Class of February 2016 Part 12
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 617
Originally Posted by SansaS 
Well done on saying no 360. I would've found that incredibly hard. Did he stop drinking on the same day as you?
Thinking about him doing it again really freaked me out, made me anxious, but when it came down to the suggestion the NO just came out and I stuck to it.
He is 3 days behind me.
He cannot start drinking again and remain in the house. I won't raise our boys in that environment for one more day. I think that's why I get worried when he starts considering it. He's a good man and father, I love him tremendously, I would hate to see alcohol win. You know?
Good thing here is, he's only voiced his thoughts a couple times and in the end has decided not to drink. That's very positive to me.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 617
Originally Posted by SansaS
Day 50 is fantastic badger!!! You must be so proud X celebrate with something lovely like a massage or new book.
My husband and older son have gone away camping (boys weekend) while myself and my little son stay home. So lovely to have some home time. I've been working really hard for the last few weeks so I'm really looking forward to some quiet time. Might take the dog out to our off lead area for a while and then go to the shops tomorrow and buy my son a treat X
My husband and older son have gone away camping (boys weekend) while myself and my little son stay home. So lovely to have some home time. I've been working really hard for the last few weeks so I'm really looking forward to some quiet time. Might take the dog out to our off lead area for a while and then go to the shops tomorrow and buy my son a treat X
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
You need not be jealous Kim. It's yours to behold too.
Make the choice, batten down the hatches and summon the cavalry.
Victory is yours and only a resounding NO away!
There's always hope when we're on the right side of the ground.
Good job on 50 badger. You guys are all Rockstars!! Yes Kim that includes you
I just got off the phone with my lawyer.
Kim... I dropped my kids off when I was sober... and they aren't with me now. Won't be for a long time.
No drink is going to fix that. And I'm still strong and ok and there's nothing fortuitous or special about me. Just doing what I gotta do.
Good job 360. For reals. I still wonder to this day if I'd say no if my ex or best friend offered me a drink. Back in the day it was like a good Samaritan bringing me a glass of water in the middle of the dessert.
But, I did dump out the whiskey in the shop and dang did that feel satisfying.
I feel like a nap. How are all our sickos doing?
Make the choice, batten down the hatches and summon the cavalry.
Victory is yours and only a resounding NO away!
There's always hope when we're on the right side of the ground.
Good job on 50 badger. You guys are all Rockstars!! Yes Kim that includes you
I just got off the phone with my lawyer.
Kim... I dropped my kids off when I was sober... and they aren't with me now. Won't be for a long time.
No drink is going to fix that. And I'm still strong and ok and there's nothing fortuitous or special about me. Just doing what I gotta do.
Good job 360. For reals. I still wonder to this day if I'd say no if my ex or best friend offered me a drink. Back in the day it was like a good Samaritan bringing me a glass of water in the middle of the dessert.
But, I did dump out the whiskey in the shop and dang did that feel satisfying.
I feel like a nap. How are all our sickos doing?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 617
Originally Posted by amazingjoy
I know Mel it is insane! I'm reading The Naked Mind right now and it is helping me see how conditioned we are to this craziness despite what our bodies tell us.
I'm still swollen days afterwards. I lost 3lb overnight of my new day 1...that's a lot of puffiness!
Alcohol itself is actually ethanol just like what we put in our cars. Who would drink that? They have to add so many other things to make ethanol palatable. Even then, did we ever really like the taste of it or did we just drink it because we are conditioned to do so snd then ended up with all the cellular changes and dependence.
It is like drinking bleach or Drano...I'm sure with enough sugar, flavoring, etc. they could make that taste better too.
I'm still swollen days afterwards. I lost 3lb overnight of my new day 1...that's a lot of puffiness!
Alcohol itself is actually ethanol just like what we put in our cars. Who would drink that? They have to add so many other things to make ethanol palatable. Even then, did we ever really like the taste of it or did we just drink it because we are conditioned to do so snd then ended up with all the cellular changes and dependence.
It is like drinking bleach or Drano...I'm sure with enough sugar, flavoring, etc. they could make that taste better too.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
I don't worry much about the taste anymore.
My lawyer laid it all out pretty clear to me.
I may be on the right paths now but there's no more do overs for me. I might as well just think of giving everything away and signing my parental rights away if I even THINK of drinking. No car, no job, no house, worst of all no kids.
I'd rather die than lose more than I already have.
Oott I forgot to say, good job to you too bud!
My lawyer laid it all out pretty clear to me.
I may be on the right paths now but there's no more do overs for me. I might as well just think of giving everything away and signing my parental rights away if I even THINK of drinking. No car, no job, no house, worst of all no kids.
I'd rather die than lose more than I already have.
Oott I forgot to say, good job to you too bud!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 617
Good job dumping it out Del. It was liberating when I dumped mine out.
My best friend is super stoked about me not drinking, I'd choke her if she offered and she knows this. DH is an alcoholic too, so I know his is his AV talking and reasoning. I can't choke him but I can remind him of why we are doing this. I read him parts of under the influence or something like that. I would hope he would be encouraging should I have a weak day, but it almost looks like I'm gonna have to be enough support for me and just stay strong. And I can post here of course!
