One Year and Under Club Part 37
Congrats to Sober1ck on 1 month!!Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Congratulations, Cas!
Sparky, you are right. Usually I'm not a big coveter, or a jealous person; however, this instance just sort of fell through the cracks.
The associate pastor of my first church came up with a truism: he called it the "Gnawing Hunger Syndrome." Your spouse meets 95% of your needs, but there's that other 5% that just gnaws at you if you let it.
I think, in the spirit of taking responsibility for my own life now that I'm sober, I was trying to see if I could jump-start that particularly devastating missing 5% in my marriage. I guess it was sort of silly for me to expect that I'd have one 45-minute discussion after 30 years and the wheels would instantly begin turning!
One day at a time applies in all kinds of life situations, I guess.
Sparky, you are right. Usually I'm not a big coveter, or a jealous person; however, this instance just sort of fell through the cracks.
The associate pastor of my first church came up with a truism: he called it the "Gnawing Hunger Syndrome." Your spouse meets 95% of your needs, but there's that other 5% that just gnaws at you if you let it.
I think, in the spirit of taking responsibility for my own life now that I'm sober, I was trying to see if I could jump-start that particularly devastating missing 5% in my marriage. I guess it was sort of silly for me to expect that I'd have one 45-minute discussion after 30 years and the wheels would instantly begin turning!
One day at a time applies in all kinds of life situations, I guess.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Congrats Courage, DG and Sober1ck on your milestones!
I slept thru my alarm oops! Hurrying to work.
I was actually gonna take the day off today and just relax bc it's a slow day at work but my 2nd boss told me the other day how she was putting her horse down last night do to his lame leg and she's had him for 20 years. She didn't want everyone knowing so just I do. I figured it would be nice to be there today bc I'm sure she will be super bummed.
I slept thru my alarm oops! Hurrying to work.
I was actually gonna take the day off today and just relax bc it's a slow day at work but my 2nd boss told me the other day how she was putting her horse down last night do to his lame leg and she's had him for 20 years. She didn't want everyone knowing so just I do. I figured it would be nice to be there today bc I'm sure she will be super bummed.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Originally Posted by courage2 
Here's how LOL -- I wrote this on another thread, my recipe for a long relationship:
1) start with hopping into bed with people you barely know
2) move in with one who is at least as emotionally detached as you are
3) hang around for years because you fear abandonment and he's lazy
4) get pregnant, bear child
5) see #3
6) get persuaded that you'll "save money on taxes" by getting married (I'm not kidding)
7) see #3
Recently, I might possibly add 8) Get sober and start to behave like a human being.
xxoo
1) start with hopping into bed with people you barely know
2) move in with one who is at least as emotionally detached as you are
3) hang around for years because you fear abandonment and he's lazy
4) get pregnant, bear child
5) see #3
6) get persuaded that you'll "save money on taxes" by getting married (I'm not kidding)
7) see #3
Recently, I might possibly add 8) Get sober and start to behave like a human being.
xxoo
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
Hi Undies.
A rainy day here. My feet are dragging a little. It's been a long week. To be honest, I have no plans on stopping. Although I DO have plans to make sure I take care of myself each day, making time to eat, get some exercise or yoga in, hang out with C on the phone, and play my drums.
My work project is huge. Actually, I have a couple of huge work projects going on at the moment, plus all the smaller normal work tasks. But I'm making progress and one of them is turning out to actually be kind of fun- in the sick sort of way only a computer/math person might enjoy. Anyway, the progress is motivating.
My plans for the day are to do a bit of work, meet up with a family member for lunch, do some more work, go to yoga and play some drums. I'm feeling really good about things- like my life is becoming the way I wanted it to be. I've worked really hard during my recovery and it's like this was what I was working for.
A rainy day here. My feet are dragging a little. It's been a long week. To be honest, I have no plans on stopping. Although I DO have plans to make sure I take care of myself each day, making time to eat, get some exercise or yoga in, hang out with C on the phone, and play my drums.
My work project is huge. Actually, I have a couple of huge work projects going on at the moment, plus all the smaller normal work tasks. But I'm making progress and one of them is turning out to actually be kind of fun- in the sick sort of way only a computer/math person might enjoy. Anyway, the progress is motivating.
My plans for the day are to do a bit of work, meet up with a family member for lunch, do some more work, go to yoga and play some drums. I'm feeling really good about things- like my life is becoming the way I wanted it to be. I've worked really hard during my recovery and it's like this was what I was working for.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Good morning undies and happy Friday!
