One Year & Under Club Part 26
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
We're all different I guess.
My addiction took me almost to Skid Row.
If I even allow for the possibility of drinking, I know one day in a vulnerable moment I'll take it - and I'll be sunk because I'm not sure I have another recovery in me.
I'm not being melodramatic. I have to remind myself that for me the stakes are that high
D
My addiction took me almost to Skid Row.
If I even allow for the possibility of drinking, I know one day in a vulnerable moment I'll take it - and I'll be sunk because I'm not sure I have another recovery in me.
I'm not being melodramatic. I have to remind myself that for me the stakes are that high
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: North. Where it snows.
Posts: 702
In a way, in the end, the stakes are that high for all of us considering alcoholism is progressive. We would all have gotten on death row, it was just a matter of degree and time. This is why I find this debate healthy and helpful.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,252
DP, I understand what you mean about wishing it could be "gray". I don't know if I could ever be gray but sometimes I do wish all this worrying and striving could ease up for a while. I do realize where I am now is my own damn fault. But sometimes I'd so just like to be neutral about it. I don't want to test it though, because this sober life is beginning to be noticeably better for me. It's taken a while. And I keep striving everyday.....but like I said. 5 months ago I was in a pit. I'm not there now. So I keep going for the light.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,044
Dorothy, there's no grey area about drinking, for me anyway. I only drink self-destructively. As for my "famous common sense and lucidity" -- I'm very tricky that way. I'm so good, sometimes I trick myself. Just not Dee
My doctor wants me off hormones completely, and then we'll see if I get crazier or less so. New roller coaster opening soon!
My doctor wants me off hormones completely, and then we'll see if I get crazier or less so. New roller coaster opening soon!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
Courage- Glad you're back. I think the important thing is to take steps to prevent the same thing from happening again.
I'm just kind of going along. Got out this weekend for a night in the RV and had a long hike yesterday. It was exhausting, but it was good to get some fresh air and get out of my head a bit. I think too much.
Got a paycheck today. Whenever I get paid, I'm thankful for the financial sanity that I have now. No more wasting all my money on drugs and alcohol. I have enough to cover all the bills and even have a little bit saved up in case of any small emergencies now. Next up is saving up for slightly larger emergencies. It just feels good to know that I'm making progress.
Had a bit of a rough days- feeling PAWS again. But I'm able to cope and rely on my recovery behaviors, so I'm ok.
Haven't made any progress on the relationship aspect of things, but it's been on my mind. I'm really trying to think things through and just make sure I'm making the right decision. I guess it's a hard thing because things like this can just be messy. Sometimes in life one can't know the right decision, but we just have to pick something anyway. And not deciding can be it's own decision.
I'm just kind of going along. Got out this weekend for a night in the RV and had a long hike yesterday. It was exhausting, but it was good to get some fresh air and get out of my head a bit. I think too much.
Got a paycheck today. Whenever I get paid, I'm thankful for the financial sanity that I have now. No more wasting all my money on drugs and alcohol. I have enough to cover all the bills and even have a little bit saved up in case of any small emergencies now. Next up is saving up for slightly larger emergencies. It just feels good to know that I'm making progress.
Had a bit of a rough days- feeling PAWS again. But I'm able to cope and rely on my recovery behaviors, so I'm ok.
Haven't made any progress on the relationship aspect of things, but it's been on my mind. I'm really trying to think things through and just make sure I'm making the right decision. I guess it's a hard thing because things like this can just be messy. Sometimes in life one can't know the right decision, but we just have to pick something anyway. And not deciding can be it's own decision.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Poway, CA
Posts: 1,636
Yes, I know that pit and those dark days. I knew for years that something was wrong after I took the first drink but never thought it would take me down like it did. But, it also lead me to meet people who cared before I could care for myself. 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,252
Dee, thank you for sharing a little of yourself. I sometimes take you for granted because you're always here and always so wise. I sometimes forget you've been through it all, too. You are very dear to many, many people here, including me. You have been with me from the beginning. Your dedication is inspiring because I suspect you've seen it all and still you're here.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Hi undies!
Dottie I appreciate your honesty with how you think about your sobriety. It's interesting to see what tools different people have and use or approach their sober journey.
Toots hope you have a safe train ride and Molly continues to enjoy the adventure as well!
