Class of June 2013 Pt 3
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Dublin
Posts: 108
Originally Posted by 1stepup 
Hi, good to see everyone doing so well today, ive been really busy strimming, cutting hedges and then had to catch a lame lamb and treat that. Feels good now though to take a break and come in to catch up with everyone.
Seems a lot of us are going down the AA route, I have been in the past, was six weeks sober once and had a sponsor but didn't really get my teeth into the steps, think part of me was holding something back.
Im ready to give it another go this week, a friend of mine in aa has gone back and he's doing well. Going to go to my most local one tomorrow and then another Tuesday, going to try and find a new sponsor and will try and see in the meetings who I connect well with. I have been pondering the last few days about whether or not to go down that road again, feel a bit embarrassed going back in again and scared in a way of letting myself and others down.
Anyway a good, honest sober day so far so no complaints. Going back out now to do more strimming, the sky looks full of rain but il try and get as much as I can done before it gets too bad.
Keep up the good work everyone, il catch up more later. Best wishes.
Seems a lot of us are going down the AA route, I have been in the past, was six weeks sober once and had a sponsor but didn't really get my teeth into the steps, think part of me was holding something back.
Im ready to give it another go this week, a friend of mine in aa has gone back and he's doing well. Going to go to my most local one tomorrow and then another Tuesday, going to try and find a new sponsor and will try and see in the meetings who I connect well with. I have been pondering the last few days about whether or not to go down that road again, feel a bit embarrassed going back in again and scared in a way of letting myself and others down.
Anyway a good, honest sober day so far so no complaints. Going back out now to do more strimming, the sky looks full of rain but il try and get as much as I can done before it gets too bad.
Keep up the good work everyone, il catch up more later. Best wishes.
Hey 1stepup - you've been a busy bee this past few days - fair play to you - let us know how you got on at meeting - gonna do some googling tonight - think I might seek out meeting in another area - give it a try
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Dublin
Posts: 108
Hi lifebeginsat41 - it was greeneggsandham who put us on to the steps forum.
Originally Posted by Lifebeginsat41 View Post
I don't do public displays of affection; I'm British for goodness sake!!
Nearly spat my coffee all over the screen - know what ye mean :rotfxko
Originally Posted by Lifebeginsat41 View Post
I don't do public displays of affection; I'm British for goodness sake!!
Nearly spat my coffee all over the screen - know what ye mean :rotfxko
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,359
That's DD bathed and in bed 
I've run out of tobacco - my other vice! Rather than hit the shops I've decided to hit the hay instead. Night night all, have a good one. Catch you in the morning for a super sober Monday!
I've run out of tobacco - my other vice! Rather than hit the shops I've decided to hit the hay instead. Night night all, have a good one. Catch you in the morning for a super sober Monday!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,997
Didn't make it, got more and more irritable at home, upset that my brother and sister rarely contact me, they socialize on holiday together with their spouses.
My sister was supposed to FaceTime me last week, got email last night saying that she got busy, time got away from her, etc etc. I drank.
Why have I let booze become my only friend?
I feel leaden, can't move.
My sister was supposed to FaceTime me last week, got email last night saying that she got busy, time got away from her, etc etc. I drank.
Why have I let booze become my only friend?
I feel leaden, can't move.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 559
day 7 done.
i am irritable, resentful and a little bit tearful today. also, i have never had a sweet tooth and i am CRAVING sugar.
thoroughly fed up so have gone to bed. i also feel that i'm getting support here and not giving any back. i'm sorry for that.
i truly am my own worst enemy. but i will NOT let me hit the self-destruct button again that i've been carrying all my life.
i hope everyone is doing ok. staying sober or just doing the best you can - you're all amazing.
x
i am irritable, resentful and a little bit tearful today. also, i have never had a sweet tooth and i am CRAVING sugar.
thoroughly fed up so have gone to bed. i also feel that i'm getting support here and not giving any back. i'm sorry for that.
i truly am my own worst enemy. but i will NOT let me hit the self-destruct button again that i've been carrying all my life.
i hope everyone is doing ok. staying sober or just doing the best you can - you're all amazing.
x
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
Originally Posted by trikyriky
Hey EW I'm going to an NA sponsored picnic , should be fun. Good day
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 28
Day Two.
