Class of September 2016 Part 3
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
I hope the move works out LastDrinks...
but I made a similar move (after I quit) and I found booze was just as in my face and readily available beachside...so maybe a couple of other tiers to the plan will seal it watertight
D
but I made a similar move (after I quit) and I found booze was just as in my face and readily available beachside...so maybe a couple of other tiers to the plan will seal it watertight
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 47
Day 19 for me and still sober. I had a challenge to my sobriety last night.
My father is elderly and partially disabled. We don't have the best of relationships because of all the emotional abuse he has inflicted on me and others over the years (long story). He is all alone in an assisted living facility. He is alone because no one wants to be around him. I am one of the few people that stop by and visit him anymore. The thought of spending time with him always causes me to become very anxious and filled with dread. To make it easier, I would always have several drinks before our visits to loosen me up and gain the courage to go. Visiting him has been one of my drinking triggers.
I went to go see him sober last night. Still had anxiety and dread, but I didn't mask it with booze. We visited for a while and then I went home. And I survived. Yeah....it was uncomfortable and I had to deal with some anxiety, but it was way better than the guilt and disappointment I would have experienced if I had given in and had those pre-visit drinks. And I passed a couple if liquor stores along the way and my AV was trying to convince me to stop at one to prepare myself for "the visit"
I am continuing to work very hard to find other ways to manage the anxiety and dread filled moments in my life instead of drowning them with booze.
Congrats to everyone in our class for making the decision to be sober. Whether you've been sober for years, or just relapsed last night, we are all fighting the same beast that took over our lives. We are in this together. We can do this !!
Stay safe and sober !! PEACE !!
My father is elderly and partially disabled. We don't have the best of relationships because of all the emotional abuse he has inflicted on me and others over the years (long story). He is all alone in an assisted living facility. He is alone because no one wants to be around him. I am one of the few people that stop by and visit him anymore. The thought of spending time with him always causes me to become very anxious and filled with dread. To make it easier, I would always have several drinks before our visits to loosen me up and gain the courage to go. Visiting him has been one of my drinking triggers.
I went to go see him sober last night. Still had anxiety and dread, but I didn't mask it with booze. We visited for a while and then I went home. And I survived. Yeah....it was uncomfortable and I had to deal with some anxiety, but it was way better than the guilt and disappointment I would have experienced if I had given in and had those pre-visit drinks. And I passed a couple if liquor stores along the way and my AV was trying to convince me to stop at one to prepare myself for "the visit"
I am continuing to work very hard to find other ways to manage the anxiety and dread filled moments in my life instead of drowning them with booze.
Congrats to everyone in our class for making the decision to be sober. Whether you've been sober for years, or just relapsed last night, we are all fighting the same beast that took over our lives. We are in this together. We can do this !!
Stay safe and sober !! PEACE !!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Success
Good morning everyone. I still want to respond to some of you about the whole AA thing- I will do so when I get home tonight and can get on my laptop. Just wanted to share a success with all of you- I spent last night in a hotel for my monthly overnight trip for work. I tend to binge eat or drink on these trips but wasn't even tempted to do either yesterday. OK I thought about getting some junk food but I didn't do it. Little successes like that make me feel good and it's just what I needed. Just thought I'd share. Have a great day everyone!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 47
Originally Posted by Sunflowerlife 
Just wanted to share a success with all of you- I spent last night in a hotel for my monthly overnight trip for work. I tend to binge eat or drink on these trips but wasn't even tempted to do either yesterday. OK I thought about getting some junk food but I didn't do it. Little successes like that make me feel good and it's just what I needed. Just thought I'd share. Have a great day everyone!
PEACE
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Good morning folks. Man do I have a headache this AM. I think I ground my teeth last night. Ugh. Thought it was a caffeine headache but the caffeine hasn't worked. Yoga will take care of it though.
Day 41. Feeling good.
Happy Birthday Snarly. Hopefully with sober time and right action you will be able to see your children again in time. I guess its time to focus on you. Some serious self care time!
