Class of April 2014 Part 15
Blood Countess
Join Date: May 2014
Location: A castle
Posts: 340
Hey, so I had a good long session with my therapist today. I promised not to drink for this week. Anything longer than that and I knew I couldn't promise it. Even saying that I wouldn't drink for a week (it was my idea, to promise a certain length of sobriety) filled me with terror. I wanted to drink "just a couple more times" you know... how that goes...
But what's also neat is that a part of me also relaxed, gave a sigh of relief, and also got really excited!! Wow. So that me that wants to be sober is still in there....that poor, poor girl... she's in there, wanting out. She desperately wants sobriety. It's such a struggle, isn't it!? The addicted me and the wanting to be sober me.
But, if I can't do this outpatient I need inpatient, and that scares me a lot. So. This week first. I'll worry about the rest later... but... if I can't do 40 days on my own... I really do need inpatient (actually my therapist thinks I need it now, and I do agree.... but, I figured this would be like a last chance thing. And maybe the thought of having to tell my family about rehab my scare me into not drinking... or, atleast be one thing to help me not drink) so I was like "40 days sober or I will go into inpatient care."
But we'll start with the one week thing. One day at a time though... heh heh.... (nervous laugh) yup, this is hard.
Also, yes, spirituality Trying to get into that more. I haven't drank since the night of the 4th.
But what's also neat is that a part of me also relaxed, gave a sigh of relief, and also got really excited!! Wow. So that me that wants to be sober is still in there....that poor, poor girl... she's in there, wanting out. She desperately wants sobriety. It's such a struggle, isn't it!? The addicted me and the wanting to be sober me.
But, if I can't do this outpatient I need inpatient, and that scares me a lot. So. This week first. I'll worry about the rest later... but... if I can't do 40 days on my own... I really do need inpatient (actually my therapist thinks I need it now, and I do agree.... but, I figured this would be like a last chance thing. And maybe the thought of having to tell my family about rehab my scare me into not drinking... or, atleast be one thing to help me not drink) so I was like "40 days sober or I will go into inpatient care."
But we'll start with the one week thing. One day at a time though... heh heh.... (nervous laugh) yup, this is hard.
Also, yes, spirituality Trying to get into that more. I haven't drank since the night of the 4th.
Hillbilly Girl
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,953
Listen to the girl that wants sobriety Lucrecia
Glad you had a meeting with your therapist & being honest with her about your struggle. No matter what you decide with inpatient or to continue with the support you have now....we're in this with you!!
Busy day.....another side job after work & chillin here with my Sons.....my 21 year old has been coming over to use the wi-fi to do school work...talking about maybe moving back here for awhile. I have so much guilt about not being there like he needed me to be while he was in high school that I would love for him to come home...except for the crappy rap music he listens too
Going through lots of up & downs these days but mostly feeling grateful everyday to just be sober. Wishing everyone a good week. Glad to be here with all you Fools
Glad you had a meeting with your therapist & being honest with her about your struggle. No matter what you decide with inpatient or to continue with the support you have now....we're in this with you!!Busy day.....another side job after work & chillin here with my Sons.....my 21 year old has been coming over to use the wi-fi to do school work...talking about maybe moving back here for awhile. I have so much guilt about not being there like he needed me to be while he was in high school that I would love for him to come home...except for the crappy rap music he listens too
Going through lots of up & downs these days but mostly feeling grateful everyday to just be sober. Wishing everyone a good week. Glad to be here with all you Fools
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,804
Mariah, that's great news about your son. Given time, things do seem to sort themselves out, don't they?
Luc, is it the fear of telling your family that stops you from going as an inpatient? Have you spoken to your therapist about why you're not keen to go down that line? She might be able to reassure you about some things.
It certainly is a personal decision, but I would imagine that sobriety would be much easier around other people who are committed to the same goal. Years ago, as a student, I helped out in a private clinic for people with addictions and eating disorders. I loved it. The support and camaraderie were amazing. It's definitely worth serious consideration imo. I hope this week goes well for you.
