One Year and Over Club- Part 8
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,474
Newby...first things first, you can only do your best and it sounds like you are hun. 
and secondly....thank you thankyou thank you.....I thought I was going nuts looking for and not finding that laughing smiley thingy. Pheee...uuuu! I am not nuts! (well not too much *insert laughing smiley here8*)....... bahahahahha
I also wanted to share this funny with everyone, just because its Friday and I love a laugh......
Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to your backside anus? It is called the anal optic nerve. It is responsible for giving people a crappy outlook on life. If you don't believe it, pull a hair from your butt, and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye...
Have a lovely weekend all you wonderful Overs...... we have a long holiday weekend with no work on Monday. Wooohoo.
and secondly....thank you thankyou thank you.....I thought I was going nuts looking for and not finding that laughing smiley thingy. Pheee...uuuu! I am not nuts! (well not too much *insert laughing smiley here8*)....... bahahahahhaI also wanted to share this funny with everyone, just because its Friday and I love a laugh......
Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to your backside anus? It is called the anal optic nerve. It is responsible for giving people a crappy outlook on life. If you don't believe it, pull a hair from your butt, and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye...
Have a lovely weekend all you wonderful Overs...... we have a long holiday weekend with no work on Monday. Wooohoo.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
It's Friday and I really do have some work challenges with unrealistic expectations from a number of levels in the organisation and customers.
Nevertheless by this time 18 months ago I would have had a glass of wine to unwind- and now I don't, and I'm better off for it. For all the "stress relief" I got from alcohol I got it back in spades, and I would stew on things and rant to my wife about work rather than unwinding.
Now I can drive through the car park and come home playing queens of the stone age at a louder volume than is appropriate (LOL). It's the weekend......... Rock On.
Nevertheless by this time 18 months ago I would have had a glass of wine to unwind- and now I don't, and I'm better off for it. For all the "stress relief" I got from alcohol I got it back in spades, and I would stew on things and rant to my wife about work rather than unwinding.
Now I can drive through the car park and come home playing queens of the stone age at a louder volume than is appropriate (LOL). It's the weekend......... Rock On.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
Hilarious Manz, thx for the laugh.
Pouring rain today, that's OK cause tomorrow is going to be perfect for camping and sat pm meteor showers.
Back from a morning meeting, glad I went.
I spent much of yesterday festering about how lousy I was feeling and wondering if my depression is breaking through. After nearly a year of solidly feeling pretty good, I don't want to go back there. Have a doctor appt Monday.
My gut tells me that there are things I can be doing more to support my mental health, hand in hand with medicine.
Positive thinking, spiritual connection, excellent planning, clean eating, sobriety<-- all these things help. I was doing these things before I started medication but just couldn't make headway and was always paddling hard against the current. For me, medication is a breakthrough.
(For anyone who has had severe depression, I can't even imagine how much that must hurt. The amount I had was bad enough and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.)
I'm also considering that it's just OK to have a lousy day or two, as a normal part of life, so I'm not beating myself up too much.
Smooches to the Overs!
Pouring rain today, that's OK cause tomorrow is going to be perfect for camping and sat pm meteor showers.
Back from a morning meeting, glad I went.
I spent much of yesterday festering about how lousy I was feeling and wondering if my depression is breaking through. After nearly a year of solidly feeling pretty good, I don't want to go back there. Have a doctor appt Monday.
My gut tells me that there are things I can be doing more to support my mental health, hand in hand with medicine.
Positive thinking, spiritual connection, excellent planning, clean eating, sobriety<-- all these things help. I was doing these things before I started medication but just couldn't make headway and was always paddling hard against the current. For me, medication is a breakthrough.
(For anyone who has had severe depression, I can't even imagine how much that must hurt. The amount I had was bad enough and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.)
I'm also considering that it's just OK to have a lousy day or two, as a normal part of life, so I'm not beating myself up too much.
Smooches to the Overs!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
Back to backing but I just got off the phone with a client. I messed something up, said I wanted to make it right, and she's appreciative. AND that she wants to give me more work. (Was thinking the mistake would mean that was it.)
AND that she doesn't need it until next week so I don't have to work over the weekend.
