immri

checkmyself - I know those feelings well, I hope you get through it. I know you'll feel better soon if you manage to hold off on the beer. It's hard to see that in the moment though, I know, so maybe some distractions?

Mish - I'm sorry you drank, I'm so glad you came right back. Did you stop drinking now?

KiKi - I love that drinking cycle post of yours, wow I relate to it so much. I think writing it down like that is such a good way to get a bit of objectivity re behaviour patterns, triggers, etc. I'm going to write one myself when I get a bit of time. Thanks for your honesty, it really struck a chord with me.

KiKi0615

Ditto! ^^^ Post away Thirteenth! :-) We've all been there.

KiKi0615

Thanks immri! I am really praying I can break the cycle this time! Tomorrow is day 4. I literally hate the number 4 now! :-/ I WILL get thru tomorrow sober! I will not let the shame pull me down again. How are you?

Thirteenth

immri, thank you for that wisdom. It’s difficult for me to justify taking help away from those who are more willing to accept it (I know, I’m projecting here). I get what you’re saying though and I will keep posting when I feel it’s appropriate.

Part of me is holding back, clearly. I have a hard time opening up about the problem(s). It’s yet another area I’m working on. I definitely get something out of posting as I can get some of it out into the open rather than keeping it to myself. Stuffing the emotions and issues has not been a fruitful path.

Having a hard time clearly articulating what I mean, but I’m a jumble since I first posted. I asked for some tough love and got a little. It was appreciated. Many were empathetic and tried to steer me toward a better path. Also appreciated. I’m just trying to sort all of this out and get to the reality that no longer includes drinking. I hope this makes sense.

immri

Love the attitude KiKi, I know you can get through your dreaded day 4 too. Can you spend lots of time on here? Sometimes when I just need to get through a day I just hang out here to keep myself away from those moments where my AV unexpectedly takes over. Do whatever you can to get through that day!!

I'm good thanks lunch was nice, was glad my friend didn't drink. The area of town we went to is really nice but is somewhere that made me nostalgic for my very earliest drinking days, I used to go there as a teenager. I realised though I'm not nostalgic for alcohol, I'm nostalgic for back when a few drinks 'worked' but hey, those days are never coming back and I didn't dwell.

Thirteenth

Also feeling selfish. Most all of my posts are all about me. I I I, is all I seem to see in them. Not a good feeling, but again, probably typical.

immri

Thirteenth - I'm glad you'll still post, I feel like it's important that this is a place for all of us, no matter where we are on this journey right now. You're not taking away any help, we're all here for each other. I understand too holding back and finding it hard to articulate what's going on - I struggle with this too in varying degrees, I think that's one of the things that makes SR a bit of an easier first step for many of us, face to face support can often be overwhelming but I find it easier to be open here. I definitely struggled at first though. We're all here for you, and you only ever need to share what you're comfortable with. I'm glad you're still here with us

And you're not being selfish, we're all here
I'm primarily for our own addictions. I try to think of it as if I need help I post for me, when I'm feeling stronger I can reach out to others. It's ok if you're just in that first part

KiKi0615

Yes, I can hang out here a lot here tomorrow if needed. Whatever it takes!

I loved what you said here: "I realized though I'm not nostalgic for alcohol, I'm nostalgic for back when a few drinks 'worked' but hey, those days are never coming back and I didn't dwell." I never really thought of it that way. You said it in a way that made sense to me.

I often call it euphoric recall. Have you ever heard of that? Pretty much the same thing your talking about...

Remember the Bad Times: Overcoming Selective Memory
Whether you struggle with alcoholism or abuse of another drug, there’s a tendency to only remember the good times. We often romanticize the idea of getting high, remembering only the good aspects of our drug use while selectively forgetting the bad.

Known as euphoric recall or selective memory, this nostalgic phenomenon can be a huge threat to your recovery. When we imagine only the attractive attributes of a drug, we forget our memories of the negative consequences we’ve experienced, the painful lessons learned on the path to a healthier life. We become engrossed in the thought of experiencing the intense pleasure that a drug once gave us, weakening our resolve to continue abstinence and addiction treatment.

Any addict can experience euphoric recall, but it occurs most often in stimulant addicts and frequently intensifies with stress. This kind of idealized thinking often leads to relapse, but two strategies may be especially helpful in overcoming its intoxicating allure.

Keep rude awakenings handy.
If euphoric recall is making it difficult for you to stay abstinent, it may be a good idea to have a few vivid, visible reminders of the consequences caused by your past drug use. This will make the negative aspects of your drug use impossible to ignore and give you a quick reality check whenever euphoric recall threatens your addiction treatment. For example, if you put a big dent in your car’s fender after crashing during your last bout of drug use, waiting to repair it will give you a powerful reminder of why using may not be such an attractive choice.