ST, how's it going?
I've got a whole day at my office desk today, I will try to remember to take some breaks to have a stretch. I seem to always end up with a stiff neck at the end of the day otherwise. I'd love to find a job that was a bit healthier on the body, or perhaps I ought to exercise before and after work. Yesterday, I did get my skipping rope out, and managed 5 short intervals! That's a start.
Have a great day everyone.
Luc, is it the fear of telling your family that stops you from going as an inpatient? Have you spoken to your therapist about why you're not keen to go down that line? She might be able to reassure you about some things.
It certainly is a personal decision, but I would imagine that sobriety would be much easier around other people who are committed to the same goal. Years ago, as a student, I helped out in a private clinic for people with addictions and eating disorders. I loved it. The support and camaraderie were amazing. It's definitely worth serious consideration imo. I hope this week goes well for you.
ST, how's it going?
I've got a whole day at my office desk today, I will try to remember to take some breaks to have a stretch. I seem to always end up with a stiff neck at the end of the day otherwise. I'd love to find a job that was a bit healthier on the body, or perhaps I ought to exercise before and after work. Yesterday, I did get my skipping rope out, and managed 5 short intervals! That's a start.
Have a great day everyone.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,315
Hey Fools.
1.25pm in the classroom, 2 spare periods....! It's the little things......
I went to a party Saturday night. It was a mate who gets all the guitarists on the Island together for a dinner, drinks and then the jam session.
It's a really talented Island, with a well deserved strong reputation for musos, artists, writers, journos etc... It's a hippy island with heaps of great people.
There's a huge drinking/drug problem too.
I moved here 6 years ago, and met all these blokes, some married, some alone in the world.
There my mates and I like them.
Saturday was huge for me.
It's 6 months on Oct 24, and word is around that Obo has sobered up and got it together.
Half truths....
All day I thought about booze, the AV kicking right off.
You know the tune.....
I went with a friend who came over to see us before, with guitar in hand thinking I's stay for an hour.
I stayed for 5 hours, was offered drinks for the first 2, then all easy sailing from there.
It's such a trip to watch others drink now. There is a definite shift in my thinking and ability to hold my own in the crowd.
My head was buzzing all day about booze then when it was on, I didn't want it, let alone need it.
My friends were hugely supportive, most of whom were all pissed, and mentioned they would like to do something about their own problems.
If alcoholism is a progressive disease, then recovery is progressive too. That in my mind as you spend more and more time sober, coupled with slow exposure therapy, you actually become progressively more mentally and physically stable. You get better.
I feel like Freein with the holiday scenario, once you have a little victory, you can see the winners lane in front of you....
I hope all the crew are ok. I'm reading Luc and Sol, I dont have any advice. But I have huge admiration for you both and unconditional support.
Topspin: Hope you're well mate. What's news.....
Dee: Hi........
Mariah: Some rap is good. Good luck with your son, maybe next time he comes over get some public enemy/run dmc on..........
stay tuned...........
1.25pm in the classroom, 2 spare periods....! It's the little things......
I went to a party Saturday night. It was a mate who gets all the guitarists on the Island together for a dinner, drinks and then the jam session.
It's a really talented Island, with a well deserved strong reputation for musos, artists, writers, journos etc... It's a hippy island with heaps of great people.
There's a huge drinking/drug problem too.
I moved here 6 years ago, and met all these blokes, some married, some alone in the world.
There my mates and I like them.
Saturday was huge for me.
It's 6 months on Oct 24, and word is around that Obo has sobered up and got it together.
Half truths....
All day I thought about booze, the AV kicking right off.
You know the tune.....
I went with a friend who came over to see us before, with guitar in hand thinking I's stay for an hour.
I stayed for 5 hours, was offered drinks for the first 2, then all easy sailing from there.
It's such a trip to watch others drink now. There is a definite shift in my thinking and ability to hold my own in the crowd.
My head was buzzing all day about booze then when it was on, I didn't want it, let alone need it.
My friends were hugely supportive, most of whom were all pissed, and mentioned they would like to do something about their own problems.
