PalmerSage

Hi all! I was able to sleep in past 8:30 this morning, which was so amazing. Then, I came downstairs to coffee already made and the dishwasher loaded...not a bad start!

Numblady, actually I didn't remember you recommending "Parched!" I looked up the reviews for "Mommy Doesn't Drink Here Anymore" and got sidetracked by the fact that the author of "Parched" was from NPR, and I am obsessed with NPR, so there you go. I'm going to try to stick with it a while longer, but if it doesn't work out I have a bio of Prince Charles on deck. That should help me sleep, ha! I love the fact that your kids are coming home, and you've had a chance to actually miss them. I'm sure your husband will probably need a break, so hopefully it will be a win-win.

NewChapter, I hope you have a good time at your nephew's birthday! And isn't tomorrow (or soon) your 6 month mark? Wooohooo!!!

I'm off for now, but will definitely check in later. Have a great day, everyone!

Numblady

Hi gang!

Palmer, that sounds like a delightful way to wake up! And I’m relieved if I did not recommend a book that is bringing you down. Has it improved at all?

NC sounds like a fun day. Hope the night does end up being fun too.

Chase, Dee, anyone else, hello to you too.

Was a good day. Bike ride went better than expected and I rode hard enough that my leg pain made me forget my ear . At least temporarily. It is feeling better so I think I can (mostly) quit my complaining. Then kids came back. It’s so nice to see them but phew the noise level just went up a lot. And the chaos and confusion factor. It’s like trying to ride a unicycle while doing other tasks. Or some metaphor. In a short amount of time my daughter asked me if she could have a you tube channnel, if she could go to a therapist, if i could set up the humidifier, if i could give her a night time routine including stretching and vocal exercises (I don’t even know what that means!!), if i could figure out how to make slime that does not dry out, could i write a speech, etc. It makes my brain very tired.

So I’ll do some reading and sober passing out a la palmer. Talk to y’all tomorrow!

Chase01

One more drive by. I should have time to get caught up later today.

PalmerSage

Hi all! Quick check in for me today because we're taking a road trip to bring one of my kids to camp. Yesterday wasn't the best day, despite an auspicious beginning I ended up feeling kind of "meh" and super irritable. I was starting to see some results from my new diet and exercise routine, but those seem to have stalled...everyone seems to need something from me at all times...blah blah blah. Nothing serious or unusual, just an off day.

Numblady, your daughter always sounds so clever and hilarious! I can imagine that would wear off after a certain point and become exhausting, although maybe I'm just projecting my bad mom-ness onto you! The requests for a therapist and a nighttime routine are particularly interesting. Was she spending time with a life coach while she was away?!

Off to do a million things and then bolt for the car. Have a good day, everyone!

NewChapterJan18

Hi Class!

@Palmer: I'm really sorry to hear that your day took a bit of a nosedive yesterday - I was so excited to read of the wonderful start you had waking up to fresh coffee and a clean kitchen! Hopefully today will be better. It sounds like you are in constant demand and that you really shoulder the burden for a lot of people. I hope that you can try to work on preserving a little of your time for self care and for pushing back a little, for your own well being. I do know that is much easier said than done at times, though. Just concerned for our sober buddy and hoping that you're not being taken for granted or burned out. As for the Prince Charles Biography, I am sure that will definitely aid with sleep! ;-) Haha

@Numblady: It must be so wonderful to be reunited, though it sounds like they landed with a BANG! haha I echo @Palmer in her assertion of your daughter, she just sounds so whimsically precocious and clever! I bet she will be a powerhouse just like her mom when she grows up!! I must say I got a giggle out of the therapist/night time routine requests, too cute! I'm glad you enjoyed your bike ride to the point where you at least temporarily gained some respite or distraction from your ear - have the drops helped at all?

@Chase: Looking forward to an in depth catch up to hear all your news. Hope GI issues are behaving.

So I had a really lovely time at my nephew's party yesterday, and the event last night was excellent. It was a discussion amongst psychologists/scientists around morality/religion/secularism/politics and it was really interesting, engaging, thought provoking and has given me lots of food for thought. Some other friends of mine had also attended so we met up afterwards for a little while to discuss and it was really enjoyable. Then myself and my friend went to meet my hubby and his friend. The night turned out to be drama free thankfully and I actually had a pretty great night. I bumped into another girl who I haven't seen much of since my party days and it turns out she is now trying to move away from that scene and focus on work etc. Our party friend (hubby's friend who contends with pretty severe substance abuse issues) also told me last night that he was inspired by my ability to be out and socialising without needing a drink and just now I have had a message from my girl friend saying that she was inspired by my sobriety and has decided to try again to give up alcohol, starting today.

