One Year and Under Club Part 38
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Sas sounds like your IOP is going well!
Welcome Viking. Sorry to hear you lost a boxer too. I love the breed so much!
Speaking of dogs. I took my Boxer to the park to play ball this morning and my shoulder totally separated when throwing the ball. I've had issues with it dislocating ever since I first separated it 10 years ago. When it happened this morning I could feel the end of my collar bone and then the ball of my shoulder was pointed toward my back. The doctor knocked me out and put it back in place. It said I need surgery on the cuff to make it a smaller tighter fit. And to top it off I don't have health insurance so not too excited. Just got home now and my dog is passed out next to me cuddling. Pretty sore but thankfully have tomorrow off to rest before I go to work.
Welcome Viking. Sorry to hear you lost a boxer too. I love the breed so much!
Speaking of dogs. I took my Boxer to the park to play ball this morning and my shoulder totally separated when throwing the ball. I've had issues with it dislocating ever since I first separated it 10 years ago. When it happened this morning I could feel the end of my collar bone and then the ball of my shoulder was pointed toward my back. The doctor knocked me out and put it back in place. It said I need surgery on the cuff to make it a smaller tighter fit. And to top it off I don't have health insurance so not too excited. Just got home now and my dog is passed out next to me cuddling. Pretty sore but thankfully have tomorrow off to rest before I go to work.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Else - It's nice to hear from you. There's something about the loving way you describe your animals that I find so soothing. Unfortunately I'm allergic to almost every pet with hair.
BoozeFree - Your poor shoulder! I always found discomfort of every sort to be a reason to pick up. Sore foot? Drink. Head cold? Drink. Exercise particularly hard? Drink. Etc. Is your shoulder pain a trigger? If it is, get yourself some face to face support.
Sass - Congratulations on 45 days. That's a great milestone!
Drake - I love Olive's head shot. She is so pretty!
VikingGF - please post away! This is a kind, supportive group of people who will alternately listen to your struggles and share laughs, and some of is have the privilege of knowing that real living, breathing people exist behind the avatars.
LonelyShadow - Last you posted you were feeling down. Looking for a check-in from you.
NeverThought - Thanks for posting on Torn's note in the newcomers thread. I remembered after I sent you the pm that you and she connected over video games. That is way beyond my comfort zone. I can play Tetris, that's it! Lol! I'm just getting into e-books, and that's only because the easy access to books allows me to read more than I did when I had to wait to go to a library or bookstore to get my fix. Lol.
Hi Gilmer! Hi Carlos! Hi Sparky! Hi Mw! I hope everyone's well.
I worked on my recovery more than usual this weekend. I went to a meeting Friday and Saturday, and met with my sponsor today. My sponsor is a neat gal, with whom I have a eerie coincidences, like, we both bought the exact same crockpot yesterday. Ok, maybe that's not a significant coincidence, but it was meaningful to both of us. Perhaps her hp and my hp are in cahoots for us to cook chicken, but they're in cahoots, and that's enough for me right now. :P
She gave me tools and directions to start Step one. I've been working through it in bits and pieces on here, guided by my intuition, for the better part of seven months. I'm glad that I have the opportunity to be guided through it, and am hoping it will organize and focus my thoughts on my addiction.
Have a good one Undies!
BoozeFree - Your poor shoulder! I always found discomfort of every sort to be a reason to pick up. Sore foot? Drink. Head cold? Drink. Exercise particularly hard? Drink. Etc. Is your shoulder pain a trigger? If it is, get yourself some face to face support.
Sass - Congratulations on 45 days. That's a great milestone!
Drake - I love Olive's head shot. She is so pretty!
VikingGF - please post away! This is a kind, supportive group of people who will alternately listen to your struggles and share laughs, and some of is have the privilege of knowing that real living, breathing people exist behind the avatars.
LonelyShadow - Last you posted you were feeling down. Looking for a check-in from you.