Rob, that is really tough having to visit your father who has caused so much pain for you. I relate. I haven't seen my folks in over a year but will have to face it soon. It helps that I'm in another state....I relapsed twice this year before visits and was unable to go. Intentional? Me thinks so. They live in the same house I grew up in and there is just so many memories of pain...they over shadow any happy memories. I was texting with a friend yesterday. I actually admitted that at times I wish it were over....that they were no longer here. That's a terrible thing to say. I really don't want them dead. Its just so hard to deal with. I love them and feel obligated to see them. But its just so painful. Clearly I still have work to do. I try to have compassion for them rather than resentment but its a trigger for sure.
Sheesh can't believe I admitted that. I hope you all don't think I'm a monster!
Day 41. Feeling good.
Happy Birthday Snarly. Hopefully with sober time and right action you will be able to see your children again in time. I guess its time to focus on you. Some serious self care time!
Rob, that is really tough having to visit your father who has caused so much pain for you. I relate. I haven't seen my folks in over a year but will have to face it soon. It helps that I'm in another state....I relapsed twice this year before visits and was unable to go. Intentional? Me thinks so. They live in the same house I grew up in and there is just so many memories of pain...they over shadow any happy memories. I was texting with a friend yesterday. I actually admitted that at times I wish it were over....that they were no longer here. That's a terrible thing to say. I really don't want them dead. Its just so hard to deal with. I love them and feel obligated to see them. But its just so painful. Clearly I still have work to do. I try to have compassion for them rather than resentment but its a trigger for sure.
Sheesh can't believe I admitted that. I hope you all don't think I'm a monster!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 47
Originally Posted by Frickaflip233
Rob, that is really tough having to visit your father who has caused so much pain for you. I relate. I haven't seen my folks in over a year but will have to face it soon. It helps that I'm in another state....I relapsed twice this year before visits and was unable to go. Intentional? Me thinks so. They live in the same house I grew up in and there is just so many memories of pain...they over shadow any happy memories. I was texting with a friend yesterday. I actually admitted that at times I wish it were over....that they were no longer here. That's a terrible thing to say. I really don't want them dead. Its just so hard to deal with. I love them and feel obligated to see them. But its just so painful. Clearly I still have work to do. I try to have compassion for them rather than resentment but its a trigger for sure.
Sheesh can't believe I admitted that. I hope you all don't think I'm a monster!
Hang in there classmate !!
Last edited by Rob65; 09-28-2016 at 06:57 AM. Reason: Typo
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Lakeside, Arizona
Posts: 1,138
Happy Birthday Snarly! I had my birthday on day 4. I worked from 10 to 9:30 that day and went home. I have my wife alone so I'm not alone but she was drinking that night. She doesn't have a problem like I do, she can actually just drink one drink and drink it for an hour and not care if that's all she has, but being moody and pissed at the world it still got to me.
@Rob, I'm in a similar place with my dad. He never treated me good, but my crack head sister got everything. expensive inpatient rehab, full ride to college, help with any problems later in life. I was a good kid, never touched any drugs or alcohol until long after I was cut off from my family for being "different".
I have to go stay with him for a week next month in the Detroit area. He's turning 80. He tries to act like it's nothing and he's apologized to me.
When I asked him why he decided not to send me to school after telling me my whole life it's the one thing I could depend on him for he patted me on the back and said: "Son, I'm hear to teach you a lesson, the lesson is that you cannot ever count on anyone in your life, not even your family."
A year later I packed my bags and moved to the west coast.
That was that, he's never helped me with anything in the following 26 years, even when I really needed it. My wife's family treats me better than my own ever did so at least I can see what it is like to have a family that you can count on now.
@Rob, I'm in a similar place with my dad. He never treated me good, but my crack head sister got everything. expensive inpatient rehab, full ride to college, help with any problems later in life. I was a good kid, never touched any drugs or alcohol until long after I was cut off from my family for being "different".
