caladan

Fell off the wagon tonight. Day 16, thought I was doing great. I was making CD's for Christmas presents for my friends and family and got an overwhelming urge to drink. Caved in. Bought a twelver. Thought it would enhance my state of mind. What a farce. I didn't realize that songs I used to drink to would have such a magnetic pull towards relapse. But, like it or not, all those feelings are still enmeshed in my psyche. WOW!! I feel so guilty. I'm not going to drink tomorrow ( right?). 3 days till' Christmas; I hope I can be a presentable family member. Wish me luck.

Happy Holidays to everyone!!!!

GlassPrisoner

As long as it doesn't turn into a bender.

I always tell people I'd have a drink, but I want to be home before the next 4th of July.....

Good Luck !

chillicam

I was buying meat at the supermarket today and thinking at the same time this and that would taste even better with a drink.. (damn sub concious) It is weird when I realised everything i did before was around alcohol.. Such a space to fill.
I wish u the best.

good luck for xmas

CarolD

Many of us had false starts..
keep in focus Glad to see you are starting again.

Blessings

ayla zaire

you never can tell what is going to trigger a relapse....but you have tomorrow...and hopefully you'll have a hangover to remind you just why you quit in the first place...

don't feel too bad...most people have a few slips on the way to sobriety...you can start over...and next time you will know just how tricky and deceitful that damn addict voice is...

i had a relapse a few weeks ago...now i have (i don't know how many days, i'm not much of a counter...) but it's a few weeks and i feel good...and like i learned an important lesson...i really hope you learn from this and i wish you luck and a wonderful, sober holiday...

btw...don't beat yourself up too much...you can do this...sobriety is such a blessing when you finally make it...(well...in all of my current three weeks of experience...hehe)

nivosa

Relapse is a funny thing, I fell for one day and all I did is look at the tree outside my apartment and it reminded me of a drink and so I did. Though I did get drunk that day I won't let it get me down, because I know we all make mistakes and there is always tomorrow. Since that day I haven't so much as had a thought cross my mind in that regard. I have to remind myself that complacency is no way to live a sober life, in other words I have to always be on my toes and waiting for my darn subconcious mind to throw those curve balls my way. Don't give up and remember persistance is the key, one day at a time! Take Care,
Rick

brians

shake the dust off and keep on walking. Have you gone to AA Meetings?
Meetings helped me.

I'mready99

Oh those triggers, they are laying in wait for every one of us...

A good friend from work gave me a bottle of my favorite Australian wine for Christmas, I almost relapsed. If it were not for a good friend PM'ing me last weekend, I would have...

Hey, you tripped and fell, pick your self up and move on down this road we call sobriety. Its nothing to beat yourself up over, it could happen to any of us at any time...

They don't call alcohol, cunning and baffleing for nothing...

Happy Holidays to you also caladan...Make 2007 a sober year!!!

Best of luck to you...

One day at a time.

Steve

NYCGirl

Hey Cal,

Don't beat yourself, just pick yourself up dust yourself and start again, and learn. Let this make you stronger.

I know for me the triggers this time of year are stronger than they have been in a whikle and it is not even the parties them I pretty much got a grip on, Its the conditioned reaction to grab a drink when wrapping presents baking cookies or stopping for "one" (rotfl) on the way home from shopping.

Next time the little voice chimes in to try and convince you to have drink have a converstion with it and remind yourself why you stopped drinking in the first place... or even better come tell us. It helps!!

Rusty Zipper

cal... as mentioned... start again... no beat'n yourself up... thats what keeps us from the do'n part of recovery...

cal ... cal, it aint about luck anymore... its the do'n.. and yes, it can be real hard at times...

maybe next year grab some markers and some construction paper.

make a card...

good wishes our friend...

happy holiday to you...

xxoo, rz

JD86

hey cal.....

did you try to call your sponsor first... or another recovering person... next time that is the move...(works for me)

caladan

I'm not feeling too bad this morning. Green tea, yogurt, and a solid resolve to learn from my mistakes are my companions today. Best wishes to all!!!!!!

searching

Hope today is a great one for you, I guess we are both kinda in the same boat. Im just taking it one step at a time, baby steps I suppose...

Good Thoughts and all that jazz...

Stormtooth

Cal,

Focus on the 16 days and not the relapse. I have been sober for more than a year, and I think about wanting a drink *still*. It is not that the desire has magicaly gone away, it is simply I have had more experience at this point in succeeding at not giving into impulse.

But I know it could happen at any minute I lose vigilance. No one will forget a habit they have nurtured for more than 25 years. At least not me.

Absolutely, don't beat up on yourself. I knew a woman in rehab that had close to 35 years of sobriety that ended up on a bender and in the hospital. Anyone at all engaged in this mortal struggle will understand and encourage you to try again.

JD86

there is a point however when the "compulsion can be lifted" it takes help from the HP and step work.....

I dont fight a drink anymore... it is just not a part of me any more....


i go to 3 meetings a week
sponsor 3 guys
talk to another aa guy every day
ask in the morning
thank at night
limit exposure to peop, places, things..

dats all folks...
has been working for me for 20 years...... 12/13/86

REZ

Have you been going to AA meetings? Do you have a sponsor? I couldn't been alcoholism alone; I needed (and still need) meetings, 12 steps, sponsors, friends, etc.

Jersey Nonny

At the risk of sounding repetitive, here's the same suggestion I gave Searching:

Quote:

Sorry you relapsed, but it has been my experience (with my own and others) that we are usually mentally drunk long before we actually pick up the drink...that is to say, we set ourselves up to drink. You might be aware of this to guard against it happening again.

Have you ever seen that AA slogan, "Think"? Before you take the time and effort to go out to buy the booze (in your case, the twelver), pop it open, lift it to the lips, open the mouth, guzzle, guzzle, guzzle...THINK the drink through!

You know how to get sober...you've done it! You know how to stay sober...you've done it! You can! You can!

Stormtooth

One of the most difficult things to dea with is selective recall. The statement about being drunk long before the first alcohol hits the system I think is quite true.

One of the concepts I learned in rehab and fully endorse, is that the user is delivered to the substance *before* they become obsessed snd compulsive. People are emtionaly and mentally prepared to need to medicate their lives inti self-destruction.

Sometimes when someone sobers up, they realize people and places have to be taken from their lives--and lots of things have to be fixed.

The relapses that happen come from the things glossed over and not fixed, the things that made us alcoholics to begin with, *before* we started drinking to self-destruction.

I hope that does not sound new agey or anything, but staying sober for me requires me to be more in touch with my feelings and more able to make tough decisions.