NeverThought - Thanks for posting on Torn's note in the newcomers thread. I remembered after I sent you the pm that you and she connected over video games. That is way beyond my comfort zone. I can play Tetris, that's it! Lol! I'm just getting into e-books, and that's only because the easy access to books allows me to read more than I did when I had to wait to go to a library or bookstore to get my fix. Lol.
Hi Gilmer! Hi Carlos! Hi Sparky! Hi Mw! I hope everyone's well.
I worked on my recovery more than usual this weekend. I went to a meeting Friday and Saturday, and met with my sponsor today. My sponsor is a neat gal, with whom I have a eerie coincidences, like, we both bought the exact same crockpot yesterday. Ok, maybe that's not a significant coincidence, but it was meaningful to both of us. Perhaps her hp and my hp are in cahoots for us to cook chicken, but they're in cahoots, and that's enough for me right now. :P
She gave me tools and directions to start Step one. I've been working through it in bits and pieces on here, guided by my intuition, for the better part of seven months. I'm glad that I have the opportunity to be guided through it, and am hoping it will organize and focus my thoughts on my addiction.
Have a good one Undies!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Thanks for the good thoughts, folks!
BF, so sorry to hear about your shoulder. Big bummer!
Glee, nice that you like your sponsor. I'm hoping to find one I'm comfortable with.
I am now very grateful for my IOP. What a huge shift in my thinking and attitude after feeling so angry in the first few weeks. Each of the three supports for my sobriety plays a distinct and critical role in my continuing sobriety. You all are so supportive and available when needed, it means so much to me!
BF, so sorry to hear about your shoulder. Big bummer!
Glee, nice that you like your sponsor. I'm hoping to find one I'm comfortable with.
I am now very grateful for my IOP. What a huge shift in my thinking and attitude after feeling so angry in the first few weeks. Each of the three supports for my sobriety plays a distinct and critical role in my continuing sobriety. You all are so supportive and available when needed, it means so much to me!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: North. Where it snows.
Posts: 702
OMG, I absolutely adore the doggie pictures. They're gorgeous and all nice and peaceful. Olive is a sweetheart. 
And the little lifted ear of the boxer and zen face of the Mastiff. Keep them coming.
))))
And the little lifted ear of the boxer and zen face of the Mastiff. Keep them coming.
))))
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Drake a giant pug party sounds sooo fun! I can only imagine the noises coming from that many!
GF thank you for the advice. In the past I would use that as a mother excuse as well but finding this time I. Just reminding myself the discomfort is only temporary.
Dottie glad your enjoying the pics! How have you been?
GF thank you for the advice. In the past I would use that as a mother excuse as well but finding this time I. Just reminding myself the discomfort is only temporary.
Dottie glad your enjoying the pics! How have you been?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Nevada
Posts: 261
Hi all.
I just needed to check in. I'm glad to see everyone here is doing well.
I really loved the dog pics. After hearing about Drake's pug party, I kinda feel outta place though, being a cat person. Actually, I have to say that Mrs. mw is a cat person. So, by default, I guess that makes me one too.
Else - I loved your description of your yellow labs,...."The Hairballs". That's too funny. As much as we are cat lovers, we actually had to give our two cats to neighbors, many years ago, due to her severe allergies to animal hair. It was heartbreaking. It really was hard. I'm just glad though, that she's not allergic to me. lol.
Glee - I'm happy for you having a good sponsor that you're comfortable with. That's one tool in my recovery, that has kept me on my toes as much as anything else.
I wanted to meet with mine, yesterday, but he was unavailable. So, I met with a close friend of his, another priest. I consider them like sponsors, as they have pretty good experience with people in recovery from a whole variety of things. Anyways, it works. I was just a little frustrated, not getting to see mine this time.
Then, this morning, I woke up a little "under the weather". So, I didn't get to go to Mass with my family. I was kinda bummed. It's something that I always look forward to, and it's one of our few family times. Oh well, there's always next Sunday.