Thank you sobriety for the backbone to face the issue head-on and not hide or avoid it.
*deeply relieved, deeply grateful*
AND that she doesn't need it until next week so I don't have to work over the weekend.
Thank you sobriety for the backbone to face the issue head-on and not hide or avoid it.
*deeply relieved, deeply grateful*
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
Yay marathon!!! Pip I'm doing race to the finish 5k the day before on Saturday. Pm me if you are going to be around and want to say hi!
Hi all going camping, feeling better. All is good. Ran 6.5 this morning, happy not to do more.
Wishing All a gd day!
Hi all going camping, feeling better. All is good. Ran 6.5 this morning, happy not to do more.
Wishing All a gd day!
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Here I am,
Like a bad penny I keep turning up. I had a really bad day yesterday. Had a supposed friend over to rewire my tractor. I was paying him and he was obviously not a friend and was playing the old say something insulting and then try to cover it with saying I was just kidding or pulling your chain.
He was one of the old drinking group who actually got sober and is going to AA. Turns out he had a two year stretch and four stretch of sobriety and just goes back to the same sponsor? OK I was going to offer him some support until yesterday. To be fair I was up most of the night and was operating on 4 hours of sleep. After 4 hours I realized he though he was taking advantage and was going to escalate it a bit.
Now folks, I am confident and one heck of a strong personality. When I realized four hours into it that he was, in his mind just using me, I told him without anger or emotion stated as a fact only that I had thought he was a friend of mine, but I see now see that is not reciprocated. Since he was bitching about me adding things to the job that we had already agreed to do, I told him that since he thinks he is being taken advantage of that we can just settle out the four hours and I will finish the job with someone else. All that was left was changing the oil and filter. He exclaimed he was just pulling my chain and that everything was cool. I told him that I don't use him as the brunt of my jokes an any demeaning manner and that I understand the relationship now.
He finished up alone a few hours ago and I was nowhere around to chat and ran a few errands.
It turns out after two years I am only just now realizing that the old group were just users and I have been on the outs with them since I quit drinking. But they aren't straight up. In any event I am too old to play juvenile friend games and it took over two years for me to snap out of my old circles. I have a great group in Alanon now to work on me, and at home things are great! My AW is in counseling and working on her issues and owning them.
I have a wonderful life but allowed the old crowd to stay hanging on long past when it was gone. I am not heartbroken or anything other than amused at myself for getting so riled yesterday. But even strong folks like me might have leftovers that seemed harmless form the old days and turned out to just be users.
I already set up a consult and week or two job doing the computers and website for new used car dealer locally. Starting next Tuesday I am officially out of retirement and working again. I am going to join a new circle of friends beyond my old dear ones that are not from the local drinking group.
I am just amused at myself taking two years to even think about it. So I had an epiphany, and all is better than before, and my tractor is running again. I am no longer going to visit with the neighborhood gossip gang. I am going to spend the day moving some real dirt around.
Newby,
You can only do what you can do as everyone said before. If your addict side gets interested in her issues from a user perspective then you need to back off. But you know that dealing with cancer alone without the drugs involved can make us think of how we avoided the sadness and pain before.
Check your premises to see if it is the drugs she is using making you think, or the frustration of supporting her and not being able to cure her that has the subtle addict side perking up to make it all go away.
I think to myself when things get tough, and yesterday was not tough, that before I would have drunk over this (whatever this was) and l shake my head at my old alcoholic self for being so stupid for so long using alcohol when all it did was put off every problem until the hangover and then it could fix that too, but none of the problems got fixed and only got bigger.
That is what goes through my mind when something reminds me of my drinking days. I do not crave at all, and I am so busy most of the time that I really almost never think about it except for when I am typing here.
Newby, it may be radically different for you, but check your premises. I had to check mine and discovered that some friends weren't, no harm but I am no longer at effect, now I am back at cause. My friends don't pick me, I pick them!!
You don't want to use, you want to support her. If you feel that you aren't doing enough give yourself a big break. You are. Her drugs are her drugs to use or misuse. Just like no one could tell us, you can't stop her unless she asks for help, and then it is up to her docs.
