Class of March 2011 Part 21
orangutan
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,970
Last edited by aussieblue; 12-28-2014 at 12:28 PM.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
East coast getting hit today! How much didja get, frances? Nothin here, VERY cold, but sunny. 
In the process of making some around the house decisions. My lease is up on my Escape in March and we're planning this out west trip, so I guess I'm gonna lease a mini van. Did I say this already? Anyway, I went into Chrysler yesterday to crunch some numbers. I'll miss the cheaper payment and smaller truck, but it'll be nice for this road trip and when we want to take the kids' friends up north. They're getting to that age now. Also, I had a painter in on Sunday for a quote on painting in here. Gonna go forward with that. So some exciting stuff around the bend! Oh and the snowmobile trip to Mackinac Island is a GO! Feb 15th weekend. Should be a blast. Sorry, I can't remember what I've already said here and I don't feel like going back and checking. haha. Hope you're all well. I'm sure PBC is recovering from her daughter's wedding.
I saw the movie Her, this weekend. I loved it! Quirky thing, but I loved the way it was shot and Joaquin Pheonix was great in it. It was thoughtful, nicely paced..no rush. That's nice sometimes with so many ADD movies out there that think they have to jump around to keep your attention. Anyway, I really liked it. Next on my "to see" list, is Nebraska.
In the process of making some around the house decisions. My lease is up on my Escape in March and we're planning this out west trip, so I guess I'm gonna lease a mini van. Did I say this already? Anyway, I went into Chrysler yesterday to crunch some numbers. I'll miss the cheaper payment and smaller truck, but it'll be nice for this road trip and when we want to take the kids' friends up north. They're getting to that age now. Also, I had a painter in on Sunday for a quote on painting in here. Gonna go forward with that. So some exciting stuff around the bend! Oh and the snowmobile trip to Mackinac Island is a GO! Feb 15th weekend. Should be a blast. Sorry, I can't remember what I've already said here and I don't feel like going back and checking. haha. Hope you're all well. I'm sure PBC is recovering from her daughter's wedding. I saw the movie Her, this weekend. I loved it! Quirky thing, but I loved the way it was shot and Joaquin Pheonix was great in it. It was thoughtful, nicely paced..no rush. That's nice sometimes with so many ADD movies out there that think they have to jump around to keep your attention. Anyway, I really liked it. Next on my "to see" list, is Nebraska.
orangutan
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,970
Morning Marchers!
Well it is finally starting to wind down here and the village is starting to feel more like normal. Yesterday was a cooler day and last night a huge rain storm so I managed to get some sleep and feel half human today. School starts again next week (bring it on).I hope you got some rain Dee, the grass is either brown or bare sand in my yard so it was greatly needed.
Have a good day everyone.
Well it is finally starting to wind down here and the village is starting to feel more like normal. Yesterday was a cooler day and last night a huge rain storm so I managed to get some sleep and feel half human today. School starts again next week (bring it on).I hope you got some rain Dee, the grass is either brown or bare sand in my yard so it was greatly needed.
Have a good day everyone.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,178
Hi Everyone!
Mirage, I'll be in Warren this weekend. Any chance of saying hello?
The wedding was beautiful! Exhausting, but in a really good way. Dh and I took care of so many details and ran everything so that my daughter and her new husband could just enjoy the day and each other ... I know that, if I'd still been drinking, I wouldn't have gotten half of what we did accomplished. I was simply too selfish when I was drinking, honestly. I'd have stressed out and tried to do a bunch of stuff at the last minute, but it wouldn't have been the same. I was able to give everything I had that day to loving on them, and it was GOOD.
We had a fabulous discussion at my Monday meeting about forgiving yourself. It morphed into ego vs. self-esteem ... how AA is designed to diminish ego while building self-esteem. It was very deep, and very powerful. I really do love my meetings.
How are all of you this week? What's up for your weekends?
Mirage, I'll be in Warren this weekend. Any chance of saying hello?
The wedding was beautiful! Exhausting, but in a really good way. Dh and I took care of so many details and ran everything so that my daughter and her new husband could just enjoy the day and each other ... I know that, if I'd still been drinking, I wouldn't have gotten half of what we did accomplished. I was simply too selfish when I was drinking, honestly. I'd have stressed out and tried to do a bunch of stuff at the last minute, but it wouldn't have been the same. I was able to give everything I had that day to loving on them, and it was GOOD.
