Class of March 2017 Support Thread Part 4
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 275
Thank you guys. Today was mostly fine, until...
...about five minutes ago. My husband is heading out to get us burgers from my favorite place for dinner. And I sat and wondered out loud, "How much do I want to celebrate?"
At first I was thinking solely about carbohydrates (I'm doing a low-carb thingamajig now) but then I thought oooh, a bottle of wine. Click, door unlocked. Gosh, wouldn't that be nice. Swing, door opens. Pleasurable thoughts rush in, prompting me to think the words, "Hey honey, would you mind also picking up..."
But then a breeze came from some other part of my brain and my commitment from yesterday came drifting in. And then that breeze brought you guys along, sunshine, and JC-NY, and Dee.
Well, before I knew it that breeze was strong enough to close that darn door. I decided that if I splurged, it would be on fries and onion rings, and gosh, that chili cheese dog sure looked good, and oh, grilled cheese sandwiches, I love grilled cheese sandwiches! And wow, look, they just started offering milkshakes!
This is a long note to say a short sentiment: thank you.
And JC-NY, I don't usually guffaw. In fact, I think that's only the second time in my life I have ever used that word, but guffaw I did when I saw your post.
Ohhhhh! Not just birthday wishes, and not just with a dog, but with a greyhound!!! You brought the biggest smile to my face and the biggest laugh from my throat.
OK, burgers (and just a couple of items on that list above...) are en route. Ciao Ninja buds.
...about five minutes ago. My husband is heading out to get us burgers from my favorite place for dinner. And I sat and wondered out loud, "How much do I want to celebrate?"
At first I was thinking solely about carbohydrates (I'm doing a low-carb thingamajig now) but then I thought oooh, a bottle of wine. Click, door unlocked. Gosh, wouldn't that be nice. Swing, door opens. Pleasurable thoughts rush in, prompting me to think the words, "Hey honey, would you mind also picking up..."
But then a breeze came from some other part of my brain and my commitment from yesterday came drifting in. And then that breeze brought you guys along, sunshine, and JC-NY, and Dee.
Well, before I knew it that breeze was strong enough to close that darn door. I decided that if I splurged, it would be on fries and onion rings, and gosh, that chili cheese dog sure looked good, and oh, grilled cheese sandwiches, I love grilled cheese sandwiches! And wow, look, they just started offering milkshakes!
This is a long note to say a short sentiment: thank you.
And JC-NY, I don't usually guffaw. In fact, I think that's only the second time in my life I have ever used that word, but guffaw I did when I saw your post.
Ohhhhh! Not just birthday wishes, and not just with a dog, but with a greyhound!!! You brought the biggest smile to my face and the biggest laugh from my throat.
OK, burgers (and just a couple of items on that list above...) are en route. Ciao Ninja buds.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Olde England
Posts: 528
Hey All, checking in on Birthday week, picked up my bronze chip on Tuesday and tonight I'm heading to the rooms I walked back into after 2 years back out, on Friday a year ago today, broken, sweating and jangled and said "I am without a shadow of a doubt, an alcoholic" - should be emotional :o)
Congrats and well done to everyone who's finally Done All The Seasons :o)
Congrats and well done to everyone who's finally Done All The Seasons :o)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 275
Hi Ninjas! I was just posting in the March 2018 thread and mentioned our thread (I think someone who just joined March '18 was also in our group) and it made me think of you guys and I wanted to drop in and say howdy.
My update is, well, not so great: I keep dipping the toe into the not drinking pool then full-on diving back into the drinking pool.
Dee, in a recent post in the March 2018 thread you wrote: "it's usually much harder to give up again after a relapse... - the monster gets its claws in pretty deep."
That really resonated with me. I agree about it getting harder each time, because every time I go back to drinking is like having another small weight added to a pouch I'm carrying, a weight that AV puts in there while saying, "See, you can't do it, I'm stronger than you."
And to the second part: "the monster gets its claws in pretty deep." It's along the same lines, but so powerful. Each time I try and fail, the monster's claws go in that much deeper, and it has that much more of a hold on me.
That image—that incredibly visually visceral image—definitely is getting added to the plan. Thanks for posting it.
Day 2. Hope all you guys are well. Belated birthday wishes to you, NapsteR1, my fellow Pisces. Onward and upward.
My update is, well, not so great: I keep dipping the toe into the not drinking pool then full-on diving back into the drinking pool.
Dee, in a recent post in the March 2018 thread you wrote: "it's usually much harder to give up again after a relapse... - the monster gets its claws in pretty deep."
That really resonated with me. I agree about it getting harder each time, because every time I go back to drinking is like having another small weight added to a pouch I'm carrying, a weight that AV puts in there while saying, "See, you can't do it, I'm stronger than you."
And to the second part: "the monster gets its claws in pretty deep." It's along the same lines, but so powerful. Each time I try and fail, the monster's claws go in that much deeper, and it has that much more of a hold on me.
