dafunbra

Love reading about everyone's successes and sometimes, not so successes. Today is day 43 for me. I was in a pretty dark place over the weekend, found out I had been replaced by my ex in a couple of weeks with someone she's known for 30 years and thought she would marry at one time. That hurt. Still does, actually. But I stayed the course and am better for having known her. I believe God put her into my life to show me I had value and to have a living example of how to live my life. He took her away because I needed that sharp crack across the face to really take my sobriety seriously and spend some time just working on me. I will try and post a little more often and not isolate like I was doing. Everyone have a great sober day. If I can stay the course through everything I have going on I think we all have that capability somewhere inside of us.

TeeJayVerm

Hi Kaily, thanks for asking. Yeah, I've been in a funk the past few days... just very depressed, sleeping way too much, and not feeling motivated to do much of anything. Just a few hours ago, I finally had the motivation to do grocery shopping... mainly because I have a nearly empty fridge.

I have a vacation coming up starting Saturday to go to some warmer, sunnier places. I plan on putting a lot of miles on my shoes for sure and get back into the habit of exercising regularly. Also, do a bunch of activities that have nothing to do with drinking. Hopefully, this trip will bring some sorely needed normalcy to my sleep schedule.

Then there are my continual periodic relapses, Drank Saturday and Sunday of last weekend so here I am back to Day 2. It's been "same old, same old" for a few months now (off again, on again) so a break in my day to day routine hopefully will be a good way to reset my recovery efforts and focus on staying sober for good.

I just downloaded a bunch of brain teaser apps to my phone and am meditating daily which are helping me take my mind of the day to day stuff.

Dee74

Sorry you feel down TJV.

Have you ever tried devising, writing out and following an action plan for an upcoming weekend ?

thinking about things to do, but also strategies for not drinking?

D

Kay25

dafunbra - I'm sorry that happened but I am really impressed with how you are handling it. Maybe there is a lesson like you are saying.

Kaily

Sorry to hear that TJV.

I know you have been looking forward to your trip for months, and hoping to be sober for it. You still can be.

I hope you can turn things around. Maybe see your Dr before the depression really takes hold.

Enjoy the sunshine!

Themechanic

Freakin' weird.

I'm sitting here at work behind my desk and my heartrate is at a hundred and I'm anxious/nervous whatever. Reason? There is an old half moldy banana that I tossed in the trash and I guess I can smell it. My freakin body is reacting to the fermentation smell. WTF I must be a bigger addict than I thought.

No worries I'm not going to drink, no way. Just thought I'd share that here.

Have great day!

strength4all

The mechanic, can you take the trash bag out and move the banana to a different trash can ? Or take it out to the dumpster?
dunfabro, sorry about your relationship. Work on you. Just focus on things you can control.
TJV, I hope you can rest easy and enjoy some sober time off.
I've been waking up with terrible headaches. They get better within an hour, but they are wicked at first. I'm at 7 1/2 weeks sober. Anyone else? Is this "normal"?

Themechanic

Sure, I own the place but I just thought it was odd.

Bonniefloyd

Rd2quit

Bonniefloyd - great job on staying sober and sticking to your exercise plan.

strength - yes, I was getting headaches for a while after I quit drinking. They would last for hours but I don't think they were as severe as yours sound. I am not a 100% sure if the headaches were from quiting drinking or from the change in my diet for the worse. Anyway, I have not had one for several weeks now. I am on day 89.

Rd2quit

Just finished up my 2nd day of my new job. It went really well. I feel like going out and having a drink to celebrate. I won't though, I want to have a good 3rd day and not be hung over.

Dee74

'drink' and 'celebration' or 'reward' no longer go together in my mind rd2 - congrats on day 90

D

TeeJayVerm

Thanks for the support, everyone.

Thanks Dee, I am in the process of developing a daily checklist that includes meditation, exercising, journaling, etc. My problem is executing on those things consistently and I have not really done vigorous exercising at all since the weather turned cold. The apartment complex just got new cardio equipment so I have no excuses now.

I also met up with some people tonight for our usual Wednesday night gathering and I need to make sure I take advantage of opportunities to spend time with my (non-drinking) friends... even though that was offset a bit by eating greasy pizza.

I plan to be like Bonnie and throw my FitBit on when I get to warm weather and put lots of steps on my shoes (maybe not 30K a day but definitely a lot).

