Shoshie8

Hi biminiblue, you are inspirational in how much change you are making around sobriety right now - I like the sound of your sponsor, you've got a great s.o.h. so I hope you both 'click'. Keep us posted!

Shoshie8

Hey Ilya, so that's A and L in H.A.L.T right there then! Please don't pick up -- any friends or family nearby you can call on? And please grab a snack and cup of something so you have level blood sugar and the H covered.

Run it out if that helps you, but I'm very similar to you in that I can't bear unresolved conflict. Pushes ALL my buttons! I must say from what you have described, I experience your husband's behaviour as controlling in a very passive-aggressive way. Had a bf like that once, best way to push his buttons back was to not react at all.

Hang in there Ilya, this is certainly not worth undoing your good sober work over x

biminiblue

Ilya, please find someone to talk to about this. You are important and your feelings are important and you need to take care of yourself.

I am divorced, I had to get myself into therapy in order to find any kind of peace at all while I was married. It was really helpful in my recovery from my marriage. I would also say that an AA meeting would be good for you. It is a loving, accepting atmosphere with no judgment. You need a safe place to fall right now.

biminiblue

Yeah, well, some days. Others not so much.

Ary, the church thing? I've tried church many times and something always turns me off to a church. So, I'm not that convinced that the church thing is going to stick. I need to get plugged into a community of people, and I haven't found it exactly just yet. But I'm searching and they say, "Seek and you will find." Baby steps. Trust and faith. Just the opposite of the FEAR I've been living with. I'm opening up, just slowly.

The sponsor? We just talked and I'm not convinced there, either. We'll see. AA sponsors are not really in my wheel house.

I want everything to be fixed immediately and that's not how it works. Recovery comes in fits and starts and is a slow quiet process. It's entirely an inside job, and I'm responsible.

Aarryckha

Biminiblue, I think the thing that eventually turns me off about church is that, while well meaning, people tend to be overzealous in their welcoming me into the congregation. I like to ease into it or I get way to overwhelmed and I feel horribly uncomfortable. I like to figure out what I need on my terms, not have it rammed down my throat. Kind of like sobriety. I had to get here on my own, not by threats of my ex that he would leave me.

calichris

IIlya your feelings matter they matter a LOT. So glad you are here with us !!!!! Going for a run sounds like a great way to vent and get your natural endorphines going! I turn to exercise in any time of stress it helps a lot. Of course being here with us is a safe and supportive place always!

calichris

I agree Aarry. I had to "shop around" for the right church. I finally found one that had just the right vibe for me. Welcoming but not overly so. Once i found it I was so happy it did take a few weeks of 'shopping' but was worth it in the end I almost never miss a Sunday now I feel a kind of void if I do.

Aarryckha

I figured I want to give it an honest shot. I've been agnostic with spurts of atheism and I figure if I'm exploring new things in life, I might as well reexamine religion as well.

Ilya

I made myself a disgusting shake. It's green. But I figured it would nourish me since I don't feel like having any food. I'm going out to handle my situation now. The bug laundry. I just threw away four big trashbags of my stuff. The drycleaning bill is going to be out of hand. No word from husband. He doesn't care about my feelings.

Thank you all for caring. I'm doing whatever I can to cope with this.

calichris

Iilya no matter how bad that green shake tastes it is way better for you than the poison we used to swallow. Good for you! I make shakes in the morning with protein powder and almond milk and forzen blueberries. It is blue and yummy you should try it I add a bit of banana and cinnamon too and sometimes sliced almonds then blend it up really good. Nice frothy healthy way to start the day

Ilya

That sounds nice. I make a shake with a banana, a grated turmeric root, some mint leaves, a scoop of soy protein powder, a tsp of chlorella (the green junk), and a tsp of cocoa powder. It's actually pretty good

Ilya

The one I just made was kind of gross because I was missing some elements that generally help balance out the gross green stuff

Aarryckha

I started back on my protein drinks as well. I use almond milk as well. I never really thought about adding anything to it. My blender is sitting packed in a box. I might have to do some digging and find it!

Aarryckha

I just want to give you a big hug for all you have and are going through.

You can't be responsible for your husband. Please just be kind to yourself and let him work out his issues. Stay true to who you are and stay strong in your sobriety.

enfinthechange

Check you all out with your healthy shakes.. I am feeling inferior!!! I just drink tea, but I am british I suppose!!!
Sorry things are crappy with you Ilya, sending you strength and positive vibes, you deserve happiness and peace as does everyone, but it seems tough for you atm... hope you find some path forward...
Aary - the tea, there are a few types, Pukka is the best.. check amazon! if you don't like the taste add honey!! Celestial Seasonings is ok...

Just a thought, dont you think its funny not knowing if the people here are male or female.. I have been wrong a few times, when they say something which gives it away!!! Dunno if it tells you on their profile , but I haven't noticed... maybe its nice to hav eno stereotypes!!!

enfinthechange

Michtizz - the green festival sounds cool, I know your city well, and all the bars... but am so pleased you found other sober peeps to hang out with, that makes it so much better, and kind of validates your efforts!! Well done, and keep on ! x

Aarryckha

Thank you! I'll have to check it out!

I use shakes a lot of times instead of eating. I tend not to feel hungry most of the time but a body, especially a healing one, needs fuel.

adams

OMG my taxes are done and I'm still SOBER! Wohoo

enfinthechange

They sound good, but I just don't have time, and cant do that at work... its tough enough to try to cook healthy stuff for the 4 of us!!! Like the idea though.. might have to look into it.. too much tea makes me bleurghy!!

Hope you sleep better tonight, .........hey, hope I sleep better tonight, I suppose working in bed on the laptop is nto a relaxing end to sunday, but hey ho!

Aarryckha

Nice! I did mine about a month or so ago. It's nice not to have that hanging over my head.