I must say, the longer I am sober, the more it crystallises for me just how many people around me are using alcohol and substances in such an unhealthy way, and who are really struggling with it. Today marks 6 months for me (thanks for the shoutout @Palmer! haha) and from where I stand, my commitment to sobriety and conviction in my decision to finally rid myself of the shackles of alcohol is stronger than it's ever been. I can honestly say that I would not be here without the support and camaraderie of you all, and I am just so grateful to you all for your (cyber) friendship. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!

Chase01

Hi friends. Sorry for the multiple drive by posts. This weekend was non stop busy. Some less than great stuff happening in my world, currently. Alas, I am too exhausted to delve into it all tonight. I will aim for a properly self absorbed, pity party post tomorrow.

Newchapter, way to go on 6 months. That is almost as amazing as your commitment to sobriety. It is all truly inspiring.

Numblady

New Chapter WOO HOO!!!! CONGRATS! Not only have you hit the 6 month mark but the clarity of mind seems so well established. Love how you are inspiring others as well. And so glad last night turned out so well. I know you were apprehensive, so just yay!

Chase, sorry the less than great things are happening. Hope things calm down a bit for you.

Palmer, hope you got your million things done. Yeah, hilarious and exhausting all at once, that is my daughter. Apparently when she was out of town with my husband staying at my MIL’s she said “you guys think I’m hilarious but I’m a tough shell to crack.”

I’ve got a real live one on my hands. She’s worn me out pretty well today. Luckily my folks are here. My dad is sick so that’s not good for lots of reasons including he has to lay down and can’t do much with the kids. Hoping he’ll feel better soon, poor guy. Speaking of feeling better, ear feeling much better so I guess the lady who told me it wasn’t bad was on to something. I feel like I am turning into a crazy person though. Now my nose is swollen up and hurts. I think it’s just some kind of pimple gone awry but I can’t help but feeling like my brain is trying to slow explode or something weird. But overall feeling good. So I guess can’t complain. I was telling my mom about it being swollen and weird and aforementioned daughter says, total deadpan, “oh no, that happens to you a lot. We just don’t tell you about it.”

Lord help me! All right gang. Going to sleep as soon as i can help wrangle the small beasts into their pens. I mean beds.

Dee74

Congratulations NC

D

scottynz

Hi everyone,

I could do with a bit of support from my SR family. I’ve arrived on holiday, one of the most beautiful places in the world, up in the mountains, snow covered caps, crystal blue lakes, wonderful Winter. Quite a lot of Lord of the Rings was filmed here, it is simply stunning.

It’s also where I had my honeymoon 18 years ago and so there are also bittersweet memories here too. It’s meaning a lot to my son to know his Dad was here, it’s all complicated at times emotionally I mean.

I really want to drink, it’s what I do on holiday and last week was just hellish with my partner in hospital so there is an even greater sense of ‘you’ve earned it’. The hotel restaurant/bar has the most spectacular views and a roaring open fire, I want to curl up in front of it with a book and a glass of red wine.

It hasn’t helped that the hotel put a complimentary bottle of red in the hotel room either!

I’ve already told the barman I don’t drink and set him a challenge to come up with a tempting non alcoholic cocktail that is not as sweet as the ones on offer (I’ve never liked sweet drinks). I’ve put the bottle of wine in my suitcase and plan to give it to my friend who is house sitting for me.

It is really hard though, I recognise the AV for what it is and I know this is also just an association I have with alcohol and holidays, but it still feels like denial when holidays are about a bit of indulgence.

I totally intellectually know how things would end and anyway I don’t drink anymore, but dammit I want to.

Dee74

maybe read some or your earliest posts Scotty? That usually does a pretty good job or dispelling the want.

The rosy nostalgic image of being curled up by the fire with a glass of red is a fantasy - the reality for all of us is something quite different.

for me drinking again would be an abomination rather than any kind of a reward or pleasure.

