Dreamz

Dreamz

Hey Lani - just wondering how you are doing. What day are you on now?

Let me know!!!

lani

oooops....i meant to reply to you dreamz. my huband and i talked the other night and i think he finally got the clue that i've been throwing at him and he realizes how serious i am about it. i'm AGAIN on day 2. but tonight is the night i usually go out to the bar with my friends and watch football, so i'm having a twitchy time this evening. heheheh. i've had my ipod on all evening, listening to music and 'chatting' online with my sister-in-law while editing some of my pictures. frustration is totally getting to me. i dunno if it's just knowing that i am refusing myself a drink or just the simple fact that i'm weak. anyway, i do appreciate your checking up on me. i am very hard on myself in every way possible...........f*$&....so much in my head. i know i can do this. thanks.

lani

My huband and i have not had a drink for 5 days! it's been really cool. it's hard to explain, but the best i can say is that i feel refreshed a little. last night i started feeling some emotions that i believe my alcohol consumption has been blocking. still so much in my head. trying to take one thing at a time of course.

Candy Scratch

Hey! WTG lani!!! It's great that both of you haven't had a drink in 5 days. One day at a time, right?

Although, I'm finding that sometimes it helps to look ahead a little. The weekend is coming up. Do you have any plans to keep busy this weekend?

Best to both of you,
CS

lani

So my husband and i had an awesome week not drinking together - five days. the longest break in alcohol in a loooong time. then we had a halloween party on friday night. as we prepared to go, we discussed the drinking issue - especially since it was at a bar. anyway, we decided that we could drink and that this would be a test to see if we (more me than him) caould handle having a drink without the freak out or continuance of drinking after. so, we went, placed second in the halloween costume contest (we were sally and jack skellington from the movie - nightmare before christmas), had a few beers and a shot. he slowed down earlier so he could drive home. i didn't get sloshed. just a "have a silly and safe time" buzz. i really had fun. the next morning, we woke up and went about our fun day. i felt really good. and we didn't drink last night. i didn't even want to!

so i know this doesn't solve my problem with alcohol, but it was nice to know that i could take a holiday and have an enjoyable drink. i feel really good about my decision, and am very proud that i was able to control the situation. i hope i can continue this! heck, it's my second football sunday with no beer! that's great for me!

i'm not sure if i really wanna pose this question as i know that what i do and think starts with me, but is this a dangerous path to travel on?

lani

well, i had really hope to hear from someone regarding my big question/little question post, but i'm feeling like it's ok....and i'm ok. i feel like i have grown a little/lot? in the past two weeks. i have drank 4 times. i am very happy to know that i still have a sense of control, but i am also aware, that my problem did/does go far. last night, i drank....and didn't really want to. that is wrong - and not healthy for me. last week, my husband and i enjoyed 2 beers each together. that was enjoyable. i enjoyed the taste and didn't drink to get drunk. our relationship seems to be more honest....not that it wasn't before - hard to explain. maybe just more real. and more true. i am on the way to feeling more solid. and it couldn't come at a better time - i am having internal problems. digestion issues. ick. i don't believe everything happens for a reason, but i do believe that we choose what we do and whether or not we learn from our past.
i thank this forum for a place to reveal me.

nelle4

Hi Lani, I'm on day 8 and I understand how difficult it is when the other people in your life, especially your H, don't think you have a problem and can't figure out why you'd want to stop drinking. My H thinks I'm being ridiculous. He warned me that I better not turn my efforts onto him. I assured him this was about me. I've been a drinker much like you, but in the past year or two, my consumption has escalated, I feel worse the next day, and I'm consistently ashamed of myself, depressed, and anxious afterward. So I decided to stop last Sunday when I woke up feeling like crap yet again. It's been easier than I thought it would be, but I haven't gone to any bars or parties. Did have some family over last night for socializing. I bought some NA beer and had a couple of those and water and no one said anything. Guess I"m not ready to put it out there that I quit drinking... mainly I don't want to make a big deal of it.
I tried the cutting down, cutting back routine many times. It never lasted for me. With six weeks to two months, I was back to where I'd been, and as time went on, drinking more and more. Moved from wine to the hard stuff.
Take care. I"m interested in how it works for you.

lani

wow

wow

did you like read my head?

i'd love to hear more.

today.....well, i'm not really sure what to say. a very bad day was had here. and my fabulous wonderful supporting husband is out of town this week. i've had a couple beers, but nothing to get get me wierd or anything.

i still feel wierd that i had two beers though. that must be wrong.

i must say - and not to throw a HUGE excuse out there - i just wanna be able to communicate...time now - with someone. i tries calling a girlfriend of mine, but she's 10 years younger than myself. hasn't a clue. my other best friend is 10 years older and is being a fitness freak - not that that's wrong, but....we have a problem relating to each other right now.

anyway.

thanks for responding.

lani

i feel like such a loser. i haven't been on here in a while. i was handling things ok. drank only three times last week. was very proud of myself. i went in to the new week yesterday full of hope and happiness. woke up, practiced yoga, accomplished a shitload of work at my my two part time jobs, kids were great. then my husband wanted to go out together. we did and i drank and today i feel guilty!!! i didn't get trashed or anything i just feel like crap because i allowed someone else to influence my fabulous day!

why didn't i just say no? i really didn't want to, but i sure don't regret the time we had together. it was actually very nice. but i feel stupid today.

maybe i need a therapist, but who has time anymore? then i would have to interview them, and that's so exhausting. pisser.

it's nice to get this out right now. i have got to change things. boy, i keep hearing myself say that. broken record.

i am so frustrated.