Gilmer, so sorry you are having a tough time. Glad you shared and please don't think it was too much at all...
Not much advise i can throw your direction when it comes to marriage. My wife and I struggle like others, but always come through for each other. She might not like me every minute of every day; or every hour of every day for that matter; but we always seem to come together in the end.
Alcohol has been a huge part of our lives since the day we met 18 years ago and now half of our team (me) has changed our path by wanting to stay sober. Marriage is a constant "work in progress".
From the outside looking in, you always seem so up beat and extremely kind. I wish you all of the best and I know you will find the right path for you. You said it, ONE DAY AT A TIME seems to apply to a lot more than staying sober.
Drake, hope you got some sleep last night!
North, great stuff. I like the coin on the keychain idea very much. Keep going!
DG, 500 days!!! Courage, 200 days!!! That's awesome, thought i was doing good at 47. What an accomplishment you two. Congrats!
Sparky, not sure how to find your blog, but going to try today when i can catch another break from work. sounds interesting.
BF, good for you for going into work. My wife had to put her horse down some time ago too. I'm not a horse person but huge animal person and I'm sure your boss will appreciate you being there today.
Congrats to all of the other milestones reached today too!
Just got busted by my boss for being on the computer, lol... got to go for now! Hope everyone has a strong sober Friday!
Gilmer, so sorry you are having a tough time. Glad you shared and please don't think it was too much at all...
Not much advise i can throw your direction when it comes to marriage. My wife and I struggle like others, but always come through for each other. She might not like me every minute of every day; or every hour of every day for that matter; but we always seem to come together in the end.
Alcohol has been a huge part of our lives since the day we met 18 years ago and now half of our team (me) has changed our path by wanting to stay sober. Marriage is a constant "work in progress".
From the outside looking in, you always seem so up beat and extremely kind. I wish you all of the best and I know you will find the right path for you. You said it, ONE DAY AT A TIME seems to apply to a lot more than staying sober.
Drake, hope you got some sleep last night!
North, great stuff. I like the coin on the keychain idea very much. Keep going!
DG, 500 days!!! Courage, 200 days!!! That's awesome, thought i was doing good at 47. What an accomplishment you two. Congrats!
Sparky, not sure how to find your blog, but going to try today when i can catch another break from work. sounds interesting.
BF, good for you for going into work. My wife had to put her horse down some time ago too. I'm not a horse person but huge animal person and I'm sure your boss will appreciate you being there today.
Congrats to all of the other milestones reached today too!
Just got busted by my boss for being on the computer, lol... got to go for now! Hope everyone has a strong sober Friday!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,181
Morning Undies,
BF, I'm with Gilmer, such a sweet thing to do. I'm sure she will need all the support she can get.
Cas, congrats on the 6 months! Woo Hoo
Gilmer, I agree again...ODAAT works in everything. My AA mentor said something to me that helped understand that a bit better. He said, "it's okay to plan for the future...just don't plan the outcome." I think that was one of my biggest problems. I always planned the outcome at the start. Here I go back to the acceptance=expectations equation.
GF, hope you and family had a fun day at the beach! I had to lol when I read that you were in the backwards facing seat at the back. Hey, that is the cool place to be. We fought for the lack of supervision and crazy faces you could make at the drivers behind you. It was just another way for my alkie ways to surface pre-drinking days as a kid. How can I gain attention vs just enjoying the ride. I'm kinda glad that I would consider just the ride today. I'm losing that desire to be a center of attention. Hey, I might be to 19...in mature years. BTW, which one of us is older in our new found maturity?
North, I felt the courage and conviction to sobriety in your post. I remember telling a one time Undie that when I asked an old timer how long he was sober, he said, same as you...just today. Another old timer said that the person sober the longest at the meeting was the one that got up the earliest. Haha, there is that ODAAT thing again. Who was that, hum, I think it was Cowboy.
Hey, I just realized that my screen name, IWLSAST is an offshoot of ODAAT. I had no affiliation to AA when I choose it either. Oh, IWLSAST stands for I Will Live Strong And Sober Today. While I have no register trade...SMS, I got one eye on you! lol
Drake, same with me. Zoloft requires more sleep. I even posted last week that I wake up later and not nearly as clear headed. I'm fixin for a serious heart to heart with my Dr and therapist, again!
Well, I'm certain there is much more that I could write, but I need to move on. So let me just say hello to the rest of you and enjoy your day. But hey, no drinkin or drugin, okay?
