don't know what to do
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: fairfax, va
Posts: 3
don't know what to do
Hi- I don't know what to say exceptI am seeking help for my brother. I could type for hours explaining in detail the problem but will pit in as short as form as possible: My brother recently had a psycotic episode shortly after beginning to detox from methadone. He was admitted to the hospital where he was monitored and then discharged and told to follow up with local county mental health and drug services. He tried but did not make it very far and was admitted to another hospital for one night and discharged again. Shortly there after he went back to the first hospital again and was discharged again after a brief stay. On his last visit tothis hospital where he is now he said he was suicidal. I feel the hospital has done all they can do but do not feel he is ready to sent back into the real world. He is dual diagnosed and I do not feel he has the mental abilities to function. He needs some sort of longterm treatment but with no health insurance it seems virtually non-existant. He needs to be medicated correctly for his mental issues and also have someone help him deal with his addiction problem. He wants to get sober but I feel based on knowing him and his history he feels helpless and another discharge to a shelter is not likely to help him. I know ultimately he is responsible for his own recovery but need to know where he can get long term help to stabilize him, get him on the right medications, and start living sober with some support and guidance. He knows he has aproblem and wants help but I do not know where he can go to get it. If anyone has any ideas of places that could help him or phone numbers where I can talk to someone about options for him I would be most grateful.
Thanks
Mark
Thanks
Mark
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
I had a similiar experience in my family. They ended up making her a ward of the state. She was in some type of assisted living until she could function better. They did have to go to court to make this happen, but it is what ended up saving her.
The only other thing I can think of would be a sober living place, but that may be too rigid for him at this time.
I'm sure others will be around soon with some better responses. :-)
Welcome to SR
The only other thing I can think of would be a sober living place, but that may be too rigid for him at this time.
I'm sure others will be around soon with some better responses. :-)
Welcome to SR
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Hi Mark,
Welcome to SR. I am sorry to hear about your brother. Soon you will be hearing from others who will share their experience, hope and strength.
I have a grown son who is an addict and can appreciate how you are feeling right now. So many of us have been or still are hoping for their loved ones to find recovery.
As you just said- it is up to him.
I found out that all my efforts to help my son were actually preventing him from finding it for himself. This is an extremely difficult thing to accept. I learned in Alanon that I was only responsible for myself and that by detaching in love- I could avoid being completely overwhelmed by my son's disease.
Right now he is in jail, I did not bail him out (this time) and we remain close, but I leave his recovery up to him. He has been in and out of rehabs and in jail twice (that I am aware of)
To find help for him? NA and AA meetings are listed online. Local rehab facilities can be found in the phonebook. There are many places for your brother to get help and one way is to start going to meetings yourself.
I went to Alanon in the beginning to learn how to help my son stop using drugs and I soon learned that I needed support in order to live with the disease and what it was doing to myself and my family.
You will hear that alot here- to find your own support. By what you have written, it is obvious that you care a great deal about your brother and that is so heartwarming. What is recommended for family members like yourself is to go to at least 6 meetings and just listen to what is shared there. You will definitely find wonderful support here on SR. We have several different forums available for you to visit. Please keep coming back, I wish you all the best.
Welcome to SR. I am sorry to hear about your brother. Soon you will be hearing from others who will share their experience, hope and strength.
I have a grown son who is an addict and can appreciate how you are feeling right now. So many of us have been or still are hoping for their loved ones to find recovery.
I know ultimately he is responsible for his own recovery but need to know where he can get long term help to stabilize him, get him on the right medications, and start living sober with some support and guidance.
I found out that all my efforts to help my son were actually preventing him from finding it for himself. This is an extremely difficult thing to accept. I learned in Alanon that I was only responsible for myself and that by detaching in love- I could avoid being completely overwhelmed by my son's disease.
Right now he is in jail, I did not bail him out (this time) and we remain close, but I leave his recovery up to him. He has been in and out of rehabs and in jail twice (that I am aware of)
To find help for him? NA and AA meetings are listed online. Local rehab facilities can be found in the phonebook. There are many places for your brother to get help and one way is to start going to meetings yourself.