We had a fabulous discussion at my Monday meeting about forgiving yourself. It morphed into ego vs. self-esteem ... how AA is designed to diminish ego while building self-esteem. It was very deep, and very powerful. I really do love my meetings.
How are all of you this week? What's up for your weekends?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Hi pbc..sorry, didn't see that. I saw that your trip got cancelled! Snowy and cold here. My 14 yr old had his men's choir performance in front of a judge last night, they did great. He's doing his solo right now, as we speak!! Gahhhh! I'm not there, D took him cuz they are going straight to the lake for an ice fishing tournament. Out of his tux and into a snow suit! haha. B and I are on our own today. Heading to Target and a few errands, then in for the day. Maybe something yummy for dinner, we'll see.
It's been a long time since we've heard from Bryan, Jan. 6th. I'm starting to worry.
It's been a long time since we've heard from Bryan, Jan. 6th. I'm starting to worry.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,178
It looks like we're rescheduled for next weekend, so the invitation is still on if you're around.
It was a wonderful day loving on our granddaughter! We had no time schedules and no where to go. I read her her favorite books over and over. She took a long bath and played with toys. She really loves to be with me when I play keyboard and sing ... she bangs on it with me and howls at the top of her lungs right along! She and my 13 year old played chase and peek-a-boo for at least an hour. She fell asleep on her when my hubby and I ran to the store for a minute ... there's a picture on my fb if you're on there. She's down for the night now. Being a grandma is the BEST!
Now I get to snuggle with my 13 year-old while we watch Monsters University. It's been a GOOD day.
It was a wonderful day loving on our granddaughter! We had no time schedules and no where to go. I read her her favorite books over and over. She took a long bath and played with toys. She really loves to be with me when I play keyboard and sing ... she bangs on it with me and howls at the top of her lungs right along! She and my 13 year old played chase and peek-a-boo for at least an hour. She fell asleep on her when my hubby and I ran to the store for a minute ... there's a picture on my fb if you're on there. She's down for the night now. Being a grandma is the BEST!
Now I get to snuggle with my 13 year-old while we watch Monsters University. It's been a GOOD day.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Gah, my uncle died last night. 
He was sick, I went to see him 2 weeks ago. I'm glad I was able to see him, I had a feeling it wouldn't be long. My parents are telling my grandma right now. He was my dad's youngest brother and in many ways the center of our big Italian family. His resume was pretty impressive, with being the fire chief for 22 years, an army vet, and was a state rep for 2 terms. A real force in the community. He'll be missed by many!
RIP, Uncle Gino!
He was sick, I went to see him 2 weeks ago. I'm glad I was able to see him, I had a feeling it wouldn't be long. My parents are telling my grandma right now. He was my dad's youngest brother and in many ways the center of our big Italian family. His resume was pretty impressive, with being the fire chief for 22 years, an army vet, and was a state rep for 2 terms. A real force in the community. He'll be missed by many! RIP, Uncle Gino!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Thanks, Dee. It's gonna be a tough week.
Getting another cold front in today. There are murmurs of no school tomorrow because of it. I'm lovin me some polar vortex this year! Sure it's cold, but the anticipation and chattering about snow days is FUN! Trading in my leased Escape this week, too. And I was lying in bed last night trying to come up with 2 funeral outfits. I'm not sure I can swing it, might have to go shopping. I just don't dress up very often. My brother is flying in from Seattle on Thursday, that'll be nice, I don't get to see him much. Anyway..way too much going on for me. Have a great day ya'll!
Getting another cold front in today. There are murmurs of no school tomorrow because of it. I'm lovin me some polar vortex this year! Sure it's cold, but the anticipation and chattering about snow days is FUN! Trading in my leased Escape this week, too. And I was lying in bed last night trying to come up with 2 funeral outfits. I'm not sure I can swing it, might have to go shopping.
I just don't dress up very often. My brother is flying in from Seattle on Thursday, that'll be nice, I don't get to see him much. Anyway..way too much going on for me. Have a great day ya'll!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 185
Surprise! I'm back... Wow, this is really hard to write: at some point this past Summer, with well over 2 years sobriety behind me, I decided that I could drink, that I was not an alcoholic.