Carlos xx
PS: Almost forgot...congrats on 500, DG, and 200, Jaws, and ??? r1ck!! You ROCK!!
BF, I'm with Gilmer, such a sweet thing to do. I'm sure she will need all the support she can get.
Cas, congrats on the 6 months! Woo Hoo
Gilmer, I agree again...ODAAT works in everything. My AA mentor said something to me that helped understand that a bit better. He said, "it's okay to plan for the future...just don't plan the outcome." I think that was one of my biggest problems. I always planned the outcome at the start. Here I go back to the acceptance=expectations equation.
GF, hope you and family had a fun day at the beach! I had to lol when I read that you were in the backwards facing seat at the back. Hey, that is the cool place to be. We fought for the lack of supervision and crazy faces you could make at the drivers behind you. It was just another way for my alkie ways to surface pre-drinking days as a kid. How can I gain attention vs just enjoying the ride. I'm kinda glad that I would consider just the ride today. I'm losing that desire to be a center of attention. Hey, I might be to 19...in mature years.
BTW, which one of us is older in our new found maturity?North, I felt the courage and conviction to sobriety in your post. I remember telling a one time Undie that when I asked an old timer how long he was sober, he said, same as you...just today. Another old timer said that the person sober the longest at the meeting was the one that got up the earliest. Haha, there is that ODAAT thing again. Who was that, hum, I think it was Cowboy.
Hey, I just realized that my screen name, IWLSAST is an offshoot of ODAAT. I had no affiliation to AA when I choose it either. Oh, IWLSAST stands for I Will Live Strong And Sober Today. While I have no register trade...SMS, I got one eye on you! lol
Drake, same with me. Zoloft requires more sleep. I even posted last week that I wake up later and not nearly as clear headed. I'm fixin for a serious heart to heart with my Dr and therapist, again!
Well, I'm certain there is much more that I could write, but I need to move on. So let me just say hello to the rest of you and enjoy your day. But hey, no drinkin or drugin, okay?
Carlos xx
PS: Almost forgot...congrats on 500, DG, and 200, Jaws, and ??? r1ck!! You ROCK!!
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Carlos, you're so right about expectations being a killer. I once heard a wise person say, "Constantly kill your expectations." Essential to serenity! Our peace should come from within, not from external things.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,536
Good morning Undies
I had to do a fasting blood test so just rolled out of bed, drove to the hospital to get it done. Soooo thankful for a doctor who is willing to work with me.
Sending hugs and blessings to all.
I had to do a fasting blood test so just rolled out of bed, drove to the hospital to get it done. Soooo thankful for a doctor who is willing to work with me.
Sending hugs and blessings to all.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,536
Gilmer - as I read thru your posts and the replies, I can't help but feel supported, too. Your faith, outlook and honesty about it all is amazing to me. What a great group of people on here. There is nothing that we go thru that someone else hasn't experienced. Together we can do this. I prayed for you and your husband last night when I went to bed.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Nevada
Posts: 261
Hi Undies,
I have to be at the dentist's office in a little while. Ugh!. So, just a quick "hello".
Gilmer - I keep hearing that marriage is a vocation. I don't know. I guess that sort of covers it all. Remember, you are always my inspiration.
Glee - When you mentioned your seat in the car, I was reminded of a movie that I saw a while back. It's called, "The Way Way Back". It's campy, but good in a campy way.
Sas - Stay sassy.
Courage - I've seen similar changes in my marriage. The "friendship" takes on a whole new meaning, as you handle the struggles together. We've had a few. Oh, and I laughed good at your "relationship recipe' list. Yes, it fits.
Drake - I've had many of those talks with my doc, just to let him know. It's always helped. The med thing just seems to be one of those "trial and error" deals.
DG - My "blow-out" therapy is on my clarinet. I'm actually sweating, by the time I finish, but I always feel better. I dig your drum avatar.
Trach - You never know. Give Halle a call.
Spark - The "rooms" helped me in a lot of ways. I've picked up some useful tools. Secular is cool too, though.
BF - You're a true friend. Very loving thing to do.
IWL - I've tried forever to figure out what your U.name meant. Thank you. lol.
ccam - Watch out for that boss. lol.
Alt - Good luck with your blood work. I can give and draw blood, but I hate being the patient.
Congrats courage, r1ck, cas, and DG on your milestones. Very cool!
Love all you guys.
peace.
I have to be at the dentist's office in a little while. Ugh!. So, just a quick "hello".
