Hewson1974

thanks for the support....trying to see the positive in this as well. My mind does tend to replay negative thoughts before sleeping though....just need to make a plan and work it

and welcome to Puckluck and vcf....

PuckLuck

Thanks, and hang in there. The legal stuff sucks, but it's a cold hard reality of our drinking.

The shame, guilt and negative thoughts always creep up on me at night too. I just say to myself... Well, I'm not in prison and I'm not dead and try to find some gratitude even at ground zero.

Fallow

I say the same. These are really good things.
Earlier tonight I was mowing the lawn and I stopped just under a tree to look out and watch the sun go down for a few. I remembered this prison show I watched years ago where this guy had been in solitary for years. He said he had not seen a tree in years. For some reason that statement always stuck with me. I can't imagine that.

BASEjumper

Day 3 for me. Still feeling anxious, depressed, hung over. I've been mentoring a co-worker, but I drunkenly did something on social media, that I can't really remember. She's blocked me on all accounts, cancelled our mentoring sessions, and hasn't responded to my work message, or even looked at it.

I don't know what I did, and I can't apologize. I'm afraid she'll come after me for harassment, but nothing so far. I'm so ashamed.

I feel so slimy. I've been telling myself, I was doing it to help advance the career of a woman of color, which I did. But that's not totally honest. I did it because I was attracted to her, and wanted to get closer to her. It hurts to admit that.

I guess she figured me out. I can only imagine how she must feel, so disgusted, and she's not wrong. The worst part is, now that I'm sober, I just want to say, I'm so sorry.

I'm so ashamed, what have I done.

At least I got a psychologist now, and can work on myself again. I feel like a really bad person right now. It makes me feel so sad.

Dee74

Hi BASEJumper

I'm sorry. Most of us have regrets about drunken behaviour.

Doesn't sound like much you can do about this co worker situation but to stay sober work on your recovery and, if it comes up at HR or whatever, make it plain that your days of drunken inappropriate behaviour are over

It may not seem like it right now, but you will move on from this

D

Midton

Let me tell you about one thing that really helps me.

i like to watch YouTube documentaries about alcoholism as they both scare me and encourage me.

but, even more effective that they are are the YouTube videos of drunk fails. These are meant to be funny but seeing people without control over their bodies and then seeing them fall, hitting their head or face is terrifying. Especially as I’ve fell a few times over the years myself.

I never want to be in that position again.

PuckLuck

Been there, done that. Basically the same behavior and getting blocked blah blah. Yup. And not once either.

The booze just completely hijacks our brain. And sometimes we really do have good intentions, but they come out all wrong.

I behaved like a low life, a clown, a pervert, a psychopath or a you name it over the course of my 15 year career drinking and drugging.

Nothing we can do about it now other than stay sober, look toward the future and try to be the best version of ourself we can be. I guarantee you if you were sober that wouldn't have went down the way it did. Don't be too hard on yourself and if she does contact you just own up to whatever it was and be honest.

PuckLuck

This insomina is crippling. I think I have slept maybe 3 hours the last 3 days.

Thought it might lift a little tonight, but it's 2 am and still no go. Worst withdrawl symptom, at least for me. Sigh

Dee74

Yeah the sleeping got better for me... nothing the first night - a little more the next night...I was back to normal in about 10 days.

Try some of these pretty common sense ideas maybe?

https://www.better-sleep-better-life...mnia-tips.html
https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sleep-a...beat-insomnia/

Hewson1974

I feel ya on the insomnia...I get 3 hours a night perhaps. Sleep 1 hour, wake up for 1 or 2...repeat until morning. My mind racing about all the negative stuff happening currently. But I’m hoping little by little, day by day it will get better.

kopfan

Morning Everyone!
I don't want to drink. Because I want to be able to think.

Have a great day everybody!

Hewson1974

Good morning everyone!!!

Day 3 here for me.

just got off from a good 2 hour Zoom AA meeting . Planning on catching up on 2 p90x workouts...cleaning, and some reading today.

stay safe and sober

PuckLuck

Morning all,

Day 2.

I finally managed to get SOME sleep, but it's always the same thing... I fall asleep for a short period of time and have a vivid nightmare of someone trying physically/mentally assault or kill me. Then I wake up in a pool of sweat.

It's absolutely bizarre how alcohol basically turns your brain off and then when you quit, it's like your brain tries to reboot, but the start up disk is completely (bleeped).

Woke up with a runny nose and scratchy throat, too, so that's fun. Planning on having a nice breakfast, shower, then take my mind off things with games on the PC and maybe some reading later on. Hopefully a nap, too.

Hope everyone has a good, sober day.

venuscat

I had nightmares like that as well. Just crazy huh....and I love the description of the brain trying to reboot but the start-up disc is bleeped.

I also remember the runny nose and scratchy throat.
But I was like that every morning at the end of my drinking.
In fact, I often felt like I had the flu.

Anyway.....one day at a time this ALL gets better. And then it gets even better still. s ❤️

listae

On Day 1 again. Joining the June class. I managed six days in late June but decided to drink on Sunday which turned into a four day bender. My tolerance was a lot less after six days sober; so, after just four glasses of wine drank with food slowly, I was stumbling down the street. I fell and didn't even know that I fell until I woke up and saw the bruises, scrapes all over my arms, legs, and face. The police confronted me and gave me a ride home. I couldn't even open the door; my neighbor let me in. I ran to the bathroom and threw up but have no memory of it; I only know from the evidence of red wine vomit which looks like blood. The sense of misery and hopelessness is over me again. But I know I can't drink. I can't drink. I can't drink. I can't drink.

venuscat

(((listae))) ❤️

That is scary stuff love....I am so sorry you fell and all of it....I know how devastating that feels.
It has to be the last time love.....you are too precious to put at risk any longer.
You can do this.....you have the tools.....pick them up and let everyone help you. We all will.

With you every step my friend. s ❤️

PuckLuck

Yes, totally. The flu like symptoms always happen after a long bender. Those nightmares are pretty awful. One was so bad I had to turn on a light for a few minutes to regain my composure before trying to sleep again

PuckLuck

Welcome!!

Be123

Hi everyone

This is a message of love, solidarity and support from the March 2020 group.

And also to comment about sleep - it will come. For me it took about two weeks and even now (14 weeks) it still comes and goes. BUT! - 5 hours sober sleep is worth 30 hours drunken stupor.

Going to bed sober is the best...followed closely by waking up sober.

Hang in there guys, I can tell you the rewards start coming quite quickly. Put the work in daily.

PuckLuck

Thank you very much and grats on your time sober!