Cried most of yesterday. Thinking about things I've done, people I've hurt. Slept over 10 hours though, wore myself out.
This morning I called a friend I've recently hurt, told her about this. She cried, relieved. I didn't realize how worried my friends have been about me. I thought she would never talk to me again. Terrified dialing her number.
Normally, I would make calls after a hazy night, to make sure I didn't **** someone off. Then, if it seemed ok, relieved, I'd think it was okay to drink again. Feeling that urge. Drank about three pots of coffee so far.
Cried most of yesterday. Thinking about things I've done, people I've hurt. Slept over 10 hours though, wore myself out.
This morning I called a friend I've recently hurt, told her about this. She cried, relieved. I didn't realize how worried my friends have been about me. I thought she would never talk to me again. Terrified dialing her number.
Normally, I would make calls after a hazy night, to make sure I didn't **** someone off. Then, if it seemed ok, relieved, I'd think it was okay to drink again. Feeling that urge. Drank about three pots of coffee so far.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Dublin
Posts: 108
Originally Posted by ippochick
day 7 done.
i am irritable, resentful and a little bit tearful today. also, i have never had a sweet tooth and i am CRAVING sugar.
thoroughly fed up so have gone to bed. i also feel that i'm getting support here and not giving any back. i'm sorry for that.
i truly am my own worst enemy. but i will NOT let me hit the self-destruct button again that i've been carrying all my life.
i hope everyone is doing ok. staying sober or just doing the best you can - you're all amazing.
x
i am irritable, resentful and a little bit tearful today. also, i have never had a sweet tooth and i am CRAVING sugar.
thoroughly fed up so have gone to bed. i also feel that i'm getting support here and not giving any back. i'm sorry for that.
i truly am my own worst enemy. but i will NOT let me hit the self-destruct button again that i've been carrying all my life.
i hope everyone is doing ok. staying sober or just doing the best you can - you're all amazing.
x
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Dublin
Posts: 108
[QUOTE=Leshar;4032355]Didn't make it, got more and more irritable at home, upset that my brother and sister rarely contact me, they socialize on holiday together with their spouses.
My sister was supposed to FaceTime me last week, got email last night saying that she got busy, time got away from her, etc etc. I drank.
Why have I let booze become my only friend?
I feel leaden, can't move.[/QUOTE
Leshar - sorry you've had a rubbish day - I feel your pain - it's a tough journey alright - try to find some strength to carry on your journey
My sister was supposed to FaceTime me last week, got email last night saying that she got busy, time got away from her, etc etc. I drank.
Why have I let booze become my only friend?
I feel leaden, can't move.[/QUOTE
Leshar - sorry you've had a rubbish day - I feel your pain - it's a tough journey alright - try to find some strength to carry on your journey
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 103
Miserable night, misrable day.
Missed my flight for work because I slept through it - was able to get the ticket changed after the fact for 50.00 dollars so thats great. Its something Im not, irresponsible - but because I can't sleep worth ****, this is what happened.
I realized the WHY though. It doesnt have to do with alcohol. It has to do with how I handle my problems. At night, i thought about things all night. I over think. I get upset. I realize now that alcohol was my escape to 'pass out' and not deal with the fact that my life is not going the way I want it to - that Im in a dead end relationship, that I allowed my heart to get broken, that I can't rely on my parents for anything - and I never could. The only sounding board is my Grandma who I love dearly. And having one person in this life to be there is more than most people have. I thankfully have a great paying job but of which I hate. So - the alcohol just made it easier for me to run and hide. Now, I have to face things - and its bloody hard.
So - Im angry today. Easily irritable and angry. I nearly ripped the printer out of my wall because I had a paper jam angry. I cry every night - having trouble getting over the past and I thought I was pretty good at these things before- I now realize Im not. Lots of unresolved **** and I have to face all of it now. I had a dream last week that I fell off a cliff and I knew I was going to die - and before I hit I resolved that it was to be and accepted it. I was actually peaceful. I looked it up and falling of a cliff means change - when you hit the bottom it means a change is going to happen in your life.
Maybe this is my bottom.
But Im on Day 8 regardless, and I refuse to drink. Of that, at least, Im proud of myself.
Missed my flight for work because I slept through it - was able to get the ticket changed after the fact for 50.00 dollars so thats great. Its something Im not, irresponsible - but because I can't sleep worth ****, this is what happened.