You are an amazing person Newby, we already know that from here. I have observed that you are warm and not subject to hubris. In fact you are a friend who I have never even met face to face. Don't let yourself drop out of my life and yours for something as silly as a craving. I know you don't crave the life we didn't have before. I am sure you have it under control but just in case, think it all the way through.
See there is a half gallon of scotch and a carton of cigarettes always in my house. I am not tempted they are hers. Her drinking has nothing top do with me. Nor does her substances she chooses to use. It is that simple.
Whether in my house or on the way to town booze and smokes are all around me. If I were to be tempted by what is here it would not help to move it four miles away. I have a car.
What keeps me sober is my firm decision to never become enslaved again, and my absolute over riding joy at having finally broken free!
You did too. Remember the joy.
Like a bad penny I keep turning up. I had a really bad day yesterday. Had a supposed friend over to rewire my tractor. I was paying him and he was obviously not a friend and was playing the old say something insulting and then try to cover it with saying I was just kidding or pulling your chain.
He was one of the old drinking group who actually got sober and is going to AA. Turns out he had a two year stretch and four stretch of sobriety and just goes back to the same sponsor? OK I was going to offer him some support until yesterday. To be fair I was up most of the night and was operating on 4 hours of sleep. After 4 hours I realized he though he was taking advantage and was going to escalate it a bit.
Now folks, I am confident and one heck of a strong personality. When I realized four hours into it that he was, in his mind just using me, I told him without anger or emotion stated as a fact only that I had thought he was a friend of mine, but I see now see that is not reciprocated. Since he was bitching about me adding things to the job that we had already agreed to do, I told him that since he thinks he is being taken advantage of that we can just settle out the four hours and I will finish the job with someone else. All that was left was changing the oil and filter. He exclaimed he was just pulling my chain and that everything was cool. I told him that I don't use him as the brunt of my jokes an any demeaning manner and that I understand the relationship now.
He finished up alone a few hours ago and I was nowhere around to chat and ran a few errands.
It turns out after two years I am only just now realizing that the old group were just users and I have been on the outs with them since I quit drinking. But they aren't straight up. In any event I am too old to play juvenile friend games and it took over two years for me to snap out of my old circles. I have a great group in Alanon now to work on me, and at home things are great! My AW is in counseling and working on her issues and owning them.
I have a wonderful life but allowed the old crowd to stay hanging on long past when it was gone. I am not heartbroken or anything other than amused at myself for getting so riled yesterday. But even strong folks like me might have leftovers that seemed harmless form the old days and turned out to just be users.
I already set up a consult and week or two job doing the computers and website for new used car dealer locally. Starting next Tuesday I am officially out of retirement and working again. I am going to join a new circle of friends beyond my old dear ones that are not from the local drinking group.
I am just amused at myself taking two years to even think about it. So I had an epiphany, and all is better than before, and my tractor is running again. I am no longer going to visit with the neighborhood gossip gang. I am going to spend the day moving some real dirt around.
Newby,
You can only do what you can do as everyone said before. If your addict side gets interested in her issues from a user perspective then you need to back off. But you know that dealing with cancer alone without the drugs involved can make us think of how we avoided the sadness and pain before.
Check your premises to see if it is the drugs she is using making you think, or the frustration of supporting her and not being able to cure her that has the subtle addict side perking up to make it all go away.
I think to myself when things get tough, and yesterday was not tough, that before I would have drunk over this (whatever this was) and l shake my head at my old alcoholic self for being so stupid for so long using alcohol when all it did was put off every problem until the hangover and then it could fix that too, but none of the problems got fixed and only got bigger.
That is what goes through my mind when something reminds me of my drinking days. I do not crave at all, and I am so busy most of the time that I really almost never think about it except for when I am typing here.
Newby, it may be radically different for you, but check your premises. I had to check mine and discovered that some friends weren't, no harm but I am no longer at effect, now I am back at cause. My friends don't pick me, I pick them!!
You don't want to use, you want to support her. If you feel that you aren't doing enough give yourself a big break. You are. Her drugs are her drugs to use or misuse. Just like no one could tell us, you can't stop her unless she asks for help, and then it is up to her docs.