That image—that incredibly visually visceral image—definitely is getting added to the plan. Thanks for posting it.
Day 2. Hope all you guys are well. Belated birthday wishes to you, NapsteR1, my fellow Pisces. Onward and upward.
Last edited by argillaceous; 03-21-2018 at 01:27 PM. Reason: added sentence
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 275
Bumping up our thread with an update: I continue to struggle, using alcohol at times to self-medicate my continuing chronic neuropathic jaw/neck/shoulder pain, but also reaching more for the bottle for emotional reasons: our second (and final) greyhound who is 13 is having a sudden decline in health.
She has been diagnosed with laryngeal paralysis, and we now have to decide whether to get surgical intervention for a unilateral tieback of one side of her larynx to open is so she can breathe better. If we don't have surgery it will continue to get worse until her struggles to breathe will mean we will need to give her a gentle goodbye. She's still fit so we will likely do the surgery, but it all brings up that even with the surgery, our time with her is growing limited.
This is all to say that I am now going to add AA to my repertoire to see what help that might bring to help me stop drinking. My first meeting will be next week. Wish me luck Ninjas!
In the meantime, hope everyone is well. And just to say, ours is still my favorite monthly thread... : )
She has been diagnosed with laryngeal paralysis, and we now have to decide whether to get surgical intervention for a unilateral tieback of one side of her larynx to open is so she can breathe better. If we don't have surgery it will continue to get worse until her struggles to breathe will mean we will need to give her a gentle goodbye. She's still fit so we will likely do the surgery, but it all brings up that even with the surgery, our time with her is growing limited.
This is all to say that I am now going to add AA to my repertoire to see what help that might bring to help me stop drinking. My first meeting will be next week. Wish me luck Ninjas!
In the meantime, hope everyone is well. And just to say, ours is still my favorite monthly thread... : )
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,533
Argi-you just keep trying and you will get this. It isn't easy. I reached a 90 day milestone yesterday and you know how I wanted to celebrate! I wanted to drink. How sick is that?
So your doggie, how sad. As far fetched as this seems... to think of gratitude that you will get to give her a gentle goodbye if that is what it is. Some lose their animals tragically. And how fortunate for her to have such a loving family to take care of her during this time. So many get thrown away.. .
I'll always love my fellow Ninjas!
So your doggie, how sad. As far fetched as this seems... to think of gratitude that you will get to give her a gentle goodbye if that is what it is. Some lose their animals tragically. And how fortunate for her to have such a loving family to take care of her during this time. So many get thrown away.. .
I'll always love my fellow Ninjas!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: LI, NY
Posts: 982
Argi, Sunshine said it as better than I ever could. Pets give so much joy for many years and I know how hard it is to say goodbye. My Mom is about to rescue her third boxer.
Don't you think there are better medication options than alcohol? I mean alcohol is poison and adversely effects our health. Hang in there
Don't you think there are better medication options than alcohol? I mean alcohol is poison and adversely effects our health. Hang in there
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I'm sorry to hear about your pain and your greyhound Argi but I agree with JC-NY that alcohol's a particularly poor medication for either ailment.
I really hope you'll come back soon as a regular here
I hope everyone has a good sober weekend
D
I really hope you'll come back soon as a regular here
I hope everyone has a good sober weekend
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 275
It made my day to return to see that my Ninja peeps had responded.
Thanks for posting guys, it was just what I needed. Feeling a bit unsteady these days but excited to be going to my first AA meeting this week. Maybe not so much excited; more like a little nervous. But I am excited to add this to my toolbox. It's a big move for me.
sunshine, 90 days? oh girlfriend, you are rocking the house. I am so impressed and proud of you for sustaining that amount of time. AV seems like its chattering as much as ever...but your 90 days has a lot to say back already!
I can't even imagine 9 days. You are definitely inspiring me. Actually, my first goal is 31 days, which will be the longest I will have gone in some 30 years.
And yes JC-NY and Dee. alcohol is by no means the best solution to dealing with physical or emotional pain. In fact, I'd rank it pretty close to the bottom of the list. That said, there have been a handful of times where drinking just to dull the constant neuropathic pain seemed to be my only option.
I'm trying to move to a place now where I am taking alcohol off the table as a solution to the physical pain issues. So that means I need to work more creatively with the existing tools in my pain toolkit, like starting back doing formal meditation, and setting boundaries around what I can and (moreso) can't do.
The drinking for emotional reasons--happy, sad, depressed, elated, bored, angry, ecstatic, new movie on, old movie on, filing taxes--pick an emotion, task, or event and I think I've turned it into a reason to drink at some point in my life. Which is where I'm hoping AA might help the most. I've read about people's experiences with it but I'm going in with an open mind.
Thanks all for your thoughts about my remaining greyhound. I should know more in another week or so about which direction we might take.
Thanks Dee for the suggestion to come back soon as a regular. It was a godsend for me to be able to both write about Argus the week leading up to his passing and to revisit and share some of my own drinking history through him. It kept me from drinking that entire week, and to be present to experience everything that happened that final week.