Bfree - Sorry to hear about your shoulder. I hope you feel better. At least you have your boxer to help keep you comfortable. I'm sure he won't make you throw the ball as far, next time.
I wish all you undies, a good week. I still send prayers your way every day, and I really appreciate all of the posts. You're all part of my recovery, and I hope to be part of yours.
Stay well,
mw
I just needed to check in. I'm glad to see everyone here is doing well.
I really loved the dog pics. After hearing about Drake's pug party, I kinda feel outta place though, being a cat person. Actually, I have to say that Mrs. mw is a cat person. So, by default, I guess that makes me one too.
Else - I loved your description of your yellow labs,...."The Hairballs". That's too funny. As much as we are cat lovers, we actually had to give our two cats to neighbors, many years ago, due to her severe allergies to animal hair. It was heartbreaking. It really was hard. I'm just glad though, that she's not allergic to me. lol.
Glee - I'm happy for you having a good sponsor that you're comfortable with. That's one tool in my recovery, that has kept me on my toes as much as anything else.
I wanted to meet with mine, yesterday, but he was unavailable. So, I met with a close friend of his, another priest. I consider them like sponsors, as they have pretty good experience with people in recovery from a whole variety of things. Anyways, it works. I was just a little frustrated, not getting to see mine this time.
Then, this morning, I woke up a little "under the weather". So, I didn't get to go to Mass with my family. I was kinda bummed. It's something that I always look forward to, and it's one of our few family times. Oh well, there's always next Sunday.
Bfree - Sorry to hear about your shoulder. I hope you feel better. At least you have your boxer to help keep you comfortable. I'm sure he won't make you throw the ball as far, next time.
I wish all you undies, a good week. I still send prayers your way every day, and I really appreciate all of the posts. You're all part of my recovery, and I hope to be part of yours.
Stay well,
mw
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
MW, sorry you woke up feeling a bit under the weather and happy you checked in here. Staying sober sure doesn't mean our problems, bad days and feelings disappear. However, as someone once said, there isn't anything that can't be made worse by alcohol. I love the way my brain is so much clearer now. I hope you're feeling better!
Good morning undies! I'm feeling good and have a busy day coming up :-)
Good morning undies! I'm feeling good and have a busy day coming up :-)
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
Neverthpught, love your sweet Mastiff, they are gorgeous dogs. But I think I'd rather have a photo than the food bill!
Viking a warm welcome to you too. The Undies is the place to be for warm support, thougthful advice and dog pics!!
Drake the thought of your pug party had me smiling, were any dressed up? I was amazed when I googled pug pics once to make you a congrats by the amount of photos of pugs in fancy dress!! Give the Lady O a smoochy one. Good to hear you are sounding better after your Thursday from hell.
BeFree, ouch!! you poor lass. Consider yourself cyber hugged
GF the reason we looked into Labradoodles was the lack of loose fur and allergens. Then I fell in love with Molly who sheds constantly! I love that you and your potential sponsor bought matching crockpots, definitely like minded!!
Elsie, I am SL glad you managed a ride yesterday, that is huge. I hope you are able to focus on that and keep pushing yourself to find reasons to get out and about. Depression is such an awful illness, never truly understood by anyone who doesn't suffer, the debilitating effects are completely underestimated. I truly hope you are turning a corner. After all you have been through you deserve a break.
Sparky, I'm glad you enjoyed the concert with your girls, and, as you say, you have a round of golf to look forward to. I hope you feel less grumpy as the week progresses!
Sass, congratulations on 45 days! Though now I guess I should say 46! I love how positive you are sounding about your plans for moving forward.
Gilmer, how is the studying going? Are you back to visiting MaccieDs at stupid o'clock just to check in here??