I have to go stay with him for a week next month in the Detroit area. He's turning 80. He tries to act like it's nothing and he's apologized to me.
When I asked him why he decided not to send me to school after telling me my whole life it's the one thing I could depend on him for he patted me on the back and said: "Son, I'm hear to teach you a lesson, the lesson is that you cannot ever count on anyone in your life, not even your family."
A year later I packed my bags and moved to the west coast.
That was that, he's never helped me with anything in the following 26 years, even when I really needed it. My wife's family treats me better than my own ever did so at least I can see what it is like to have a family that you can count on now.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,133
Hey everybody.
I haven't been doing a good job of posting here, but I have been reading, at least. Today is my Day 20. Very few cravings, but I had a sofa delivered Saturday evening and afterward I had a fleeting but strong urge to go get some vodka and then put up all my Halloween decorations. Was kinda excited about the sofa, it looked good, it was Saturday night -- I am one of those people who instead of being triggered by sadness or stress is triggered by an elevated mood.
But I didn't drink.
Oh, and I was supposed to go to a speaker meeting last Friday night. I said here that I would go. And I didn't. That afternoon I got anxious thinking about it, but on the drive to the church I felt okay. But as I got closer . . . And then pulling into the parking lot, I remembered that generally they have three people read the steps and traditions and whatever else at the beginning of the meeting. I didn't want to be picked to read and panicked briefly. Pulled into a parking spot on the wrong side of the church, composed myself, then drove around to the side where the entrance was. I actually got out of the car, walked up almost all the way to the entrance, and then I looked in a picture window to see people sitting around a table. It didn't look like they were set up for a speaker meeting. And then I bolted. I know it's completely irrational, I know no one at the meeting was going to bite me, but my anxiety just got the best of me.
I still feel like I need to be doing more to protect my sobriety. I don't have a plan. When I get paid on Friday I'm going to do a big grocery shop for healthful food. This weekend I'm going to start exercising again -- just walking to start. Those will be two big steps in the right direction. And I need to be more engaged here with all of you.
Snarly, can you do something to treat yourself on your birthday? A delivery pizza and a movie or takeout from your favorite place? You're doing a fantastic thing for your kids by being here.
Hope everyone else is having a good and sober day. Thanks for being there.
I haven't been doing a good job of posting here, but I have been reading, at least. Today is my Day 20. Very few cravings, but I had a sofa delivered Saturday evening and afterward I had a fleeting but strong urge to go get some vodka and then put up all my Halloween decorations. Was kinda excited about the sofa, it looked good, it was Saturday night -- I am one of those people who instead of being triggered by sadness or stress is triggered by an elevated mood.
But I didn't drink.
Oh, and I was supposed to go to a speaker meeting last Friday night. I said here that I would go. And I didn't. That afternoon I got anxious thinking about it, but on the drive to the church I felt okay. But as I got closer . . . And then pulling into the parking lot, I remembered that generally they have three people read the steps and traditions and whatever else at the beginning of the meeting. I didn't want to be picked to read and panicked briefly. Pulled into a parking spot on the wrong side of the church, composed myself, then drove around to the side where the entrance was. I actually got out of the car, walked up almost all the way to the entrance, and then I looked in a picture window to see people sitting around a table. It didn't look like they were set up for a speaker meeting. And then I bolted. I know it's completely irrational, I know no one at the meeting was going to bite me, but my anxiety just got the best of me.
I still feel like I need to be doing more to protect my sobriety. I don't have a plan. When I get paid on Friday I'm going to do a big grocery shop for healthful food. This weekend I'm going to start exercising again -- just walking to start. Those will be two big steps in the right direction. And I need to be more engaged here with all of you.
Snarly, can you do something to treat yourself on your birthday? A delivery pizza and a movie or takeout from your favorite place? You're doing a fantastic thing for your kids by being here.
Hope everyone else is having a good and sober day. Thanks for being there.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Southern Cali
Posts: 1,356
Originally Posted by MeSoSober
Hey everybody.
