One Year and Under Club Part 52
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: England
Posts: 2,675
knb - Just on random newcomer threads here and there. The first thing they told me at a meeting was to not give my number to any men. And an old-timer said that some men might try to take advantage!
I was lucky in some respects that drinking made me completely disinterested in sex.
Congrats on 100 days Paul, that's amazing!!
I was lucky in some respects that drinking made me completely disinterested in sex.
Congrats on 100 days Paul, that's amazing!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Southern California
Posts: 690
Originally Posted by letitgo 
Yes that was the problem I got an opposite sex sponsor, I honestly didn't think anything of it. But apparently it was a big deal and caused some jealousy,
I really need to find a new sponsor and one that is virtual. I haven't been going to meetings because I felt kind of embarrassed lately. Some days I feel like I don't belong there and others I feel like I need to be there.
I really need to find a new sponsor and one that is virtual. I haven't been going to meetings because I felt kind of embarrassed lately. Some days I feel like I don't belong there and others I feel like I need to be there.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Southern California
Posts: 690
Dee--I'm sorry for your loss!
Glee-I'm sorry you had a tough couple of weeks, but it sounds like you are doing ok now.
Paul- congrats on 100!
Big hug to you Saskia!
Welcome to all of the new members!
Glee-I'm sorry you had a tough couple of weeks, but it sounds like you are doing ok now.
Paul- congrats on 100!
Big hug to you Saskia!
Welcome to all of the new members!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by OldTomato
knb - Just on random newcomer threads here and there. The first thing they told me at a meeting was to not give my number to any men. And an old-timer said that some men might try to take advantage!
I was lucky in some respects that drinking made me completely disinterested in sex.
Congrats on 100 days Paul, that's amazing!!
I was lucky in some respects that drinking made me completely disinterested in sex.
Congrats on 100 days Paul, that's amazing!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,697
Yes, there really was no attraction or ulterior motives. I feel bad asking for help and now pulling the plug. The person understood and doesnt not hold a grudge or resent me. I feel like a huge dipstick lol. Life goes on. But i understand it now so i will look for a new sponsor. I dont have an AA home group so I need a virtual sponsor. Thanks everyone
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Welcome OldTomato and letitgo!
Letitgo - Keep looking for the right match in a sponsor. The good news is that you don't need to be actively engaged in step work with a sponsor to work on your recovery. The other good news is that there's no need to rush.
OldTomato - I can relate to feeling shy at meetings. Offering to make the coffee and set up for the meeting helped me break the ice.
Knb - AA can feel like a safe place, but some people are sicker than others. As you navigate through your new sober life it's important to be careful and look out for yourself, regardless of whether they are men or women. I had a sicko of a sponsor, same gender as me, who I am grateful I was able to recognize was toxic. Ultimately recovery for me has been about cultivating and nurturing good relationships in my life!
WWS - Vigilance is a good thing! I've picked up on a lot of cool lessons while being in the midst of recovery (simply because of my vigilance) that help me live better and make better decisions.
Key - It sounds like you had an intense conversation with your sister in law. I hope you continue to find the healing that you seek.
Saskia - Congrats on 19 months!
Paul - Great job on 100 days sober.
Van - Lovely to see you and glad you're well.
I hope everyone is well and finds ways to incorporate healthy new habits into their lives.
Letitgo - Keep looking for the right match in a sponsor. The good news is that you don't need to be actively engaged in step work with a sponsor to work on your recovery. The other good news is that there's no need to rush.
OldTomato - I can relate to feeling shy at meetings. Offering to make the coffee and set up for the meeting helped me break the ice.
Knb - AA can feel like a safe place, but some people are sicker than others. As you navigate through your new sober life it's important to be careful and look out for yourself, regardless of whether they are men or women. I had a sicko of a sponsor, same gender as me, who I am grateful I was able to recognize was toxic. Ultimately recovery for me has been about cultivating and nurturing good relationships in my life!
WWS - Vigilance is a good thing! I've picked up on a lot of cool lessons while being in the midst of recovery (simply because of my vigilance) that help me live better and make better decisions.
Key - It sounds like you had an intense conversation with your sister in law. I hope you continue to find the healing that you seek.
Saskia - Congrats on 19 months!
Paul - Great job on 100 days sober.
Van - Lovely to see you and glad you're well.
I hope everyone is well and finds ways to incorporate healthy new habits into their lives.
Alive in the Superunknown
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: 30.47ºN, 98.15ºW
Posts: 1,460
KoC, I had the latest installment in a series of conversations with my ex-, who left me over my drinking, this morning, and like you, i've found that listening and owning my behavior is a tonic for the hurts i've caused. Acknowledging the grief and pain we've caused is also a healing for us as well.
Good on you for reaching out, and I'm so glad that your outstretched hand was taken hold of.
Good on you for reaching out, and I'm so glad that your outstretched hand was taken hold of.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,169
Wow so much going on here, and such wonderful support of each other!
Letitgo, I hope you find a new 'match' but I also hope you speak to your wife about your feelings of resentment, and perhaps question why she felt jealous. Is there a history of infidelity? Is your wife normally insecure? Would she resent you spending a lot of time with any other person working on something she is not a part of? Recovery can cause resentment between spouses, and for those who have spent many years dealing with our unreasonable addiction, there can be a well of anger, frustration and resentment. Some might wonder how we can 'congratulate' ourselves on 'managing to be normal' she may need to speak to al-anon to understand both herself and her own feelings and your addiction.
Paul congratulations hun,
!