My best friend is super stoked about me not drinking, I'd choke her if she offered and she knows this. DH is an alcoholic too, so I know his is his AV talking and reasoning. I can't choke him but I can remind him of why we are doing this. I read him parts of under the influence or something like that. I would hope he would be encouraging should I have a weak day, but it almost looks like I'm gonna have to be enough support for me and just stay strong. And I can post here of course!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Southern Cali
Posts: 1,356
Originally Posted by Delizadee
To this day, I'm sure I'd still love the taste of my favorite beverages.
I'm sure I could even stop at one or two and just, enjoy that buzz. Maybe slightly dislike standing on the edge of control for a bit.
But this is how non deluded I am at this point:
I recall laying in the detox centre on the brief detox unit. I was supposed to go to the social unit when I came in but I was going through very bad withdrawals so they wanted to be able to monitor me for awhile.
It was a truly long and awful night. Our first big snow storm and the BDU was many a homeless persons warm bed for the night. I remember feeling deeper and deeper pity for the souls coming in for a nights rest, even tho Lil ol white girl me lay in my bed somewhat fearful most of the night. A lot of the people coming in were on pretty harsh, bottom of the barrel stuff. Listerine , lysol, etc.
I remember feeling pity for them and thanking my addled mind that I hadn't sunk "quite that low".
But it dawned on me later. That at some point, I knew what was coming. The physical withdrawals, the anxiety ,the pain the fear.
And I remember before I left one of the program coordinators coming up to me, hugging me with tears in her eyes. She was this sweet little Korean lady. She said "you don't belong here. Take care of yourself"
And I cried. Because I had never felt so safe and understood. Here I was, somewhat pulled together, I was an eager participant, spoke up at every group session, and tried to help all my friends in detox with me. Anyhow.
Sometime before or after I got out, money was running out and **** was about to get bad.
I did think about buying listerine. I thought about selling my body. Like CRAZY crazy ****. Things I NEVER in a million years thought I'd ever consider.
I agree with my dear Korean friend. On one point. I don't belong there because I have things at my disposal to get myself better that sooooo many people just do not have. All they know is poverty and addiction because out here rates are high and it's extremely hard to break free from.
But I have support. A phone. Internet. A vehicle. Warm homes to stay.
And here I am crying over my 1st world problems of debt and insecurity, fear and anxiety and my bloody entitlement to drink.
I am no better but infinitely worse than my brothers and sisters in the battle of addiction.
I will always love me my favorite drinks.
But I will ALWAYS be one drink away from consiously CHOOSING a life so many die from or desperately want out of.
The why I would choose that or did is the insanity of it.
I'm sure I could even stop at one or two and just, enjoy that buzz. Maybe slightly dislike standing on the edge of control for a bit.
But this is how non deluded I am at this point:
I recall laying in the detox centre on the brief detox unit. I was supposed to go to the social unit when I came in but I was going through very bad withdrawals so they wanted to be able to monitor me for awhile.
It was a truly long and awful night. Our first big snow storm and the BDU was many a homeless persons warm bed for the night. I remember feeling deeper and deeper pity for the souls coming in for a nights rest, even tho Lil ol white girl me lay in my bed somewhat fearful most of the night. A lot of the people coming in were on pretty harsh, bottom of the barrel stuff. Listerine , lysol, etc.
I remember feeling pity for them and thanking my addled mind that I hadn't sunk "quite that low".
But it dawned on me later. That at some point, I knew what was coming. The physical withdrawals, the anxiety ,the pain the fear.
And I remember before I left one of the program coordinators coming up to me, hugging me with tears in her eyes. She was this sweet little Korean lady. She said "you don't belong here. Take care of yourself"
And I cried. Because I had never felt so safe and understood. Here I was, somewhat pulled together, I was an eager participant, spoke up at every group session, and tried to help all my friends in detox with me. Anyhow.
Sometime before or after I got out, money was running out and **** was about to get bad.
I did think about buying listerine. I thought about selling my body. Like CRAZY crazy ****. Things I NEVER in a million years thought I'd ever consider.
I agree with my dear Korean friend. On one point. I don't belong there because I have things at my disposal to get myself better that sooooo many people just do not have. All they know is poverty and addiction because out here rates are high and it's extremely hard to break free from.
But I have support. A phone. Internet. A vehicle. Warm homes to stay.
And here I am crying over my 1st world problems of debt and insecurity, fear and anxiety and my bloody entitlement to drink.
I am no better but infinitely worse than my brothers and sisters in the battle of addiction.
I will always love me my favorite drinks.
But I will ALWAYS be one drink away from consiously CHOOSING a life so many die from or desperately want out of.
The why I would choose that or did is the insanity of it.