MW sorry you are under the weather, how different to be genuinely I'll rather than too hungover to partake! Feel better soon
I have a busy week ahead, we need to move apartments next Tuesday for the last few weeks. Amazing the stuff you garner over 10 months! We are putting stuff in storage at the weekend for when we come back next year and at least one of my bags packed will remain untouched until I fly next month. Half of my mind is already on what needs doing once I cross the pond. Yeesh!!
LS I hope to see you back here soon x
Have a wonderful week Undies xx
Viking a warm welcome to you too. The Undies is the place to be for warm support, thougthful advice and dog pics!!
Drake the thought of your pug party had me smiling, were any dressed up? I was amazed when I googled pug pics once to make you a congrats by the amount of photos of pugs in fancy dress!! Give the Lady O a smoochy one. Good to hear you are sounding better after your Thursday from hell.
BeFree, ouch!! you poor lass. Consider yourself cyber hugged
GF the reason we looked into Labradoodles was the lack of loose fur and allergens. Then I fell in love with Molly who sheds constantly! I love that you and your potential sponsor bought matching crockpots, definitely like minded!!
Elsie, I am SL glad you managed a ride yesterday, that is huge. I hope you are able to focus on that and keep pushing yourself to find reasons to get out and about. Depression is such an awful illness, never truly understood by anyone who doesn't suffer, the debilitating effects are completely underestimated. I truly hope you are turning a corner. After all you have been through you deserve a break.
Sparky, I'm glad you enjoyed the concert with your girls, and, as you say, you have a round of golf to look forward to. I hope you feel less grumpy as the week progresses!
Sass, congratulations on 45 days! Though now I guess I should say 46! I love how positive you are sounding about your plans for moving forward.
Gilmer, how is the studying going? Are you back to visiting MaccieDs at stupid o'clock just to check in here??
MW sorry you are under the weather, how different to be genuinely I'll rather than too hungover to partake! Feel better soon
I have a busy week ahead, we need to move apartments next Tuesday for the last few weeks. Amazing the stuff you garner over 10 months! We are putting stuff in storage at the weekend for when we come back next year and at least one of my bags packed will remain untouched until I fly next month. Half of my mind is already on what needs doing once I cross the pond. Yeesh!!
LS I hope to see you back here soon x
Have a wonderful week Undies xx
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,131
Originally Posted by tootsl1 
Neverthpught, love your sweet Mastiff, they are gorgeous dogs. But I think I'd rather have a photo than the food bill!
Omg...BF your boxer is so beautiful.
Sorry for the loss of your boxer VGF. I cried at the vet and didn't even care ...... when we lost ours in Feb of 2011....She was a brindle....I'll put her up as my avatar "in memory to..."
Thanks for your kind comments about all of our pups and cats class, furthermore, a kind group to share this journey with....
We have a cat too. She looks exactly like SparkyMac's pic, that is why I asked...a long hair, black domestic.
I have asthma and have severe allergies....uh, what? Yep!
But I love animals. For me, it's worth it to deal with....
When I fall asleep on the couch, Tori (Mastiff) will paw my legs off of the couch to make room for herself. Then she goes back and forth between the couch and the bed (thanks goodness for king-size...heh-heh) about every two hours our so she doesn't discriminate.
Anyway...(4) weeks today.....chat later....."Undies"
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 808
Thanks Glee and Toots for thinking of me, sorry for not being around been very busy recently, need to take things a little easier on myself.
My father continues to be a source of great stress and aggravation for me, I was at work on my long 12 hour Sunday shift and was trying to get on with things, turned around and he was there because he'd forgotten his house key and needed to borrow mine. He had literally interupted me trying to start an important interaction with a gym member. I was furious. I cannot stand the guy. I've come to expect receiving NO support from him, but for him to actually start interfering with my life, making things MORE difficult, that's got to stop.
I have to get out of here, soon.
My father continues to be a source of great stress and aggravation for me, I was at work on my long 12 hour Sunday shift and was trying to get on with things, turned around and he was there because he'd forgotten his house key and needed to borrow mine. He had literally interupted me trying to start an important interaction with a gym member. I was furious. I cannot stand the guy. I've come to expect receiving NO support from him, but for him to actually start interfering with my life, making things MORE difficult, that's got to stop.
