Class of May 2014 Part 3
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 379
Hi boombox 
So glad to have you here. Many of us find exactly like you that moderation is impossible, exhausting, and downright dangerous. This forum, and this class in particular, is full of people who understand and have been there, or who are going through it all with you right now. Ask all the questions you can think of. We're all here to help and share. There are some old timers on this forum who really know what they're talking about, and their wisdom is an inspiration.
One of your first steps should be to stop beating yourself up and thinking of yourself as a 'disappointment'. You've acknowledged you have a problem - that is to be applauded in itself, many people live in denial and never acknowledge anything. You've also managed to quit drinking for a while, I gather? Which is brilliant. I know it's scary, but real, positive change can be yours if you want it.
I'm only on Day 6 though. I definitely recommened talking to some old timers for proper advice
So glad to have you here. Many of us find exactly like you that moderation is impossible, exhausting, and downright dangerous. This forum, and this class in particular, is full of people who understand and have been there, or who are going through it all with you right now. Ask all the questions you can think of. We're all here to help and share. There are some old timers on this forum who really know what they're talking about, and their wisdom is an inspiration. One of your first steps should be to stop beating yourself up and thinking of yourself as a 'disappointment'. You've acknowledged you have a problem - that is to be applauded in itself, many people live in denial and never acknowledge anything. You've also managed to quit drinking for a while, I gather? Which is brilliant. I know it's scary, but real, positive change can be yours if you want it.
I'm only on Day 6 though. I definitely recommened talking to some old timers for proper advice
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland, UK
Posts: 90
Originally Posted by boombox 
Hi all,
not been on here for months-I mistakenly didn't think that I needed to stop but can moderate the drinking. I just can't do it. Whilst I have moderated it I still don't feel strong enough to do it for the rest of my life. I'm so scared though folks, got so many questions racing through my mind. Could really do with some support right now. I've picked my life back up the last few months and I'm so scared I'm going to ruin it again. Everyone thinks I've done so well, but I feel like I'm just one big disappointment.
So any kind words of support are very much appreciated. I feel so alone right now.
not been on here for months-I mistakenly didn't think that I needed to stop but can moderate the drinking. I just can't do it. Whilst I have moderated it I still don't feel strong enough to do it for the rest of my life. I'm so scared though folks, got so many questions racing through my mind. Could really do with some support right now. I've picked my life back up the last few months and I'm so scared I'm going to ruin it again. Everyone thinks I've done so well, but I feel like I'm just one big disappointment.
So any kind words of support are very much appreciated. I feel so alone right now.
Let's move onwards and upwards and be proud of ourselves. X
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 63
Thanks snowbunting (nice picture by the way). I find that the moderation route is more of a self delusion route. I think I'm controlling it but deep down I know that I just want to have a huge bender. I can't seem to come to terms with me being an alcoholic and having a life without alcohol. Just reading some of this forum has already calmed me down a bit. I need to stop because I'm scared my drinking habits are putting me in danger. I just wonder what to expect in the future on my route to recovery.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: london
Posts: 623
Hi boombox, just try not to think too much about the future and how life will be minus alcohol. Just concentrate on not picking up that first drink, even if you take it hour by hour, the hours will turn into days, then weeks ...Look after yourself for now, no one knows what the future holds. Make sobriety your priority over everything, avoid triggers, stay in if you have to, and try not to put yourself in further situations that you may find yourself tested. You can do this, and it will get easier over time. Dont think too far ahead x
...Look after yourself for now, no one knows what the future holds. Make sobriety your priority over everything, avoid triggers, stay in if you have to, and try not to put yourself in further situations that you may find yourself tested. You can do this, and it will get easier over time. Dont think too far ahead x
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 379
That's exactly like me boombox, all I want from alcohol is an out-of-control bender, however much I romanticised the idea of sipping one nice pint and then going home - it would never work out like that. The sooner I realised that the sooner I was able to contemplate doing something about it (of course, I put *that* off for as long as I could).