Key, sweetie I am in awe! That was so brave of you, and such a massive achievement to have been able to own your mistakes. And well done on allowing your SIL to reiterate your mistakes but then tell her that it is now in the past. I truly hope that she can let go her resentments of your past behaviour as you are beginning to. ( which btw, another big achievement! ) you ought to be truly proud of yourself
KNB, in early recovery we are relearning who we are. We have much work to do on ourselves, emotions to learn to deal with, a past to learn to reconcile and a future to decide which direction we want to strive for. We are in a real process of growth and change. During that period of time, as we change so do our needs and wants. A person who might meet our needs in early recovery could hold us back later down the road. It is also dangerous to tie our own recovery too closely to another's, how would we feel if they relapsed? Our emotions are somewhat out of control, and it would be easy to latch on to, become 'addicted' to anyone who showed some warmth and caring. It doesn't mean it is necessarily right,mor even appropriate. That is why it is recommended we hold back on beginning new relationships in the early days. If a guy does catch your eye, or stir your heart, tell yourself that as you are a sketch at present, you want to wait on building more than a friendship until you have become the painting. Of course as humans we are always a work in progress, but certainly it is hard enough rediscovering an existing long term relationship as a recovering addict, a new relationship can be a distraction to that recovery.
Dee sorry for your loss.
CharlesG, haven't seen you before or since, but I am glad for KNB that you were here to offer support when she needed it. One thing with being a worldwide thread, there is usually someone awake and around when you need them, but if ever anyone of you feels no one is listening when you need them, find any active thread and post, go to the chat room, call a friend, anything at all that stops you picking up that first drink.
OT, BBGone, and other newbies here, it is great to see this thread buzzing with you all,
Keep Up The Good Work!!
Letitgo, I hope you find a new 'match' but I also hope you speak to your wife about your feelings of resentment, and perhaps question why she felt jealous. Is there a history of infidelity? Is your wife normally insecure? Would she resent you spending a lot of time with any other person working on something she is not a part of? Recovery can cause resentment between spouses, and for those who have spent many years dealing with our unreasonable addiction, there can be a well of anger, frustration and resentment. Some might wonder how we can 'congratulate' ourselves on 'managing to be normal' she may need to speak to al-anon to understand both herself and her own feelings and your addiction.
Paul congratulations hun,
! Key, sweetie I am in awe! That was so brave of you, and such a massive achievement to have been able to own your mistakes. And well done on allowing your SIL to reiterate your mistakes but then tell her that it is now in the past. I truly hope that she can let go her resentments of your past behaviour as you are beginning to. ( which btw, another big achievement! ) you ought to be truly proud of yourself
KNB, in early recovery we are relearning who we are. We have much work to do on ourselves, emotions to learn to deal with, a past to learn to reconcile and a future to decide which direction we want to strive for. We are in a real process of growth and change. During that period of time, as we change so do our needs and wants. A person who might meet our needs in early recovery could hold us back later down the road. It is also dangerous to tie our own recovery too closely to another's, how would we feel if they relapsed? Our emotions are somewhat out of control, and it would be easy to latch on to, become 'addicted' to anyone who showed some warmth and caring. It doesn't mean it is necessarily right,mor even appropriate. That is why it is recommended we hold back on beginning new relationships in the early days. If a guy does catch your eye, or stir your heart, tell yourself that as you are a sketch at present, you want to wait on building more than a friendship until you have become the painting. Of course as humans we are always a work in progress, but certainly it is hard enough rediscovering an existing long term relationship as a recovering addict, a new relationship can be a distraction to that recovery.
Dee sorry for your loss.
CharlesG, haven't seen you before or since, but I am glad for KNB that you were here to offer support when she needed it. One thing with being a worldwide thread, there is usually someone awake and around when you need them, but if ever anyone of you feels no one is listening when you need them, find any active thread and post, go to the chat room, call a friend, anything at all that stops you picking up that first drink.
OT, BBGone, and other newbies here, it is great to see this thread buzzing with you all,
Keep Up The Good Work!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by letitgo
Yes, there really was no attraction or ulterior motives. I feel bad asking for help and now pulling the plug. The person understood and doesnt not hold a grudge or resent me. I feel like a huge dipstick lol. Life goes on. But i understand it now so i will look for a new sponsor. I dont have an AA home group so I need a virtual sponsor. Thanks everyone
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by Thumpalumpacus
KoC, I had the latest installment in a series of conversations with my ex-, who left me over my drinking, this morning, and like you, i've found that listening and owning my behavior is a tonic for the hurts i've caused. Acknowledging the grief and pain we've caused is also a healing for us as well.
Good on you for reaching out, and I'm so glad that your outstretched hand was taken hold of.
Good on you for reaching out, and I'm so glad that your outstretched hand was taken hold of.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,697
I accept the blame. I broke down communication with my wife. One of my poor coping skills. I wasnt communicating my feelings with her. I just get sucked into my phone or day dreaming. I get caught up into my own world of thoughts. Plus i am gone from home 3/4 of the month. I have never cheated on my wife. She has insecurities like we all do.
However, with not being home and communicating when i was home this struck a chord. I cant blame my wife.
She would feel comfortable if i had a male . Next i get home i will look for a new sponsor. They must be able to to text and video calling because my schedule doesn't allow face to face. Thats what mean by virtual.
However, with not being home and communicating when i was home this struck a chord. I cant blame my wife.
She would feel comfortable if i had a male . Next i get home i will look for a new sponsor. They must be able to to text and video calling because my schedule doesn't allow face to face. Thats what mean by virtual.
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