I realized the WHY though. It doesnt have to do with alcohol. It has to do with how I handle my problems. At night, i thought about things all night. I over think. I get upset. I realize now that alcohol was my escape to 'pass out' and not deal with the fact that my life is not going the way I want it to - that Im in a dead end relationship, that I allowed my heart to get broken, that I can't rely on my parents for anything - and I never could. The only sounding board is my Grandma who I love dearly. And having one person in this life to be there is more than most people have. I thankfully have a great paying job but of which I hate. So - the alcohol just made it easier for me to run and hide. Now, I have to face things - and its bloody hard.
So - Im angry today. Easily irritable and angry. I nearly ripped the printer out of my wall because I had a paper jam angry. I cry every night - having trouble getting over the past and I thought I was pretty good at these things before- I now realize Im not. Lots of unresolved **** and I have to face all of it now. I had a dream last week that I fell off a cliff and I knew I was going to die - and before I hit I resolved that it was to be and accepted it. I was actually peaceful. I looked it up and falling of a cliff means change - when you hit the bottom it means a change is going to happen in your life.
Maybe this is my bottom.
But Im on Day 8 regardless, and I refuse to drink. Of that, at least, Im proud of myself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by Sonrisa12
Miserable night, misrable day.
Missed my flight for work because I slept through it - was able to get the ticket changed after the fact for 50.00 dollars so thats great. Its something Im not, irresponsible - but because I can't sleep worth ****, this is what happened.
I realized the WHY though. It doesnt have to do with alcohol. It has to do with how I handle my problems. At night, i thought about things all night. I over think. I get upset. I realize now that alcohol was my escape to 'pass out' and not deal with the fact that my life is not going the way I want it to - that Im in a dead end relationship, that I allowed my heart to get broken, that I can't rely on my parents for anything - and I never could. The only sounding board is my Grandma who I love dearly. And having one person in this life to be there is more than most people have. I thankfully have a great paying job but of which I hate. So - the alcohol just made it easier for me to run and hide. Now, I have to face things - and its bloody hard.
So - Im angry today. Easily irritable and angry. I nearly ripped the printer out of my wall because I had a paper jam angry. I cry every night - having trouble getting over the past and I thought I was pretty good at these things before- I now realize Im not. Lots of unresolved **** and I have to face all of it now. I had a dream last week that I fell off a cliff and I knew I was going to die - and before I hit I resolved that it was to be and accepted it. I was actually peaceful. I looked it up and falling of a cliff means change - when you hit the bottom it means a change is going to happen in your life.
Maybe this is my bottom.
But Im on Day 8 regardless, and I refuse to drink. Of that, at least, Im proud of myself.
Missed my flight for work because I slept through it - was able to get the ticket changed after the fact for 50.00 dollars so thats great. Its something Im not, irresponsible - but because I can't sleep worth ****, this is what happened.
I realized the WHY though. It doesnt have to do with alcohol. It has to do with how I handle my problems. At night, i thought about things all night. I over think. I get upset. I realize now that alcohol was my escape to 'pass out' and not deal with the fact that my life is not going the way I want it to - that Im in a dead end relationship, that I allowed my heart to get broken, that I can't rely on my parents for anything - and I never could. The only sounding board is my Grandma who I love dearly. And having one person in this life to be there is more than most people have. I thankfully have a great paying job but of which I hate. So - the alcohol just made it easier for me to run and hide. Now, I have to face things - and its bloody hard.
So - Im angry today. Easily irritable and angry. I nearly ripped the printer out of my wall because I had a paper jam angry. I cry every night - having trouble getting over the past and I thought I was pretty good at these things before- I now realize Im not. Lots of unresolved **** and I have to face all of it now. I had a dream last week that I fell off a cliff and I knew I was going to die - and before I hit I resolved that it was to be and accepted it. I was actually peaceful. I looked it up and falling of a cliff means change - when you hit the bottom it means a change is going to happen in your life.
Maybe this is my bottom.
But Im on Day 8 regardless, and I refuse to drink. Of that, at least, Im proud of myself.
Anyway, the bears ending up going to sleep, the snakes slithered off, and the wolves ended up just being pet dogs. I had been panicking for no reason. I reached the camp safely. That really stuck with me.
