Dee74

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-7-a-21.html (Class of May 2020 part 7)

D

venuscat

Thank you Dee and goodnight. s xx ❤

Sober369

Hi all. Thanks for the new thread, Dee. Sweet dreams.
WL, don't apologize for posting about your issues. That's what we're here for. We can get ideas and support and just some 'listening ears'. You do have 'a tough row to hoe' as my mother use to say. So, here's another idea... Why don't you look up stories on the internet about people who have gone to rock bottom and turned it around. It may inspire you and give you some ideas. I know reading about people recovering from alcohol addiction really made the difference for me when I was trying to get sober.
TC, how are you doing? You've been so quiet.
I"m missing all our classmates. Story of my sober life. I just need to get over it, I know.
Hugs to all.

venuscat

WL ~ I really think we understand where you are coming from....I haven't told you much about me, but I come from a background of very high achievers and very high expectations. And I ruined everything. I don't even know how many jobs I got fired from to be honest....but I am sure it was at least 5.

I had nothing. I had to start again completely in order to begin to build new references. So I got a job as a house cleaner. And it was really really hard work. But I was doing something useful and I was ended up getting fit. Plus I was incredibly good at it, so I got a lot of positive feedback.

Now....well, I am still re-creating. I still don't have any job references....the only people who can vouch for my character are my landlady (and she has a few times, so nice) and actually, that's about it right now. I had another friend who was a referee but we had a falling out early in the year.

So when things are a bit better pandemic-wise and I want to work, I have to create something. My own business. Or I have to sell myself and even offer to 'try out' for a job to show them what I can do.

I know that the background check part is on your mind.....I understand. But if you do something now.....something like start volunteering to mow lawns for elderly people, or anyone who is struggling to pay for gardeners while things are hard at the moment. My BIL did this years ago just because he is an awesome guy.....started mowing lawns and such for older people in his area. And he was a very big-time stockbroker in Melbourne Aus....you would probably know the company.....his dad started it....anyway, he was so popular with the old folk that he could have turned it into a full-time business.

I believe we can minimise the damage from the bad background check and past mistakes with present actions. I really do.

So just my thoughts, with love. s ❤

venuscat

Good morning dear Karen. ❤

You are very wise love.... xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sober369

What a sweet thing to say, Venus. Thanks! You are the wise one, though. I hope you're having a great day. I am being a little lazy today. It's Sunday, anyway.
Hugs to all.

TiredCarpenter

Hi all!

Hopeful: I hope that you’re feeling better. We dohave a knack for drinking at the most in-opportune times, don’t we?
I’m sorry that you drank. I can relate to those horrible feelings. The best thing we (I) can do is embrace a sober today, do the good things, and carry on with hope. [hugs]
It sounds like you’re health conscious; you should start feeling better shortly if you keep off the sauce.

Hi everyone.
I’m doing really well, just been busy in the outdoors all day long for the last 3 or 4 days.
Accomplished a lot.

Our camping adventure will be to a small (ish) lake with nice campgrounds. (Many happy returning visitors). Instead of driving 7+hrs to the observatory, we (the wife) picked this one that is about 2hrs 40 min. away.
Should be a nice time.
(hopefully we get along ok)

Have a good, safe, decent Sunday everyone!

venuscat

Sounds lovely TC.
When are you guys going? I forgotteth. :hug; s

TiredCarpenter

Wife is on a damned rampage again. Nothing I do or say is right. It doesn’t matter if I’m gracious, assertive, terse, humble, supportive. None of it ! She used to be on a med that kept her reasonable.
She is the most UNREASONABLE, STUBBORN, ARROGANT person I know. AAARRGGGGH!
(all of which are traits I also have (except unreasonable)).

Not sure if camping will happen or not.

$%&*

venuscat

Sorry to ask a rude question, but has she had anything to drink?
The switch sounds like it might be alcohol-fueled? No? s

Stay calm....you got this....best way through is not to react. s

Dee74

Not suggesting this is the case here, but one of former partners was unmedicated bipolar.

I learned to keep my perspective about things.
My wifes anger was directed towards me but It was really rarely about me.

If things are really difficult can you have a solo day out?

You just gotta do you TC. Stay cool

D

TiredCarpenter

Thanks. I’ve suspected the bi-polar for a few years now. During the ‘manic’ times if she says “the sky is orange”, then no amount of reasoning could suggest otherwise, and I’m the biggest A-hole for ever trying to say ‘blue’ . And for every other thing I’ve said in the past three days.
So tiring, this.

Anyway, trodding along....

TiredCarpenter

Oh...venus, yes, the switch might be med fuelled, though she specifically avoids any of the mood-altering stuff. Some of it is nature....she has been very bossy since age 2, I’m told. There is also the PTSD, but I don’t think she lets it affect our relationship because she has worked hard to develop sound coping strategies for it.

We are both tired and impatient lately.
Maybe it’ll all work out.

Other than the potential cost, I might not be totally against separation at this point.
I’ve been patient for a long while now, I haven’t got much left to give.
I think she feels the same way.
....

venuscat

Well, perhaps it is time (not today) for a sit-down chat regarding what you both want and how you feel.

Nothing to do with what you are going through, but after a fight the other day, Nick (husband) and I sat down for quite a while and talked....it was kind of awesome. We both got to see what we need and why we were feeling the way we were. s

Fallow

Hi all just wanted to check in.
Sorry I havent been around and havent read any either. My wife is still very ill. She tested positive. I don't see signs of it getting better yet. I am trying my hardest but I feel like I am cracking under the stress. Theres nothing I can do about it.

I am trying to quarantine from her best I can and bringing all her meals and meds. My kids have it too Im sure. My daughter cant taste or smell and my son was throwing up yesterday. I am moving the kids to one room so I can have a bed. I havent slept well. I have no symptoms but I am worried out of my mind.

I will try to come back soon.

Wastinglife

I will have to totally reinvent myself. I'm not expecting a life of luxury. Just a career that I can be proud of. I don't need to mow lawns/manual labour for money. I could never put that on a resume. Huge red flag to go from a major brokerage firm at age 30 to mowing lawns in my 40's. Raises so many questions I don't want to answer. At least, in the corporate world.

I did know a guy in AA who has a similar past. Same age as me. Was married, house, career and then ended up homeless on the streets for 3 years. Had 2 DUI's. He sobered up and is making well into the 6 figures now. Has a house car etc. The thing is, he only had a 3 year gap to explain away and has a computer science degree/IT skills that are in demand. I have a 10 year stretch of spotty employment and gaps in my resume. I don't have a STEM degree which is highly sought by employers here. I can't compete in the job market at all anymore. Especially at 44.

I have to focus on being sober and take the time to research a niche that I can target.

Dee74

Fallow - its really important you get some rest time. Remember in all of this take care of yourself too.
I hope noone else gets it (including yourself) and it passes quickly from your house with no complications for anyone.
D

Fallow

Thanks Dee
I think the stress is causing loss of sleep for me at this point. I had no time before this and now its unbelievable. So many chores are lagging behind. The good news is everyone is being taken care of. At least to the best of my ability.

I will try to get to bed early tonight

TiredCarpenter

Take good care Fallow.

WL: can you invest? I’ve never done it. I have no idea what is required. Except, of course, a few $$.

Everyone have a good day/night/evening/morning. Whichever applies.

venuscat

I know it's hard, but you can call your GP for support. Every day if you need to. s

I am sending love and prayers, and faith: I believe they will all be ok. It might take a week or two though dear Fallow.
Look at Chris Como's family....they were all sick and all are well now. s xx ❤️