I haven't been doing a good job of posting here, but I have been reading, at least. Today is my Day 20. Very few cravings, but I had a sofa delivered Saturday evening and afterward I had a fleeting but strong urge to go get some vodka and then put up all my Halloween decorations. Was kinda excited about the sofa, it looked good, it was Saturday night -- I am one of those people who instead of being triggered by sadness or stress is triggered by an elevated mood.
But I didn't drink.
Oh, and I was supposed to go to a speaker meeting last Friday night. I said here that I would go. And I didn't. That afternoon I got anxious thinking about it, but on the drive to the church I felt okay. But as I got closer . . . And then pulling into the parking lot, I remembered that generally they have three people read the steps and traditions and whatever else at the beginning of the meeting. I didn't want to be picked to read and panicked briefly. Pulled into a parking spot on the wrong side of the church, composed myself, then drove around to the side where the entrance was. I actually got out of the car, walked up almost all the way to the entrance, and then I looked in a picture window to see people sitting around a table. It didn't look like they were set up for a speaker meeting. And then I bolted. I know it's completely irrational, I know no one at the meeting was going to bite me, but my anxiety just got the best of me.
I still feel like I need to be doing more to protect my sobriety. I don't have a plan. When I get paid on Friday I'm going to do a big grocery shop for healthful food. This weekend I'm going to start exercising again -- just walking to start. Those will be two big steps in the right direction. And I need to be more engaged here with all of you.
Snarly, can you do something to treat yourself on your birthday? A delivery pizza and a movie or takeout from your favorite place? You're doing a fantastic thing for your kids by being here.
Hope everyone else is having a good and sober day. Thanks for being there.
I haven't been doing a good job of posting here, but I have been reading, at least. Today is my Day 20. Very few cravings, but I had a sofa delivered Saturday evening and afterward I had a fleeting but strong urge to go get some vodka and then put up all my Halloween decorations. Was kinda excited about the sofa, it looked good, it was Saturday night -- I am one of those people who instead of being triggered by sadness or stress is triggered by an elevated mood.
But I didn't drink.
Oh, and I was supposed to go to a speaker meeting last Friday night. I said here that I would go. And I didn't. That afternoon I got anxious thinking about it, but on the drive to the church I felt okay. But as I got closer . . . And then pulling into the parking lot, I remembered that generally they have three people read the steps and traditions and whatever else at the beginning of the meeting. I didn't want to be picked to read and panicked briefly. Pulled into a parking spot on the wrong side of the church, composed myself, then drove around to the side where the entrance was. I actually got out of the car, walked up almost all the way to the entrance, and then I looked in a picture window to see people sitting around a table. It didn't look like they were set up for a speaker meeting. And then I bolted. I know it's completely irrational, I know no one at the meeting was going to bite me, but my anxiety just got the best of me.
I still feel like I need to be doing more to protect my sobriety. I don't have a plan. When I get paid on Friday I'm going to do a big grocery shop for healthful food. This weekend I'm going to start exercising again -- just walking to start. Those will be two big steps in the right direction. And I need to be more engaged here with all of you.
Snarly, can you do something to treat yourself on your birthday? A delivery pizza and a movie or takeout from your favorite place? You're doing a fantastic thing for your kids by being here.
Hope everyone else is having a good and sober day. Thanks for being there.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,133
I actually did read once -- at a meeting in Fredericksburg. And I didn't pass out or die! But last Friday, I tried to face my fear (that's the only way I even got out of the car and walked up to the entrance) but I let it win, I guess. I actually have a degree of fear and anxiety around even asked to read, knowing I can decline. I've been in meetings before where people got called on to speak, and even knowing I can pass, I was still afraid to even be asked. I just want to be invisible there. Thank God for this place!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,618
EXHAUSTED. Night of HELL and I was the sober one.
Up all night because my parents who live upstairs got hammered.