If alcoholism is a progressive disease, then recovery is progressive too. That in my mind as you spend more and more time sober, coupled with slow exposure therapy, you actually become progressively more mentally and physically stable. You get better.
I feel like Freein with the holiday scenario, once you have a little victory, you can see the winners lane in front of you....
I hope all the crew are ok. I'm reading Luc and Sol, I dont have any advice. But I have huge admiration for you both and unconditional support.
Topspin: Hope you're well mate. What's news.....
Dee: Hi........
Mariah: Some rap is good. Good luck with your son, maybe next time he comes over get some public enemy/run dmc on..........
stay tuned...........
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,804
ST, have you set a date for the wedding?
Are you still looking for an apartment?
These things are special.
Obo, great work at the jamming session. I totally agree that recovery is progressive. As you meet a challenge and overcome it, you're stronger for the next. I've also noticed that many people who do drink, actually wish they didn't, but aren't sure how to go about stopping.
When I'm further up the line in my sobriety, I'd like to be able to help other folk who are wanting to commit to an alcohol free life. I'm not sure in what capacity yet, but it's something I'm aspiring to.
It's been a day of sitting on my behind at a desk, I'm ready for some movement this evening.
See you later.
Are you still looking for an apartment?
These things are special.
Obo, great work at the jamming session. I totally agree that recovery is progressive. As you meet a challenge and overcome it, you're stronger for the next. I've also noticed that many people who do drink, actually wish they didn't, but aren't sure how to go about stopping.
When I'm further up the line in my sobriety, I'd like to be able to help other folk who are wanting to commit to an alcohol free life. I'm not sure in what capacity yet, but it's something I'm aspiring to.
It's been a day of sitting on my behind at a desk, I'm ready for some movement this evening.
See you later.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Freein, ..you're probably right about folks wanting to slow down or quit drinking, ..but not knowing just how to go about it. No small task. I was always guilty of underestimating the challenge in the past.
....and probably overestimating my ability to do it by myself.
Obo,
You are spot on with "recovery is progressive too " ...imho.
I'm feeling more stable mentally as well, ...it's just taken the time it takes I guess ?
Mariah, ...you're going to have a full house soon !
Sounds pretty fun, ..
Obo, ...thinking of run dmc , and remembered the Chris Rock bit in one of his best stand up routines about now being "tired of defending rap music " ...he's a big fan, ...so it's esp. hilarious.
Chris Rock Stand up - Defending Rap Music - YouTube
Really excited today about seeing my girls this week. My three grand daughters ( twin 4 1/2 year olds and a 7 year old ) are about two hours away with their mom and nana. Looking forward to going out on the river with them all, and hopefully we can have some beginners luck and catch a fish !?!
..it'll be close to miraculous
.......if y'all knew how bad of a fisherman I am, ....
....and probably overestimating my ability to do it by myself.
Obo,
You are spot on with "recovery is progressive too " ...imho.
I'm feeling more stable mentally as well, ...it's just taken the time it takes I guess ?
Mariah, ...you're going to have a full house soon !
Sounds pretty fun, ..
Obo, ...thinking of run dmc , and remembered the Chris Rock bit in one of his best stand up routines about now being "tired of defending rap music " ...he's a big fan, ...so it's esp. hilarious.
Chris Rock Stand up - Defending Rap Music - YouTube
Really excited today about seeing my girls this week. My three grand daughters ( twin 4 1/2 year olds and a 7 year old ) are about two hours away with their mom and nana. Looking forward to going out on the river with them all, and hopefully we can have some beginners luck and catch a fish !?!
..it'll be close to miraculous
.......if y'all knew how bad of a fisherman I am, ....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
ST - I wish I could just give you a big hug. I've been a bit angry lately and I wondered if PAWS was starting to hit, a bit, for me. I find I just need to walk away a lot.
Mariah - Just about all of my siblings have moved back in with mom and dad at some point, and sometimes twice, and my mom especially just loved that. I think it's just different spending that time with an early twenty-something, versus needy toddlers and angry or embarrassed teens. LOL. I'm generalizing, of course. Have fun and enjoy.