Gilmer - I keep hearing that marriage is a vocation. I don't know. I guess that sort of covers it all. Remember, you are always my inspiration.
Glee - When you mentioned your seat in the car, I was reminded of a movie that I saw a while back. It's called, "The Way Way Back". It's campy, but good in a campy way.
Sas - Stay sassy.
Courage - I've seen similar changes in my marriage. The "friendship" takes on a whole new meaning, as you handle the struggles together. We've had a few. Oh, and I laughed good at your "relationship recipe' list. Yes, it fits.
Drake - I've had many of those talks with my doc, just to let him know. It's always helped. The med thing just seems to be one of those "trial and error" deals.
DG - My "blow-out" therapy is on my clarinet. I'm actually sweating, by the time I finish, but I always feel better. I dig your drum avatar.
Trach - You never know. Give Halle a call.
Spark - The "rooms" helped me in a lot of ways. I've picked up some useful tools. Secular is cool too, though.
BF - You're a true friend. Very loving thing to do.
IWL - I've tried forever to figure out what your U.name meant. Thank you. lol.
ccam - Watch out for that boss. lol.
Alt - Good luck with your blood work. I can give and draw blood, but I hate being the patient.
Congrats courage, r1ck, cas, and DG on your milestones. Very cool!
Love all you guys.
peace.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Originally Posted by Altoids
Good morning Undies
I had to do a fasting blood test so just rolled out of bed, drove to the hospital to get it done. Soooo thankful for a doctor who is willing to work with me.
Sending hugs and blessings to all.
I had to do a fasting blood test so just rolled out of bed, drove to the hospital to get it done. Soooo thankful for a doctor who is willing to work with me.
Sending hugs and blessings to all.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,169
Congratulations Rick and Cass
And yesterday to courage and DG
Courage I love you take on marriage definitely stuck on 3!
I guess we all see someone else's relationship from the outside, and judge it by what we see, but my mum always said that we never know what goes on behind closed doors. I will say that for those of us in long term relationships, where alcohol has been an integral part of our being for a long time, looking at and living with the relationship soberly is difficult. We no longer have the apathy, the numbness, the singleminded need to fulfill our most pressing desire, that of the search for alcohol. Suddenly we have clarity, renewed energy, a desire to no longer waste our lives, an an influx of confusing emotions.
It is hardly any wonder that we may have issue arising within the relationship, purely from obtaining our sobriety, let alone the convoluted issues of altered dynamics if one person still drinks or suddenly a Codie has no one dependent on them, or a narcissist has no one to look down on, or someone worn down by the pressures of years with a drunk is suddenly faced with this cheery energetic person wanting to rearrange their lives. I feel that in the same way that it makes sense to wait until after 12 months of sobriety before seeking to begin a relationship, those of us already in one, ought wait that long before deciding what we would like to see changed.
BeFree, good on you sweetie, losing any companion after 20 years is hard on anyone.
Drake, I will read your blog, but I am struggling to keep up with merely reading posts right now!
Well daughter and grandson have finally departed, it is as quiet and still as a morgue here now, I keep thinking I have gone deaf!
I hope you all have plans for a happy sober weekend.
And yesterday to courage and DG
Courage I love you take on marriage definitely stuck on 3!
I guess we all see someone else's relationship from the outside, and judge it by what we see, but my mum always said that we never know what goes on behind closed doors. I will say that for those of us in long term relationships, where alcohol has been an integral part of our being for a long time, looking at and living with the relationship soberly is difficult. We no longer have the apathy, the numbness, the singleminded need to fulfill our most pressing desire, that of the search for alcohol. Suddenly we have clarity, renewed energy, a desire to no longer waste our lives, an an influx of confusing emotions.
It is hardly any wonder that we may have issue arising within the relationship, purely from obtaining our sobriety, let alone the convoluted issues of altered dynamics if one person still drinks or suddenly a Codie has no one dependent on them, or a narcissist has no one to look down on, or someone worn down by the pressures of years with a drunk is suddenly faced with this cheery energetic person wanting to rearrange their lives. I feel that in the same way that it makes sense to wait until after 12 months of sobriety before seeking to begin a relationship, those of us already in one, ought wait that long before deciding what we would like to see changed.
BeFree, good on you sweetie, losing any companion after 20 years is hard on anyone.
Drake, I will read your blog, but I am struggling to keep up with merely reading posts right now!
Well daughter and grandson have finally departed, it is as quiet and still as a morgue here now, I keep thinking I have gone deaf!
I hope you all have plans for a happy sober weekend.
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