I have to get out of here, soon.
Working-cl*** pseudo tough
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 485
Whomp-a-rama Monday.
Not a great evening - my old friend anxiety has come back in spades, manifesting itself with stomach-acid based nausea at 2 AM last night. I know the trigger for this was feeling stressed all day, much of which was brought on by (what I consider) unreasonable expectations by my DW.
So in the interests of avoiding a pre-work fight with my DW today, she was nice in asking me if I needed meds again, or what did I need, and how I should put myself first. Unfortunately, her idea of me putting myself first means doing all the things she needs me to do first, and if it looks like I have any extra time in there, I can use that to do things for her.
So all weekend I heard about how yard work isn't getting done, and a project she needs help with isn't getting done, and how she wonders how anything will get done. Often.
As those who have read my blog know, I am very sensitive to this type of "criticism" as well - it generates a huge amount of stress for me, as I know these things need doing, I know I'll get to them when I have a chance, and the last thing I need is to be reminded over and over about them. This generates feelings of guilt for me.
And so I get short-tempered and cranky to the point where I finally lose my temper. And the DW acts as if this is entirely my problem - like a kid who pokes a dog in the eye twenty times, then blames it all on the dog when they get bit. Gah! I mean I did like 20 hours of schoolwork this weekend. Gah!
Would like to discuss this with her, but do not know how to do so without this escalating into a big brouhaha. And really, is it her fault? I mean, I control my feelings and reaction, don't I? Is it incumbent on me not to get irritable, have confidence in that I'm doing the best I can, and respond with patience and kindness, not anger?
Boy this having to figure out how to deal with things (other than getting hammered) really sucks. And in the mood I've been in the last few weeks, this is really not what I need right now. Gah.
Edit: Boy I feel needy, seems like all I'm doing lately is coming on here and complaining. Best wishes to all my undie friends, new and old, and hope everyone has a great week.
Not a great evening - my old friend anxiety has come back in spades, manifesting itself with stomach-acid based nausea at 2 AM last night. I know the trigger for this was feeling stressed all day, much of which was brought on by (what I consider) unreasonable expectations by my DW.
So in the interests of avoiding a pre-work fight with my DW today, she was nice in asking me if I needed meds again, or what did I need, and how I should put myself first. Unfortunately, her idea of me putting myself first means doing all the things she needs me to do first, and if it looks like I have any extra time in there, I can use that to do things for her.
So all weekend I heard about how yard work isn't getting done, and a project she needs help with isn't getting done, and how she wonders how anything will get done. Often.
As those who have read my blog know, I am very sensitive to this type of "criticism" as well - it generates a huge amount of stress for me, as I know these things need doing, I know I'll get to them when I have a chance, and the last thing I need is to be reminded over and over about them. This generates feelings of guilt for me.
And so I get short-tempered and cranky to the point where I finally lose my temper. And the DW acts as if this is entirely my problem - like a kid who pokes a dog in the eye twenty times, then blames it all on the dog when they get bit. Gah! I mean I did like 20 hours of schoolwork this weekend. Gah!
Would like to discuss this with her, but do not know how to do so without this escalating into a big brouhaha. And really, is it her fault? I mean, I control my feelings and reaction, don't I? Is it incumbent on me not to get irritable, have confidence in that I'm doing the best I can, and respond with patience and kindness, not anger?
Boy this having to figure out how to deal with things (other than getting hammered) really sucks. And in the mood I've been in the last few weeks, this is really not what I need right now. Gah.