D

PalmerSage

Numblady, you need to write a book or something. I can see you on like, Ellen, years from now, and she'll ask you whether you knew you had a future celebrity on your hands! One of my kids used to say the funniest things (also embarassing at times), and my SIL said that he just loves to speak in platitudes, which is so true. Kids are so funny, they just are who they are, nature usually winning against nurture! Luckily, we're all able to keep our sense of humor now that we're sober. And since there's no booze anymore, at least there's always bed.

NewChapter, WOW. First, HUGE congratulations on 6 months! That is awsome, and the positive impact you're having on your friends is seriously amazing. I don't spend much time around heavy drinkers (simply due to luck), but I can imagine how motivating it would be to be confronted with a manifestation of your former self, to see how far you've really come.

Scotty, I'm so glad you posted! The place you're staying sounds incredible...by any chance, do they have a spa, sauna, steam room? It may be helpful to focus on the "red wine in front of the fire" feeling as "a complete state of calm and relaxation," which can definitely be achieved in other ways, without the horrific after-effects of alcohol. I can tell you that when I've relapsed in the past, I always think, "that was SO not worth it," but then since I already failed, I end up just continuing into a downward spiral. It may take months, but I always get back to abject misery eventually. For me, drinking leads to more anxiety, not relaxation. I think it is probably the same for you?

Numblady

More later but just saying glad you posted Scotty. I will be doing exact same next week as I head to one of my drinking destinations surrounded by my hard drinking husband, hard drinking friends and beach vacay culture. Maybe similar for you but I just try to imagine I am exorcising my drinking demons and fully experiencing what I am doing instead of obsessing about when I can get the next drink. Keep posting. I know you will feel an incredible sense of accomplishment when you get through this sober.

NewChapterJan18

Hi Class!

Thanks for all the kind words on 6 months, it really warmed the occasion. I am so exhausted today! On top of the late night Saturday, last night we were woken at 2.30am by a neighbours alarm which DID NOT STOP for 30 minutes. So sleep was broken and didn't get much quality rest after that. I feel like a cartoon character all day, my eyes drooping shut every five mins as I try to keep them open with proverbial match sticks (caffeine) to get through the tasks of the day! I also feel like crap as I ate a tonne of bad food yesterday and basically just vegged on the sofa as I was so tired from the late night. I think I forgot that even though i don't have to contend with the hangover part of going out, the lack of sleep part will still bite you! Although I really regret going off the rails food wise yesterday as I had gotten into such a good routine diet and exercise wise and was finally shedding some weight, I think I'll be skipping Bikram tonight to try and catch up on my sleep so that it doesn't knock on to the rest of the week! Back on the healthy wagon tomorrow!

@Chase: I'm sorry to hear that things haven't been so great. Keep your chin up and know that we are here to support anytime you need.

@Numblady: Your daughter sounds like a riot - and she knows it, too! Haha So cute. Sorry to hear that your Dad is sick, nothing serious I hope. Hopefully your nose improves - those errant pimples can be truly painful!

@Palmer: I hope things have slowed a bit after your hectic day yesterday? Have the contractors finally gotten their butts in gear?

@Scotty: So happy that you posted. It sounds like a classic AV manoeuvre to try and capitalise on your recent challenges and to try and leverage that as reasoning that you 'deserve' to drink. In actuality, and to echo @Dee's sentiments, you 'deserve' to be sober! As @Numblady and @Palmer have also said, you 'deserve' to experience your holiday, to truly savour the break and relax and unwind and enjoy and recuperate. All of the wonderful virtues that a vacation offers, and that alcohol undoubtedly destroys. The image of the glass of wine by the fire is surely a mirage, and we all know how it looks in the cold harsh light of reality for each of us here. I know how challenging cravings can be on vacation, when the AV elevates to a cacophony in our brains, but we are all here for you every step of the way, to help support you and temper you as best we can as you ride out those waves. You are strong and determined and you will beat the AV and call it out on its false promises. You will have the wonderful vacation that both you and your son deserve, and your AV will have to watch in stunned silence.

Sending hugs and positive vibes!!

scottynz

Just very quickly as I am about to take my son up the mountain to see snow for the first time, I think the fantasy he has about snow might change after about ten mins!

Thank you all for your support and advice, it definitely helps me strenghthen my resolve and knowing I can post here when the powerful cravings hit actually helps reduce their power.

I absolutely totally know where having that holiday drink (or ten!) would lead, but it is just rewiring my brain that takes a lot of effort. I find thinking of alcohol as a poison and the AV as a monster I have locked up that will attack me if I open the door actually work as visuals for me.