I was in the middle of a perfect storm of horrible yuck, and continue to have health issues from my Lyme and co-infections, including NeuroLyme, which has taken away a lot of my cognitive abilities, filter, judgment, impulse control, etc., so that is real and must be guarded against.
BUT, in the end, I CHOSE to drink. I decided I could handle it. And I was very, VERY wrong!
Oh, it took a while, but, in the end, I was right back to bouts of drinking to excess, blackouts, taking a few days to a few weeks "break" so I could go back to moderating, rinse and repeat...
I've known for a while now that I needed to quit again, but didn't want to face it. A big part of the reason I drink is to temporarily forget how much my life suxs, how bad my marriage is, how trapped I am by debt and my health. And, for a little while it worked, before it went back to making things worse...
One drink is too many, more is never enough, once I start I don't stop until I pass out. At least this all took place at home, in my recliner!
Yesterday, I awoke knowing that it was time, and I had to ride the wave while it lasted, 'cause I didn't know how long it would last. I had a full box of wine, unopened, four bottles worth, Black Box Malbec (from Australia, which I find ironic). It had to go, and I didn't know anyone I could give it to, SO, I opened it up and poured it down the toilet. Pouring it down the sink wasn't a strong enough mental image for me, especially since I chose the toilet that most needed cleaning - gross! Makes me nauseous every time I picture what I saw before I flushed! I made sure to get rid of it early, 'cause if it was still here in the afternoon, all bets were off.
I used high glycemic carbs, which I usually avoid, yesterday, to help bypass the cravings that might come, along with an extra dose of my anti-anxiety med. Will probably do carbs again today, but not the extra med, and will have to wean off the carbs in coming days, I don't do well on them long term...
Oh, and both my meds have danger labels about not combining with alcohol, I am lucky I lived through this - though I spent most of the time these past months hoping I wouldn't wake up - my life really does rot right now and I am at least 1.5 yrs away from having any options., IF I get lucky.
One of the most difficult things of all is coming here and telling you all this, I feel so stupid, and I HATE that the counter starts from the beginning again, I was proud of my sober time!
BUT, I need you all, and have missed you greatly, and I hope I can be a part of this group even though I technically don't belong... I'd really love to be back on the bus with you all again!
I don't feel the need to, but, let me know if I should also join the thread for either Jan or Feb '14 (which?), please.
There it is, all the gory details! The glory is that I HAVE recognized the problem, and, through the Grace of God, I HAVE stopped drinking! I have NO doubt that I AM an alcoholic and am not capable of moderating my drinking, and I AM committed to living my life as a non-drinker, one day at a time!
Now I have to update my siggy
Anyone miss my long rambling posts? lol
Rosie
DAY 2
I was in the middle of a perfect storm of horrible yuck, and continue to have health issues from my Lyme and co-infections, including NeuroLyme, which has taken away a lot of my cognitive abilities, filter, judgment, impulse control, etc., so that is real and must be guarded against.
BUT, in the end, I CHOSE to drink. I decided I could handle it. And I was very, VERY wrong!
Oh, it took a while, but, in the end, I was right back to bouts of drinking to excess, blackouts, taking a few days to a few weeks "break" so I could go back to moderating, rinse and repeat...
I've known for a while now that I needed to quit again, but didn't want to face it. A big part of the reason I drink is to temporarily forget how much my life suxs, how bad my marriage is, how trapped I am by debt and my health. And, for a little while it worked, before it went back to making things worse...
One drink is too many, more is never enough, once I start I don't stop until I pass out. At least this all took place at home, in my recliner!
Yesterday, I awoke knowing that it was time, and I had to ride the wave while it lasted, 'cause I didn't know how long it would last. I had a full box of wine, unopened, four bottles worth, Black Box Malbec (from Australia, which I find ironic). It had to go, and I didn't know anyone I could give it to, SO, I opened it up and poured it down the toilet. Pouring it down the sink wasn't a strong enough mental image for me, especially since I chose the toilet that most needed cleaning - gross! Makes me nauseous every time I picture what I saw before I flushed! I made sure to get rid of it early, 'cause if it was still here in the afternoon, all bets were off.
I used high glycemic carbs, which I usually avoid, yesterday, to help bypass the cravings that might come, along with an extra dose of my anti-anxiety med. Will probably do carbs again today, but not the extra med, and will have to wean off the carbs in coming days, I don't do well on them long term...
