lani

I found this site the other day, but finally decided to register. I guess that's progress. I think i'm just looking for some support. Noone around me thinks I have a problem, but I feel it. I've been a socail drinker for years. Never had a problem with it, but in the past few years, it seems that I can't go a day without at least one drink. I don't drink a lot, but i'm just consistent. I don't like it anymore, but it seems so routine. And if I don't finish the routine, I get cranky. My husband drinks with me....it seems the only way we hang together anymore. We discuss not drinking - or drink only on the weekends, but then we just get cranky or stressed and break down and have a beer or two. I want to do this by myself and for myself, but i don't feel my husband is the best support. He's a wonderful man, but noone's perfect and I don't expect him to be. I don't really have a lot of supporting friends - most are drinkers. I guess i'm just feeling lonely and helpless. Kinda pisses me off since i'm so strong in everything else.

So that's it - briefly. I don't know if this is the right or wrong thing for me to do - I have never posted on sites before. Any comments or advice are totally welcome. Please know though, that i am a spiritual person, but I am not a god person. noone is going to save me but myself and i feel confident that i can. unfortunately, i also feel the need to have support behind me.

To anyone and all who read this - Thank YOU!!

Anna

Hi lani and Welcome,

I'm glad you posted. There is lots of support here and lots of understanding people. You have made a great choice to get sober and to do it for yourself.

The only suggestion I would make is to change your routines. That really helped me a lot. At the times when you would normally be drinking, plan ahead and make sure that you are doing something different. Do something that takes your mind off drinking. It helps to remove the pattern from your life.

I hope you keep posting.

wandering star

If you think you have a problem with alcohol, then you do. If you want to quit, now is the right time. I was never a binge drinker. I would drink 3-4 glasses of wine every night/every other, and more if I went out which was almost never. I knew a few things about myself though... my mom is a recovering alcoholic. I watched her hit bottom over and over until she finally quit for the last time when I was 23. My dad is an active alcoholic who doesnt think he has a problem. He is very energetic, high functioning, and fr the most part, happy with life. He is a born again christian who thinks he has everything right.

I knew that if I kept drinking, I was going to end up like one of them. I was going to hit bottom, maybe loose my husband, my7 year old daughter's trust. It wasn't worth the risk. You dont have to drink a lot to be an alcoholic. But it makes it a lot easier to quit. It only gets worse with the years, I know. Read more here and see how hard it is for people who have been heavy drinkers. I had a physical reaction to quitting a "small" drinking habit. I dont want to know how bad it would have been after another few years.

Ps. check out the Secular Connections forum. Really interesting posts. Im an agnostic. I have no choice.

p.m. me if you ever need anything

Dreamz

Hi, I'm dreamz - I'm probably known best for my colourful posts or trying to be the joy machine!

First off - your attitude is so amazing, you should be proud of yourself girl!!!
It must be hard to be in a circle of drinkers including your husband - especially when they don't appreciate that you want to give it up.

I think you're doing the right thing and you've gone a good way about it. Here you can listen to the experiences of other people and figure out what you think will work best for you.

I was addicted to meth and the way I got myself off that was to cut ties with anyone who had anything to do with meth so I can't really give you any advice or anything, I just wanted you to know that I'm here if ever you want to vent or yell or scream or cry - I'll always listen and help in anyway I can.

I believe that if you set your mind to it and find strength deep within yourself you will make it through this successfully! Keep in touch and if you ever need to PM me feel free...

Love Dreamz

CarolD

Congratulations for seeking answers to your drinking.
Alcoholism is a disease and it is progressive.
I suggest you get more factual info

My favorite book on alcoholism is
"Under The Influence"
and it has a sequel..."Beyond The Influence"

Both can be ordered from Amazon...

Glad to see a new member...we do understand and you are not alone.

Blessings...

lani

i am grateful to you all for support. it is one thing i feel that i don't have which of course would make this journey rough than it already will be. i'm still working on day one........very hard to take that first step.......

Disorderly

I totally relate to the "hanging out with husband" thing.

