Class of April 2015 Part4
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Congrats to everyone hitting milestones - lily, amp, josephina, BBF, OMD, Kitty, Skhatru, Cauliflower, Goose, InControl, TennantSmith, bluesky ZaBoozer and Keeppushing
welcome Maiposa - once again I'm sorry for your loss.
I hope I did not forget any of the regular posters from the last couple of days
D
welcome Maiposa - once again I'm sorry for your loss.
I hope I did not forget any of the regular posters from the last couple of days
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Los Angeles,CA
Posts: 150
Good evening(here) all. I am at day 11. Close call today, being Cinco De Mayo, a lot of friends are celebrating at bars and stuff and I am at home watching basketball and eating some chocolate ice cream. Glad I'm back on the double digits again. My sharpness is coming back again.
quick question, when you guys were drinking, did you go through periods where some of the moments you experienced in life were forgotten or blurred out and you feel like there are strange gaps in your timeline you aren't sure about? Not during like black-outs but everyday things for example, I didn't remember purchasing sweaters and a few days later I looked at a bag and noticed I bought stuff and wondered when that happened until it kinda dawned on me that I went shopping at some point during the weekend. It was weird because I wasn't drunk while I was shopping but because of my drinking I had weird loss of memory of certain events. I don't have that anymore now that I'm sober and I'm getting back my sharpness. Anyway does anybody understand what I mean?
quick question, when you guys were drinking, did you go through periods where some of the moments you experienced in life were forgotten or blurred out and you feel like there are strange gaps in your timeline you aren't sure about? Not during like black-outs but everyday things for example, I didn't remember purchasing sweaters and a few days later I looked at a bag and noticed I bought stuff and wondered when that happened until it kinda dawned on me that I went shopping at some point during the weekend. It was weird because I wasn't drunk while I was shopping but because of my drinking I had weird loss of memory of certain events. I don't have that anymore now that I'm sober and I'm getting back my sharpness. Anyway does anybody understand what I mean?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
Midnight again and I am still awake. Totally my fault though, I had a work related meeting tonight and must have had last least 3 cups of coffee, but having sleepytime tea now. To those on the other side of the pond, hope you have a good day, and good night to everyone else!
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Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,551
Had a brief talk w the AV yesterday morning. I was dead tired... stumbling to the elevator in the hospital after a long shift. I had maybe 3 hours of sleep the day before. So all I could think of all night was getting home to my bed. When I reached the elevator "old familiar" chimed in that my "husband is out of town and will never know. Dont have to pick up my kids for several hours. Wouldn't it be nice to unwind with a beer"
I won that fight. A beer wouldn't be nice at all actually. It'll be the death of me.
Back at work again. I'm so ready to have a few days off and sleep!
Told husband I've been sober for 9 days. He seems happy.
I won that fight. A beer wouldn't be nice at all actually. It'll be the death of me.
Back at work again. I'm so ready to have a few days off and sleep!
Told husband I've been sober for 9 days. He seems happy.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
Ok, so it's 12,30 midday and I'm sitting in a bar having a coffee. A few people at the tables around me are having a beer or a glass of wine. I have absolutely no inclination to drink right now. In fact the thought is repulsive to me. I don't understand how I can feel like this one minute and yet (like last night when I almost relapsed) the next I can be almost overcome by my AV?!!! I wonder if this is going to level out some day if I can stay strong enough... Any thoughts?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
Originally Posted by bblackbirdflyy 
Had a brief talk w the AV yesterday morning. I was dead tired... stumbling to the elevator in the hospital after a long shift. I had maybe 3 hours of sleep the day before. So all I could think of all night was getting home to my bed. When I reached the elevator "old familiar" chimed in that my "husband is out of town and will never know. Dont have to pick up my kids for several hours. Wouldn't it be nice to unwind with a beer" I won that fight. A beer wouldn't be nice at all actually. It'll be the death of me. Back at work again. I'm so ready to have a few days off and sleep! Told husband I've been sober for 9 days. He seems happy.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Another day waking up without anxiety. Love it. Even though I didn't sleep all that well, I feel refreshed. I've really noticed a change in my nervous system / brain function last few days which explains the sleep change last few days as well.
As many drugs as I've taken in my life, both prescribed and illicit, I've come to understand the major Neurotransmitters fairly well and how they impact emotion. Especially Serotonin, Dopamine, and GABA.
My Dopamine production is up or at least improved efficacy which means more hyper-activity and alertness. I can actually physically feel it in my head. Sounds weird, but if you've ever taken Adderall, you probably know what I mean.
I've been waiting for a call from the psychiatrists office so I could get back on Stratera, which is much like Adderall but with less of a stimulating effect, but I've decided to let things go for a while. Let my brain reach it's natural balance then see what's up.