One thing that many people say on here, and which has certainly helped me so far, is that you should try not to think about the whole future 'life without alcohol'/ never drinking again thing - it's too daunting and is likely to put you off recovery. It is better to take it one day at a time, and tell yourself that whatever about the future, you're just not going to drink *today*. Of course, even that is easier said that done, which is why the 24 Hour Club on this forum is such a life-saver. You sign in once a day to commit to the next 24 hours sober. Each day there's an inspiring message to give you motivation. I always report in the evening, as that's when I'm most likely to cave. It's wonderful to have something to hold you to account like that, I fully recommend it.
One thing that many people say on here, and which has certainly helped me so far, is that you should try not to think about the whole future 'life without alcohol'/ never drinking again thing - it's too daunting and is likely to put you off recovery. It is better to take it one day at a time, and tell yourself that whatever about the future, you're just not going to drink *today*. Of course, even that is easier said that done, which is why the 24 Hour Club on this forum is such a life-saver. You sign in once a day to commit to the next 24 hours sober. Each day there's an inspiring message to give you motivation. I always report in the evening, as that's when I'm most likely to cave. It's wonderful to have something to hold you to account like that, I fully recommend it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: England
Posts: 424
Originally Posted by dSober
We're all in recovery, that's why we're here. Many of us tend to get defensive too. Sorry, I didn't mean to put you down in any way, shape or form. I was talking to myself as much as anyone else. I have slipped many, many times and I need to reaffirm, to myself, how dangerous it is.
I can't guarantee to myself, or anyone else, including my kids, that I won't slip again. That scares the sh-t out of me but for now at least, it's a fact of life.
I can't guarantee to myself, or anyone else, including my kids, that I won't slip again. That scares the sh-t out of me but for now at least, it's a fact of life.
The slip was such a mistake but I am determined to get sober. My daughter, hubby and I deserve that. I want to live a life without alcohol, I wouldn't be on here otherwise.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 63
Thanks toddle and snowbunting. I'm moved by your messages, just the fact that you've taken time to help me out with my stupid drinking problem. With the one day at a time approach do you find that you find it hard to plan for anything in the future? I've been very good at avoiding temptation but recently I've found that I've been actively seeking excuses to drink, or putting myself in situations where I am tested and I inevitably cave and drink when I've planned not to. Recently taken up smoking again too and I think the two things are related. Desparately want to quit them too.
The 24 hour club sounds like a great suggestion. I need that accountability aspect to my recovery I think. Makes me feel less alone, which is something I've been struggling with recently.
The 24 hour club sounds like a great suggestion. I need that accountability aspect to my recovery I think. Makes me feel less alone, which is something I've been struggling with recently.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: london
Posts: 623
Yes boombox, it can get tricky when you know there are parties/functions looming...I have been pretty open about my problem with my family, I lost most of my friends through my drinking, along with my job, so tend to be alone a lot. I try not to plan anything really, but thats just me, I know thats not possible with many ppl. Im day 32 now sober, after a binge that lasted 4 weeks, and I know the minute I start feeling 'better' my AV screams at me just one. And I cant, I will get ill again and ruin whats left of my life.
Its that simple really, my life became such a mess, I was so down and physically and mentally ill I had no choice. Am glad you found this site, there are many interesting posts and helpful advice on recovery here. Good luck, we are all in it together
Its that simple really, my life became such a mess, I was so down and physically and mentally ill I had no choice. Am glad you found this site, there are many interesting posts and helpful advice on recovery here. Good luck, we are all in it together
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 379
I've been locked in that pattern of seeking excuses too Boombox, and any future event on the horizon is always a great excuse. Back in February I 'knew' that quitting then was out of the question because I had some events coming up. And sure enough, I drank at every one of them and disgraced myself at most of them. This week I passed a major test of being in a triggering situation (family visit) and shocked myself by staying sober. First time in years. One difference was that instead of using it as an excuse to go out drinking, I stayed home and they went drinking. Early in recovery, it is fatal to put yourself in a situation where you are obviously going to be tempted. If that means cancelling or changing plans, then that's what you should do.
There are more plans for this summer I'm apprehensive about. But if I used them as an excuse not to be sober *now*, I would never get sober. I will worry about them when the time comes. As for more short-term plans: I've had to retreat a bit, and not meet friends for drinks etc. I've received strong advice on here not to put yourself in harm's way in the early stages: yes, eventually you'll have to learn to deal with other people's social drinking while you stay sober, but right now the most important thing is for you to remain sober at all costs. As your confidence grows, you'll be able to push yourself more. No need to jump in at the deep end.