Edit: Boy I feel needy, seems like all I'm doing lately is coming on here and complaining. Best wishes to all my undie friends, new and old, and hope everyone has a great week.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,131
This is for you SparkyMac....This is in response about an hour+ ago, to the question "how are you feeling after (4) weeks?", from a class member. This is to let you know sobriety brings on realistic challenges and I know you know that, but this is to take some pressure of you because you're not alone!... :^)
I have my bounce back. I have all my finances and chores up-to-date and completed. Now, I have only the things that are out of my control to worry about, like how is my boy doing in school. Is he behaving? I have a lot of energy. I have trouble harnessing it, but I need to, because I'm married and a father. I want to join a band and sing again.
I've become my extraverted self again, married to an introvert. This creates an unbalanced relationship and can be troublesome at times. I have to work hard at this. My wife enjoys a good book or puzzles (iPad), with some Doritos or a reality show. I want to be in that reality show! I can't, so I'll deal with it.
My wife wanted another child (a girl, 50-50 chance) and now I'm sober and can hear her taking those shots at me. We did try but she thinks I put some kind of kibosh on it?? I'll take our son off of her hands so she can get things done (grading) and also relax because she is a teacher and has the occasional anxiety issues (like anyone). Then she complains that she's left out. she complains that she'll never have daughter to bond with and blames me. I'm sorry for that, but I'll deal with it.
My mind gravitates to this tendency to take on the world. I become aloof when I'm sober and my wife and others have trouble discerning what I'm thinking. But, I'll deal with it.
I've always wanted what is easy!! So, instead of saying to myself...."boo-hoo, I have to work at this stuff?....seriously? Or, how about I'll just drink and let some (most) reality roll off of my shoulders, that sounds like it's a lot easier, I prefer reality! So, I'll deal with it.
Drinking, to me, it's like piling junk (not junk, but life) in a drawer to hide it. Eventually it won't close anymore. Now, you have to remove some things and say "omg" this is where I put this? I missed this! Awe, here's a picture of my boy when he was 3 and our house when we bought it...and so on and so on!
Contrary to my initial comment of having trivial things completed, answering your question made me think! I still have a lot of work to do, but I'm not putting it off anymore.
That is how I feel my friend! Thank you for asking how I'm feeling! That felt good!
Thanks SAS, I'll treat myself to reality. It will always be something even if all your project at home are completed!
Originally Posted by Neverthought
I have my bounce back. I have all my finances and chores up-to-date and completed. Now, I have only the things that are out of my control to worry about, like how is my boy doing in school. Is he behaving? I have a lot of energy. I have trouble harnessing it, but I need to, because I'm married and a father. I want to join a band and sing again.
I've become my extraverted self again, married to an introvert. This creates an unbalanced relationship and can be troublesome at times. I have to work hard at this. My wife enjoys a good book or puzzles (iPad), with some Doritos or a reality show. I want to be in that reality show! I can't, so I'll deal with it.
My wife wanted another child (a girl, 50-50 chance) and now I'm sober and can hear her taking those shots at me. We did try but she thinks I put some kind of kibosh on it?? I'll take our son off of her hands so she can get things done (grading) and also relax because she is a teacher and has the occasional anxiety issues (like anyone). Then she complains that she's left out. she complains that she'll never have daughter to bond with and blames me. I'm sorry for that, but I'll deal with it.
My mind gravitates to this tendency to take on the world. I become aloof when I'm sober and my wife and others have trouble discerning what I'm thinking. But, I'll deal with it.
I've always wanted what is easy!! So, instead of saying to myself...."boo-hoo, I have to work at this stuff?....seriously? Or, how about I'll just drink and let some (most) reality roll off of my shoulders, that sounds like it's a lot easier, I prefer reality! So, I'll deal with it.
Drinking, to me, it's like piling junk (not junk, but life) in a drawer to hide it. Eventually it won't close anymore. Now, you have to remove some things and say "omg" this is where I put this? I missed this! Awe, here's a picture of my boy when he was 3 and our house when we bought it...and so on and so on!
Contrary to my initial comment of having trivial things completed, answering your question made me think! I still have a lot of work to do, but I'm not putting it off anymore.