Tanja thanks! My dog is my number 1 sidekick. And motivates me to get out and get some exercise! Keeping up with a boxer feels like a whole other job sometimes haha.
Matt great quote.
Carlos 26yrs is amazing! Sounds like you've found some nice people to be around!
Dee you are very wise and always offer great input! Hope you're doing well!
I wasn't really in the work mode today but luckily the day went by pretty fast. Watching a lil tv and grateful to be sober!
Dottie I appreciate your honesty with how you think about your sobriety. It's interesting to see what tools different people have and use or approach their sober journey.
Toots hope you have a safe train ride and Molly continues to enjoy the adventure as well!
Tanja thanks! My dog is my number 1 sidekick. And motivates me to get out and get some exercise! Keeping up with a boxer feels like a whole other job sometimes haha.
Matt great quote.
Carlos 26yrs is amazing! Sounds like you've found some nice people to be around!
Dee you are very wise and always offer great input! Hope you're doing well!
I wasn't really in the work mode today but luckily the day went by pretty fast. Watching a lil tv and grateful to be sober!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,490
Hi - well, I'm not plotting and planning, but I am unfortunately suffering with the poor me's. At long last, my husband and I are going to be attending our first marriage counselling session - this Thursday evening. This represents the first time in years that he has specifically set aside time to enable the two of us to talk and it probably won't be pretty 
He also, at long last, attended AlAnon for the first time last week and said he will go again this week. There is lots I could say here about him and what he has categorically failed to do for himself and our family, but I fear I will go off the deep end and so it is best if I keep quiet for now
Just saying, I'm here and starting to deal with things and I understand what others are going through but I am very grateful that I am sober and don't feel like drinking
He also, at long last, attended AlAnon for the first time last week and said he will go again this week. There is lots I could say here about him and what he has categorically failed to do for himself and our family, but I fear I will go off the deep end and so it is best if I keep quiet for now Just saying, I'm here and starting to deal with things and I understand what others are going through but I am very grateful that I am sober and don't feel like drinking
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,169
FG, I found it good to read some of the friends and family posts to see how some on the other side of the fence feel. It can be especially difficult when other halves don't share. I have been both sides, and have some experience, so if ever you want to pm about it please do.
Courage, I have done EXACTLY what you did, in the past, and in the same way as we look forward too much to doing anything, it was a huge anti climax
What I am feeling, between the lines of several posts here currently, is not the huge desire to indulge our addiction is, but the ability to. Well you do. You can drink or pop pills at anytime at all. Today, tomorrow, net week next year. Thef act is you are choosing not to because fundamentally you know it is self destructive and will lead you back to where you once were.
Dotty I feel you are making a bargain with yourself, but at the same time choosing not to indulge that option, because you know it is pointless. If you can stop at a bottle of wine sweetheart, why have that bottle at all? It is a symbol, that is all, of your self control. But why give yourself the stress and pressure? Let the thought of it float away, and chose not to think of it again, chose to live soberly in the here and now, and as Dee so wisely put it, change the things you are not happy about.
I know I face some testing times ahead, and I really do not want to consider drinking as an option when it comes to coping. I fear, in the way Carlos' ships captain did, that my desire to fit in, that I am already 'different' enough without adding sobriety to it. But also I feel I will be meeting people who have never known me to drink, so in some ways, I don't have to make the same explainations.
Tanja, in some ways the suicide of sober alcoholics is related to drinking; we do not learn to deal with strong emotions when we drink, and therefore cannot cope when we experience them.
I shared some moments with my mum today, I told her that I am 10 months sober today, and she told me how proud she is of how strong I have been in my recovery, especially in recent times.
Well, off for now, love to all my Undie family, you are hugely important to me and to my continuing sobriety, so I take a moment to thank you for allowing me into the deepest corners of your lives. Love you all xx
Courage, I have done EXACTLY what you did, in the past, and in the same way as we look forward too much to doing anything, it was a huge anti climax
What I am feeling, between the lines of several posts here currently, is not the huge desire to indulge our addiction is, but the ability to. Well you do. You can drink or pop pills at anytime at all. Today, tomorrow, net week next year. Thef act is you are choosing not to because fundamentally you know it is self destructive and will lead you back to where you once were.