I went to Alanon in the beginning to learn how to help my son stop using drugs and I soon learned that I needed support in order to live with the disease and what it was doing to myself and my family.
You will hear that alot here- to find your own support. By what you have written, it is obvious that you care a great deal about your brother and that is so heartwarming. What is recommended for family members like yourself is to go to at least 6 meetings and just listen to what is shared there. You will definitely find wonderful support here on SR. We have several different forums available for you to visit. Please keep coming back, I wish you all the best.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello Mark, and welcome to Sober Recovery.
A good place to start is the local office of Narcotics Anonymous listed in your phone book. They know all the hospital, treatment centers and shelters. You can also see if there is a number for Nar-Anon, if not try Al-Anon. These organizations are totally volunteer and have lots of experience you can draw on.
Mike
A good place to start is the local office of Narcotics Anonymous listed in your phone book. They know all the hospital, treatment centers and shelters. You can also see if there is a number for Nar-Anon, if not try Al-Anon. These organizations are totally volunteer and have lots of experience you can draw on.
Mike
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: eden prairie, mn
Posts: 51
i think getting him as a ward of the state is the first step. then whats available will be picked up by the state. there are programs out there but there not free. it will also help pay for medication.
assisted living is also a good start, along with a day treatment program for duel-diagnosis, for drug addiction and mental illness.
good luck
assisted living is also a good start, along with a day treatment program for duel-diagnosis, for drug addiction and mental illness.
good luck
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Welcome to SR Slamjp,
I'm not an expert, but it seems that dual diagnosis is not uncommon for addicts. And the drug usage compounds the problem to the point of having no idea as to what is causing what.
I know how hard it is to feel so helpless.
I was very lucky in that at my wits end I called a narcotics hotline for my son. I had no idea where to turn. The lovley angel on the other end gave me numbers to rehabs that would accept a non-insured patient. There was a bit of a wait, but he did get a bed. he had to request it though abnd accept it.
There may be several hotlines that can offer you advice for your area. You may know which seem to fit him best.
Its a tough road, loving an addict. My heart goes out to you.
If you feel you're up for some helpful conversation, maybe stop in our Naranon forum for a bit.
There's alot of great people there that will understand.
Hope to see you around
(((hugs)))
Cece
I'm not an expert, but it seems that dual diagnosis is not uncommon for addicts. And the drug usage compounds the problem to the point of having no idea as to what is causing what.
I know how hard it is to feel so helpless.
I was very lucky in that at my wits end I called a narcotics hotline for my son. I had no idea where to turn. The lovley angel on the other end gave me numbers to rehabs that would accept a non-insured patient. There was a bit of a wait, but he did get a bed. he had to request it though abnd accept it.
There may be several hotlines that can offer you advice for your area. You may know which seem to fit him best.
Its a tough road, loving an addict. My heart goes out to you.
If you feel you're up for some helpful conversation, maybe stop in our Naranon forum for a bit.
There's alot of great people there that will understand.
Hope to see you around
(((hugs)))
Cece
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: fairfax, va
Posts: 3
Thanks for all the advice. I agree with it all. I also have fairly good idea about what al-anon teaches. I don't want to enable him but know he doesn't eeven have the ability to contacy people, tell him his issues and follow through. Awarding him tothe state sounds okay but I afraid once he gets in a place like that I may never see him again......and maybe that's just the way it willhave to be. Any other ideas I'd love to hear them, specifically places I can look into for him in the Norhtern Virginia area. In the meantime I'll try and leave it in God's hand's becuase that's where it is anyway. Thanks again.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
(((slamjp))))
Hi there, welcome to Sober Recovery (SR)
Both my kids are the addicts that got ME into recovery... through Alanon.
There were some things that I thought I 'knew' about addiction, one of which was that treatment was a big fix for it! I thought if I just got my kid (my daughters drug of choice (DOC) was methamphetamines) into a long enough residential treatment program, so that she could get her BRAIN working again - then OF COURSE she would get better!
In fact, I was pretty sure that my sister in law had made THAT VERY mistake with HER kid... not enough treatment time.