After a bad time and close marriage break up, becoming my man's drinking partner meant I could be closer to him and we could be buddies together. It was fun, the first time ever we'd had so much fun just being with each other and talking.

Took me ages to realise it was sad, too, that we could only do that with a drink in our hands....

so now I'm getting clean, and my husband's mourning the loss of his "drinking buddy". In turn I'm feeling intensely paranoid and threatened about the idea of losing my important place as friend and confidante in his life - I fought so hard to get there - and it feels almost like I'm throwing away him along with the bottle.

But still its something i got to do and I have to take the risk of losing a fundamental closeness and friendship that we shared. No one tells you that when you get sober you have to say goodbye to more things than just the drinking.

Good luck

Star180

(((Lani)))
You are a smart cookie. I wish I would have nipped this horrible disease in the bud years ago. If you dont quit, it only gets worse.
I am on day 3, and I have 30 mins left of this day and its on to day 4!!! I know I can do this, and you can, too!
Glad you found us!

lani

omigosh! i totally can relate with everything you (disorderly) said! i love him dearly, but we even met in a bar!! we have been together for almost 12 years (married, almost 8) so it's not that we can't not drink to have fun, but after his stresses at work (he hates his job now) drinking just makes hanging out easier. i've thought about how icky this situation is and keep thinking that we can change it. well, it hasn't happened yet. i didn't drink last night....but my husband was downstairs on the tv and i was playing video games upstairs. it's when we're together when we drink more often. and on the weekends of course.

i'm also trying to quit smoking cigs and doing the two at the same time makes it even harder!!!

has anyone tried any couseling at the same time as quitting? i've thought about that too, just to maybe get my head a little clearer.....i just don't know if i believe therapy stuff.

lani

oh yeah, and saying goodbye to this person who i've known for so long....(me).......i'm scared to see how i might change.

lani

it's rather intersting in the fact that i have soughtout help....i have received replies....and have responded.....but nothing back. it makes me sad. i thought this was supposed to be a helpful website.. i'm so back to square one....

Dreamz

Lani if you ever need help - you don't have to just wait for it, if you need help then just ask! There is always someone here ready to share their story or give advice or listen.

So if you ever need support or some to talk to just reach out and ask!!!

CarolD

I am sorry you feel unsupported..

Did you take any of the suggestion that we
shared previously?

Each day is a fresh start

lani

sorry - i know you are right.....i feel that there's such a difference between online support and face to face. i wish i had someone to back me up in the flesh. maybe i'm just not ready. i know that i have to be the one to help me. i just feel so lost. and frustrated.

CarolD

I totally agree...
I use SR as a supplement to my F2F AA

I too need the 'in person' contact.

I encourage you to attend meetings in your area...
do you know how to find them?

lani

no....and to tell you the truth....it's so very scary to take that next step.......

German69

Hi Lani,
I can totally relate to the "hubby as a drinking buddy" part. I met my husband at a pub. We loved to hang out and drink together. It is sooo hard giving up the fun part of drinking...it's just that while we start out having fun, we drink more and then more --until we become different personalities and things turn ugly for us...So hubby and I both figured out that we can't just stop at the height of fun...it always goes downhill. I so envy people who can just stop after that first or second glass of wine or beer and the people who don't think about alcohol all day long and the people who are able to take breaks from drinking a few times a week. But that would never be me because I have tried to control my drinking and it always ended up controlling me sooner or later...
Good luck to you.

lani

thanks german......how'd you quit?

MaryPoppins

Lani,
It's sooo good to see you here! It's difficult when support is minimal, and no one aknowledges where you are coming from. I relate to this completely. My husband continues to drink, and he pretends that I don't have a problem so that he won't have to look at himself. This will be be my support from now on. This and my children. They have no idea how much I drank, etc., and they have no idea how much they HELP me each and every day to stay sober. I'm really glad you are here. I hope to get to know you better! Have a great day!!!

lani

DREAMZ....

i don't quite know how to ask for help. here it is - me asking. i'm the strong one. always have been. asking is weakness (raised that way) and i know that while that's not true, i still have a problem not asking for help.
i'm trying again. day 2. i feel like i'm gonna freak out if i can't do this.