I still need to fight Serotonin function which effects anxiety and general mood as does GABA. But I've found 5HTP helps tremendously with that. It's a supplement found in the vitamin aisle. Been a life saver for me many times. 5htp is a precursor for serotonin and does not effect GABA. A much better way of dealing with anxiety. In fact alcohol and barbiturates hit the GABA system directly which makes us feel relaxed and eliminates social anxiety. When you stop either one, anxiety goes through the roof.
Well...anyway. Point is...our neurotransmitters have been out of wack due to alcoholism and is the cause for depression, anxiety, and lack of motivation. And the good news is, everything is working itself out!
Many good days lie ahead. The good times keep getting better and happen more frequently. Being sober ROCKS!
As many drugs as I've taken in my life, both prescribed and illicit, I've come to understand the major Neurotransmitters fairly well and how they impact emotion. Especially Serotonin, Dopamine, and GABA.
My Dopamine production is up or at least improved efficacy which means more hyper-activity and alertness. I can actually physically feel it in my head. Sounds weird, but if you've ever taken Adderall, you probably know what I mean.
I've been waiting for a call from the psychiatrists office so I could get back on Stratera, which is much like Adderall but with less of a stimulating effect, but I've decided to let things go for a while. Let my brain reach it's natural balance then see what's up.
I still need to fight Serotonin function which effects anxiety and general mood as does GABA. But I've found 5HTP helps tremendously with that. It's a supplement found in the vitamin aisle. Been a life saver for me many times. 5htp is a precursor for serotonin and does not effect GABA. A much better way of dealing with anxiety. In fact alcohol and barbiturates hit the GABA system directly which makes us feel relaxed and eliminates social anxiety. When you stop either one, anxiety goes through the roof.
Well...anyway. Point is...our neurotransmitters have been out of wack due to alcoholism and is the cause for depression, anxiety, and lack of motivation. And the good news is, everything is working itself out!
Many good days lie ahead. The good times keep getting better and happen more frequently. Being sober ROCKS!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Amp I think it is common to fluctuate between feeling strong and feeling week. The extremes will level out with time. Most important is you tough it out, and when feeling weak that you take extra precautions to keep away from temptation! Good job!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
I guess that's probably right Kittycat. The important thing is to keep perspective and preempt complications. It does seem weird to get these seemingly contradictory impulses and mood swings. I reckon it must be related to what Incontrol said before about chemical balances in the brain...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
You know those moments when your focus barely expands beyond your own inner thoughts? Like the outside world barely exists? The world is rather gray and the only thing that is clear are the battles in your mind, yet nothing gets resolved.
Then out of the blue, our awareness expands and we become thankful for the good things that's happening around us. The world is brighter and we can sense more hope and appreciation.
Everyone goes through it. We just stay in different mindsets for different lengths of time. Some people have managed to learn how to quickly overcome obsessive inner battles.
This is a major part of our recovery. The early days are so obsessed and dark. For me, the clouds broke open for the first time around day 5. That was a game changer.
The bottom line is, we are getting better and better. We just may not notice the differences as much since the changes become more incremental. But they are happening. And we may get frustrated or tired of fighting AV after a while. That may be due to the fact that we're using the same approach and like a virus, the AV mutates and becomes immune to our defenses.
A change in approach, adding something new, focusing more on positive mental and health activities will make those battles easier again. By this point, the AV knows we like to attack the head with a powerful right punch. So it's time to throw a right hand jab then follow through with a left hand uppercut. Bam...on the floor it goes. Good night Irene.
Then out of the blue, our awareness expands and we become thankful for the good things that's happening around us. The world is brighter and we can sense more hope and appreciation.
Everyone goes through it. We just stay in different mindsets for different lengths of time. Some people have managed to learn how to quickly overcome obsessive inner battles.
This is a major part of our recovery. The early days are so obsessed and dark. For me, the clouds broke open for the first time around day 5. That was a game changer.
The bottom line is, we are getting better and better. We just may not notice the differences as much since the changes become more incremental. But they are happening. And we may get frustrated or tired of fighting AV after a while. That may be due to the fact that we're using the same approach and like a virus, the AV mutates and becomes immune to our defenses.
A change in approach, adding something new, focusing more on positive mental and health activities will make those battles easier again. By this point, the AV knows we like to attack the head with a powerful right punch. So it's time to throw a right hand jab then follow through with a left hand uppercut. Bam...on the floor it goes. Good night Irene.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
Originally Posted by Mariposa18
Joining the class of April 2015. Last drink was the 14th, so my sober date is April 15th.
I just posted in the grief forum, my mom passed away the 21st of April. I believe this was related to her alcohol issues, whether directly or indirectly. Anyway, right now it's hard to put anything into words. Just wanted to introduce myself to everyone :-)
I just posted in the grief forum, my mom passed away the 21st of April. I believe this was related to her alcohol issues, whether directly or indirectly. Anyway, right now it's hard to put anything into words. Just wanted to introduce myself to everyone :-)
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