You are an amazing person Newby, we already know that from here. I have observed that you are warm and not subject to hubris. In fact you are a friend who I have never even met face to face. Don't let yourself drop out of my life and yours for something as silly as a craving. I know you don't crave the life we didn't have before. I am sure you have it under control but just in case, think it all the way through.
See there is a half gallon of scotch and a carton of cigarettes always in my house. I am not tempted they are hers. Her drinking has nothing top do with me. Nor does her substances she chooses to use. It is that simple.
Whether in my house or on the way to town booze and smokes are all around me. If I were to be tempted by what is here it would not help to move it four miles away. I have a car.
What keeps me sober is my firm decision to never become enslaved again, and my absolute over riding joy at having finally broken free!
You did too. Remember the joy.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Home - there's no place like Home
Posts: 974
Just checking out the lay of the land here. Hope y'all are fixin to move closer together when a bunch of us soberlicious Januarians come to hang out - this blonde chef can hardly wait! Great job, everyone - I am so excited to become a fixture here! 
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
NOn BlOnDe chef u will be wElcomed. You have been an inspiration!!
Well done on the interpersonal issues Itchy. I am coming to realised my life is ruled by a mysterious bogey man. It is clear to me where this comes from, although I sorted out my issues with my dad years ago, he has mellowed and I will be seeing him today.
I get myself into these situations and then live in fear of rejection and punitive ill-informed judgements from the righteous who never have to deal with the real world issues. The other part of it seems to be about disappointing others by not focusing and doing what they want me to do.
I guess I can be difficult!!!
Well done on the interpersonal issues Itchy. I am coming to realised my life is ruled by a mysterious bogey man. It is clear to me where this comes from, although I sorted out my issues with my dad years ago, he has mellowed and I will be seeing him today.
I get myself into these situations and then live in fear of rejection and punitive ill-informed judgements from the righteous who never have to deal with the real world issues. The other part of it seems to be about disappointing others by not focusing and doing what they want me to do.
I guess I can be difficult!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,474
I had an Early Christmas BBQ last night at mine for a social group I started with another friend, of all singles. Almost everyone was drinking, and I was hapily being the hostess with the mostest topping everyone up when needed......and this morning, as I sit typing to you a full bottle of wine someone left sits right beside my laptop on my desk.
This is awesome.........why? Because the entire evening and now I am not bothered by ot in the least. Isn;t that great?
Now off to have coffee with one of the men from the group.....not sure if its a "date" surely not in my head anyway! will sort that out when and if need be.
Have a great weekend Overs!
This is awesome.........why? Because the entire evening and now I am not bothered by ot in the least. Isn;t that great?
Now off to have coffee with one of the men from the group.....not sure if its a "date" surely not in my head anyway! will sort that out when and if need be.
Have a great weekend Overs!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
If it is a date Manz, please don't lead with the new joke, lol...
Speaking of asses, sorry about tense time with your ex friend, Itch. Sounds to me like you're clearing away dead wood, making room for the new stuff to grow. In with the new, I say...
Frances, glad you're feeling better today.
Like the avatar, nonblondchef! Was just watching "Wizard of Oz" with my own little munchckin tonight. Can't wait to see James Franco play the wizard in the "prequel" next year—the trailer's awesome!
Speaking of asses, sorry about tense time with your ex friend, Itch. Sounds to me like you're clearing away dead wood, making room for the new stuff to grow. In with the new, I say...
Frances, glad you're feeling better today.
Like the avatar, nonblondchef! Was just watching "Wizard of Oz" with my own little munchckin tonight. Can't wait to see James Franco play the wizard in the "prequel" next year—the trailer's awesome!
Euphoric Recaller
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: PHX Suburbs
Posts: 371
Originally Posted by nonblondechef 
Just checking out the lay of the land here. Hope y'all are fixin to move closer together when a bunch of us soberlicious Januarians come to hang out - this blonde chef can hardly wait! Great job, everyone - I am so excited to become a fixture here!
I say nonsense! Its awesome to see people who are confident in their recovery and excited about staying sober long term!