Glad your interview went well!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 508
360 does your dh have an issue with alcohol? If not, it wouldn't seem like a marriage breaker... I've noticed now and always knew I had a much bigger problem than my dh. He has one... And maybe a couple on the weekend. Me, I'd have many. For everyone battling AV you have to stick with it and really want it to be able to really quit. Then AV goes away and missing it does too because you feel so great you LOVE not being a "drinker" anymore. I really like Dave Mattews too. Congrats on Day 50 Badger - Nice job! You must be feeling great? I got my first real paycheck today after starting my business two years ago. So excited to finally help pay off some household bills. Drs appt next week. Will be so interesting to see how my platelets and iron stores are doing now that I'm healthy.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,428
Congrats Badger! 360, awesome! My spouse is not a drinker, must be hard to fight 2 AVs but you did it.
I don't think because someone is drinking they should be kicked out of a class. Knb, if you post B4 drinking though just may stop you! And truly I have no idea why you have alcohol in the house
Idk, I posted my fears of dying in my house and my cats eating me last time I was drinking. I hope that nonsense helped someone and was a deterrent. Never considered removing myself from the class. OOTT called me out, I appreciated it.
Knb , calling you out!!! Go home and get rid of ALL your alcohol, NOW!!! Do not let that hand go to your mouth again!!!!! LEAVE! !
I don't think because someone is drinking they should be kicked out of a class. Knb, if you post B4 drinking though just may stop you! And truly I have no idea why you have alcohol in the house
Idk, I posted my fears of dying in my house and my cats eating me last time I was drinking. I hope that nonsense helped someone and was a deterrent. Never considered removing myself from the class. OOTT called me out, I appreciated it.
Knb , calling you out!!! Go home and get rid of ALL your alcohol, NOW!!! Do not let that hand go to your mouth again!!!!! LEAVE! !
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 1,067
Originally Posted by knb02
I understand. I am sorry. You are doing so well. You are an inspiration
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 617
Originally Posted by PHRD
360 does your dh have an issue with alcohol? If not, it wouldn't seem like a marriage breaker... I've noticed now and always knew I had a much bigger problem than my dh. He has one... And maybe a couple on the weekend. Me, I'd have many. For everyone battling AV you have to stick with it and really want it to be able to really quit. Then AV goes away and missing it does too because you feel so great you LOVE not being a "drinker" anymore. I really like Dave Mattews too. Congrats on Day 50 Badger - Nice job! You must be feeling great? I got my first real paycheck today after starting my business two years ago. So excited to finally help pay off some household bills. Drs appt next week. Will be so interesting to see how my platelets and iron stores are doing now that I'm healthy.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 1,067
Originally Posted by Delizadee
I don't worry much about the taste anymore.
My lawyer laid it all out pretty clear to me.
I may be on the right paths now but there's no more do overs for me. I might as well just think of giving everything away and signing my parental rights away if I even THINK of drinking. No car, no job, no house, worst of all no kids.
I'd rather die than lose more than I already have.
Oott I forgot to say, good job to you too bud!
My lawyer laid it all out pretty clear to me.
I may be on the right paths now but there's no more do overs for me. I might as well just think of giving everything away and signing my parental rights away if I even THINK of drinking. No car, no job, no house, worst of all no kids.
I'd rather die than lose more than I already have.
Oott I forgot to say, good job to you too bud!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 1,021
Originally Posted by knb02
My thoughts right now:
I will die from liver disease
I will get cancer due to drinking
If you have any triggers. Dont react. It's your life here and not about having a red face. I can't stop at the moment. Called AA. Someone from AA came to see me and I still went out to drink.
Pls guys. Dont react to your triggers. I am fighting this but it's hard
I will die from liver disease
I will get cancer due to drinking
If you have any triggers. Dont react. It's your life here and not about having a red face. I can't stop at the moment. Called AA. Someone from AA came to see me and I still went out to drink.
Pls guys. Dont react to your triggers. I am fighting this but it's hard
I cannot comprise with myself--and I cannot do this halfway. I have had to humble myself and make changes that are tough. But I'm OK with that, and I believe you can also be OK with making whatever changes are necessary for you to stay sober.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Originally Posted by jobei
Can you post about actively drinking and continuing to drink in a different forum? Maybe the 24 hour thread? It's not giving much support... it's actually making me think about drinking today.
Part of these support threads tho is to help people who are struggling, right now.
Of course that's includes you as much as anyone else.
Some solutions might be to use the ignore function, start your own thread, or move to another monthly thread?
(None of those are directives. I'm just trying to give you choices
)Knb - we all love you here - which is why I'm going to tell you that sitting there drinking is not helping you one bit.
You have a lot of tools you've learned and gained over several years - why not use them?
Years ago I started my recovery on Good Friday - a day when I knew I could get no booze.
Use whatever you have to fight this Kim.
D
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 3,597
I was thinking today about how strong we are. We are facing our problems, and more importantly, not BSing ourselves or each other. I think we're actually more emotionally and mentally grounded than a lot of people. We came in broken in varying degrees of emotional, mental, physical, spiritual distress, and just by interacting, and a lot of determination and resolve, we've each improved our lives.
Gosh, I'm close to gushing here. I better tone it down a little!
Gosh, I'm close to gushing here. I better tone it down a little!
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 508
I agree with you jobei. Seems fine to want to drink or have drank and look for support but to post while drinking defeats the whole purpose of the group just as I don't want to go watch someone take shots of whisky... My two cents. If you are currently drinking there is not much we can do to help you.
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