Those talking about sober holidays in the future.....I am hoping I can soon gain peace with that. I think Thanksgiving would be fine since I don't romanticize that one as much. But Christmas is a whole different story, for some reason. BUT, you give me hope as you have more time on you than I do, so I will continue to rest my mind and be patient and live for today. (That goes against my being, though, lol.)
Mariah - Just about all of my siblings have moved back in with mom and dad at some point, and sometimes twice, and my mom especially just loved that. I think it's just different spending that time with an early twenty-something, versus needy toddlers and angry or embarrassed teens. LOL. I'm generalizing, of course. Have fun and enjoy.
Those talking about sober holidays in the future.....I am hoping I can soon gain peace with that. I think Thanksgiving would be fine since I don't romanticize that one as much. But Christmas is a whole different story, for some reason. BUT, you give me hope as you have more time on you than I do, so I will continue to rest my mind and be patient and live for today. (That goes against my being, though, lol.)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,804
Good morning everyone,
Tops, what a lovely way to spend time, boating with your little ones. Sounds idyllic to me. Hope you manage to catch your dinner (maybe have something in the freezer as a stand by just in case your reputation is true!)
Yesterday I was listening to a Utube clip of Tony Robbins. He spoke of making true decisions, and the importance of seeing ourselves differently.
For example, If we see ourselves as a drinker, then our mind will try to make that our reality, which is why there's so much conflict in our brains when we try and stop. However if we see ourselves as someone who looks after our health, is making positive healthy choices and doesn't drink anymore, then our brains switch to make that our reality, and there is less conflict.
I found this interesting, because, as you know, I've tried so many times before to quit drinking, and failed, yet this time I feel I've changed my perception of who I am, and have so far succeeded.
The challenge of course is making the decision, turning an "I should/want to make this change" in to an "I absolutely MUST make this change, and it is my highest priority".
It made a lot of sense to me, so thought I'd share it.
Hope you have a great day all.
Tops, what a lovely way to spend time, boating with your little ones. Sounds idyllic to me. Hope you manage to catch your dinner (maybe have something in the freezer as a stand by just in case your reputation is true!)
Yesterday I was listening to a Utube clip of Tony Robbins. He spoke of making true decisions, and the importance of seeing ourselves differently.
For example, If we see ourselves as a drinker, then our mind will try to make that our reality, which is why there's so much conflict in our brains when we try and stop. However if we see ourselves as someone who looks after our health, is making positive healthy choices and doesn't drink anymore, then our brains switch to make that our reality, and there is less conflict.
I found this interesting, because, as you know, I've tried so many times before to quit drinking, and failed, yet this time I feel I've changed my perception of who I am, and have so far succeeded.
The challenge of course is making the decision, turning an "I should/want to make this change" in to an "I absolutely MUST make this change, and it is my highest priority".
It made a lot of sense to me, so thought I'd share it.
Hope you have a great day all.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Too far up North
Posts: 284
Well I just typed a lot and lost it all. I'm not going to let it **** me off but I don't feel like doing it over again right now. But since I'm already here I thought I'd just check in and say hello.
I haven't drank.
Freein I have been trying to acknowledge and ecourage the SV. I think that it helped me to stop myself from just deciding to just go ahead and keep drinking when I felt like it because I "had it under control". The reality is if I had it under control I wouldn't be drinking at all. My SV reminded me of that every time.
Tops I hope ythat my taste of sobriety did ruin my drinking and that those (few days shy of) 2 months that I accomplished weren't for nothing.
Lucrezia I also have a hard time of seeing things day to day. But I get the feeling that you are much stronger than you think. You keep coming back to SR and that shows dedication. You really do want this. I have no doubt you can do 40 days and beyond.
Mariah maybe try not to feel guilty about the past and be proud of where you are now and that he wants to possibly go live with you. That should make you feel really good.