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,846
Itchy, nice job on dealing with the old "friend". I've found that life moves on and people come and go, but your real friends will always be there when you need them.
Manz, good job on hosting the party. I never feel left out when I'm around others drinking. I certainly don't envy their hangovers the next morning!
I did some long overdue cleaning yesterday. I even broke apart my bed and hoovered up the dust bunnies...actually they were more like full-grown rabbits! Anyway, I found an old receipt from the corner liquor store (from seven years ago!) for 2 cases of beer. So glad those days are gone for good. In fact, I can't believe they didn't shut the doors when I stopped drinking!
Manz, good job on hosting the party. I never feel left out when I'm around others drinking. I certainly don't envy their hangovers the next morning!
I did some long overdue cleaning yesterday. I even broke apart my bed and hoovered up the dust bunnies...actually they were more like full-grown rabbits! Anyway, I found an old receipt from the corner liquor store (from seven years ago!) for 2 cases of beer. So glad those days are gone for good. In fact, I can't believe they didn't shut the doors when I stopped drinking!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 1,225
welcome nonblondechef. We look forward to having you join us soon!
Itchy - tough stuff. I've backed away from several relationships after I was sober awhile. I realized there was just nothing there for me. Not to sound like a taker, but if the other person can't offer a real relationship, it seemed a waste of my time when I could put energy into other people or things that helped feed my soul. Oh, and don't forget energy into my cats!
Beautiful day here in NYC. I went for a nice 5 miler in the park. In the next week or so, tourists will be all over the place. The marathon is in 2 weeks. I love that time of year, seeing the most exotic runners (the Africans have the most fluid, easy gaits I have ever seen - they just glide over the ground without touching it!). The park will be filled with many different languages. To see the park through their eyes is dazzling. To me, it has become my home ground. But to them it is so different.
Itchy - tough stuff. I've backed away from several relationships after I was sober awhile. I realized there was just nothing there for me. Not to sound like a taker, but if the other person can't offer a real relationship, it seemed a waste of my time when I could put energy into other people or things that helped feed my soul. Oh, and don't forget energy into my cats!
Beautiful day here in NYC. I went for a nice 5 miler in the park. In the next week or so, tourists will be all over the place. The marathon is in 2 weeks. I love that time of year, seeing the most exotic runners (the Africans have the most fluid, easy gaits I have ever seen - they just glide over the ground without touching it!). The park will be filled with many different languages. To see the park through their eyes is dazzling. To me, it has become my home ground. But to them it is so different.
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
Morning Overs,
Itchy I knew that the conversation with my sis wasn't going to lead me to a relapse I guess in the moment I was just venting a lot of frustration. I have talked to her a few times since then and although she is still on heavy meds the difference is she really needs them. It sounds like you had a revelation about the meaning of true friendship. And what you are willing to accept in the behaviors of others. That is truly awesome and it only took you 4 hours. In the past things like that would of taken me forever and I probably wouldn't of taken any sort of positive action. I had a few people in my life who I actually met in the rooms of AA. One lady we had been friends very close ones for a number of years, but then it started feeling like a one sided deal. Even now she will call every once in-awhile and go into this long speech of how come I never call her anymore? I finally ended up saying to her well are your fingers broken? It works both ways in a friendship, and I am much to old like you said to play these teenager games.
Well that's enough out of me hope everyone has a peaceful Sunday.
Itchy I knew that the conversation with my sis wasn't going to lead me to a relapse I guess in the moment I was just venting a lot of frustration. I have talked to her a few times since then and although she is still on heavy meds the difference is she really needs them. It sounds like you had a revelation about the meaning of true friendship. And what you are willing to accept in the behaviors of others. That is truly awesome and it only took you 4 hours. In the past things like that would of taken me forever and I probably wouldn't of taken any sort of positive action. I had a few people in my life who I actually met in the rooms of AA. One lady we had been friends very close ones for a number of years, but then it started feeling like a one sided deal. Even now she will call every once in-awhile and go into this long speech of how come I never call her anymore? I finally ended up saying to her well are your fingers broken? It works both ways in a friendship, and I am much to old like you said to play these teenager games.
Well that's enough out of me hope everyone has a peaceful Sunday.
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