Fingers crossed that the snow being predicted around the time of my flight is not significant... not that I am too worried about it because I am accustomed to flight delays. (Plus, airports are definitely not triggering for me... especially when the flight is scheduled to depart at 8:30 am. )

Two more work days, two more work days.... *deep breath*

G'night all... let's see if I can get my but out of bed tomorrow morning with less that 10 hours of sleep. (On the other hand, I could get that 3rd sober night in a row insomnia thing.)

Rd2quit

Dee,

thanks for the reply. I am very proud to be at day 90. I am working on getting to a place where celebrating and reward don't automatically mean drinking but I'm not there yet. It is getting easier though. When I posted that, I was just wrapping up the day and the thought of "a beer would be nice" popped in my head. I knew then I was not going to drink it's just what I always did before for so many years. The thought faded quickly and I forgot all about it by the time I was outside the building. In my first month of quitting I would spend the whole drive home saying "don't go to the bar, don't go to the bar, don't go to the bar," over and over to myself. I am sure as more time passes it will get even easier.

Kaily

Well done on 90 Days RD2

Bonniefloyd

Super big congratulations on 90 days, Rd2q! And I’m glad to hear the job is going well.

I’m doing fine. I’m going to estimate my start day as January 7th, since I can’t be sure exactly which day it was when I took my last drink. (I didn’t think about it at the time because I was fed up with day ones.) I do know that I didn’t drink on the 7th because I didn’t want to be hungover during my MRI. So if that’s my start day, I’m at day 10. I could be off by a day or two, but it won’t matter once I’ve racked up years of sobriety. Does that sound reasonable?

I have an appointment with the neurosurgeon on Monday. I’m not even going to stress about it, I’ll just be glad to get things moving along as far as whatever treatment/surgery/wait-and-see he recommends.

I’m a little concerned about the prospect of long term pain management, as I don’t want to become a pill addict now that I’ve finally given up alcohol. I think I’ll be fine because I’ve never really cared for pain meds and have only taken them for actual pain (like recovering from a c-section) and even then I go sparingly. But what if I acquire a liking for them? Anyway, it should be fine. Doctors these days are a lot more cautious about writing prescriptions, and I’ll be sure to address my concerns with the specialist. I think there are certain meds that they don’t like to prescribe to people with a history of addiction, and as much as I don’t want to tell my doctor my business, I should probably say something. Right?

Anyway, pretty normal day today. Walking my butt off, literally — I’m dropping some weight without even trying. I’m eating a lot, but I still don’t consume as many calories as I did when I was drinking. And with all this walking, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.

I’m typing this on my phone as I walk — I should probably pay attention to where I’m going though. Have a super terrific day!

Kaily

Hey Bonnie, I think day 10 sounds good. I have had many attempts at stopping previously, I would manage a few days here and there but always end up drinking again. I didn't think it mattered at all what day I was on, I just wanted to find a way to stop. I have changed my mind. I think counting my days, now that they have racked up a bit is a very big incentive not to drink. I can't bare the thought of waking up or coming here and being right back at the start.

As for your concerns about pain medication I would just be honest with the Dr, there is no shame in that.

I would love a walking companion, pity your not a bit more local! I like getting home from a long hike, feeling so tired and hungry I can barely stay awake, makes me feel like I have achieved something with my day.

Enjoy your walk!

TeeJayVerm

I would definitely agree, Bonnie... hopefully, your life insurance needs are already taken care of.

My openness with my doctor unfortunately did not positively impact my recovery efforts in a positive or negative way... however, I am no longer able to qualify for life insurance in the open market. I wish I had not been as "open" as I was when broaching the subject with him. (This is hindsight, of course.)

I'm not trying to make a recommendation, just sharing an experience.

Also, that is quite the red flag of the dangers of alcohol abuse, huh? Life insurers saying "No way"... even for a term policy that expires when I turn age 70. ("Past social habits" was the official reason for my denial for insurance.)

Edit: The broker says I can qualify again if I abstain from alcohol for two year or more. I was able to purchase AD&D as a "stopgap" as well and fully expect to go to a new employer in the next year or so that will provide an adequate amount of guaranteed offer life insurance. Now that I think about it some more, being open with my doctor probably was the right decision. (I'll still keep the post up because the "red flag" I mentioned is definitely VERY notable. )

TeeJayVerm

On another note... there is a Winter Storm Watch in effect right while my plane is supposed to depart for the Southwest US.

TeeJayVerm

That's cool, Southwest allowed me to rebook for a flight later in the day at no additional charge and it is a direct flight (original flight had a layover).

Thankfully, I was able to act and come up with a solution that would help increase the odds of timely travel instead of wallowing in stress and anxiety. (Still feel a bit anxious though...)

Did I ever mention that I hate winter!