Osob your island sounds like an awesome place. I grew up on an island and there is quite a drinking/drug problem there as well. How strange it is that in places that are so beautiful, people feel the need to distort reality. I guess it's with the idea of enhancing or enjoying. I think that where I'm from the main reason is boredom in the winter and then being surrounded by people on vacation during the summer.
AppleKat I feel the same way about Thanksgiving and Christmas. To be honest though, I'm not really a big fan of Thanksgiving. I mean the thought and idea of it is great. But sitting around the table eating a bunch of food and having to make small talk is not my thing. Last year it was just our immediate family and I did enjoy it. Still not one of my fave holidays.
Hope everyone has a good day and I intend to come back later
I haven't drank.
Freein I have been trying to acknowledge and ecourage the SV. I think that it helped me to stop myself from just deciding to just go ahead and keep drinking when I felt like it because I "had it under control". The reality is if I had it under control I wouldn't be drinking at all. My SV reminded me of that every time.
Tops I hope ythat my taste of sobriety did ruin my drinking and that those (few days shy of) 2 months that I accomplished weren't for nothing.
Lucrezia I also have a hard time of seeing things day to day. But I get the feeling that you are much stronger than you think. You keep coming back to SR and that shows dedication. You really do want this. I have no doubt you can do 40 days and beyond.
Mariah maybe try not to feel guilty about the past and be proud of where you are now and that he wants to possibly go live with you. That should make you feel really good.
Osob your island sounds like an awesome place. I grew up on an island and there is quite a drinking/drug problem there as well. How strange it is that in places that are so beautiful, people feel the need to distort reality. I guess it's with the idea of enhancing or enjoying. I think that where I'm from the main reason is boredom in the winter and then being surrounded by people on vacation during the summer.
AppleKat I feel the same way about Thanksgiving and Christmas. To be honest though, I'm not really a big fan of Thanksgiving. I mean the thought and idea of it is great. But sitting around the table eating a bunch of food and having to make small talk is not my thing. Last year it was just our immediate family and I did enjoy it. Still not one of my fave holidays.
Hope everyone has a good day and I intend to come back later
Hillbilly Girl
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,953
Hope you have a fabulous time with the girls TS:
Glad that you are moving forward Solilo.....so much better than staying "stuck" in the haze that comes with drinking. I am not at all big on the Holidays either & am really going to try & avoid the chaos of it all this year.....I would just as soon put some money aside for a trip to the coast & walk on the beach.
Well, I have been having a "situation" with Son & Daughter-in-law RE: me spending time with my little Grandsons. It seems that since the little one was born 5 months ago & Mom is now staying home, I am no longer "responsible" or trusted to be with them unsupervised. This was not a problem when they were both working & they needed me to care for Him from time to time while they worked. My daughter in law is sooo extremely insecure & it is clear she does not want to share the love & affection of neither my Son or Grandsons. I was talking to my Son last night (went over to see them all) asking him about his new job & she was "talking for him"...I hate that & so I said.."He can tell me himself". I'm sick of "walking on eggshells" around her for fear I won't get to see my Grandsons at all, but I am sick of being treated like I need to be under their supervision to spend time with them. I hate when people use kids & love as pawns. Had to vent this here.....thanks for listening. Baby was crawling toward me last night....smiling & she couldn't stand it & had to get down on the floor to distract him from me.
time for some meditation & prayer before I head out
Glad that you are moving forward Solilo.....so much better than staying "stuck" in the haze that comes with drinking. I am not at all big on the Holidays either & am really going to try & avoid the chaos of it all this year.....I would just as soon put some money aside for a trip to the coast & walk on the beach.