There are more plans for this summer I'm apprehensive about. But if I used them as an excuse not to be sober *now*, I would never get sober. I will worry about them when the time comes. As for more short-term plans: I've had to retreat a bit, and not meet friends for drinks etc. I've received strong advice on here not to put yourself in harm's way in the early stages: yes, eventually you'll have to learn to deal with other people's social drinking while you stay sober, but right now the most important thing is for you to remain sober at all costs. As your confidence grows, you'll be able to push yourself more. No need to jump in at the deep end.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 375
I have a wedding lined up in early July. We have a hotel booked for the night in a beautiful place. I am laying plans based on previous sober experience.
1. Mobile phone at the ready with access to SR.
2. Something to do instead of drink. Play with the kids, take snapshots during the evening, dance, go outside to look at the view/stars.
3. Look hard at the people in their fancy clothes then watch them look progressively less fancy as the evening goes on.
4. Escape to my room if it gets too much.
5. Get up early for a walk then wander in for breakfast glowing with health while everyone else feels like death.
1. Mobile phone at the ready with access to SR.
2. Something to do instead of drink. Play with the kids, take snapshots during the evening, dance, go outside to look at the view/stars.
3. Look hard at the people in their fancy clothes then watch them look progressively less fancy as the evening goes on.
4. Escape to my room if it gets too much.
5. Get up early for a walk then wander in for breakfast glowing with health while everyone else feels like death.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Michigan, USA
Posts: 392
As I predicted, my AV is here now, whispering to me. It seems like everything is a trigger to me right now. It's always harder at the weekend.
I could kick myself because I SO want to be a normal drinker. But I'm not, and I can't change that fact, so I should stop whining about it. Ughhhh AV please go away.
I could kick myself because I SO want to be a normal drinker. But I'm not, and I can't change that fact, so I should stop whining about it. Ughhhh AV please go away.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: northeast US
Posts: 715
Originally Posted by Needinghelp82
Thanks for making me feel like an idiot. I had ONE glass of wine, realised it was stupid so came back here and started day one. I've not touched anything since Wednesday lunch time so I think I'm entitled to say I've began my recovery again.
Anyway I feel like rubbish after reading the two responds to me. Thanks but no thanks. I'm on day three of no alcohol, that IS the start of my recovery, regardless of the fact I made a stupid decision Wednesday lunch time after 13 days of stopping. You may keep slipping but I didn't. I stopped again. If I had come here as a newbie on day three would you question someone coming and saying they were in recovery?
And I felt so supported here over the past few weeks.
Sorry, I'm being defensive but if other people would continue to drink after ONE mistake then that's their deal. I didn't, I'm in recovery.
Anyway I feel like rubbish after reading the two responds to me. Thanks but no thanks. I'm on day three of no alcohol, that IS the start of my recovery, regardless of the fact I made a stupid decision Wednesday lunch time after 13 days of stopping. You may keep slipping but I didn't. I stopped again. If I had come here as a newbie on day three would you question someone coming and saying they were in recovery?
And I felt so supported here over the past few weeks.
Sorry, I'm being defensive but if other people would continue to drink after ONE mistake then that's their deal. I didn't, I'm in recovery.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Welcome Robert boombox and Zelda
needinghelp - the important thing is you're back and you're sober.
I know coming back you feel raw, but this is a support thread - we're all on the same side.
we don't shoot our wounded here
How are you feeling now Gwen?
D
needinghelp - the important thing is you're back and you're sober.
I know coming back you feel raw, but this is a support thread - we're all on the same side.
we don't shoot our wounded here
How are you feeling now Gwen?
D
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: northeast US
Posts: 715
Boy, I am tired out, have the love of my life-my nephew and we went to my sponsors house and swam most of the day... we r both exhausted! It was an awesome way to bring on day 21 - 3 weeks! Feeling thankful and blessed. I am glad to see regardless of that tricky AV that my classmates are hanging in. I know I couldnt do this without you all.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