Dotty I feel you are making a bargain with yourself, but at the same time choosing not to indulge that option, because you know it is pointless. If you can stop at a bottle of wine sweetheart, why have that bottle at all? It is a symbol, that is all, of your self control. But why give yourself the stress and pressure? Let the thought of it float away, and chose not to think of it again, chose to live soberly in the here and now, and as Dee so wisely put it, change the things you are not happy about.
I know I face some testing times ahead, and I really do not want to consider drinking as an option when it comes to coping. I fear, in the way Carlos' ships captain did, that my desire to fit in, that I am already 'different' enough without adding sobriety to it. But also I feel I will be meeting people who have never known me to drink, so in some ways, I don't have to make the same explainations.
Tanja, in some ways the suicide of sober alcoholics is related to drinking; we do not learn to deal with strong emotions when we drink, and therefore cannot cope when we experience them.
I shared some moments with my mum today, I told her that I am 10 months sober today, and she told me how proud she is of how strong I have been in my recovery, especially in recent times.
Well, off for now, love to all my Undie family, you are hugely important to me and to my continuing sobriety, so I take a moment to thank you for allowing me into the deepest corners of your lives. Love you all xx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,490
Toots - thanks for that; I read a lot of the friends and family posts and can completely relate to and empathise with many of them.
The thing is I have worked sooooo hard to try and ensure that our family has financial security whilst my husband really has not done so whatsoever, despite me asking, helping, providing the space, time, funding. I still am doing this, but deriving very little back as in: my husband asked me to leave the family home (which I have done, despite the fact I still 100% pay for it. I therefore am now paying for an additional place to live and am struggling to do so).
I have no parents to help me whilst my husband has both of his alive and well. I don't have a problem with sharing my income across my family (& beyond) but I really do have a problem when effort put in is massively uneven.
These issues have been the case for a long time and they make me feel extremely stressed. I don't believe the words that my husband has been saying for the last 11 years and therefore there are quite a lot of trust issues to be overcome.
Sorry, there is a lot more to this that I could say, but it's probably not appropriate for me to go on and on here. Roll on 1 year of sobriety and the commencement of marriage counselling!!
The thing is I have worked sooooo hard to try and ensure that our family has financial security whilst my husband really has not done so whatsoever, despite me asking, helping, providing the space, time, funding. I still am doing this, but deriving very little back as in: my husband asked me to leave the family home (which I have done, despite the fact I still 100% pay for it. I therefore am now paying for an additional place to live and am struggling to do so).
I have no parents to help me whilst my husband has both of his alive and well. I don't have a problem with sharing my income across my family (& beyond) but I really do have a problem when effort put in is massively uneven.
These issues have been the case for a long time and they make me feel extremely stressed. I don't believe the words that my husband has been saying for the last 11 years and therefore there are quite a lot of trust issues to be overcome.
Sorry, there is a lot more to this that I could say, but it's probably not appropriate for me to go on and on here. Roll on 1 year of sobriety and the commencement of marriage counselling!!
Last edited by feeling-good; 01-14-2014 at 04:34 AM. Reason: to add in a few words
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Coastal Massachusetts
Posts: 1,637
Hi Undies. Sobriety is good. I lost my job early in sobriety, but God's plan brought me to a new company. My new company treats me with respect, and values my opinion. This just gives me peace, and allows my sobriety to carry on. My job previously was one that used to cause me to drink. At the time I couldn't understand why I lost my previous job, but now realize it was God's plan. My boss just gave me a $50 American Express gift card for working hard. It's not much, but means so much more. Have faith, and respect yourself Undies. When we experience loss it may just be what we needed for a better life. Let your past make you better, not bitter.
Matthew
Matthew
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,247
Hey folks...
Some interesting reading here yesterday....and good advice..Dee..well...he does tend to keep us on track...
WWG...nice post...I could not have imagined such a post from you a year ago...you are a source of inspiration...
Toots....I think you will do well with the challenge(s) ahead. And different....I think you are..in the nicest way possible....and the world needs folks not to be all the same...
Tanja...I hope everything is well with you...
Jim
Some interesting reading here yesterday....and good advice..Dee..well...he does tend to keep us on track...
WWG...nice post...I could not have imagined such a post from you a year ago...you are a source of inspiration...
Toots....I think you will do well with the challenge(s) ahead. And different....I think you are..in the nicest way possible....and the world needs folks not to be all the same...
Tanja...I hope everything is well with you...
Jim
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