Oh boy.... turned out I was pretty wrong. My kid got several one month treatment opportunities (and actually finished at least three of them); one of which was followed by a 3 month recovery house... that she only completed 2 months of.
What I know today, is that MANY MANY folks get clean and sober through NA and AA... thought those who go through treatment do have better odds; it certainly isn't any "silver bullet".
Treatment gave my kids information and got them to do some introspection about their addiction, their denial and their delusion of being in control. Quitting and staying quit - that was ENTIRELY up to them. Someone here said once that an addict won't get clean until the pain of using becomes greater than the pain of giving up their drug.
My job was to stop providing a "soft landing" that eased their pain before they could figure this out.
My other job was to MY butt into a chair at Alanon so that I could figure out why my kids' lives were running and ruining my own life. The 12 steps of Alanon are exactly the same as the 12 Steps of AA... and in both cases, the only step that even mentions a drug or alcohol is Step One. The other steps are all about how to live my life.... better than I was doing before.
I hope you find some relief and some answers and I wish you the best with your brother.
Hi there, welcome to Sober Recovery (SR)
Both my kids are the addicts that got ME into recovery... through Alanon.
There were some things that I thought I 'knew' about addiction, one of which was that treatment was a big fix for it! I thought if I just got my kid (my daughters drug of choice (DOC) was methamphetamines) into a long enough residential treatment program, so that she could get her BRAIN working again - then OF COURSE she would get better!
In fact, I was pretty sure that my sister in law had made THAT VERY mistake with HER kid... not enough treatment time.
Oh boy.... turned out I was pretty wrong. My kid got several one month treatment opportunities (and actually finished at least three of them); one of which was followed by a 3 month recovery house... that she only completed 2 months of.
What I know today, is that MANY MANY folks get clean and sober through NA and AA... thought those who go through treatment do have better odds; it certainly isn't any "silver bullet".
Treatment gave my kids information and got them to do some introspection about their addiction, their denial and their delusion of being in control. Quitting and staying quit - that was ENTIRELY up to them. Someone here said once that an addict won't get clean until the pain of using becomes greater than the pain of giving up their drug.
My job was to stop providing a "soft landing" that eased their pain before they could figure this out.
My other job was to MY butt into a chair at Alanon so that I could figure out why my kids' lives were running and ruining my own life. The 12 steps of Alanon are exactly the same as the 12 Steps of AA... and in both cases, the only step that even mentions a drug or alcohol is Step One. The other steps are all about how to live my life.... better than I was doing before.
I hope you find some relief and some answers and I wish you the best with your brother.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Hi Mark, Welcome to SR. There are so many caring people here and I know for me, it helps to know I'm not alone.
Dual diagnosis isses are a double challenge and I understand your desire to help. I agree that only he can help himself, but I also understand the total frustration of trying to get the right information. Calling some hotlines to get numbers for possible options for him to look into does sound like a good route to take. Sadly, even with insurance, it is a challenge getting through the "system" and getting help when an addict does reach out. I do believe our HP's respond when we send the word that we can use a little help.
I hope you keep posting and I hope your brother can find the help he needs to move forward. Hugs and prayers
Dual diagnosis isses are a double challenge and I understand your desire to help. I agree that only he can help himself, but I also understand the total frustration of trying to get the right information. Calling some hotlines to get numbers for possible options for him to look into does sound like a good route to take. Sadly, even with insurance, it is a challenge getting through the "system" and getting help when an addict does reach out. I do believe our HP's respond when we send the word that we can use a little help.
I hope you keep posting and I hope your brother can find the help he needs to move forward. Hugs and prayers
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: fairfax, va
Posts: 3
thanks
Thanks again for all the support and advice. My brother left the hospital and went to detox this morning. I'm trying not to set any expectations on his recovery and hope he is open to all the help available to him through AA and NA and maybe somewhere in there he can find some help to deal with his other issues. My sister is going to make some calls to see whats available form a long-term treatment standpoint provided mty brother completes detox and is willing to go to long term. Thats all for now.
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