And I started in this community when I knew Argus was heading downhill. It really helped me start to get some real sobriety dates under my belt, which then shore up the good things about an alcohol-free life.
And mostly, being here four a good four solid months, some posting, some not, but always here in one way or another did something amazing:
it didn't make me feel so alone.
I felt the love and support of SR, whose members busted out all that isolation I was feeling and filled it with support from some genuinely special people. Being here is an important part of my recovery.
Thanks you guys. I'm glad you're still checking this thread occasionally. I like knowing there are still some Ninjas out there who have got my back.
Thanks for posting guys, it was just what I needed. Feeling a bit unsteady these days but excited to be going to my first AA meeting this week. Maybe not so much excited; more like a little nervous. But I am excited to add this to my toolbox. It's a big move for me.
sunshine, 90 days? oh girlfriend, you are rocking the house. I am so impressed and proud of you for sustaining that amount of time. AV seems like its chattering as much as ever...but your 90 days has a lot to say back already!
I can't even imagine 9 days. You are definitely inspiring me. Actually, my first goal is 31 days, which will be the longest I will have gone in some 30 years.
And yes JC-NY and Dee. alcohol is by no means the best solution to dealing with physical or emotional pain. In fact, I'd rank it pretty close to the bottom of the list. That said, there have been a handful of times where drinking just to dull the constant neuropathic pain seemed to be my only option.
I'm trying to move to a place now where I am taking alcohol off the table as a solution to the physical pain issues. So that means I need to work more creatively with the existing tools in my pain toolkit, like starting back doing formal meditation, and setting boundaries around what I can and (moreso) can't do.
The drinking for emotional reasons--happy, sad, depressed, elated, bored, angry, ecstatic, new movie on, old movie on, filing taxes--pick an emotion, task, or event and I think I've turned it into a reason to drink at some point in my life. Which is where I'm hoping AA might help the most. I've read about people's experiences with it but I'm going in with an open mind.
Thanks all for your thoughts about my remaining greyhound. I should know more in another week or so about which direction we might take.
Thanks Dee for the suggestion to come back soon as a regular. It was a godsend for me to be able to both write about Argus the week leading up to his passing and to revisit and share some of my own drinking history through him. It kept me from drinking that entire week, and to be present to experience everything that happened that final week.
And I started in this community when I knew Argus was heading downhill. It really helped me start to get some real sobriety dates under my belt, which then shore up the good things about an alcohol-free life.
And mostly, being here four a good four solid months, some posting, some not, but always here in one way or another did something amazing:
it didn't make me feel so alone.
I felt the love and support of SR, whose members busted out all that isolation I was feeling and filled it with support from some genuinely special people. Being here is an important part of my recovery.
Thanks you guys. I'm glad you're still checking this thread occasionally. I like knowing there are still some Ninjas out there who have got my back.
Last edited by argillaceous; 05-21-2018 at 08:46 PM. Reason: fixed misspelled word, added some content
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 275
Checkin' in. No AA meetings yet, but told hubby I was thinking of going so that's a huge step to getting there (was only thinking about day meetings prior but now can consider evenings).
Day 5, and feeling better about getting to Day 7 and then Day 10 and then Day 14 and then Day 31 (isn't it interesting what we set up as mile markers? I should probably add a Day 21 in there...). Can't wait to post here that I've hit Day 31.
Will probably need to post that day because I'll have the urge to "celebrate" with a bottle of wine. Cray cray.
Hoping all is well with my ultra-fave March peeps. I'll check in on my mile markers...
Day 5, and feeling better about getting to Day 7 and then Day 10 and then Day 14 and then Day 31 (isn't it interesting what we set up as mile markers? I should probably add a Day 21 in there...). Can't wait to post here that I've hit Day 31.
Will probably need to post that day because I'll have the urge to "celebrate" with a bottle of wine. Cray cray.
Hoping all is well with my ultra-fave March peeps. I'll check in on my mile markers...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 275
Day 7. yay. still so early but haven't made a day 7 in awhile and overcame some desires to get through today, but feels good. keep all fingers crossed if you would as i march on to the next mile markers? toe-crossing also encouraged...
night peeps.
night peeps.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 275
Ninjas! Sitting here surfing SR and I suddenly realized today is Day 14. Deserving of 14 exclamation marks because each day felt like a week:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The last time that happened was April 2017. Really close call three days ago when my husband left town for two nights. The past two times he did that I drank the entire time. I'm convinced the *only* reason that didn't happen this time was because I had a thread going on SR about my greyhound's surgery.
Next up, 21. That would (correction: will) be amazing!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The last time that happened was April 2017. Really close call three days ago when my husband left town for two nights. The past two times he did that I drank the entire time. I'm convinced the *only* reason that didn't happen this time was because I had a thread going on SR about my greyhound's surgery.
Next up, 21. That would (correction: will) be amazing!
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