way towards being healthy cells again, and the symptoms will go away. You just have to stick with it, and staying abstinent is the ONLY way to get through it.

You aren't going to feel this way forever, and once you're past it, you are DONE with it! Hang in there, you CAN get through this, and you'll feel a lot healthier once you do.
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Old 01-03-2007, 09:54 AM
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I mad eit through last night...but the morning is rapidly going down hill. It's ok...I have decided today to stop waiting to 'bump' into the perfect sponser...and just start calling people on my many lists.

i went to a meeting last night, but it was all about AA. I like AA, don't get me wrong. I grew up in it actually, and the program helps me tremdously. But the meetings was litterally about AA, the traditions. Not what I needed, but still left with a few good thing things.

Going to attempt taking the kids out to the park today...they are going all apey in the house.

The picture is beautiful, and so are all the kind words. I have not heard of PAWS, and I'll go look it up right now. I was so embaressed by my crazy post I had a hard time checking it. Thank you for being supportive.

Now....anyone think it's wrong to duck tape these kids' mouths shut? How about down to a chair? LOL Just kidding of course...I'm sending them out for a bike ride.
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Old 01-03-2007, 10:26 AM
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Originally Posted by BrandiK View Post
Now....anyone think it's wrong to duck tape these kids' mouths shut? How about down to a chair? LOL
Oh, I can certainly understand the temptation. Somehow, I doubt the Dept. of Human Services would be nearly as understanding. LOL

All of the advice you've gotten so far is excellent. Diet, exercise, and patience. It took me about 2 months before I felt like what I would describe as "good", and I continually kept feeling better and better for about the first year. Both physically and mentally.

One thing I didn't see mentioned yet is to try to limit your caffeine intake as much as possible. When I quit drinking I became extremely sensitive to caffeine. At 3 months sober 2 cups of coffee would have me shaking like I was going through withdrawal again. Even at 15 months, if I have too much coffee throughout the day at work it can make me feel many of the symptoms you described, including feeling hungover the next day.

The biggest thing, though, is the answer you don't want to hear (at least I didn't): patience. Your body has to heal at its own pace, and it will. The hardest thing, by far, that I had to learn in order to stay sober was patience.

Just keep doing what you're doing, and one day soon you'll be feeling a thousand times better. And take comfort in the fact that you can choose to make this the last time you have to go through this, ever.
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Old 01-03-2007, 10:48 AM
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Wow...still reading but had to post. This is amazing. I am cryign and laughing, it just fits so throughly.
Thank you for the PAWS link.

Ok, back to reading.
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Old 01-03-2007, 10:57 AM
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Originally Posted by subliminalurge View Post
One thing I didn't see mentioned yet is to try to limit your caffeine intake as much as possible. When I quit drinking I became extremely sensitive to caffeine. At 3 months sober 2 cups of coffee would have me shaking like I was going through withdrawal again. Even at 15 months, if I have too much coffee throughout the day at work it can make me feel many of the symptoms you described, including feeling hungover the next day.

The biggest thing, though, is the answer you don't want to hear (at least I didn't): patience. Your body has to heal at its own pace, and it will. The hardest thing, by far, that I had to learn in order to stay sober was patience.
.

I was just reading this page and it mentioned caffine. Yup...love my coffee these days. But I have a bag of decaf. here...maybe I'll switch to that and see how it goes. I have already cut my sodas back down to one or none a day. So that will be easier... Thank you for the tip.

And yes, patience. Lots of drinking over lots of time. We say to the recovering moms of hyperemesis that it took 9 months of malnutrition for the body to be as depleted as it is afte birth, and it will take longer for the body to recover. I know it is the same with this. But I am impatient and easily forget lol I need to have it written on my hand it seems lol.
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Old 01-03-2007, 11:44 AM
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Originally Posted by BrandiK View Post
But I am impatient
Well, if you're alcoholic, I think being impatient is just part of the package. As a group, we're big on instant gratification. Anything worth having is worth having RIGHT ******* NOW, damnit!

They say there are no dues for AA membership. That's crap, we've all paid HUGE dues, just not with money.
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Old 01-03-2007, 11:53 AM
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Well said!!!!!
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Old 01-03-2007, 01:40 PM
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I'm 70 days in, and just recently started drinking coffee again. Besides the random nights where I can't get to sleep (usually from too much coffee), the symptoms of withdraw have all but disappeared.
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