Oh, and both my meds have danger labels about not combining with alcohol, I am lucky I lived through this - though I spent most of the time these past months hoping I wouldn't wake up - my life really does rot right now and I am at least 1.5 yrs away from having any options., IF I get lucky.
One of the most difficult things of all is coming here and telling you all this, I feel so stupid, and I HATE that the counter starts from the beginning again, I was proud of my sober time!
BUT, I need you all, and have missed you greatly, and I hope I can be a part of this group even though I technically don't belong... I'd really love to be back on the bus with you all again!
I don't feel the need to, but, let me know if I should also join the thread for either Jan or Feb '14 (which?), please.
There it is, all the gory details! The glory is that I HAVE recognized the problem, and, through the Grace of God, I HAVE stopped drinking! I have NO doubt that I AM an alcoholic and am not capable of moderating my drinking, and I AM committed to living my life as a non-drinker, one day at a time!
Now I have to update my siggy
Anyone miss my long rambling posts? lol
Rosie
DAY 2
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I'm sorry to read all that Rosie but I'm glad you made it back.
I really think SR is the best place for anyone struggling Rosie - I know you probably felt like you were posting the same post again and again but you did get some good feedback and no judgement, I don't think?.
If things reach pressure cooker point again, please do post.
you don't need to do anything Rosie, but joining the January class might help if you feel you need more support- it's good to be around people who are at the same point you are, I think.
welcome back
D
I really think SR is the best place for anyone struggling Rosie - I know you probably felt like you were posting the same post again and again but you did get some good feedback and no judgement, I don't think?.
If things reach pressure cooker point again, please do post.
you don't need to do anything Rosie, but joining the January class might help if you feel you need more support- it's good to be around people who are at the same point you are, I think.
welcome back
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 185
Thank you, Dee! So happy to see you are still active here
Been reading through January, there is so much already, I think I might join Feb. when it starts in a few days.
Yes, this place is great, I deeply regret the day I stopped reading daily and checking in now and then with a post...
Today is a new day!
I also dug out the materials I ordered from Smart Recovery, may look into their online meetings since AA is sparse in my rural area...
Been reading through January, there is so much already, I think I might join Feb. when it starts in a few days.
Yes, this place is great, I deeply regret the day I stopped reading daily and checking in now and then with a post...
Today is a new day!
I also dug out the materials I ordered from Smart Recovery, may look into their online meetings since AA is sparse in my rural area...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,178
Rosie!!!! I'm so happy to see you!
There is NO judgement from me, my friend. I struggled for quite some time, too ... I get it. In the end, it takes what it takes to get us to choose to set the drink down. There is blessing in the pain.
Personally, I'm not a big fan of the word "sober" ... it feels kinda like "boring" and "drab". I prefer FREE. I'm free FROM a bunch of things, like the obsession of drinking, always needing to know when the next drink is, how to hide it from everyone, how to pretend I'm okay when I'm not, and my own selfishness. I'm free TO DO things, like live every hour of the day, plan things after dinner, remember going to bed each night, go to restaurants that don't serve alcohol (I NEVER liked those before ...), and to feel whole again. Free from shame. Free to be there for my kids, even in the middle of the night. Free from shakes. Free to grow again in my faith without this wall between me and God.
Hang in there, Rosie. You can do this! And I'm so glad we're back together again!
There is NO judgement from me, my friend. I struggled for quite some time, too ... I get it. In the end, it takes what it takes to get us to choose to set the drink down. There is blessing in the pain.
Personally, I'm not a big fan of the word "sober" ... it feels kinda like "boring" and "drab". I prefer FREE. I'm free FROM a bunch of things, like the obsession of drinking, always needing to know when the next drink is, how to hide it from everyone, how to pretend I'm okay when I'm not, and my own selfishness. I'm free TO DO things, like live every hour of the day, plan things after dinner, remember going to bed each night, go to restaurants that don't serve alcohol (I NEVER liked those before ...), and to feel whole again. Free from shame. Free to be there for my kids, even in the middle of the night. Free from shakes. Free to grow again in my faith without this wall between me and God.
Hang in there, Rosie. You can do this! And I'm so glad we're back together again!
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