Which is a little triggering, but fine (it's their house) except they came downstairs to tell me what an awful leach and parasite I am and to get the f*ck out of their house. That is very triggering for PTSD symptoms for me because of my last abusive relationship. I begged my mother to stop and I promised we would talk when they were sober. My father pushed me at the top of the stairs, and chased me around my basement apartment. My mother, screaming the whole way, chased me to the road. I ended up calling the police.
Then this morning for the first 2 hours they insisted I was LYING and wrong about the events, and sequence of events. Drove me batsh*t nuts. They believe me now but it sure took a lot.
God I hate booze. And I am so sick and tired of being hurt I want to throw the towel in on life.
(My parents hardly ever drink. My mom used to be a very nasty drunk. On the whole I'm very grateful for my parents because I don't know where I'd be without them).
Up all night because my parents who live upstairs got hammered.
Which is a little triggering, but fine (it's their house) except they came downstairs to tell me what an awful leach and parasite I am and to get the f*ck out of their house. That is very triggering for PTSD symptoms for me because of my last abusive relationship. I begged my mother to stop and I promised we would talk when they were sober. My father pushed me at the top of the stairs, and chased me around my basement apartment. My mother, screaming the whole way, chased me to the road. I ended up calling the police.
Then this morning for the first 2 hours they insisted I was LYING and wrong about the events, and sequence of events. Drove me batsh*t nuts. They believe me now but it sure took a lot.
God I hate booze. And I am so sick and tired of being hurt I want to throw the towel in on life.
(My parents hardly ever drink. My mom used to be a very nasty drunk. On the whole I'm very grateful for my parents because I don't know where I'd be without them).
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Southern Cali
Posts: 1,356
Lmao I'm the same way. At those participation meetings when no one speaks up and they randomly pick people. I usually fiddle with my phone. I've read before too at a smaller circle type meeting. But I would never read at a podium in front of people. :P
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 249
Hi MeSoSober,
Thanks for the post.
Yet again I am overwhelmed by the stories I have read throughout this forum.
First few days are hard enough without having to imagine having worked so hard to go through daily life sober for any extended period of time.
Scares the crap out me how easily our (insert brainy pest) can sabotage best laid plans.
Thanks for the Happy BDay.
Appetite not their yet, but I did order a few things including a book on recovery
.
My girls deserve so much more than what I am doing. I hope someday they will forgive me. They did not ask to be a part of this.
I wish I found a forum like this years ago. I went to countless meetings and eventually found myself hanging with the old timers in the back of the room....lot of good that did me.
Thanks again.
Thanks for the post.
Yet again I am overwhelmed by the stories I have read throughout this forum.
First few days are hard enough without having to imagine having worked so hard to go through daily life sober for any extended period of time.
Scares the crap out me how easily our (insert brainy pest) can sabotage best laid plans.
Thanks for the Happy BDay.
Appetite not their yet, but I did order a few things including a book on recovery
.My girls deserve so much more than what I am doing. I hope someday they will forgive me. They did not ask to be a part of this.
I wish I found a forum like this years ago. I went to countless meetings and eventually found myself hanging with the old timers in the back of the room....lot of good that did me.
Thanks again.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 249
Originally Posted by Windancer
EXHAUSTED. Night of HELL and I was the sober one.
Up all night because my parents who live upstairs got hammered.
God I hate booze. And I am so sick and tired of being hurt I want to throw the towel in on life.
(My parents hardly ever drink. My mom used to be a very nasty drunk. On the whole I'm very grateful for my parents because I don't know where I'd be without them).
Up all night because my parents who live upstairs got hammered.
God I hate booze. And I am so sick and tired of being hurt I want to throw the towel in on life.
(My parents hardly ever drink. My mom used to be a very nasty drunk. On the whole I'm very grateful for my parents because I don't know where I'd be without them).
Please tell me this was not going on when you were online!!!
Your last comment sent shivers down my spine...I may be that parent one day! Actually I am but I am resolved to change that.
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