Well, I have been having a "situation" with Son & Daughter-in-law RE: me spending time with my little Grandsons. It seems that since the little one was born 5 months ago & Mom is now staying home, I am no longer "responsible" or trusted to be with them unsupervised. This was not a problem when they were both working & they needed me to care for Him from time to time while they worked. My daughter in law is sooo extremely insecure & it is clear she does not want to share the love & affection of neither my Son or Grandsons. I was talking to my Son last night (went over to see them all) asking him about his new job & she was "talking for him"...I hate that & so I said.."He can tell me himself". I'm sick of "walking on eggshells" around her for fear I won't get to see my Grandsons at all, but I am sick of being treated like I need to be under their supervision to spend time with them. I hate when people use kids & love as pawns. Had to vent this here.....thanks for listening. Baby was crawling toward me last night....smiling & she couldn't stand it & had to get down on the floor to distract him from me.
time for some meditation & prayer before I head out
Hillbilly Girl
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,953
Glad to see you posting here ST & hope tomorrow is a better day...it is so easy to let things get us down, I know for me I just have to remind myself often of the good things in life...even the little things.
10PM & I have been on the go since I took Son to bus at 6:30 this morning. I set a few fitness goals for myself a few weeks ago, weekly, one month & 6 months. My exercise program the last 2 years has helped me in losing weight & gaining a fair amount of muscle, & I love my lower body & upper body routines, but lack enthusiasm for the core/ab stuff & as my drink of choice was beer & lots of beer, I have not been able to lose the "fluff" around my middle...I like to call my six pack flab. Any who....my goal is to lose it by March 1st...18 lb total. Aiming for 8 lbs off in this month of October (2 lbs a week) & 2 lbs a month thereafter for 4 months. I plan on doing this with healthy eating & being consistent with core exercise routine. I have been doing really great with eating only "whole food" (except the king size kit kat bar last night after the whole DIL thing), but did my weekly weigh in at the gym tonight & made my first 2 lb in one week goal!!! I am also taking 2 supplements that I have read about that aids in fat burn & appetite control, both herbal & I'm pretty excited about that. My reward at the end of this little journey will be to have my belly button pierced with some pretty belly button bling....yeah I know, I'm one wild & crazy Granny I know too that the healthy diet will not only help me reach my goal with weigh loss, but will benefit me in how I feel mentally...more energy & just general health. I also now have an ab routine at the gym that I'm committed to sticking to....simple, but know if I am consistent with it, I will make my goal by spring. I love lifting the weights....it gives me such a feeling of accomplishment & a huge stress relief for me...I like the commodore I have with others I see on a regular basis up there. Time to call it a night as I will be off & running again at 6:30 in the am.....I'm really enjoying my 2 hrs of relaxation time in the morning after getting Son to bus...quiet & unhurried.
10PM & I have been on the go since I took Son to bus at 6:30 this morning. I set a few fitness goals for myself a few weeks ago, weekly, one month & 6 months. My exercise program the last 2 years has helped me in losing weight & gaining a fair amount of muscle, & I love my lower body & upper body routines, but lack enthusiasm for the core/ab stuff & as my drink of choice was beer & lots of beer, I have not been able to lose the "fluff" around my middle...I like to call my six pack flab. Any who....my goal is to lose it by March 1st...18 lb total. Aiming for 8 lbs off in this month of October (2 lbs a week) & 2 lbs a month thereafter for 4 months. I plan on doing this with healthy eating & being consistent with core exercise routine. I have been doing really great with eating only "whole food" (except the king size kit kat bar last night after the whole DIL thing), but did my weekly weigh in at the gym tonight & made my first 2 lb in one week goal!!! I am also taking 2 supplements that I have read about that aids in fat burn & appetite control, both herbal & I'm pretty excited about that. My reward at the end of this little journey will be to have my belly button pierced with some pretty belly button bling....yeah I know, I'm one wild & crazy Granny
I know too that the healthy diet will not only help me reach my goal with weigh loss, but will benefit me in how I feel mentally...more energy & just general health. I also now have an ab routine at the gym that I'm committed to sticking to....simple, but know if I am consistent with it, I will make my goal by spring. I love lifting the weights....it gives me such a feeling of accomplishment & a huge stress relief for me...I like the commodore I have with others I see on a regular basis up there. Time to call it a night as I will be off & running again at 6:30 in the am.....I'm really enjoying my 2 hrs of relaxation time in the morning after getting Son to bus...quiet & unhurried.
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