Sober Today
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 779
Leshar - I'm so sorry you are having a hard time right now. Booze is not your friend. Are you going to or thinking of trying AA?
That is how I felt the other day. It was horrible. It passed, but I went to bed early. I just wanted the day to be over. It will pass!
I also have days where I can't give much support. Sometimes we need more than we can give at this point. It's ok.
Aww. 
I cry several times a day and drink that much coffee also! I'm glad you were able to make amends with your friend. That is a true friend.
Good for you for resisting! It would have been tough for me for sure.
Originally Posted by ippochick
i am irritable, resentful and a little bit tearful today. also, i have never had a sweet tooth and i am CRAVING sugar.
thoroughly fed up so have gone to bed. i also feel that i'm getting support here and not giving any back. i'm sorry for that.
thoroughly fed up so have gone to bed. i also feel that i'm getting support here and not giving any back. i'm sorry for that.
I also have days where I can't give much support. Sometimes we need more than we can give at this point. It's ok.
Originally Posted by blueeyescrying
Day Two.
Cried most of yesterday. Thinking about things I've done, people I've hurt.
Cried most of yesterday. Thinking about things I've done, people I've hurt.
I cry several times a day and drink that much coffee also! I'm glad you were able to make amends with your friend. That is a true friend.
Originally Posted by Sonrisa12
But Im on Day 8 regardless, and I refuse to drink. Of that, at least, Im proud of myself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 103
Dear Blue Eyes,
Its amazing what our dreams can 'tell us' or 'show us'. Im ready for the fight, you know? I plan to win. I plan to beat this thing. Im ready to stare it down right in its face and tell it to kiss my ..., well, you know what I mean.
Im tired of it controlling me. I really am. This is what Im angry about today - I just dont want that life anymore. So, my plan is not to drink today. One day at a time. I am determined to make it.
Its amazing what our dreams can 'tell us' or 'show us'. Im ready for the fight, you know? I plan to win. I plan to beat this thing. Im ready to stare it down right in its face and tell it to kiss my ..., well, you know what I mean.
Im tired of it controlling me. I really am. This is what Im angry about today - I just dont want that life anymore. So, my plan is not to drink today. One day at a time. I am determined to make it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Alabama
Posts: 18
Sonrisa12,
Lighten up!
Glad you shared what's going on in your head. It will pass. Something that helped me early on was my sponsor guiding me through all of the clutter we tend to wallow in. Our minds swell up all sorts of things and unfortunately all at the same time....what a mess!
My sponsor would coach me to slow down and ask myself what can I do right now, at this very moment about any one of the things on my mind. If there was something I could do, then I handled it. But for all of the other things I made a commitment to myself to handle them at the first opportunity, when it presented itself.
It took years to create the wreckage our minds are dealing with once the fog starts to lift. No one said it all has to be handled right now.
One day at time, one thing at time. Easy Does It
Peace to all, so many are doing really well and finding real enlightenment in sobriety.....don't let a few moments of anxiousness get you off track. It'll pass.
Lighten up!
Glad you shared what's going on in your head. It will pass. Something that helped me early on was my sponsor guiding me through all of the clutter we tend to wallow in. Our minds swell up all sorts of things and unfortunately all at the same time....what a mess!
My sponsor would coach me to slow down and ask myself what can I do right now, at this very moment about any one of the things on my mind. If there was something I could do, then I handled it. But for all of the other things I made a commitment to myself to handle them at the first opportunity, when it presented itself.
It took years to create the wreckage our minds are dealing with once the fog starts to lift. No one said it all has to be handled right now.
One day at time, one thing at time. Easy Does It
Peace to all, so many are doing really well and finding real enlightenment in sobriety.....don't let a few moments of anxiousness get you off track. It'll pass.
Originally Posted by Sonrisa12
Miserable night, misrable day.
I cry every night - having trouble getting over the past and I thought I was pretty good at these things before- I now realize Im not. Lots of unresolved **** and I have to face all of it now. I had a dream last week that I fell off a cliff and I knew I was going to die - and before I hit I resolved that it was to be and accepted it. I was actually peaceful. I looked it up and falling of a cliff means change - when you hit the bottom it means a change is going to happen in your life.
Maybe this is my bottom.
But Im on Day 8 regardless, and I refuse to drink. Of that, at least, Im proud of myself.