That is how I feel my friend! Thank you for asking how I'm feeling! That felt good!
Thanks SAS, I'll treat myself to reality.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
NT, congrats on 4 weeks!
Sparky, yep, life can be a ( witch)! I've been working on coming at it from a more positive perspective. I have anger issues which date way back to childhood and although they helped me survive, they now seem kinda like using a shotgun to kill an ant and sometimes I shoot myself in the foot by accident. So part of my recovery from childhood stuff has been to learn to deal with that out-of-control anger. I don't do it perfectly but it isn't nearly so bad when I'm sober - but I do find I need to be thoughtful about it or others perceive my anger as much greater than what I want it to be. That may or may not apply for you... but for me, prolonged feeling unhappy means there is a challenge for me to overcome.
Sparky, yep, life can be a ( witch)! I've been working on coming at it from a more positive perspective. I have anger issues which date way back to childhood and although they helped me survive, they now seem kinda like using a shotgun to kill an ant and sometimes I shoot myself in the foot by accident. So part of my recovery from childhood stuff has been to learn to deal with that out-of-control anger. I don't do it perfectly but it isn't nearly so bad when I'm sober - but I do find I need to be thoughtful about it or others perceive my anger as much greater than what I want it to be. That may or may not apply for you... but for me, prolonged feeling unhappy means there is a challenge for me to overcome.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Originally Posted by Neverthought
It will always be something even if all your projects at home are completed!
Just kidding. Running away physically from the scene of the aggravation (even if it's just a few minutes) always helps me. I just take a few deep breaths and scream silently to my HP. Taking the time to breathe in and out a few times in peace gives me the time to come up with a response that will address the other person's concern in a way that still manages to preserve my sanity.
Sparky, does your wife have any understanding of how hard getting sober is mentally and emotionally? Have you had the long talk with her at a time when you were both in a basic calm mood? We recovering drunks really do need a much wider berth for a good long time. Not just an excuse for them to get off your back for awhile, but a legitimate need for our growth and adaptation.
I know, too, that some people just get under our skin. That's highly unfortunate. I feel for you. I hope today is better for you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Nevada
Posts: 261
Originally Posted by SparkyMcSparky
"Boy this having to figure out how to deal with things (other than getting hammered) really sucks. And in the mood I've been in the last few weeks, this is really not what I need right now. Gah."
Over the years, I've tried to deal with it. The hard part, is that I can only control a small part of how much stress that I'm exposed to. I constantly try and come up with different methods on how to cope with it, without going "chemical" on it.
I've had a few ideas of my own, and I get a few here from you guys. The latest good one, and I apologize for not remembering whose it was, mentioned humility, acceptance, and gratitude.
I always need to put an acronym to everything, to help me remember better, so I call it the "h.a.g." principle. Basically, it's like, "speak softly, and be more accepting to a 'big stick' across my backside". I'm just not very good at "taking my knocks", like that.
The tough thing, is that this goes against all of my normal tendencies. When I am stressed, I always react too fast. I lose my patience. I get angry. I say stuff that I shouldn't, and too much of it. Basically, I ramble, rage, and rant. It never ends well.
So, Sparky, I also have to figure out how to deal with things, even out of a fetal position, sometimes. Yes, it sucks, but I just want it all to end better, for me and those around me.
Instead of rambling, I need to speak in humbler sentences, rather than paragraphs. I need to try and get a little humble.
Instead of rage, I need to "accept my knocks" a little better. I gotta try and accept that "s--- happens".
Instead of my rant, I need to learn to have a little more gratitude. I should be turning my rant around, to gratitude that things aren't worse.
The "hag" principle.
Oh, and p.s., any resemblance of the "hag" to anyone living or otherwise, is purely coincidental. lol. (Just a joke, guys. Please, no letters.)
mw
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Hi Undies,
Thanks Sparky for the sweet compliment.