Think past the high.
We often feel so idealistic about our drug use because we only consider the feeling of the high itself, not what comes after. Though drug use is certainly detrimental to our health in the present, most consequences come later we do things we regret, we come down, we feel guilty or disappointed in ourselves, we waste money on drugs, we feel bad about the negative reactions of others.

Rather than indulging in thoughts about the pleasures of drug use, envision the whole scenario and play the tape to the end. What happens after the fleeting pleasure of the high has faded? How will you feel later? Who will you disappoint? What other responsibilities or goals will you neglect? How might using affect you, those you care about and the world at large? If the pleasure of the drug is really worth it, would you have started an addiction treatment program in the first place? Imagine, in as much detail as necessary, what your hypothetical future will look like if you use and what it will look like if you abstain. Which one seems more inviting?

Euphoric recall can test the limits of our resolve, but being prepared for its influence can help you stay resistant and on track with alcoholism or drug abuse treatment. The next time you find yourself reminiscing about all the great things that your drug of choice has to offer, stop and think about everything it took away from you, every problem it ever caused for you and those you love, every pain and sadness, every hour wasted. You may find that the allure of the drug quickly turns to disgust, and this will bolster you resolve.

Dee74

How are you doing now checkmyself?

D

immri

Oh wow Kiki I actually hadn't heard of that but it is exactly what happens with me, what a great read, I love when we relate so strongly to these things and it's not just me going crazy in my own head!! It's validating to hear these things happen to others.
Im going to read a bit more for sure, thanks for that. And I'm glad you can stick around here through day 4 too, like you said, do all you can!

CheckMyself

I'm not sure. My AV (which I'm assuming stands for alcoholic voice?) is sounding fairly reasonable. I have the binge mentality so if it's here, I drink it, but if it isn't here then I can't. So my thinking here is that if I buy 1, I drink 1 and only 1. There is no amount of alcohol on this planet that could get me into a car after even a sip of beer. It's seems safe.


I want to delete that but I will leave it since it's the little voice in my head trying to reason with you. It's equally scary and funny, but it's getting louder as the time to store close nears.

I keep going back and forth. Right now I'm fine. I don't want anything and don't want to even think about drinking for months until I have a clear head. I'm capable of self-control in every aspect of my life except this one and I honestly don't know if it's possible. I've never tried. It's either been drink as hard as I can, or stop completely. Basically I want more than anything to just be a normal person who has an occasional beer with dinner and that's it. Since I think like this I feel like I don't belong here or anywhere else since everything is either you go all out or you don't go at all. There's nothing teaching moderate (normal) consumption.

I'm sorry to send you this wall of text, but if I didn't I would probably implode or something.

CheckMyself

Store is closed. Day 8 is over. I hope everyone had a good day. Goodnight.

CaseyW

Just got home from work. It's almost 12:30 am so not really responding to anyone in particular right now. My apologies for that. Just wanted to hold myself accountable and check in. It was a good night at work--a lot slower than I thought it'd be but I still made good money. I'm heading to bed now. Glad to see so many people active on here tonight and congrats to each and every one of you who made it through Friday sober. Thanks to you all for keeping me sober one more day.

ItsJustMe89

Its the end of day 6 and I am getting ready for bed. Just checking in and wanted to say that this is the longest I have been sober since I relapsed off 87 days back in May of 2015. I'm feeling hopeful and the cravings haven't been too bad. I had some thoughts of drinking today but they didn't linger and I know that is not what I want to do. I have other plans and they do not involve drinking.
Tomorrow I am going to clean out my car and get my eye brows done. Then at some point I will drive home (3 1/2 hour drive) to have Easter with my family. I will drive back Sunday night because I work on Monday. I am also starting my new diet on Monday and I'm excited about that!

Bobbieka

Great job CheckMyself and ItsJustMe.

Good night, Casey.

azure808

Well done . Music and drinking is my thing - it goes hand in hand. I knocked back a gig last night . It's too early for me . Guess I'll have to have a new way of enjoying music is not smashed. Which will be great. Well done . Sounds like a nice night

Mish

Immri the whole episode lasted all of 5 minutes from when I found it and I didn't finish the can. Problem was it was 5 minutes spent NOT in recovery...5 minutes drinking warm beer til my plan kicked in. HALT would have probably sropped me had I eaten something. Halfway through the can I came to my senses and realised I hadnt had breakfast and im always more vulnerable to my AV when Im hungry.

Fabela

It's like riding a bike. It'll come back to you, promise. I'm sorry you drank, but now you've learned something about yourself, and that is a good thing. Back on the wagon!

I'm so glad you wrote this. You are a wonderful person with a nasty disease, and that is what you should focus on. You don't deserve to be treated the way you treat yourself when you're on day 4.

Day 11, and this is a critical day. Hubby is on his way to see his parents, and the kids and I are alone. I have made a plan for the day, and it looks like this:

1. Don't buy alcohol.

That's it.

Bobbieka

Good plan, Fabela.

Fabela

This is where my husband grew up. Wonderful place.