chicago

i replied to another thread with this but i copied and pasted it here as its own thread.

i came back from a meeting at 9pm to find the lock on my door was broke. so my neighbor, this 22-year old girl, let me hang in her apartment while the engineer came to fix it. she's "normal" and was asking where i go out at night to have drinks. i told her i had stopped drinking because it was interfering with work...but i didnt mention anything about AA. she asked how long its been since ive drank. i said "uhhh several months" when the truth is its been over 10 months. she was absolutely stunned. she goes "dont you ever feel like letting off steam?" i privately laughed to myself. im 26 and clean cut, she would never in a million years suspect that if i had one single drink i would undoubtably do heroin again. for that matter i dont think anyone outside of AA just meeting me would believe that i used to do heroin. so this little situation was very unique, kinda left me wanting to not be an alcoholic, so in this situation i need to pray to God and turn everything over. God works in my life so much today i just need to keep trying to turn things over to him. just the fact that outsiders wouldnt ever guess i was a junkie means the program is working because a year ago it was obvious to anyone and everyone that i was a **** up.

not sure how i feel right now. this might not seem so odd, but to me it feels extremely wierd. i guess it shows me that i cant hide myself in AA 100% of the time and as time goes on, i am going to have to learn to encounter "normal" people. so so wierd.

best

Just finished reading it on the other post.

First thought.... recovery happens and people take notice of the positive changes. The before and after changes and the after when they don't know the before... Yup, good recovery shines.

Midas

Awesome event to add to your ES&H! It is weird when stuff like that happens.

laurience

Thanks for sharing.. I think she probably was envious of the fact that you didn't need to drink and wondering how you did it. She might have been looking at you in AWE.. Congrats on your clean time... Give yourself a pat on the back.
Joanne

chicago

ive never been more grateful that i found this website. i might hang here all night...i cant believe my nerves are so shot right now. this incident totally sent me for a loop. there is a meeting 4 blocks away at 11:59. i might even need to hit that up. so wierd that this has tweeked me out so much. i left a couple messages for people in the program. i might continue calling people until i get in touch with somebody. i just feel wierd....sorry for the ranting. im just glad i have recovering AA'ers to communicate with right now.

laurience

Breathe, pray, journal whathever and I would go to that meeting if you are feeling that off.
Joanne

crazymarble

Chicago,

She reminded you of what was. It's okay. If you think about it, you're more normal than she is. Normal is going through life the way God made us, not going around needing a drink or coke or whatever to "blow off steam." If you need it, or you think you do, you're driving down the wrong lane.

It takes nerves of steel, and a real love for life, to continue on your path. I was never weaker than when I needed a line? You're going through life sober, that's hard but it's the right thing to do.

Anyway, it sounds like your waxing nostalgic to me. Let it go and be glad you're past where she is.

crazymarble

at least it was another human being that weirded you out. for me, it was a makeup case. that's pretty sad.

chicago

ok just got off the phone with an AA'er my age who has several years sober. we talked for 20 minutes and i feel so much better. for those who havent tried it, picking up the phone works!! i have been using the phone as my lifeline my entire length of sobriety and never once has it failed me. thank God for people...this is a prime example of me not being able to recover on my own. ITS IMPOSSIBLE.

crazymarble

Good.That's why I'm here. When I go back to Los Angeles, I'll join NA and hit the meetings. My boyfriend plays pool on Thursday nights and it'll be hard for me 'cause that when I'd use the most, as soon as he walked out the door. Instead, I'll reach for the liferaft. Have a good night. I'm super tired. But, thanks to this board, I feel a hell of a lot better. Adios.