Thank you everyone, I still have the rest of the week to go and the cravings are still really strong, but while I was mostly a solitary secret drinker, it kind of feels like I have my sober buddies with me and that does help.

Chase01

So much to catch up on and so little time, as always. Things are already looking up in my world, so I will delay the pity party for a day. I have to be up at 0330, so this is basically a slightly extended drive by.

Scotty, so glad you posted here when that AV started chattering. Stay strong and be present for your son. Remember how that one glass of wine would actually play out. Those rosy memories are nothing but fantasy. Enjoy health, and being sober on vacation, and being able to remember it all when you get home.

I will make the time to catch up with you all tomorrow.

Numblady

I am sorry for a lame o post but that’s what you are getting. My nose is still bizarre looking and painful. And I threw my back out in some type of karmic retribution for joking to a colleague about his age and back injury today. Last time it happened it just kind of went away. Crossing fingers for that. Not sure why I’m falling apart when I need to be at max capacity so I can leave work in decent shape and not feel like I even need to think about it for a minute. Murphy’s law I suppose.

Hopefully all snaps back into place and this fragile flower life I’ve been living can get back to normal. Can’t say I’ll stop whining but at least it won’t be about bulbous facial deformities (hmmm think that may be my new band name).

Scotty so glad to see you riding out the cravings. We are rooting for you!

More later I hope. Hugs!

scottynz

hey everyone,

So tired after a wonderful day with my son up the mountains in the snow. It wasn’t until we took a break at lunchtime that I thought about what a different experience it would have been had I been drinking.

It was an early morning bus ride , a spectacular view the whole way, all the bustle and business of a ski slope and the brightness of the sun on the snow. A snowball fight with my son, sledding down the slopes with him, breathing that cold mountain air.

Now replay all of that after a night of drinking and how miserable an experience it would have been.

I can’t pretend the cravings have gone, but they are fading and it is that sense of being able to be present not only for my son, but for myself too.

I’m using the money I would have spent on wine on a massage tomorrow instead

NewChapterJan18

Hi Class,

@Scotty: I really hope you and your son had a blast in the snow, be sure to let us know if it lived up to his expectations! Well done on riding out the AV mumbles thus far. As you know, we are all here to help you when AV comes calling, so please post as frequently as you need and know that you have a cyber army behind you ready to do battle against the AV by your side! I also find visualisation to be a hugely effective tool. For me, when the AV comes knocking, I picture myself at my happiest, engaged in something that I would never have been able to do when I was drinking. Usually that's galloping up a hill on horseback, but can also be waking up sober and guilt free, hanging with friends and family, etc. whatever works for you, run with it!

@Chase: So glad things are looking up. 3.30am - ouch!! Hope it's a good day ahead.

@Numblady: Oh no!! I'm sorry to hear that pesky ailments are still bothering you - hopefully nose and back will both improve soon!

So yesterday I skipped yoga as I was just too exhausted to cope with exercising for 90 minutes in 105 F! I went home and crashed in front of the TV while hubby was at tennis and then had a good night's sleep, even taking a little lie in this morning. Unfortunately, however, I finished off all the crap in the house last night. I felt so guilty and ashamed afterwards. I've decided that for my health and wellbeing, I need to start taking a harder line with myself in terms of food and the binges need to stop. I'm noticing a dangerous pattern and it has been like this for some time, and I need to draw a line under it. Hoping to formulate a solid yet manageable plan to implement going forward, much as I have done and continue to do with my sobriety. It's all about commitment and forward planning, and my attitude to food should be no different! Have a great sober day all.

Sunflower79

Good morning everyone! I’m sorry I haven’t been around lately. I’m not sure why I don’t feel like I have much to contribute.

Scotty my sober twin I’m so glad you posted and talked through your cravings. You will never regret not drinking!! Enjoy your son and your massage!

I can’t believe it’s been six months. I picked up my chip from AA yesterday and it was a good feeling. I still have thoughts of drinking occasionally but they are brief and I actually went to a concert last week and had so much fun. It was my first sober concert. Anyways I am going to try to be more active on this thread. I miss checking in and seeing what you all are up too 💕

NewChapterJan18

@Sunflower: So happy to see you pop by - we’d love to have you visit us more frequently! Excited for continued catch ups. Congratulations on 6 months and your chip! I’ve attended some sober concerts recently too and must admit I feel I gained so much more from the experience. Happy to hear all is well in your world!