LonelyShadow - You sound beyond frustrated with your father. He's not respecting your boundaries at all by showing up unannounced at your workplace, then interrupting you while you were with a client. Going no contact with a boundary breaker who infuriated me (Needyfriend) was a sign of growth in my self worth, but did not in and if itself solve any of my issues. Happiness and joy have not come from changing my surroundings, but from changing my perception of them, of finding something to be thankful for in even the most annoying situations.
Sparky and NT - It's been hard for me to pull the veil back on my marriage's dynamics, but that's been vital to my ability to move forward. I realized I wasn't going to save my marriage by ignoring the problems. I may not save my marriage by dealing with the problems, either. There's a saying that you lose anything you put ahead of your sobriety. I am putting my sobriety first. In sobriety I do the next right thing without planning the outcome. I have faith that the right action will lead to the right outcome, whatever that may be.
This school year the "next right thing to do" was to go to my new position at work, where my hours were cut, I lost my head teacher position, and I was working with an age group that I don't prefer. This has been one of the nicest jobs I've ever had.
Tonight the "next right thing to do" is support a new aa meeting that my sponsor's friend started up. It's in a lousy neighborhood, with a rough looking crowd, and means I'll miss my recently adopted home group meeting. I'm going because doing the right thing leads to the right outcome.
Off to the meeting!
Thanks Sparky for the sweet compliment.
LonelyShadow - You sound beyond frustrated with your father. He's not respecting your boundaries at all by showing up unannounced at your workplace, then interrupting you while you were with a client. Going no contact with a boundary breaker who infuriated me (Needyfriend) was a sign of growth in my self worth, but did not in and if itself solve any of my issues. Happiness and joy have not come from changing my surroundings, but from changing my perception of them, of finding something to be thankful for in even the most annoying situations.
Sparky and NT - It's been hard for me to pull the veil back on my marriage's dynamics, but that's been vital to my ability to move forward. I realized I wasn't going to save my marriage by ignoring the problems. I may not save my marriage by dealing with the problems, either. There's a saying that you lose anything you put ahead of your sobriety. I am putting my sobriety first. In sobriety I do the next right thing without planning the outcome. I have faith that the right action will lead to the right outcome, whatever that may be.
This school year the "next right thing to do" was to go to my new position at work, where my hours were cut, I lost my head teacher position, and I was working with an age group that I don't prefer. This has been one of the nicest jobs I've ever had.
Tonight the "next right thing to do" is support a new aa meeting that my sponsor's friend started up. It's in a lousy neighborhood, with a rough looking crowd, and means I'll miss my recently adopted home group meeting. I'm going because doing the right thing leads to the right outcome.
Off to the meeting!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Originally Posted by gleefan
Tonight the "next right thing to do" is support a new aa meeting that my sponsor's friend started up. It's in a lousy neighborhood, with a rough looking crowd, and means I'll miss my recently adopted home group meeting. I'm going because doing the right thing leads to the right outcome. Off to the meeting!
I went to the meeting, and was disappointed that my sponsor wasn't there; showing my sponsor that I was supporting her friend was the reason I went.
But my intuition told me it was the right place to be. Instead of closing my mind to it - and I had so many reasons to because of the lousy neighborhood, rough crowd, disorganized meeting chair, and a person who was trying to shape the meeting around her personal drama - I trusted my intuition and kept an open mind. There were some really great shares highlighting some really strong sobriety in the room tonight. When I got past my prejudices (ego), I was open to the knowledge, hope and love in the room. I felt true peace and serenity.
It's interesting to see the connection between my ego and my mood. I had a successful day at work - lots of little wins - and it's easy to be in a good mood when my ego is stroked. What about when things don't go my way, when I lose, those days where everything that can go wrong does?
I'm enjoying today, a day when peace is easy to feel, but the past seven months have made me much more mindful of the fleeting nature of worldly success, and that peace that comes from a different, deeper place. Tomorrow is seven months sober for me.
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