I cry every night - having trouble getting over the past and I thought I was pretty good at these things before- I now realize Im not. Lots of unresolved **** and I have to face all of it now. I had a dream last week that I fell off a cliff and I knew I was going to die - and before I hit I resolved that it was to be and accepted it. I was actually peaceful. I looked it up and falling of a cliff means change - when you hit the bottom it means a change is going to happen in your life.
Maybe this is my bottom.
But Im on Day 8 regardless, and I refuse to drink. Of that, at least, Im proud of myself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by Sonrisa12
Dear Blue Eyes,
Its amazing what our dreams can 'tell us' or 'show us'. Im ready for the fight, you know? I plan to win. I plan to beat this thing. Im ready to stare it down right in its face and tell it to kiss my ..., well, you know what I mean.
Im tired of it controlling me. I really am. This is what Im angry about today - I just dont want that life anymore. So, my plan is not to drink today. One day at a time. I am determined to make it.
Its amazing what our dreams can 'tell us' or 'show us'. Im ready for the fight, you know? I plan to win. I plan to beat this thing. Im ready to stare it down right in its face and tell it to kiss my ..., well, you know what I mean.
Im tired of it controlling me. I really am. This is what Im angry about today - I just dont want that life anymore. So, my plan is not to drink today. One day at a time. I am determined to make it.
It would be so easy for me to go back to that way of life, all I've known for a long time.
I've been making a list of stupid things I've done to keep me on track, already on page 3! lol
If I wasn't here, I'd probably be out in the yard with a cocktail. Just one or two... yeah, right.
About staring it down, that's what I learned from that dream. The wolves don't bite.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 337
Hi Leshar, Sonrisa and Blueeyes
Sorry you're struggling today - please remember that you are worth this. I believe you are worth this and I hope you do too.
It will get better - one day at a time.
Keep strong and be proud of each day you don't give in to your AV - it really isn't your friend.
Sorry you're struggling today - please remember that you are worth this. I believe you are worth this and I hope you do too.
It will get better - one day at a time.
Keep strong and be proud of each day you don't give in to your AV - it really isn't your friend.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 337
greenEggs & Bensmammy;
"I don't do that, I'm British" is a catchphrase in our family - due to my lovely mother. We were in Florida at the theme parks and at one that included audience participation - we stood at the back so Mom could lean against the wall (she has a bad back) and listened to the actors talk and they chose a few enthusiastic audience members to be in the film and then they wanted a white haired little old lady - my mom to a T. He asked her, she shook her head. He asked again. She shook her head. Then he asked the audience to encourage her - they opened up a path between her and the stage and were clapping and cheering (the rest of us are on the floor in laughter at this point) until she had had enough and said in a loud voice "don't be silly. I can't do this - I'm British for goodness sake!" honestly - one of the funniest things in my life ever. Especially when we saw the film and the little old lady got hit with a 'lightening bolt' !!
"I don't do that, I'm British" is a catchphrase in our family - due to my lovely mother. We were in Florida at the theme parks and at one that included audience participation - we stood at the back so Mom could lean against the wall (she has a bad back) and listened to the actors talk and they chose a few enthusiastic audience members to be in the film and then they wanted a white haired little old lady - my mom to a T. He asked her, she shook her head. He asked again. She shook her head. Then he asked the audience to encourage her - they opened up a path between her and the stage and were clapping and cheering (the rest of us are on the floor in laughter at this point) until she had had enough and said in a loud voice "don't be silly. I can't do this - I'm British for goodness sake!" honestly - one of the funniest things in my life ever. Especially when we saw the film and the little old lady got hit with a 'lightening bolt' !!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 457
It's a new week (more or less depending on where in the world you are from) and I'm looking forward to finishing the month with a smile. Bumpy month but I've made some positive efforts to better my fight.
Best to all, I wish everyone helpful and clear thoughts and I'm thankful to everyone for sharing.
Best to all, I wish everyone helpful and clear thoughts and I'm thankful to everyone for sharing.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Dublin
Posts: 108
"don't be silly. I can't do this - I'm British for goodness sake........Life begins - you do make me laugh - it's sooo true I'm from Scotland originally and we def dont do huggy feely lol .... That said I used to hug everyone when I was drunk so I guess I can manage a wee hug at a meeting that will keep me sober - (((((( hugs ))))))) lol xxxx
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